48 hours in. Advice?

Heroin, Pain Pills, Methadone are all opioids (aka opiates) and it just plain sucks or feels impossible to get off of any of them. Share about stopping, detox, or the desire to stop any of these.

48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 7:58 am

Hi there,

So I have a problem with Percocet and any opiate pill, really. Friday night I took 110mg, Saturday at 8:30 am 50mg. Nothing since except Immodium and Benadryl. I'm right at 48 hours. I'm at work, ugh. Got about five hours sleep. Last couple nights have been sweaty, my least favorite symptom. Right now I feel...bad but okay for 48 hours. In past withdrawals no way I could have gotten up at 6 and taken two buses to work and such. Right this minute (oh, the minutes...) my only real symptoms are achy muscles (especially legs), anxiety/guilt/mild depression, sweating.

So questions:
1. Do you think this is it and I'm over the worst? Or am I about to get walloped at some point today and feel a lot worse?
2. Already counting my money and wanting to pick a few up tonight so I can feel human. I'm broke, I would be starting over AGAIN, so I know it is stupid but can't shake the idea.

So what do you think? Through the worst of it or not even close? I've had much much much worse withdrawals in the past so I'm confused. I still feel like s*** but nowhere near the usual shivering under my covers and lying about the flu while I pray to die.

Help an idiot out? I don't have anybody I can talk to.

Thanks and good luck to everyone fighting this awful crap.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 9:11 am

Talking to myself here but argh, driving myself nuts. So antsy. I'm grateful to not feel worse but the mental part is torture. I just wish I knew if this was the worst it would get. I'm safe from myself for another 8-9 hours since I'm at work and can't do anything stupid. Really don't want to start over but of course my brain is screaming for my precious evil demon pills. I ate a banana, that's about all I've eaten since Saturday night. Feel like I'm going crazy. I need to do this. I just don't feel strong. And I have nobody to talk to about it because it's my big guilty secret. Right now it's just constant stretching and my skin feels like it is burning a bit. I shouldn't even be whining. Just the mindfuck getting to me and the temptation. I am so lost and so stupid.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby cheeps » Mon Jun 06, 2016 10:39 am

You aren't stupid.....detox is a bitch....id say today it's your worst day. Triple your Imodium dose...like 20 mg when it gets bad.

If you've done this before then you know that tomorrow will be worse if you buy pills tonight. You'll have wasted the past three days of detox. You'll have to go back thought it again.

Be Glad! You've made it this far.

The near thing is....you are almost finished...tonight will suck but tomorrow you'll feel a tad better. Then by the end of the week you'll be clean. Don't waste this time.

Why are you trying to get off? No money, have kids? Suck odd the cycle?

What's your motivation?

Welcome to SS. Sorry you're here but keep staggering thru. You'll be double pissed of you buy tonight.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 10:54 am

Thanks, Cheeps. Don't have any lope with me at work but I'll get some more afterwards for tonight. I really hope this is as bad as it will get. If that's the case, even though it sucks, I'm lucky for some reason. Makes no sense. It is always much worse by now, even when I have tapered. I really don't want to throw it away and start over yet some twisted part of me does want to. "Just for tonight". If only. We know that's not how it goes. So why can't I just do the right thing? Getting all emotional now. lol. I just don't know. My partner thinks I quit months ago and I can't tell him I relapsed so I'm just mired in guilt and loneliness. A friend just died last week from an OD, mixing oxy and Xanax. This Wd sucks but I can hack it, just wish the time would pass more quickly. So why the hell do I still want to score tonight? Oh right, bc I'm an addict. I don't know if I can always feel this way and still not relapse yet again. I felt happy I was able to get up for work today but now I'm feeling incredibly sad. So it goes. Sorry for the rambling.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby cheeps » Mon Jun 06, 2016 11:15 am

Look....can the addict shit. You're brain has been saturated with feel good opies....of course it's pissed. Of course you want more. It's the bodies natural response.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 11:26 am

Sorry. You're right, of course.

As for motivation, I have every reason in the world to stop. Great partner and kids, sick of the cycle, sick of being broke, the guilt is killing me, scared all the time.

I am lucky not to feel as bad as I should. I won't throw it away. I'm going to go with a variation of "one day at a time" and at least get all the way clean. 52 hours isn't much but not something I want to throw away, either.

And now to cry at Doc McStuffins (preschoolers' show). Lol.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby cheeps » Mon Jun 06, 2016 11:46 am

Ha! Better than Ronald McCrackhead. We have a nice pic of him on here some where.

So...honesty? How is your partner on this. It would be better too have that support....as in...here are my keys and card, money...whatever. "Please don't let me go out tonight as I'm having a strong urge to use."

I get the whole guilt shit but at this point..You need some loving. Besides, Pretty soon your sex drive is gonna come back....
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 12:01 pm

Hahaha at Ronald McCrackhead. I'm a weirdo actually in that I am super horny on opiates and have low sex drive when off of them. Which really bugs me. I do orgasm super easily during/post withdrawal but the desire to initiate and all that usually comes when I'm on the pills, probably bc I feel more confident or some other issue I'm not in touch with.

When I first got clean, he supported me even though he was very very very angry (understandably). And he helped and supported me by managing my/our money and keeping me accountable. I offered to take random drug tests any time but he never asked. He still throws my mistakes (and how I have hurt our family/kids financially) in my face when we argue about anything.

