Feeling guilty

Heroin, Pain Pills, Methadone are all opioids (aka opiates) and it just plain sucks or feels impossible to get off of any of them. Share about stopping, detox, or the desire to stop any of these.

Feeling guilty

Postby Sub zero » Thu Mar 23, 2017 3:54 pm

Technically, I broke my years long "clean streak" today. My doc called me bright and early this morning and told me my bloodwork from Wednesday had come back...and to get my ass to the ER right away as my life could be at risk :o . My innards had been hurting pretty bad the past couple days but, despite the situation I was feeling better this morning and was just about to head off to Tim Horton's for some coffee and donuts before going shopping at WalMart. I went to the hospital and - here's the bad part - I gave in to the temptation and decided that a spritz of morphine in the old IV hose might be pretty enjoyable - so I exaggerated the pain I was no longer in. It didn't work...it was a case of too little too late...as they were about to discharge me in a matter of minutes anyway and the doc must've shot down the nurses request for pain meds. The doc did however write me a script for Norco 5mg...which I gobbled down two of them as soon as I got home...and guess what...just like the title of this forum...THEY SUCKED. I've been clean for years and I should have no such thing as tolerance...but they did jack shit for me...no euphoria, no floaty stimulant effects...nothing. Does this count as a failure? A relapse? I don't plan on resuming the habit...it's just that it's way too tempting when a smiling nurse walks in and says "do you want some pain meds"?
Methadone free since 8/15/2010...Sub free since 9/28/10...Alcohol free since 10/4/16
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby cheeps » Fri Mar 24, 2017 12:24 am

Throw them away and count it as a lesson in futility. Consider yourself still clean.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Fri Mar 24, 2017 6:32 am

I am kinda glad they sucked. Better than if they rocked your world, cause then where would you be?

Sorry you are feeling guilty though. Is your medical issue resolved?

How you feeling about it today?
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Subblind » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:34 am

im more concerned with you being rushed to the ER than you chewing a couple of 5mg norcos...I hope you got that worked out SZ.if you felt so guilty as to post about it it shows your not on your way back down that path so feel no guilt my friend.it was a test...only a test and you passed it without guzzling the whole bottle.now flush those fuckers down the toilet and take care of your health issue.good to hear from you...Regards SB
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Sub zero » Fri Mar 24, 2017 8:50 am

HeeHee thanks everyone. No real need to flush them down the toilet, they didn't give me but a day or two supply. I've been on heavy duty pain meds while hospitalized last year - almost for a week - but I came out pretty much unscathed afterward. I did have some short term WD's, mainly an anxious and detached feeling, but then I had been on morphine and Oxycodone round the clock for a week and a half. The only difference with yesterday is that I really didn't need them, but as I said my guilt centers around accepting them when I really didn't need them. I definitely could have used them the day before, though as I was in serious pain. I'm more concerned with breaking my almost 7 year since quitting. I suppose that, as long as it was just a one-shot thing, I'm good to go. Oh and thanks for asking about my health guys - yeah I'm good, I was already feeling better yesterday and I probably could've gotten away with not going to the ER. Tuesday and Wednesday I was not so good apparently, as levels of certain stuff in my blood had reached astronomical numbers...whereas today they are probably near normal. I still have to figure out why this happens and will probably have to get more tests done in the near future.
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