I'm new and need advice...

This fourm is for people struggling to get off methadone. If you are a methadone advocate then please PISS OFF!

Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby runthemachine » Thu Feb 09, 2012 8:00 pm

Big respect, Paige... for a dozen reasons.

Hang tough, GF.

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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:52 pm

Paige,Im really glad the topper helped.I recommend them to everyone! I am too skinny now,i need to get to 101 lbs.im at 93 or so right now.Those few extra pounds go along way on me.Your diet sounded alot like mine was when i was on sub.I didnt sleep well and woke up constantly,every time i woke up id get half of a smores pop tart or hersheys kisses.I was a sleep eater too.La had aots of times i woke up wearing the smore pop tarts or the kisses!No vitamin d for me either unless it was added to the pop tarts.i also got on a trix yogurt and graham cracker stick kick,i woke up wearing that alot too.I just read lack of vitamin d can make your bones hurt and mine do so Ive been taking vit d3.one time a friend came over and I had a head of cauliflower and ranch dip in bed with me,she wont let me live that one down,lol,I wish you all the best,keep posting,goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:24 pm

Hi paige,just checking to see how you are feeling today?I live in gator country too,but in sucky LA.WishedI lived on the Emerald coast of FL,I love it there.Try to go every year for vacation.been going for 25 yrs to Panama City beach.I live about 25 min from the gulf but our part of the guld SUCKS.Brown dirty water,mud bottom,sucks to live so close to the same gulf that i adore In FL.Anyway,I hope you are having a good day,hugs,Goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Wed Feb 15, 2012 1:24 am

Hey Goldie,

All is status quo at the moment, that's a good thing. Appointment with Oncologist soon (22nd) should give me a better idea about how long I'll remain on Morphine. I hate Morphine. It is so different than Methadone. At least 2-3 times a week< I flip the f*ck out because it seems like all of the medication hits me at once. During those times, I can't enjoy being pain free because the "euphoric" feeling is so overwhelming, it scares the crap out of me. And, I go into a full blown panic attack. I wish I could learn to lay back and enjoy the feeling. Shit, people rob, steal, cheat & kill for this stuff. I breathe into a brown paper bag... All sounds stupid, I'm sure. But all the reasons I asked to be taken off of RAOs, during chemo, are coming back to me. I'm even scared to succumb to the sleepy feeling because I'm afraid maybe I'll slip into respiratory distress and die. Again, I've developed some sort of PTSD over the Methadone/Suboxone detox horror. I need therapy.

Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Sub zero » Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:46 am

PaigeSurvives wrote: it scares the crap out of me. And, I go into a full blown panic attack. I wish I could learn to lay back and enjoy the feeling. I breathe into a brown paper bag... All sounds stupid, I'm sure. I'm even scared to succumb to the sleepy feeling because I'm afraid maybe I'll slip into respiratory distress and die.


Doesn't sound stupid to me. I've had experience with all of that. Morphine made me panicky - couldn't sit still, nervous, it was like I was on speed or something - and it made me feel tingly like I had bugs crawling on me plus I also got hot and sweaty. Some people can't tolerate certain opioids...morphine just wasn't my drug. And yes, when I started doing methadone, before I built up tolerance and stabilized my dose, I'd set my alarm clock to go off in the middle of the night (make sure I was still alive LOL). I'd also tell someone to wake me up if they didn't see or hear from me by a certain time (I explained to them that my alarm clock was faulty).

BTW, I don't think you have to worry about resiratory distress...it sounds like your problem is quite the opposite - hyperventilation. It may sound backwards, but a higher dose of morphine may actually reduce your anxiety and other symptoms.
Methadone free since 8/15/2010...Sub free since 9/28/10...Alcohol free since 10/4/16
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:56 am

That is so good to learn< Sub Zero. Thought I was becoming a real whack job! :crazy:

Paige
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Sun Feb 19, 2012 7:30 pm

Hi Paige,Just checking to see how you have been feeling.Has the panicky feeling subsided any?less pain? I hope you can get to a stable,comfortable position.Hey,if you feel like therapy would help,go for it.It cant hurt and might help to deal with the stuff you have been thru.Wishing you all the best,big hugs and peace,Goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:12 pm

All's well, Goldie. Thanks for asking. Don't know how long i'm going to be able to safely stay on the Morphine tho. I'm already doubling up on the MS Contin 30mgs, because it just isn't holding me the way the Methadone did. I'm just a day or so away from my appt. and I'm holding on to my last two pills, for dear life. It's a mind fuck, you know? As long as I'm not OUT, I don't feel the effects of w/d so bad. But, let me pop that last pill and I'm freaking out. Just keep thinking about what Cheeps always says about w/d being a lot about what you set your mind to. I have so many other left over drugs, that I never took. Thus far, I've only used Tramadol to ease me thru the last few days till my appointment. I'm not going to buy any of the street, not that I haven't thought about stuff like that. But, I could just see me cruisin' in my GrannyMobile, lookin' to score! Woot Woot!
I'm too scared to ask my doctor to up my Morphine any more. I'll take 90% of the month pain free, the rest in Agony.

