Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Heroin, Pain Pills, Methadone are all opioids (aka opiates) and it just plain sucks or feels impossible to get off of any of them. Share about stopping, detox, or the desire to stop any of these.

Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:11 am

And....I'm a proper idiot. Proper!!

I still recognize some of you around here. Many I do not know. I used to be around this site way way back, in the long long ago. Some here know my story. Oxys..followed by a 1 yr methadone treatment program, followed by a suboxone taper, then the withdrawal and fight. I did good, I fought good. I got something like 7 years clean. I became a chemical engineer, got a good job and started moving up fast. I had to move away from my home and everything I knew for my new career. I got lonely and started hanging out with a new hire that I knew was kind of bad for me cause he was just starting to gain an interest in drugs. Long story short one day we had a bright idea, let's try making tea from freaking poppy seeds and see if that fucking works....after 7 years. Well, it did and it wasn't but a few days tI'll I was right back in shit land. Where, I've pretty much been sitting for the last 2 years.

So, all hopped up on the tea, I land a job back home, move back and try to quit. In the process met a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful woman. Been seeing her for about a year. Told her when I met that I was having a problem, but I quit. Well, it wasn't a few months till I'm out at a whole foods and walking by the poppy seed isle and get another great idea. So, back off the wagon I go for the next 9-10 months. Cept, everything is starting to be shitty. I feel shitty all the time. I have no energy. I can't get it up. Everything is a grey, dark, hell. So, I said fuck it again. Planned a long vacation on the beach with my girlfriend. Threw all the seeds away. Stocked up on clonidine and the other usuals. And have been off now for 5 days. My girlfriend had no idea I had been using for months. By the 3rd day I was a mess and had to come clean. To say the least, she is pissed. But, we had a really good relationship despite everything, so I think it'll weather this one. But I can't fuck it up.

7 effing years...and I'm back to this shit :punchballs:

It's good to see some of you are still around. I hope everyone is doing well! I'll probably be seeing more of ya'll around here for awhile...
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby cheeps » Thu Aug 18, 2016 10:46 am

Hey dude! Pissed to see you back but glad you remembered us! Cooking right now but wanted to hollar at you!!!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Thu Aug 18, 2016 11:21 am

Nah, never forget. Still see Tcat on Fb. I check in here occassionally. Good to see you're well cheeps. It's been a long time....
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby Subblind » Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:24 pm

Poppy seeds set off my piss test and that's where all my troubles began, but they were on fucking bagels... You telling me your hard core addicted to fucking poppy seeds dude?!?!? Fuck me,I'm kinda shocked...will this be a battle similar to getting off Oxys or subs??? You got my attention sir...,help us understand how the fuck this all goes down if you would...,and I've got a jar of those fucking things in my pantry for years now,didn't give them a second thought...til now...
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:08 am

Well, yeah, fuck...believe it or not. No joke. I'm not going to go into the ends and outs of it here other than just to say full stop. Don't think about poppy seeds. Roughly, they are equivalent to poppy pods, though weight per weight are a little weaker. Cheap to make up weight though. Anyways, if anyone is familiar with poppy tea, or poppy seed tea, then you may know that it has a protracted withdrawal timeline, similar to sub or methadone, due to the long half-life of some of the among dozens of alkaloids contained within. Personally? After kicking methadone and sub, I think it's a cake walk withdrawal wise. 2 mild weeks, followed by another month or two sluggishness and malaise after 2 years use. I've kicked about 3 times now, usually making it about 3 months before fucking up. See, not just any old ratty poppy seeds will do, they gotta be good. And after literally quality testing every major, minor, and exotic brand of poppy seed in the world, I just know who has some good shit. And unfortunately, one or maybe 2 popular chains in big cities happen to carry some just potent enough for a good time. Ah, I can still remember the exact thought as I drove to my first store to try this, and it worked..."This isn't going to be good cause I can get this anyfucKenware....this is going to turn into a problem". Yup, I was pretty much right. One of the best things, easiest things, about getting clean the first time was a complete erasal of any of my old dealers contacts. Complete seperation. I couldn't get drugs without having to go out in the street and make contacts. Well, now what the fuck am I supposed to do? Bring down American Capitalist market system and global trade? Fuck, now I get triggered walking into fucking Target. Can you believe that shit?