I don't want to tell him about this relapse. I know that's not cool. I can tell him I'm feeling a lot of craving to use and struggling and need him to please hold me more accountable again. I am disappointed in myself enough, I really can't take guilt from him right now. I think that my compromise (telling him I need his help without telling him about the relapse) sucks. I also think it is my best option. I will rethink telling him more when I have a week and my head is hopefully a little clearer. Have an opinion on that?
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 2:29 pm

54 hours. 3:30pm. Uncomfortable but hanging in. Deleted my connect's number because I got sick of thinking about calling. Getting through work and just want to be home and take a long, hot bath.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby cheeps » Mon Jun 06, 2016 2:46 pm

OnATricycle wrote:54 hours. 3:30pm. Uncomfortable but hanging in. Deleted my connect's number because I got sick of thinking about calling. Getting through work and just want to be home and take a long, hot bath.




Excellent....you can do this and I think your post above makes sense too. Stick with it...you are going to kick tonight....if at all...and then you'll be better in the days ahead.


Gotta go get the grand son...check you later girlie.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:22 pm

Thanks. Hope you're having fun with the grandbaby. The support means a lot and I appreciate it. This is TMI but as luck would have it, just got my period. At the bus stop. And here come the cramps. But whatever, there's always gonna be a reason to use if I want there to be one. Glad I deleted that number, though...
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby cheeps » Mon Jun 06, 2016 8:03 pm

Yep....get some ibuprofen, that's the only thing that really helped me. Got depo after a while and it was the fucking best thing that ever happened to me.

Check in when you can.

Btw, we call the screaming voice...Freddy the Fucker. Don't let the bastard get to you.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby Subblind » Tue Jun 07, 2016 8:01 am

You got our support and respect for trying as hard as you are.sounds like your close to being thru the acute bullshit so just hang on a little longer and be thankful your NOT on sub or methadone.DO NOT RESET THE CLOCK BY USING!!!!!
Go get the Imodium and bang that shit down your gullet ask CHEEPS how much you should take,she knows her shit.
Your in the right place for help but you gotta listen to what she tells you...trust me you don't want her chasing you around my backyard :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: (inside joke).your family is worth more than a few shitty percs,YOU CAN DO THIS!!
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby Eyedotz » Tue Jun 07, 2016 8:42 am

haha (to inside joke!)...freaking subblind.

Yes, keep hanging in there. You don't know HOW many people on this site wished they could've kicked their DOC instead of long stints on sub. Your body will bounce back much quicker than if you were on sub. The site is an awesome support system so please keep coming back with updates and we will help anyway we can. We are all addicts here and understand.

Yes, I understand the sex drive thing on SAO's. I remember that 20 years ago before the long drawn out methadone/sub maintenance. Sub is the opposite and kills your sex drive. I have a feeling that it will come back with a vengeance after clean time accrues. It will take time, don't be discouraged....I'm still waiting for mine to return after 80 days sub-free but it will get there. I was on sub for 13 years so you can be assured that you will return to 'normal' levels much before that. Yes, ibuprofen...I second that.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby subster58 » Tue Jun 07, 2016 7:21 pm

Hi and welcome to SS, you've gotten a lot of good advise. Thank GOD you aren't detoxing off subs. Try and get rid of the extra perc's because there will come a time when you say fuck it and take one. Then you're back on the rolly coaster from hell. Now you more than half way there to rid yourself off all drugs. Emotions can be all over the place, which is normal.
You can do it, one day at a time or 1 hr. at a time.
Best of luck
Peace
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Fri Jun 10, 2016 7:07 pm

Hey all,

Thank you so much for the messages. Still clean, so that's...6.5 days? I've had very little withdrawal. Sneezes, sweats, a touch of upset stomach now that I have discontinued the lope. Mainly, I think it's been so easy because of what has happened in my life. My brother, also an addict, committed a series of crimes due to his desperation and heroin addiction on Sunday night. I've been so busy dealing with family, taking care of his children, and crying wondering how many years he is going to be gone, the impact on his kids and mine, the heartbreak of it.

This shit is the devil. The thought of using makes me want to throw up now that I've seen my brother maybe throw away his whole future for a fix.

Thanks for the help and support. So glad to be clean so I can help my family and cope with this. So heartbroken.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby cheeps » Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:15 pm

Really sorry to hear that bad news. Maybe something good will emerge over time.

6.5 is fantastic....so glad you haven't caved!!
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby Subblind » Sat Jun 11, 2016 6:21 pm

Another tragedy because of drugs...sorry for your trouble.you have enough to worry about and now you have that on your plate too...like CHEEPS said perhaps something positive may come from it.this shit killed my brother in law @2 yrs ago and it's taken my business partners son as well so be thankful you aren't dealing with the other end of this spectrum and hope he gets the help he needs to get away from it...hang in there and keep doing the right thing.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby OnATricycle » Mon Jun 13, 2016 10:13 am

Sorry for your loss, subblind. It's truly the devil. My whole life has changed overnight along with my brother's and our whole family, especially the kids. It's horrifying. But, pun intended, sobering. Let me count...I think I'm going into day 10. Doing fine, mild issues but nothing terrible. Very lucky. I've never had an easy withdrawal like this. I have to think it's some cosmic gift so that I can take care of my brother's kids and just cope.

Practicing self care as much as possible. Have to make sure I'm okay if I want to help them be okay. Looking for a therapist. Giving my partner all my cash and having him handle the bills, just as a safeguard. Bc while the thought of using still makes me sick, this is going to be a long haul and who knows how I will feel.

Thank you guys. Seriously. These boards are the best around.
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Re: 48 hours in. Advice?

Postby Subblind » Mon Jun 13, 2016 5:52 pm

I'm so sorry your dealing with this pile of crap...very proud of you for abstaining for a full 10 days.now you have to do it FOREVER or you'll be right back on the shit pile,and you can't do that to all of those who look to you for support.this shit will never let you go if you go near it again.thats just the way it is...you know what it's like to detox from them so that's all the motivation you should need.not even one...or your getting on the train to hell and you may not get off so easy the next time.you got this,10 days is an eternity from SAO.keep posting
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