I Suck

Heroin, Pain Pills, Methadone are all opioids (aka opiates) and it just plain sucks or feels impossible to get off of any of them. Share about stopping, detox, or the desire to stop any of these.

I Suck

Postby runthemachine » Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:01 pm

Well..

It's been forever since I started a new thread (other than Holiday greetings, and other such fluff), so I figured it's about time.

I go through phases - where I sometimes feel like writing, and have shit to say.. and, other times, not so much. I also use too many commas, and it's often excruciating to look at what I've written.. and wonder where they do & don't belong. And now, amazingly, I've digressed. Already.

I guess that was some kinda segue into my apology for not giving back to this site. I post music, and there's the occasional involvement with the outing of some troll.. but, mostly, I don't give the support out on the boards that I got when I showed up here... On Death's door.

Sorry for that.

So, let me be clear about a few things ~

I feel kinda that my life reads like that Eminem song.. "I do do this, I don't do that..", etc.. I still drink, I still smoke like a grease fire, I again weed (sparingly. really), and I don't really do much else. Truth is, I can even chip now & then. And, I have. But, here's what I can't do..

I jumped the fuck off several hundred mgs of oxy/roxi per day. After my surgery, I was prescribed 360 mgs of SAOs a day. For three months. And I was runnin' out a week & a half early. This, after 8 years of fairly steady scripts. Plus, I've been a garbage-head since 13/14. If it's gonna fuck me up, and I can get it from you, I'm on it.

Anyway, my lineage up both sides is purebred alcoholic, as well. Through-and through. Corona was my comfort med. It's well documented.

"But, I'm here to tell ya.. there's somethin' else...".

I will never. Ever. Ever. be dope-sick another minute of my life.

Also well-documented, is my hellish journey. So, here's the million dollar 'how' and/or 'why' answer as to what sees me over 2 years out of the nightmare... ~ ya ready?

Jump. The fuck. Off.

I think I have the hardest time, committing myself into people's threads, because I don't know how to encouragingly say "Be sick.". Seriously. Tapers, switching to different SAOs or maintenance, or a shit-ton of 'comfort meds' will not pay the Piper. On the eyes of my Grands'.

Jump today. Jump for Lent. Jump on April Fool's. Jump next leap-year. Jump when your script runs out, or your dealer gets jammed-up.. or when the weekend in 'holding' leaves you barely able to catch the bus to your connect, after you're released. Fuck it ~ jump when you want.

But, I'm deadly serious... there's hell to pay. Get ready for the shitty. If there's a goddam magic potion, start making your millions right here. Right now. ... no? Nuthin'?? <chirp.. chirp..>. There ain't somethin', folks. Long & short. I had 4 weeks of fucking miserable couch-time, before I went to my surgeon, and told him I was 28 days without a pain-med (this, 4 months after 3-level fusion surgery). I've said before that he almost dropped his pen. This is for real.

SO.. I sincerely apologize to everyone I haven't helped, and reached out to. The bottom-line is ~ If you're opiate/opioid dependent.. you're fucked. Period.

You're a month from pursuing a life that had any semblance of when you had your shit wired tight. You're a few months from actually having the energy to physically/mentally pursue and obtain said aspirations. The 'effects' of 'comfort meds' are fleeting, and virtually un-fulfilling. Please try ~ Chlonadine, any benzo you can easily acquire, a shit-ton of good daily vitamins, and aminos!!!

Completely load-up on Imodium. Personally, I tried the generic, and let me just say this about it ~ if you don't buy the bottled, the blister-pack packaging will make you weep. Unless you have someone with you constantly (to fish them out for you) there's not much worse than already being in misery, and struggling to get those little, tiny pills out from under shitty, impossible layers of foil paper that only comes away in layers, yet never seems to let you at the goods.

As far as your sleep goes, welcome to your penance and penitence. This was absolutely the WORST aspect of my WDs. Yeah, my RLS sucked.. but, if I coulda slept though it?? Get out.

Your sleep will suck. Traz did nothing for me. I wound up with Seroquel for about 3 months. My 'jump-off' symptoms from that basically consisted of itchy chest for a coupla days. Just my experience. Everyone's is different.

Exercise. In any form. I can't emphasize this enough.

I've jumped from Subs, too. A couple times. It's common consensus that it's milder, but lasts much longer (and PAWS cubed), but I was seriously a solid year before I honestly felt I was 'back'. And if you truly ain't feelin' my 'time-line', holler at me. No promises (on a reply), but I'll say what I can. I hope..

In the meantime ~

Post what you will !!! Dental-dams, Hentai, why your cat can't hit the litter-box... whatever. Post it here.

This is where shit is real. Who gives a fuck if your life is truly awesome, or truly fucked-up. It doesn't matter. It only matters that we're here. Together.

Big love to anyone & everyone who shares their two pennies, and jumps in.. rain or shine. Air that shit out, yo, and get some o' the stank off'n it. 8-)

rtm
Eternally... free from nothing.
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Re: I Suck

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:38 pm

:thumbup:

Jump. The fuck. Off.

Perfect post dude! Shit will suck, deal with it.. why??? Because its the right thing to do..

