Life has been a Roller Coaster

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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Tue Dec 01, 2015 1:04 am

Hi,
I'm back for a bit, looks like things w/gf and I are good. That would be a twist on the roller coaster I couldn't stomach right now. Pray I don't lose that (long distance things are tough) but other than talk we haven't shared one tender moment. This is hard on a guy (no punn) ok fuck it punn away, I need to be with a woman before I go crazy here. Ok a n y w a y, my bio father (sperm donor) has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his spine and brain. My sister 1/2 sis drops these little bombs on me. He (father) won't even talk so what can I do but pray for him and all the step family.. Thanks to my LDGF I've gotten back with God ps Thankyou God for her.

Tia
I am not on the bars these arebround with an x on them (easy to 1/4) they don't give me any buzz. But when I was taken as RXed I was mello, nothing I mean nothing would let me hulk out. But now that I'm backing off anything and I do mean anything. Causes panic attacks nervousness and jumping to conclusions, mybmind wanders into bad pkacesbwhich inturn makes things worse (snow ball effect) but no anger, guess if got control again on that. My son wants thembto help dt off his drugs says they help his pow issues. Idk I should ask gf about that, she recommend kratom tea I think I spelled it right the ass hat is nibbling subox but I'm not going there again ever fuckin evernever .
ever.
Hi-ya cheeps be well time for night night and a chill pil

Frits
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Tue Dec 01, 2015 8:34 pm

Hi
So ok getting a grip. going back to two quaters a day so far so good... wish doc gave me valium instead of these some bitches, panic bullshit cause me to make so damned many poor judgement calls holy-crap. But like I said tryin to cut back. And um smokin pot, ha not to helpful, beer& wine on the otherhand (a string of colorful medifors) wish my girl friend would come n um... visit. Or maybe send something personal( use your imagination) to hold me over, because we haven't been together even once. Yeah I know. Don't go there... this one will be... grrrr visit me love !!! Ok still chillin so yay... setting in car getting ready to hit the store and get some food. Have to eat, don't care to but whatever. Got to teach the little one how to be, right...

Love to all Fritz
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby cheeps » Wed Dec 02, 2015 7:16 pm

:Fritz....you sound good. Help me out...what's a quarter? Like I know it's a piece of pill but I don't know much about Xanax so I don't know how to picture it in my mind.

Watch out...you might get some undies in the mail! :P :o :wiggle:
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Wed Dec 02, 2015 8:12 pm

Hi Fritz, where is your girlfriend? Sure you would like more than underwear. lol
Peace
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Fri Dec 04, 2015 4:11 pm

Hey cheeps
Hi Tia,
just have a sec I'm taking alprazolam 2's mylan a4 small round whit with a cross on em..
And lol I'll be happy to get something in the mail even panties yum put it in my pillow case but, hell fricken yea I need her baaaaad you don't really know but, yeah, she's going to try and get time off and visit for the holidays, before transfer here late winter early spring, she's in Columbus and I'm outside of Ft Meyers Florida, maybe I'll hop up there I don't know, but I know I need lovin and uh yeah. Lol okay I have got to move out I'll be back and thanks a bunch peace and blessings Tia
(On the) Fritz
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:24 pm

hey Fritz, so your gal is in Columbus Ohio? That's where I'm from but moved down in 1978. So ya all Buckeyes??
Don't miss the cold and snow Or it could be Columbus, Georgia? Hope you get to see her soon.
Peace,
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Sat Dec 05, 2015 9:35 am

Hi Tia, just have a min. yupper Ohio, actually just outside of Columbus, perhaps you know ashville? She's staying with family there, actually we are both infiltrators, we're originally from Long Island New York but our lives took us in these different directions to do what we needed to do and affect the lives we had to, so that now we could find each other as good loving parents, all part of God's plan, we do, we both feel ready, meeting up after all these years, wow. I know we have strong desires to be together, and seem to have a chemistry, time will tell for sure, but we have faith on our side. On the phone, we are "there", and often on the same wavelength, I feel we are soul mates, pretty sure she does too. I have my deceased wife's blessing, yes they knew each other, and she has her ex's, if it's God's will we will be together for Christmas and hopfully bring in the new year with a bang, (heh heh). Ok, side job's waiting got to keep my mind busy so I can take my nibble and not count the minutes till my next, hope she call or txts before then, keeps me on an even keel. yup hope it's something with her "scent" to put in my pillow case, even if it's just perfume, something she wore, am I sick, nah, in love and so damned lonely, ok getting nervous going to get busy before it's to late. Hope she doesn't find out I'm sharing my thoughts and feeling here, but, how could she right?
peace and love from me, (on the) Fritz
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Sat Dec 05, 2015 9:36 am

LOl see, just got a txt, God I love her.
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:31 am

Fritz, there is no reason for her to find out unless you tell her. I believe we all need a safe place to vent the truth about what we are going through as really not many other people understand. I know I do and sometimes I get so lonely this is the only place I can go and be honest. I have a disability that makes it hard to leave the house and in general I don't like too many people. How fucked up is that. I'm trying to change my thought process because this is no way to live. I do have a few friends that I trust with my life and I am the one they call when they need support, go figure. I do have one friend that is happy all the time, enjoys her life and not much bothers her. She used to live with me a short time before she moved out of state. it was nice to have her here. She would cook for me when she was going out with her friends, knowing I could not go. I'm in the process of getting steroid injections so I can walk better, use a cane. Bummer. I was the care giver for more than 40 years (nurse). I'd much rather be on the giving side than needing help. I digress .
Hope your gal makes it in for Christmas, then she will be moving back in the spring?? Not sure if I read that correctly.
Peace
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 10, 2015 9:52 am