Hugs,
Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby cheeps » Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:02 pm

thinking about you Missy!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:14 pm

I'm heading to the doctor at 4pm. I may be screwed, blued and Tattooed. But, I told them the truth. Doubling up on doses, etc... But, it's better than lying, or going to an ER or another doctor and trying to trick everybody, right? I'm about 25 days into a 30 day Rx, I got confused and though my appointment was tomorrow. Not until the 28th.. But, I figured at least of I have to endure withdrawal again, it won't be in jail, with a felony charge. I'll keep posting, but it may be a while, I have to go out of town tonight. I'm taking a roll of toilet paper, just in case. May have to make a pit stop in the bushes, if I get booted.
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:32 pm

Paige,the tramadol can help with wd's some if you get them.Wishing you luck with the dr.At least its only 5 days.Some peeps are out in 2 or 3!big hugs,Goldie........dont forget immodium,better than bushes,lol.we have nothing like trees or bushes on our roads!
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:44 pm

Paige,how did it go at the dr?Update us ok? I sure hope it went well for you.love and peace,Goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Justjules » Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:39 am

Was honesty the best policy? Geez...I sure hope so.
Let us know how it went when you get back from your trip.
Wishing and hoping it went well.
J
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby CTCheryl » Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:28 am

Paige,

Looking forward to hearing how your appt went, post when you can,

Cheryl
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:50 pm

Hey Paige,so glad to hear things worked out at the dr,Well at least he didnt cut you off!Like Jules said with short acting opiates you get a tolerance fast.I know I really did.Hopefully you acn finda better solution for your pain but at least you are not screwed,blued and tatooed(i think i got that right,lol).Take care of yourself,love and hugs,goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:23 am

Sorry all, for taking so long to get back to this thread. I just reread it from start to finish, editing out some stuff, mostly ugly things I'd said about my doc, when I took the Suboxone too soon. I was also mapping progression, tolerance, etc... It's scary.
I'm trying to keep it all straight in my head. When I first got put on the MS Contin 15 (with the MS IR at total of 60 mgs daily), I think I did ok with regard to staying with the doses as prescribed. Any extra pain I felt, I just took a bunch of asprin. Then, when I switched to the MS Contin 30( 90mgs daily), I actually went to the ER the day after the increase, because I interpreted some feeling caused by the meds as a stroke. Boy, did I feel dumb! I think I was scared of the Morphine, the way I was scared of the Methadone (rightfully so). I had said before, that when a sensation of euphoria, a buzz would hit me, it kinda scared me. I'd start breathing fast, thought I was gonna die, etc... Couldn't relax into the feeling, so I tensed up. Once I got checked out at the ER, BP still was a bit high, but Brain CT ok.
Somehow, in my head, I think I turned that into a green light. I thought, "this med isn't like Methadone, I can take a little extra, when I'm hurting and it won't kill me." It felt great to not hurt. But, it was NOT worth running out, panicking over running out. I posted in another thread, just tonight, about what a piece of crap I felt like since my doctor's appt Thursday.
When I was going thru all that awful stuff, coming off the Methadone, so sick trying to take the Suboxone, etc... I said some pretty unfair things about my doctor. He didn't mean to hurt me on the Suboxone. So, I edited some of those things out. But, he said some things that really hurt and made me think. Is it really possible to convince myself that I'm in all this pain, when I'm not? I know I didn't have any pain, other than migraines, before 2007. Maybe I'm just crazy as a shit house rat... At this point, I don't know a damn thing anymore. I'll just keep postin' from my perspective, I guess.
I have set some guidelines for myself: good tests, to try and pinpoint just what was damaged from the big tumor in the thoracic area, bone studies ( Osteo from hysterectomy @ age 24, Chemo, Neupogen injections), nerve tests (my feet and legs from knees down are almost completely numb, yet I get sensations like a hornet has stung me ... my toenails have separated from my toes) , therapy and determination to take meds, as prescribed. Regardless of Freddie the prebubescent pimp, for beginners...
My doc refilled my scripts, changed the MS Contin to MS Exteneded and thus far, ASA is taking care of most of the pain I was trying to cover with Tramadol. My doc threw all my tramadol out and took away a bunch of other stuff I wasn't currently using. My doctor hurt my feelings, but I didn't get the feeling he was doing it out of mean spiritedness. I do feel he cares and sometimes the truth hurts. I do feel I owe it to myself to have the tests, to make sure my pain is physical and not psychological. But, I also am praying for the ability to remain open, to whatever, for the greater good.
Thanks everyone, you remain my greatest support!!! It would be so awesome to have a SubSux reunion/convention. I wonder if the Pharm Companies would sponsor it!? :twisted:
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Justjules » Sun Feb 26, 2012 3:55 am