And I just smoked a fat bowl of michigan grade, medical bud! Why??? Because it felt like the right thing to do :cheers2:

Ask yourself ONE question RTM! Your still here right? 2 years later, your still here.. Question being, what do you mean by "you suck"??
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Re: I Suck

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:40 pm

ANUS :rofl:
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Re: I Suck

Postby runthemachine » Sun Mar 02, 2014 12:03 am

Dan, my Dude (and total ANUS Homeboy), there's no question to be asked. I'm still here for 2 reasons ~ A) Facebook sucks, and my need for continual, up-to-date interaction is unquenched there. And B) I genuinely give a shit about people who are enslaved to their opioids/opiates. SAOs or maintenance. It also doesn't hurt to collaborate with peeps who understand me.

I guess I suck on purpose. It's important to me to be humble. My comfort and goodness didn't happen overnight, or by some divine intervention. Neither did yours, Fucker :nono: .. but you've earned ALL of where you are.

It's a good place to be, no??
Last edited by runthemachine on Sun Mar 02, 2014 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I Suck

Postby runthemachine » Sun Mar 02, 2014 12:14 am

btw.. as of midnight, 3/1/14 (3 hours after I posted this) this post has 7 views. My jump thread has well over 18K.

Let's see how this plays out...
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Re: I Suck

Postby auratonic » Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:36 am

This post is awesome, f'n honest, and very true. I enjoyed reading it. It's great to see other people with the mindset not of the traditional AA/NA. Those places always failed me. I always felt like I didn't belong. You and everyone else has done the complete opposite. I feel at home. Thanks for the post! Good way for me to start the day with some motivation! :cheers-smashed:
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the wold will know peace.
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Re: I Suck

Postby subster58 » Sun Mar 02, 2014 12:19 pm

Run, you don't suck. Loved your post. I too have been MIA to support people. All the help I received is why I'm still here.
Love Ya
Tia :kiss:
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Re: I Suck

Postby CTCheryl » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:58 am

Same here baby.....I agree 100%%%%

I jumped from 8mg a day my first time and stayed off for almost 3 years, relapsed and then jumped again from 2mg. BOTH SUCKED ASS, but I just did it and got it done.

Tapering is horrible. It's prolonging the worst. If you are young and in fairly good condition before you get off sub, then it may not be so bad.

But it's a month for sure. But really, just DO IT!!

I for one, love your commas....,
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Re: I Suck

Postby runthemachine » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:39 pm

Cheryl,

Your auspicious comments today made me warm & gushy inside. Thank you for that. :kiss:
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Re: I Suck

Postby runthemachine » Tue Mar 04, 2014 10:11 pm

Great Fat Tuesday. Best Lent ever, on deck.



now I have wings.
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Re: I Suck

Postby cheeps » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:43 am

Run the Mouth....

I, for one, will float down into a bed of soft and rosy petals.......dreaming of sweet detox lulabyes that wind their way into the fluffy cat down. Cat down that so softly purrs and rubs my cheek. Rosy petals that slip through my breasts and curl their fuzzy edges around my....


WHAT?!?

You mean this isn't the soft porn detox thread? :problem: :problem: :shock:

Welll Fuck :gaah: I'm outa here.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: I Suck

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:58 pm

R.T.M. , your the man :shred:

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Re: I Suck

Postby Justjules13 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:08 pm

Blaaaaaaaa ha ha..."run the mouth"...good one Cheeps!
(You know I loves ya Run!)
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: I Suck

Postby BOAG » Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:01 pm

Fuckity fuck! I would take/took every comfort med ever invented. But I could not taper to save my life. Well, I think I kinda tapered sub down to 1mg for like a day, but SAO's? Not a fucking chance. Just jump and deal with the joy ride. :banghead: :deadhorse: :punchballs: :wired: :suicide:
"I never thought you'd be a junkie because heroin is so passé"
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Re: I Suck

Postby runthemachine » Thu Apr 17, 2014 8:29 pm

Edited to remove hideous shower curtain and shrunken 'roid dick. :lol:
Last edited by runthemachine on Sat Apr 26, 2014 9:21 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: I Suck

Postby sadsack » Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:47 am

Hey Run,

Dude! Excellent. Really a great fukn accomplishment!

But that underwear, man! What the hell! Ha!

Just kiddin'.

Seriously, re: the booze and the cigs---way to go, Mister RTM!

Later,

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Re: I Suck

Postby Justjules13 » Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:51 am

Damn dude, way to tighten up! ;)
No, you don't suck. When you put your mind to something you do it! :clap:
Congrats!
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: I Suck

Postby cheeps » Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:58 pm

You really need to ditch that shower curtain...((((shudder))))!!!! :o :o :o :wired: :wired:


Edited to say.....I think your dick shrunk too....oh and did you wax? :twisted: :twisted:

Nice abs though.... :boobshake:
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Re: I Suck

Postby HugitoutB » Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:03 am

Great thread. Just flippin do it. Get off of it. Man (or Woman) up and get off it. It's garbage and rotting you away. I also suck for not coming back on to encourage. The sticky under the SubSux forum is what pushed me over the edge to detox and get the f off of it. That's the God's honest truth. 4.5 months now clean of any suboxone and getting close to feeling great.
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Re: I Suck

Postby 620tcat » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:03 pm

Woman up Run , hehe . Runthewoman up , there's a song there somewhere.
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