I'm new and need advice...

This fourm is for people struggling to get off methadone. If you are a methadone advocate then please PISS OFF!

Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Mon Jan 23, 2012 6:25 pm

Paige,the submade me unable to sleep too.Hope that mattress toper helps you as much as it has helped me.Hugs,Goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Mon Jan 23, 2012 11:28 pm

Still doing OK, blood pressure is at least down to the 140's/high 80's. I am frustrated and a little worried about my health. I had no problems with high blood pressure until I stopped Methadone. And, compared to now, I can honestly say, "I was feelin' no pain." My doctor says that pain can cause a person's blood pressure to go up, and I can see where that is true in some instances. But, I still feel that this is primarily because I stopped a drug like Methadone, abruptly, instead of tapering down. Gosh, I hope I can experience some relief soon. The morphine has made it bearable, but I feel so tense. And, because the detox from Methadone was so awful, I can't really enjoy the relief I AM getting, because with each dose of Morphine I take, I keep thinking, "I'm gonna be addicted again! I'm gonna have to go thru withdrawal all over again! If I couldn't take the Suboxone, what will I take to get off the Morphine, when Morphine was what they gave me to get off Methadone?!" This is very stressful. But, I'm glad I'm here. Thanks for listening...

Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby cheeps » Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:17 am

Paige....what is your mindset about how long you might need the pain relief? Do you have a time period or pain level in mind as far as what you need to have quality of life?

Your BP issues should subside at some point....maybe another month. Detox off of opiates of ANY kind will keep it up there....especially the longer acting ones like methadone and sub.

Physical tolerance and dependence can become a mental issue....so not only would you need something for the physical pain...you might fall over into mentally addicting issues too. And....the longer you stay on any narcotic....the harder detox is, regardless of mental and/or physical dependence.

If you stay on any opiate.....take as little as possible to get you through the night. As young as you are, building a tolerance is NOT what needs to happen.

If you ever have to have any surgery, knees, back or gallbladder....any type....the drs will be reluctant to give you more pain meds. So many of them do not understand how to medicate a person who has been on methadone/sub/ morphine.

I had total knee replecemnt this past summer and my family dr wrote a letter explaining that I would need some MAJOR shit to cover my pain threshold (very low) and tolerance issues. The surgeon ignored the letter; raised hell at me and said I was taking 8 times more dope than anybody he had ever had. He sent a PM doctor in to see me....(that was the biggest stupid bullshit of all time)...she asked me if I wanted to take some methadone....I liked to tripped on that woman. Three year prior, I spent 20K detoxing off that shit, was SICK as hell for MONTHS and here the damn dr was asking me if I'd like some methadone.......RRRRIGHT!!! :punchballs: :punchballs: :punchballs: :laughpound: :laughpound: :laughpound: :lolno: :lolno: :lolno: :lolno: :lolno: :lolno:

So....whatever you do....go without or go very low.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Tue Jan 24, 2012 3:33 pm

Hi Cheeps,

I was finally able to talk to my Oncologist on the phone today, have an appointment mid February. What he thinks has happened, is blood vessels get stiff from Chemotherapy. One drug in particular, did a lot of damage to my nerves & vessels in my feet. Opiates keep you "dry" but when a person goes into withdrawal, all that fluid is forced out of the cells and back into the body. It's why our BP & Pulse goes up, why we get diarrhea, sweat, etc... Because my vessels aren't as pliable, they weren't responding to the Inderal I was already on. It's an older remedy for migraines, but it's actually a blood pressure medication too. My body just couldn't accomodate all the extra fluid volume in my circulatory system and my blood pressure stayed up.

