Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addicts?

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Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addicts?

Postby Justjules13 » Sun Dec 16, 2012 5:24 pm

Ive been thinking about why I first got hooked up with things that I felt at the time (my teens) helped my self esteem and overcame my depression. Both my parents where alcoholic and my mother also liked her pills. I'm wondering if others here grew up in disfunctional alcoholic families? I learned very early to comfort my fears with alcohol and pills.
I don't want to put the blame for my habit on them....but I wonder if I just learned really early that that's how you deal with emotions, depression and fear.....
Anyone else grow up in a cold loveless home?
J
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby CTCheryl » Mon Dec 17, 2012 8:15 am

Oh yeah, I was right there with ya sister. I grew up in the 70's though, my brother was in Viet Nam, my other brother was in college and I was ripe for becoming a flower child. Did my first LSD at 15 and yes, my mother was popping valium and my father drinking. It seemed like everyone was in their own little worlds at the time.

My brother came home all fucked up and got in to coke shortly after. Don't even know where he is anymore.

But definitely, no one hugged anyone, no words of love were ever spoken and once I hit my 20's I vowed to change that with my own kids and I did. Things are pretty fucked up in my house right now, but when they were little I made sure they knew they were loved. But I often wonder how my life would have been different not growing up in all that angst.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby runthemachine » Mon Dec 17, 2012 8:45 am

Yes. Just, yes.

There was love in my house. People hugged, and said "I love you". Then you got your ass beat. Plenty.

Alcoholism is rampant in my lineage. My folks were good Catholics, as were their folks :mrgreen: . ALL of my sibs have struggled with it... I guess I cried "Uncle!" a long time ago. It will probably be my demise... if Philip-Morris doesn't kill me first.

Being the 'product' of addict/alcoholic parents has been my only stumbling block. Were it not for being cast into that lot... I might be the President. Or, I might be a woman in Sudan, who's been raped a dozen times, and wonders how she'll feed her kids today. The bottom line is, I can't bitch about it with ant real conviction (being aware of my world around me). I'm a White guy in America. I guess I need to just take my 'medicine', and rock through my day.

It's sad that I can get bummed about my 'cards'... when tens of millions live daily horrors I can not imagine.

Happy Holidays.
Eternally... free from nothing.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Justjules13 » Mon Dec 17, 2012 9:23 am

Cheryl, I think we are around the same age. I'm 55. I remember taking a thermos of vodka to school everyday in the 8th grade and it just progressed from there. My younger sister grew up in the same family and became a awesome parent. I vowed never to have kids because I didn't have the patience needed and I'm really glad I never had kids. My sisters kids are amazing and I love them dearly. You sound like a great mom Cheryl,your doing what you need to do and going thru a rough bit, but your on the right path.

Hey Run,
Thanks for putting it into perspective buddy. Your so right. I would bet that a lot of us here are from alcoholic back grounds. I'm scotch Irish....need I say more?..lol. But thank god my parents always had food in the frig and a warm bed for my sister and I to sleep in and the worst I got was welts on my face from slaps....no broken bones or trips to the hospital.
I guess I sometimes want to shift a little of the blame and guilt I feel about useing to them...someone....anyone...lol. Not fair...I know. I truly believe we are all captains of our own ships. I was just back to the US and it's always hard to be there. The elephant in the room feeling...but alls good now that I'm back home.
Much love to you for pointing out how lucky I really am.
J
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby MyPainIsYours » Tue Dec 18, 2012 12:40 pm

My mom didn't use drugs when i was growing up. Nor did she ever have a drug problem. My father on the other hand was using pot by the age of 13 (like me) and onto harder drugs. I only knew of him using pot when i was young. When i was finally old enough to see.. He was using alcohol, cocaine, pot, and percocet. But he always said to me.. "if you can go to work and make money, and party when your off work.. that is fine" So he made it pretty clear that it was okay.. My mother and father now drink and do coke most evenings. While my father just finally "kicked" his perc habit. Its kinda funny to look back.. when i used H.. i was looked upon as the black sheep. My father would say that i was a junkie and wasn't anything.. and the days i didn't come home he told my mom "oh shes probably dead, oh well" So its nice to see how hypocritical family can be. Now i am clean and i can finally look at him.. and i dont say SHIT. because i am not an asshole and i dont judge people. so blah. If addiction runs in the family and helped make me who i am.. it came from my father.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby nootlsjr » Tue Dec 18, 2012 4:59 pm