[url]http://www.poppyseedtea.com[\url] I'm just going to put this here cause there is an actual wave of poppy seed addictions and there have been overdose deaths cause the potency is so varying. Half a pound of one brand one day may barely set you off, same brand half a pound the next may mean death for an uninitiated. I know there's a lot of addicts on this site. And addicts, like me can be prone to stupid thinking. If I was any of you, I'd full stop on thinking boUT seeds.
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby Subblind » Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:39 am

I get your availability dilemma...glad to know the WD isn't hellacious but it's gotta get annoying I'm sure.thanks for the reply and best of luck to you,keep us posted on how it turns out....SB
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:48 am

Yeah, it's more annoying than anything. And a lot of a lot of gut type problems. That's probably the worst. RLS is there, but it's not the worst and clonidine keeps it mostly at bay. Sleep is fractured, but I actually get some hours. I've been through far worse, but this just kinda hangs around and hangs around and hangs around, ya know?
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby Subblind » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:08 am

And now you gotta stay out of "target" and any other fucking store that has them sitting on the fucking shelf...like the alcoholic needs to avoid liquor stores...hope you get through it without much grief my friend...
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby syd » Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:20 am

Better check yourself before you wreck yourself...ya brilliant moron. :P
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Fri Aug 19, 2016 1:19 pm

Yeah, I'm not much for shopping anyways. Thanks syd! Long time, hope all is well. Fortunatell for me, I always have a choice....
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby syd » Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:18 pm

I was working on my recent retirement from SS, when I saw your name and just had to friend poke you. Good to see you. Sorry it's under these circumstances.

Meh. I've never been good with total abstinence. It's concept that my mind wont accept. I just tell myself I can use whenever I want to. And when 'want to' comes, find excuses that today wont be the day...maybe next week. Silly mind game, but it works for me. I'm now living in my deceased parents house in the mountains of Va. So, no access to anything here. But I may be going grocery shopping later...just kidding.

A couple of ppl, from the old days have passed away. We lost Gillabug a couple of yrs back. Found out last week that TroubledDoc died. Considering, I guess I'm doing ok.

Congrats on all you've accomplished. Dont let anything take that away from you.
I kept that link you sent me on string theory. Still visit that site to keep up with the quantum world. Thanks for that.

This whole addiction thing, once you get past the WD's, is really just a mind fuck. Gotta learn to mind fuck your own mind, sometimes...if that makes sense to you.

Was there anything going on in your life, depression, personal loss of some kind, that in the back of your mind, planted the seed to get high?
That usually happens way before the act. But, we usually dont connect it till the deed is done.
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:50 pm

Man, that sucks to hear that Gillabug is gone, Troubled Doc too. Ouch. Well, I guess I can count some blessings I'm still among the living. I get everything you're saying about total abstinence. I'm not good at it either. I stayed out of active addiction for a long time, but total abstinence, from everything? Fuck. I'd die. I like a nice drink here and there too much. That, though, I can control. A glass of wine, maybe, just maybe two, I'm good. Good God damn give me an opiate and I'm high until I figure out, once again, the shit sucks and then I'm back to good ole square 1. Maybe this is my life. It's a good life, despite. Challenge ge brings character, right? Hell, maybe I'm just chock full of character...that's my problem...too much damn character.

No, what did it was loneliness, I believe. New place, no friends, no company. First dude I met happened to like drugs. It was the only person I knew. Bad voodoo. I shouldve just been lonely. Well, I'm not lonely anymore. Like I mentioned earlier, at least I've found a remarkable woman. I've been wanting to propose, but I decided to drop this whole bombshell on her first to see how that goes before I go ring dropping. So far, she is taking it in stride and is helping and cheering me on. Think I'll keep her.

So, anyways, I'm back to square one, again. Fuck it, ain't the first time. Unfortunately, it may not ever be the last. Do you ever get good at it? Do you ever get wise? Fuck if I know. I know I went 7 good years and what I did once, I can do again. Hell, at least I'm doing this in style in a cushy beach resort, sitting in the hot tubs, soaking up sun, taking beach walks. If you ain't ever done it, this is the way to kick.

Anyways, Syd, I'm glad you're around. And I'm damn glad to hear from you. Don't go rushing off to the grocery store. It ain't worth it, I promise. Sorry about your parents, but well, we all just take it a day at a time, right? After all, what else is a junkie gonna do?
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby 620tcat » Sun Aug 21, 2016 12:13 pm

Headed to Whole Foods brb. (Poor attempt at humor) I guess my main motivation to stay off opi has been quality of life stuff. The little things that make me happy like music , thinking about the days when I used to have sex ha! , reading , getting an adrenaline rush from going over a waterfall in a tube , things like that. If I was zoned out on pain meds I wouldn't even go to the river let alone get sucked over a waterfall in flood conditions on purpose.