Fritz.....bake me some damn cookies!
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Thu Dec 10, 2015 3:43 pm

Hey Fritz, where are you dude?? You ok???
Thinking of you and hoping all is well as it can be.
Understand the lonely feelings. Hope she makes in for Christmas.
Peace,
Tia
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Fri Dec 11, 2015 4:42 am

Hi, miss my venting, life's been doin it's thing, car, daughter, father dear. But such is life right, but these fucken panic events and all sob. Cannot wait to deal with life on a normal basis, feel rea,l normal not have misleading thouvhts IDFK dam it man. GF makin me suffer too aaaaaahhhhhh. Lol fuck it I CAN handle this, my father tho fuck, gotta go n see him like it or not, let him tell me to leave after I tell him I love him. car is on the mend, being handicapped dissabled makes fixing shit take 4-10 times longer, and who can afford to send shit out for repair these days, kills me to think of tbat because I "used to could do it all" . Daaaahhh I got it, not together (ha) but I got got twists and turns, ups and downs, my faith in God, desire to be a good dad, a good son, a good man, and finally have my GF And her kids too will keep this ride on track.
Cheeps cookies sound like fun if I can get my vegan daughter to climb on board, if we do it we'll see about getting you some. Where are ya ? Grandma should get her to help make some anyway. Dang it got to go get decorations ojt of storage mom n dad's and ours .
Tia hey, sorry trying to cope I'm ok, just have to remember keep arms and legs inside the ride at all times and hold on. Miss my wife and all, holidays kind of suck without someone helping me stay between guide rails and not to mention wink wink. Dam I need some wink wink lol can't wait to hookup. Ok woke up eat my little nibble going to try and sleep a few (yeahright) soon as I get caught up I'll be back or if I crash / fail I will too

Thanks my friends Fritz (fried)
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:19 pm

Hi Fritz, don't stick your arm out too far, might go home in another car. lol. Yeah I know I'm twisted
Panic attacks suck, being disabled sucks. You have a lot going on and you're doing the best you can. That's all we can do. My hubby passes away too so I understand the loneliness. It's good you have new gal that is coming to see you. Know that makes you happy. I have 2 girls and 5 grand kids so I'm grateful for those blessings.
Sorry about your father. No matter what he did he's still your dad, so say what you need to and leave. At least you tried..and you'll be glad later
GOD BLESS YOU,
Peace
Tia
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Tue Dec 22, 2015 11:31 pm

Hi stopped in for an update made the jump safely thanks to good advise, been several days. Tapering is the key, and yes keep your head and hands inside during the ride, and crap GF couldn't get coverage so dam it man, maybe I'll take a hop up there, ' cause you know... guy.... needs some quality time wink wink nudge nudge, maybe panties could hold me over but a maybe not. I'm tryin so har, (no punn) ok fine punn intended, but I'm trying to good and it's not easy, I want to believe she's doing the same, of course she is. No worries just f**k I need some.. ok I'll stop but I feel really good and all that, ya know.
Love and many thanks cheeps and Tia, I'll check back love you guys...
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Tue Dec 22, 2015 11:34 pm

Oh quick question, how do I work "where's the music" the right way, didn't want to open quote just to see and do all that can I not just change a setting and click a link, or is that private stuff. Ok bye for now
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Sat Dec 26, 2015 9:35 am

Hi Fritz, don't know how to do the music thing. Cheeps will\. Sorry GF couldn't get coverage, sucks. Maybe on a later date after the holidays. Everyone wants off now.
Just thinking about you and hope you're doing ok
Love ya
Tia
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby fritz » Wed Dec 30, 2015 1:01 am

I hope everyone's Christmas went well, mine? well I crashed on Christmas Eve and Christmas day I was a nervous wreck and it up shaking my xanax bottle to get the powdered powdered twice a day on Christmas Eve and twice a day on Christmas day but I'm back off the powder but now New Years Eve is just around the corner looks like it's just going to be my daughter and I for New Years Eve and well yeah lets hope I can hold it together and my biological dad's condition is getting worse so I'm going to have to go up there and see him yeah this doesn't help either maybe I started speaking to the girlfriend too soon to close to my wife's death and didn't finish the mourning process all I know is when I don't speak to her for too long well its not good.

Hey Tia you're so sweet wish I had more people like you in my life I hope you guys all have a most excellent new years with all the health and happiness anyone can handle with lots of love...

Fritz
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby cheeps » Wed Dec 30, 2015 11:46 am

fritz...you are a sensitive person and may benefit from a cancer grief group? Or just let it fly here but need to do something for yourself?

happy old year and new year too!
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby subster58 » Fri Jan 01, 2016 10:08 pm

Hi Fritz, cheeps is spot on. You can vent here but some sort of grief group will also help you. You have your daughter but it's not the same. How old is she? I believe some type of support group will help. I too wear my heart on my sleeve and have been told so many times to grow some skin. I used AA for over 25 years and a cool rock-in-roll church that talk about love and giving. I need all the help I can get too. Left to my own devices I'm in the shit can. There are all types of support groups out there and if you don't know where to go you can call 211 and they will help you find what you need. They are very cool and non-judgmental.
Here's to a New Year,
Love ya
Tia
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Re: Life has been a Roller Coaster

Postby cheeps » Mon Feb 08, 2016 11:09 pm

Hey Fritz...what up?
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