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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby nootlsjr » Tue Dec 18, 2012 5:06 pm

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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby emily » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:34 pm

Jules
I am not sure how i feel about my early years. I do know i was never taught to deal/cope with anything.. I had a messed up life & we moved constantly because my parents thought the grass was greener in Florida so we moved there from NY then it was Texas then Massachusetts...My sister was married by the time i was 10 & my mother was annoyed she had to "find somewhere for me to go" so she could go out & party. She was really strange but their addiction was gambling. I always felt if i had roots i would have done better but it just didn't happen. My dad tried to "be there" but often it was like he was sneaking being nice to me & by age 12 i was smoking cigs & pot but once i turned 18 & left the house i did pretty good. Went to school, paid my own way cause my mom didn't want me to "dump bedpans" eventually married & had the kids. Those were my best years. My sister was more like you & didn't' ever want to have kids & doesn't regret she didn't have her own kids.
It was a really good question...
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Zippy » Wed Dec 19, 2012 7:41 pm

Greetings,
Interesting question. I grew up in the 1950's, in a house with a white picket fence and both parents. Mom stayed at home until my father at a stroke when I was 7 and she went to work. I have very found memories of my childhood. My parents cussed up a storm and loved their Pall Mall's. There was a bottle in the house for Christmas for Tom and Jerry's. Trust me, I know how lucky I am. My died died when I was 16. That was when the shit hit the fan.

I started drinking and partying. It was the 60's but I was too afraid of my mom to try anything stronger then beer. I tried pot, made me paranoid. I fell in love with cross tops but they were not always available. I did not become dependant until the late 90's, with the help of a very generous doctor.

I have always had a addictive behavior problem. Food, cigs, that sort of thing. :ogeez:
Cheers,
Zippy

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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Mrblazed » Wed Dec 26, 2012 10:38 am

Well jules great qustion wish i saw this early! Anyways my dad (who raised me) was a drunk he drank ALOT I rememeber being a little kid trying to wake my dad up so i could get tucked into bed and he wouldnt wake up even when i started slapping him, It would make me so upset I would cry and cry and sit by him listing to his heart thinking he is gonna die ( i didnt know much about booze then had no idea what being drunk was) so that used to really bother me when younger. My mom on the other hand has been sober her WHOLE LIFE she drank once and never did again and never touched a drug. But she beat the living shit out of me with anything she could find from belts to electric cords. My dad was so nice and loved the shit out of me but for most my life was drunk of his ass. Also my dad since he was drunk never watched me much I was allways able to do what ever I wanted. I think that had alot to do with the way i turned out. Im lazy,unmotivated, and allways get what i want. None of which is a good thing. Also my dad drinking when i got to be around 11 had me cuirous how it felt. So i tryed drinking way befor most people did, and same with most drugs. Allthough I didnt get into opiods intill my mom made me stop smoking weed and drug tested me only for THC so i moved up to pain pills. anyways my whole fam except my mom are DRUG ADDICTED drunks aka poly drug addicts make up 99% of my family ( the ones that are still alive)
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Mrblazed » Wed Dec 26, 2012 10:47 am

BTW zippy what is a "cross top" ?
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby emily » Wed Dec 26, 2012 11:27 am