I''m still a junkie I'm just not taking any meds. I rarely drink but with football starting in two weeks I'm not making any promises, except I won't drink for the next two weeks and even then I'll keep it to once a week. I do have a girlfriend I see occasionally but it's a casual relationship even though we are really good friends I am not "in love" just someone I enjoy hanging out with sometimes.

I did crawl into my doctors office in April and left with a script of percs , I was almost in tears from an injury, I took them for seven days , no side effects. Yet a friend gave me 8 hydros recently that I took over the course of one day and I felt like crap for two days. I'm convinced there is no recreational value left for me in taking opis. Anyway I'm glad you reached out , hi to the rest of you freaks and Subblind too. I hope y'all have a good week.
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Sun Aug 21, 2016 4:45 pm

You nailed it T. Quality of life. That's what eventually brought me back around to a better mind state to want to get the fuck back off. Took too long, but life just started sucking, when it didn't suck before. Started getting anxiety attacks when Ive never had them before. No energy, no motivation and couldn't even get it up for my girlfriend, who I do actually love. Like a junkie idiot, I hid it and the poor girl thought it was her fault I was sexually not aroused. Needless to say, she was a bit (shitloads) peeved when I told her.

Either way, T you're right. There isn't a recreational value to it. It's not worth it. Hell, I wasn't even getting g high. Tea is more like being back on maintenance after about a week. Just back to the fog. Well, fuck that, I've had enought again.

Glad you're doing good, though man! Good for you! Take it easy man...and go Vols!!!!!
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby CTCheryl » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:44 am

OPI!! I was also enjoying my SS retirement, but when Syd said you were back, I just had to hop on and say, hey!

Sorry, you got mired in the pods. (good one, huh?) You still have incredible awareness of self and I know you'll apply it once again. I'm so happy for you being in love....she must be a special lady.

Starting over is not so bad when you know what to expect, you know how to make it stop it and what to do differently this time.

Love reading your posts....take good care, Cheryl
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby opidont » Mon Aug 29, 2016 10:13 am

Hey Cheryl! Thanks for dropping by and saying hi! Hope everything is well. Yeah, I guess shit happens. Anyways, I'm over 2 weeks clean now. Things are turning around a bit. The nagging lethargy, mild restlessness and mental blah Ness are about the worst I got. I actually had a good day or two last week, but it seems to have came back over the weekend , so I guess it should clear up in a month or so. So, things aren't that bad this time around. The currency is time and I guess I'm paying my dues. Comparitively, seems I'm getting off cheap. So, I got that forward to.

I appreciate the support, though. Hope all remains well!
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby mimiluv » Thu Nov 02, 2017 7:48 pm

OMG OPI!!! How the hell are you? I have to redo my benzo hell too,its going much better than last time though. Sad you're back here, but its GREAT to see you.

And Cheryl!! Hey, girl!!

Syd!! Hey, so nice to see you.

Tcat, :boobshake:

Jdude is gone too. :puppy-dog: I miss him so much. Guess Tdoc never got to finish his pellet taper. What happened to him? So sad about Bug too.
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Re: Hello! Well, to some of you..I'm back

Postby syd » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:17 pm

Hey Meems!

The pellet taper guy was from Serbia or Croatia? He's the one that posted those creepy taxidermy photo's. Remember them? I guess he's still tapering by removing a pellet a day from his pills. Bwahaha.

TD was the self professed "profound narcissist" that lived in Paris & his wife lived in Tokyo. Everyone here thought he was a physician, but he held a doctorate degree. LoL. He was an Emeritus that traveled the world as a jazz musician. One hell of a character and a real treat to talk to.

But his mental health declined when his wife left him after getting fed up with his narcissistic behaviour. After 5-6 yrs of a normal friendship, he started calling me every night from Paris and talking for hours & hours. One night I didnt answer cos I had stuff to do. He went mental & called 21 times in 19 min. Then sent an email threatening to sick the cops on me for my little heroin holidays. That was the end of the friendship


July 20, 2016, he rode his bicycle to the top of a bridge in NJ and jumped to his death. He never wanted to live into old age, he told me. Said growing old held no allure for him. So, I wasnt terribly surprised. Control was everything to him, as it is with all narcissist. He left a suicide note about a month before, on his FB page.
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