Hi Paige,
I think your spot on about your Dr. He may have been harsh...but maybe he REALLY wanted to get his point across. Think about it...he's prescribing you hefty doses of morphine..he's trusting you to do the right thing with it. I don't think Drs in the US can prescribe morphine for addiction,like subs and meth..so he has to be careful about losing his license. I'm sure he would be much more comfortable if you where on Sub....but he's trusting you with morphine. The trouble is, sub sux for pain control and tolerance to morphine develops really quickly and you need to take more. Is this the same Dr who was giving you the methadone? I'm pretty sure your pain is real...but lack of opiates in the system does drive the body to "invent" pain. But with your medical history I wouldn't doubt you have real pain. I still think methadone is the annswer. You did well on it right? You didn't increase your dose or run out early?
You will figure this thing out.
Strength and love,
Jules
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:00 pm

Hey Jules,

This poor soul (my current MD) has only been my doc, in a prescribing sense, since December 12th, 2011. I received my last Rx for Methadone, from my previous PM Specialist (he has been my doc., ever since my Oncologist turned my pain management over to his care, in like 2008), in November 2011. Old doc let his DEA number go, farmed all of his narcotic patients out to other doctors.
I had one appt with my current doctor, while still under the care of my old doc, in Oct 2011. Not to get any meds., but just to get the plan in place, with regard to treatment, medications, etc when I began the attempt to get off the Methadone. So, to answer your question, 'No,' my current doctor never rx'd Methadone for me. Just the Morphine & Suboxone, when I was detoxing off the Methadone. Then, when I had all the probs with high blood pressure, pain, etc... He put me back on the Morphine and that's where I've been, ever since.

My doctor thinks out loud, briefly I think he may have openly weighed Methadone vs Morphine. But, then like most doctors, the fear of the damage that can be done by Methadone, outweighs the few folks who take it as directed and get much help from it. No doctor wants to put themselves on the line for one person, when Methadone Overdose kills more people in the US, than any other overdose type drug.

It sucks, but I can't blame him. I wouldn't risk my life, license, livelyhood for a patient I barely know, I probably wouldn't risk it for one I knew well. A person promises the world, then something unforeseen happens. He'd have the FEDS all up in his face... Gotta try to put myself in his place. It's sucks, but so do a lot of other things in life. I don't have the market cornered on suffering, sometimes you guys help more than the Morphine!! Just sayin' :kiss:

Wubs,
Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby CTCheryl » Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:46 am

I don't share the belief that your body can "invent" pain.

I have some more thoughts, but no time to post them right now. I just think it's so sad when someone like you has real pain has to be so careful as to not appear like you are acting like an addict. You've been through so much, I can only imagine how you've been treated by just a few assholes in the medical profession.

Keep us posted and don't worry about past posts, no one will hold them against you. Those were your real thoughts and feelings at that time.
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Not a 12 stepper » Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:28 pm

I don't say this often, but when someone needs to be on opiates for severe pain, and can't manage without them, methadone works well.

The people you see dying from methadone are usually either opiate naive, or mixing it with benzos, or both. Diversion is the main problem with most all of the methadone deaths you read about in the news.

Once you build up to therapeutic levels of methadone, it becomes nearly impossible to accidentally overdose.


The only problem is, getting the dosage you need if you continue to build a tolerance.


Pain doctors have the government watching them very closely these days, so they will only take you up to a certain dosage, then they will start telling you that your addicted if you need more. If your living in withdrawal every day and keep asking for a dosage increase they will then send you to a methadone clinic where you will no longer be treated like a person with a medical condition, but more like a problem child that can't tell the truth, You'll also have to drive there every day, and be forced to pay exorbitant fees for a very cheap drug.

Of course chances are you won't need more than 120mg per day, but a small percentage of people do.
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