Blazed
Damn that must have sucked worrying about your dad being alive :cry: ! Does he still get shit faced? You have some major stuff to work through but you can get past all that crap :thumbup: ...the beatings...I feel for you. My mom would grab my long hair so she could start hitting me if i was starting to run from her, One day i Yelled Back at her..maybe i was 9 or 10..I yelled STOP PULLING MY HAIR...so she grabbed me & got scissors & Chopped off my nice long hair :ogeez: . My dad freaked out when he got home. They were both hair stylists & my dad fixed my hair the best he could so i didn't looked totally stupid the next day at school.
How are you feeling? Are you back home or still in CT? BTW...seems like you brought some snow to our area. LOL
Em
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Justjules13 » Wed Dec 26, 2012 4:53 pm

Hi all,
Yeah, I had a feeling that most people with addiction problums had kinda screwed up childhoods. I was thinking about going to a Adult Childern of Alcoholics meeting. I've never been to one. I guess they are run like a 12 step group. I thought it might be interesting. I've got a lot of anger over how I was treated as a kid....and maybe it would help me get a grip on the opiate thing....IDK. But thanks all for sharing your experiences...

Blazed...I think "cross tops" or "whites" are the old speed pills us old timers took in the 60s.
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby emily » Wed Dec 26, 2012 7:22 pm

Hi Jules,

ACOA can be helpful. The people will understand even if your story is a little different than theirs.

It's worth a try...can't hurt & may help.

Hugs
Em
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby CTCheryl » Thu Dec 27, 2012 7:40 am

yeah, sound like crossroads, little speed pills. Can't remember what they really were, but we all ate them like candy to lose weight back then.

First get that book about ACOA and read it because it's another 12 step group that can just end up making you feel angrier. I'll look up the name of the book and get back to you here.

Found it, it's the Big Red Book. Start there and then see if you want to continue digging this shit up.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby nootlsjr » Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:37 am

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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:25 pm

Thanks CT...I'll look it up before I check out a meeting.
Its all new to me...I was wondering what "relapsing" was in ACOA terms. I don't like dwelling on the negative aspect and if that's all the meetings are about, I'm not into it...but it also might help me get over some of the anger I have at my parents, and that would be a positive thing..
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Thu Jan 24, 2013 5:53 pm

Hey jules! I just wanted to say hi and thank you again for your support during my detox time. You were there for me when I needed it most, I won't forget that.

This is a touchy subject for me.. dad, yes big druggie and boozer.. step dad, yes big druggie and boozer. Mom, she drinks and uses, not so bad though(she is great) .. I do believe being around drugs and booze growing up had a lot to do with my addiction. Your around it so much it becomes the norm. Its normal to drink everyday, its normal to take a pill for everything, its normal to pass out once in awile at the kitchen table.. during dinner lol..

My decision to leave my ex came when I heard what she told me one day(amongst many other things of course). I mentioned I was done with booze, I never want to drink again, being a recovering alcohalic and all. Well she suggested our son might think I was weird when he got older and noticed his dad wasn't drinking like others in the family.. yes she grew up around the same shit.. its the mind set..

They say addiction runs in the family.. I'm gonnna do my best to change the future . If I stop my addiction habits I figure my son has a head start at not picking it up.. if he doesn't pick it up and has kids and they don't pick it up, I changed the future lol.

I'm rambling, my main point here was to say hi lol. Your great jules!
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby tenn_smoothie » Fri Oct 11, 2013 7:36 pm

yes Jules - same as you.

both parents alcoholic and a mom that abused the pills and struggled with clinical depression - which I define as the type of depression triggered by brain chemistry where the bottom just drops out over the course of a week or so and the person just wants to die and doesn't understand why - very rough stuff.

I have much more empathy for my parents now that I have developed into an alcoholic/addict. they are both gone now. maybe i'll get to tell them someday that I understand better now what they were struggling with.

my anger is more with my siblings, who have not gotten into trouble with alcohol and have had a lot of success, at least financially. they have distanced themselves from me and look at me as the black sheep of the family.

have you ever gone to Adult Children support groups. they helped me tremendously to make sense of my life and to be more accepting of the things that I struggle with instead of blaming myself.
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Re: Sincere question...where your parents alcoholic or addic

Postby Justjules13 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:10 am

I've been tempted to go to those Children of Alcoholics meetings but I don't know what to expect....
Have you been to them?
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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