At this point, the Morphine is as much for keeping my BP down as the pain. I think they just didn't quite know what else to do. I am on a fairly low dose, I think?? 15mg of MS Contin 9am & 9pm, with 15mg of Instant release Morphine to be taken up to twice daily, as needed for pain... And I've needed it twice daily. I can't relax. My biggest tumor was sandwiched in between my heart, lungs & spine. The majority of my pain is right there, along my spine between my shoulder blades. So, I stay all hunched up. But, let me say that it's leaps and bounds better than it was last week, with asprin for pain and my BP just shootin' through the roof. So, I'm grateful for the pain medications I've been given. They consistently drug screened me through out this entire ordeal, to verify I wasn't doing anything on the side. Doctors are very suspicious of that, they kept asking me over and over, "are you SURE you aren't doing anything else? Because if you are trying to take other opiates with the Suboxone, it's gonna make your BP go up!!" I wanted to scream!! Wanted to say, "I'm not an idiot!! I'm not scamming you!! I just want to feel better!!" But, I just said, "No, and I'm happy to give you a urine sample1" This entire experience has been very traumatic.

It started off with me being so excited to get off the Methadone, asking to be Detoxed using Suboxone... To a Suboxone Hell, to what felt to me like a health crisis, to panic, to total fear, to being treated like a pariah. I'm just grateful to be dealing with these problems, as opposed to the problems from a month ago.

Cheeps, thanks for all your sound advice and willingness to listen. At this point, I'm a little distrustful of my docs. And, I'm also dependent on them. So, I think the psychological aspect you spoke of may already be there. I just don't really know what else to do. At one point, when my BP was at it's highest and my heart was just flopping like a fish in my chest, irregular heart beats every 6-7th beat or so, I can remember just eating asprin. At different times, one side of my face would feel tingly and numb. I honestly thought I was going to have a stroke before anyone figured out what to do with me. Just hoping the asprin would keep a clot from forming while my heart was flopping around.

I hope by the time I see my Oncologist, he and my PM doc with have a plan an I'll know more about how long before I can get off Morphine.

Take Care,
Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Substrate » Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:37 pm

Geez page..it breaks my heart to hear how you where treated. I don't quite know what to say... I'm a nurse and have lost a lot of faith in the health care industry in the States. They treat patients who need narcs like drug seekers because of the laws put in place by the government,(the war on drugs) Drs are afraid to lose their licences or write triplicates.
Good luck with your appointment. Hopefully they will find a way to treat the BP issue. I suppose a slow taper of morphine would work...but that doesn't address the pain issues...gosh honey, hang in there and good luck.
Jules
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby cheeps » Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:52 pm

Substrate wrote:Geez page..it breaks my heart to hear how you where treated. I don't quite know what to say... I'm a nurse and have lost a lot of faith in the health care industry in the States. They treat patients who need narcs like drug seekers because of the laws put in place by the government,(the war on drugs) Drs are afraid to lose their licences or write triplicates.
Good luck with your appointment. Hopefully they will find a way to treat the BP issue. I suppose a slow taper of morphine would work...but that doesn't address the pain issues...gosh honey, hang in there and good luck.
Jules



Ditto here on what Jules said....

this is for your DRS..... :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Not a 12 stepper » Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:50 am

Hi paige,

Glad your feeling better.
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:32 am

Thanks ALL! And a BIG hug to everyone! I found this site out of pure desperation, because I knew Suboxone was some Demon drug, straight from HELL! I never dreamed I'd make friends along the way!
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby CTCheryl » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:37 am

just read your post, Welcome!

It seems like the pain med pendulum has swung the wrong way once again, in the 80's and 90's and before, all you had to do was say ow and get a boatload of drugs. Now it's the opposite and so it's still fucked up.

At some point you need to have a long talk with one of these guys of how to get you off the morphine if that's what you want. But do you mind me asking why get off? Maybe I missed something from an earlier post, but imagine your pain level off the morphine right now?

I'm so glad you found us,
Cheryl
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Sat Jan 28, 2012 3:54 pm

These are things I have thought of and I may not be able to get off the Morphine any time soon. I do have chronic pain issues. I guess it's all related to fear, what I went thru coming off the Methadone. And, I'm not kidding myself, I know it's easy to say, I'll just take ONE etxra. After ALL, drugs don't really get to be a huge problem, UNTIL you run out. If I get to that point, I hope I'll have the ability to throw in the towel. I was on nothing for about 1 week before going back on Morphine, I was in a lot of pain. But, I was also afraid that maybe it was just my mind, playing tricks on me, my opiate receptors screaming for what they'd been deprived of.

