The story of cheeps

This fourm is for people struggling to get off methadone. If you are a methadone advocate then please PISS OFF!

The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:30 am

Coming soon to a theatre you can't find.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby beachnut » Wed Feb 02, 2011 9:17 am

I keep waiting..????? SISSY! :popcorn:
Watch your Thoughts, they become WORDS~Watch your Words, they become ACTIONS.
Watch your Actions, they become HABITS~Watch your Habits, they become CHARACTER.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your DESTINY.
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby ForJJ821 » Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:18 am

anti climactic!!!!!!!!!!!
Suboxone free since March 6, 2011 !!

Wish me luck!
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Tue Mar 15, 2011 1:44 pm

It wasn't very pleasant altho it was funny....at least I tried to make it so. :banana:

OK....First installment.

When I was 22, I trained thoroughbreds. I fell from a horse and almost broke my back and my neck. I had massive amounts of Demerol IM in the hospital. I was laid up for 6 months afterwards and became strung out on Demerol pills. When the dr released me he warned me about tapering the Demerol but I had already started...I was tired of lying around while everyone else was working and having a life. Most of my friends were coming out of some serious recreational drug addictions...I had certainly been doing my share too. My brother moved from our home to Greensboro NC...so I asked him if I could come up there and of course he said yes.

I left my pills at home and packed my shit and left. Went through my first detox...it was mostly no sleep and the heebie jeebies, skin crawling...whatever....compared to some of the bad trips I'd had...it was nothing. That's what I told myself. It lasted the normal 3-5 days and then I started job searching.....no biggie, life goes on.

I found out that fiorinal was GREAT for cramps as this had always plagued the hell out of me and I'd miss two days of work every month...this was before any ibuprofen came along. This was the first opiate I got high on. The demerol I hated as it was something that kept me in the bed.

In my mid-late twenties I did a shitload of cocaine as that was THE drug of the eighties. I didn't really like it and had some crazy shit happen so it wasn't hard to give it up. I got burnt out on my job so I transfered back to eastern NC and ended up getting married and having a kid. I also picked up two stepkids.

The back and neck pain started up again because I'm one of those that always did whatever physical work that had to be done at 110%. I had waitressing, catering, house cleaning jobs on the side and the kid thing going on....so anytime I ran across someones prescription in a bathroom cabinet...I'd steal the hell out of them.

I started going to PT for my neck and back, finally ended up in Pain Management....we all know what that means.....I was actively drug seeking but I jumped through all the hoops. Back then they made you do a bunch of shit and you had to prove that it didn't work so you could get scripts. I remember asking for percs and the Dr said...."no, maybe some methadone". This was 1997. There were no other longer lasting opiates yet. Shit...my eyes lit up. ~So little did I know~ :wired: :wired: :nono: :nono:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:17 pm

Here are my first posts from the old SS.

The first forum we usually find on the net is ODR...so it's good for info and meeting new peeps...after I posted my saga there, Capn invited me to TOS and then I found my way here.

I see that my 'in' date at odr is 03/08...so Im coming up on a year in the forum process. I'm pretty much done at odr...sometimes i go look but not much. I haven't been back since you all told me about the editing. Fook that.

So....I will not repeat all my story but give you some background....better late than never.

Used to do drugs back in the late 70's/early 80's. MDA was my drug of choice...loved downers too. Did a shitload of coke...hated it and that is why I quit drugs...got older, had family, had/have chronic pain issues over the years....loved perc's but went to pain management ten years ago and got put on methadone. this was before we had any oxy's, time release stuff...whatever.

Last January i set in motion the process for surgery and detox....at that time I was in such pain and i was also coming out of deep situational depression. The D was because of legal separation, two parents dying in the same year, Sleep Apnea not treated, spinal issues....life SUCKED MAJOR ASS.