I guess I'm trying to keep things real. From what I've read, it seems that withdrawal and the period after can include pain, sometimes awful pain. But, if a person can hang on, that will go away. I just never got to see if I could do it, because my blood pressure was so high. And, I'd had no previous history of hypertension.

Narcotics are so insidious...

Thanks Cheryl
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby cheeps » Sat Jan 28, 2012 4:50 pm

PaigeSurvives wrote: I was on nothing for about 1 week before going back on Morphine, I was in a lot of pain. But, I was also afraid that maybe it was just my mind, playing tricks on me, my opiate receptors screaming for what they'd been deprived of.

From what I've read, it seems that withdrawal and the period after can include pain, sometimes awful pain. But, if a person can hang on, that will go away.

Thanks Cheryl


The detox place I went to told me about the increase in pain during and right after detox...it last a month or so....but after about 6 weeks it GOT SO MUCH better. I was amazed and I think you'll see a difference one of these days...Paige with all what you've been thru.....I think your actual pain WILL be better in a month...listen to your body and don't fear the THOUGHT of pain. Of course there are going to be days that it's real.....all fuckin day too. Just some days allow time to feel whats going on before you automatically medicate...
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:11 pm

Thanks again Cheeps, you've been awesome. The only thing I think I can say right now, is that the doc I thought was an idiot, is now doing a decent job. "I did not know" has become my phrase, but I am learning. I did not know Methadone was twice as strong as Morphine, I thought because it didn't knock me out the way the other stuff did, that meant it was a "light weight." Just found out, Methadone is twice as strong as Morphine! My doc has cut my daily dosage in half, at least that's something... I was on 60 mgs of Methadone/120 mgs of Morphine. I'm on 60 mgs of Morphine daily now. I'm feeling the pain. Again, I think I'm pushing myself to do the things I see others doing.

My goal is to be drug-free, it's just gonna take my body a little longr than some. Right now, it's screaming "Time Out! Give me a chance to adjust to stopping the Methadone after 4 years!" I'm gonna have to give my body some time, I just hope I don't end up chasing the dragon. From what I've read, no body is exempt...

I'll keep y"all posted thru it all.

<3 Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby nootlsjr » Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:38 pm

i never posted on this thread in fear of sounding pityfull, your story inspires me, and i was scared i would sound like im pitying you, but in realty, thats just my ill thinking.

anyway, your snake is bigger and different then i can imagine, and its verry inspiring, pain sucks, but pride and glory last for ever. keep doing what you know is best, and i will try to erase the thoughts of pity, pity because you have a legitamate reason to be trapped in hell.

i hope you can beat this, and i know theres more of us hurtn folks out there if that helps, you would be a hellava inspiration to everyone.

wantd to tell you my true feelings, inregard to gaining some trust, did it work. hope you get some peace. your reader, dmbas.
Y ask Y,Y. Y is Y.....
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Mon Jan 30, 2012 8:52 am

I've tried to play "doctor" as recently as over the past 5 days, slowly trying to taper the Morphine, till I was just taking the MS Contin 15 mgs once /day, no withdrawals to speak of, but I've only been on it again for about 11 days. I am handling the lack of opiates ok, my heart and blood vessels aren't tho. I think I'm just gonna stop, I'm not 30 anymore. I'm gonna just have to be Ok with being on opiates until I can get face to face time with a real specialist who knows what's going on with me. Because if I don't, these hairbrained ideas I get are gonna kill me. For NOW, I'm a recovery flunky, but it won't always be that way. I have faith!! And, I have wise friends & supports, here on this board. Thanks everyone, I became a member of this board the day after I was prescribed Suboxone, with Methadone still in my system. I thought I'd have to die to get better. The ONLY good thing about that night, was the rest of my withdrawal experience paled in comparison. And, I found y'all (HA! "Y'all," I'm a Southern Gal, born and raised!).
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby dmbas » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:55 am

the truth is, you know your body better then any docter, and i havnt heard of opoids ending anyone, benzos and alcy maybe, but opoids wd is more like torture, but if dealt with it, you will survive and heal. a docter would be wise in regards to clonidine to slow down your heart, and more information never hurt anyone, as long as you credit his information with other sources.

age in wd, to me is a calculated number of how long you where on it, how heavy your use, age and physicle maintaince. just cause your old doesnt mean a 35 year old cant have a worse hand, dont know the hand your dealt, but i hope it can be used as winner, anything is possible, but it starts with determination and will,

wish you could see the future, and know its worth the struggle, but the only way is to keep tryn, and hope you reply, because i kind of feel like an ass, puting thougts in your head, but the truth is, opoids usially cause more harm then relief, theres always exceptions, but dont think your it. your friend and fellow pain excepter, noots.
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:38 am

Thanks so much Noots, and I listen to all advice given to me here. I can't imagine a worse fate that being on opiates forever, I don't want that at all. When I said that I was just going to "stop," I just meant for now. Just to give my body a little time to adjust to life without Methadone and recover a little from the withdrawal. I haven't given up at all.
I am fortunate to face this challenge, my challenge. Instead of someone else's... At least mine involves life: Life with opiates vs Life with out opiates. Some don't have "life" as an option... I'm sorry it took me so long to respond, I missed your post. Thanks again for taking the time to read my thread and give input. Sometimes, I feel like an outsider here. Like I don't fit in, so I'm glad to have a post to respond to.

Paige
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Substrate » Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:09 am

Hi Paige,
I'm sorry about all your medical drama...and sorry that you feel like a outsider. Just keep posting.
If you have pain issues and the methadone worked, are you going to get back on that? Is the only reason they put you on morphine is because they don't prescribe methadone?
Jules
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby wastedtime » Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:25 am

Hi paige.i hope you are feeling a bit better,well,actauallly a whole lot better!how do u like that memory foam?ireally love mine.i used to toss and turn constantly all night.After i got the foam,even if i cant sleep,i preety much stay in one position all night now.I'm skinny and the pressure points drove me crazy.Now all i worry about is if the beds will be comfortable enough when i go on vacation. Too bad they are so bulky or i would take mine with me when i went somewhere! PM me if you ever need to talk,Ive got a lot oftime on my hands!So if you just want to get something off your chest,dont hesitate.....Take care,Goldie
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Plain Paige » Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:20 pm

The Memory Foam Topper is awesome !! Woot Woot! Our mattress was already a pillow top, so the MFT just makes me feel like I'm sleeping on air. Damn, I wish I was skinny. I never had a weight problem in my life, until Methadone. I just couldn't stop craving sugar. I was maybe 105 lbs, when I was diagnosed w/Lymphoma. That particular Cancer produces a protein that also causes a person to 'itch.' I looked like a scarecrow, with all these sores, all over my body. But, once the Chemo started killing the Cancer and the Methadone kicked in, I started eating a whole KeyLime Pie for lunch. And, I didn't share either... I lived off Hershey Bars and Blue Berry Pop Tarts for 3 1/2 years. It's a wonder I didn't get Rickets, I'm not a milk drinker or a Sunshine seeker. No Vitamin D to speak of, but that's changing. A lot of good things are happening too, now that I'm off the Methadone. I try to get outside at least 30 minutes/day and my interests in Writing and love of Books are returning too. I guess the thing I'm finding out is: Pain is gonna be there, in some form, as long as I'm blessed to keep living and aging. And, that there are all kinds of Hell, here on Earth. I just need to do my best right now, to keep the Opiates I'm on to as low a dose as possible. So that when I do have to get off them, perhaps each withdrawal will be a little more successful and a little less traumatic. Today, I happy to be here. Boo Bop Boo!
"We are stardust, we are golden..." Joni Mitchell
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Re: I'm new and need advice...

Postby Substrate » Wed Feb 08, 2012 4:28 pm

Yahoo Page!! There's some positive attitude! I felt good just reading your post!
Jules
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