Fortunately I have a great DR...the little fucker has listened to me and worked with me....as he was also going thru divorce and shit. Hell...he's the one that told me to get rid of my alcoholic H before all the shit hit the fan...so, we go waaay back. One time about four years ago, he wanted me to do a 'drug holiday' for a month from meth....boy I set his ass straight on THAT hoohah....right. But other than that...he's been GREAT. He gave me control of my timing and listened to what I learned from forums....as I told him, "there is nothing that is better than direct experience from those that have been through it." He agreed.

I had my neck and back surgeries last April and tapered the meth over ten weeks in late summer...it wasn't the amount that was critical...(from 50mgs to 10 before i went.) It was that I had been on meth for ten years...

I went to Summer House in FL...(oh yeah...I'm older and weak from sitting on my ass, waiting for the surgeries)....I knew I'd need help so IP I went...had some INS. That was a really good choice for me...got exposed to AA/NA but didn't have to go...it is a detox, not a rehab. Got eat candy, smoke 24/7 and cussed like a fucking sailor.....great place...the food is outstanding and most of the staff were COOL as hell. The kick was hard but comfort meds were given....I was popping those major brown M&M's during the kick.

I stayed 26 days....the flight home was the worst buzz I'VE EVER had....%$&*@$#%*@#$.

So...it is coming up on 90 days now clean. I crave food now instead of drugs. I hate that fucking methadone....evil nasty shit...wish I hated food....

There were some peeps on sub there...they gave that as a LAST resort to a couple of people. It was not a part of the standard protocol.

i think sub and meth must be close in what they do...I can sure relate to what I hear anyway.

I have PAWS every time I get mentally or physically stressed and i still have huge fatigue and procrastination issues. After 90 days, I still have heavy legs and huge BRAIN FOG....um....what's my name??! Not to mention all the rest...eyesight seems to be a killer. So much PAWS but I expected it...my head is OK because of AD's.

But....many of you know me and some do not....so that is my fooking story and I'm sticking to it.


Just though I give some history...Sara
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:18 pm

And.....here is a part of my pre detox story from ODR.


I've had so much depression and pain...both kinds in the past three years....before that, I was just going along being numb, trying to deal with a drinking husband, chronic pain, kids...etc. A little history...

My dad got sick in Nov 2005...I took care of him and his wife (Lewys Body Disease, like Alz) for three months, all of which he was in number ten, (I don't want to live), pain. He had back stenosis that he didn't treat because he was taking care of my stepmother.

These three months were hell for me...I had severe undiagnosed Sleep Apnea and was helping my father make life ending decisions as well as taking care of his wife. I put her in the same nursing home he was in...a horrible place. Finally after three months of constant diarrhea, he died...9 months later she died....in between those months I told my H, I cannot live with your drinking...

I finally got my Sleep Apnea treated (A huge Help) and by January 2007 life finally calmed down....sorta.

The point with this is there was no inkling of positivity or happiness during this time...so....since 1/2007 I have tried hard to grieve, accept the grief, redirect my life.

I'm VERY glad my back seriously flared up in Nov 2007...the past five years I've had surgeons tell me that my spine problems weren't BAD enough to warrant surgery...WAIT, they said. Finally I found a place in Florida that has been in business 3 years. They are the ones that just worked on me with arthro and lasers.

Since then...I've been able to wake up and say, I am happy....I am looking forward to living. And now...I can get the meth monkey off my back.

My therapist has repeatedly said...you expect too much of yourself... that I'm going too fast...not about the meth, about all the other stuff. During this time...I have kept wondering...."Sara, you know what's up with yourself, you know why things have happened, you have grieved, you have felt (I have...I truly have), I've cried, I've healed, I've admitted so many things and let go of many things...but the underlying sadness is still there.....why?"

Is it the methadone....or am I expecting too much, too soon?

It is probably both.

I feel like I've been through one recovery.....but I know another is coming. AND....I have to go through menopause...Holy sh*t....will it ever stop???

Will it ever stop.....that is something to ponder...life doesn't stop till you die...and I ain't dying yet. As depressed as I can get....as suicidal as I'll probably get....it's false...it's meth induced...that's what I tell myself. That's what the DR tells me.


My brain chemicals are soup!!! I want to fix it. I want to be un methed. I want to know how that feels. But what if it doesn't change? What if I stay this way? Even though I've been on the sh*t for years, first five 15-20mgs...for the past five I was on 30mgs, the past 6 months on 40mgs....I'm worried....I'm not sure what I've felt....because I've felt so much mental and physical pain. I haven't had an opportunity to feel good. How will I know?


And then again....what will it matter? Another year of possible hell...what will be my breaking point...will this meth withdrawal finally do me in....am I going too fast? I still hurt...my surgery was successful but I hurt.....will my dr let me heal? Will I let myself heal before I throw more hell at myself?


Those are my thoughts, my questions, my reality at this moment. I have been very strict with the meth as a pain med. I have not abused it other than finding a way to make the daily dose work for me....with the Drs blessing. I have not used other pills except for root canals and this surgery. They don't really help that much anyway.

I don't want to have a monster tolerance (but I do) to pain meds. I want to feel happiness that has nothing to do with drugs.

I want a chocolate covered potato chip that is organic.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:26 pm

Summer House Part one is next....when I get around to it.


Detox was hysterical. :laughpound: :laughpound: :laughpound: :banghead: :banghead: :blowme:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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cheeps
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby celticpride4Life » Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:40 pm

Wow! Thanks for posting this my cheepster! But you left out the part where we got it in! :D :kiss:
And where have you been Dammi?
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby Not a 12 stepper » Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:34 am

Hey Cheeps-

Looking forward to your hysterical detox story.

And by the way...

I don't remember you ever thanking me, for talking you out of going to Sanders for his "amino acid IV therapy", and into choosing "The summer house"-
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Thu Apr 21, 2011 9:43 pm

well mark...thats cuz it wasnt me yer thinking of.....bozo! :gaah: :mrgreen: :kiss:


The Summer House gig is a story in itsself and its gonna take some time and editing to make it good....patience my peeps. I must finish my spanish finals first........ :ogeez: boring! :zzz:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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cheeps
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby Justjules13 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 3:55 pm

Did you finish your Spanish finals? Maybe it's time to continue your story??......
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Sat Mar 16, 2013 12:24 am

Justjules13 wrote:Did you finish your Spanish finals? Maybe it's time to continue your story??......



Two years later?

Fuck.

Jules...I'm gonnna beat yer ass for dredging up this shittty thread. :MrT: :lol:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby Justjules13 » Sat Mar 16, 2013 5:52 am

I'm waiting for the "summer house" story.....
None of the old timers have their story's back here...and they should. I know Marks, cuz it's fucken incredible, and Xenos, cuz I was here at the last part of his benzo detox...but really no one else's. I know lots of stuff was lost when the old board crashed.
So get to the dirt....inquiring minds want to know! ;)
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby emily » Sat Mar 16, 2013 7:07 am

Sara

I am waiting for the rest of the story also!
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby cheeps » Sat Mar 16, 2013 1:28 pm

It started out fucked up. I was supposed to be picked up at Miami airport but got hung out to dry because I went outside to smoke…..I saw David come in and I saw him leave…just didn’t know he was my ride. So I finally took a shitty taxi up I95 to North Miami….when I came around the corner of the place I noticed a canal behind it…..when I got out and faced the building, it looked pretty ramshackle compared to the pix. The front hall was seedy and the bathroom I pee tested in was kitchen sink size.

They searched my luggage for contraband; I filled out the forms and then was let into the nicer side of a cold dark hell.. On a huge table surrounded by brown leather like couches sat a wide, deep bowl of candy bars…..mostly chocolate. I’d been researching detox facilities….most were very restrictive about what you could have and do….Summer House treats you like a fucking human being …..the food was outstanding, the internet service sucked but it was there and they taper you with SAO’s or Sub depending on your DOC.

More later………………
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: The story of cheeps

Postby Justjules13 » Sat Mar 16, 2013 6:17 pm

What amount of meth were you on? Did you do the classic "one last high before detox" going in or had you quit before you got there?
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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