Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Sun Jan 14, 2018 10:02 pm

Hey Cat...I just got caught up on your thread. Now I’m crying! The way you wrote the beginning of the missing cat story I was sure it was going to end in the worst possible way...and you 180’d my ass! How great. Sometimes the smallest positives/victories can have the greatest meaning. This can be especially true at certain phases of sub detox. It’s why sometimes I have to recover from sobbing over dog food commercials.

I wanted the mention something about you relaying that there’s no rhyme or reason to the symptoms that come and go, and come and come and come (ha ha) from sub detox. More importantly, that there’s no clear relationship between symptoms and taper dosage. This is literally bizarre and certainly complicates navigating living your life while tapering. You can’t plan anything. For example, between 4-3 mg insomnia is at it’s worse then starts to improve, at 2.5 mg you begin the depression phase until 1.5 mg, at 1 mg you get priapism...OK that last ones’ true but you get my point. You can’t plan dosage verses symptoms verses time. Even the constellation of symptoms themselves aren’t universally experienced, let alone on a dose dependent schedule. Some people get torturous RLS while other don’t experience it at all. There just isn’t any predictability or reliability of symptom occurrence, onset nor duration. Most diseases have a more predictable progression/prognosis than sub detox symptoms. IMHO, sub itself is more unique even within the opiate class (meaning the stages of detox for oxycodone or heroin, although still variable, is still more predictable than sub). I recall feeling so much better at 1 mg than 1.5 mg for reasons no one will ever understand, my insomnia was much worse at 2 mg than 1 mg...go figure right?

Dude (and it’s fun referring to a 59 year old matriarch as dude hahaha) I am proud of you. It’s an honor to be part of the same enclave as you. I don’t see us as the island of misfit toys, I see us as the intrepid. We are the torch bearers of empathy. No one can possibly understand the courage it takes to not only endure your pain, but to actually be the one inviting it into your life. This is becasue you refuse to live complacently, dwelling in less than you know you are. Not good enough, not for someone like you, for us. Not good enough for we who are woke to the truth that long-term ORT is a lie, a lie you refuse to live. You got this; every second that clicks by is simply more proof of it.

Stay Strong. Be the cat that weathers the storm and makes it back home becasue someone’s looking out their window, for you.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 10 years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Jumped Off February 5, 2018 @ 0.09mg
Subverted DietDoc
 
Posts: 199
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:58 am

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:35 am

I won't feel anything with only a 1 day drop for sure. I'm kind of going back to the Meow Method. Just for a time. Need to get through year end for now. Then, if possible I'll kick back into high gear with my taper. Unfortunately my sleep is beginning to be disturbed. I usually sleep soundly for 8 to 9 hours. Now, I'm lucky if I get 7. I will adjust to this. I want to get those earphones so that I can listen to sleep type music. I believe it was Eyedotz that did this & had great success with calming the mind.

One thing I know for sure, my receptors are no longer fully covered. This is where the hard work really begins. My botched surgery pain is coming back pretty bad. I sure hope I find something to knock it down. Currently using aspirin & motrin. I was prescribed Gabapentin for nerve damage a while back. But since it's a helpful detox drug, I don't want to take it for pain now. So I suffer.

Just looked & my kitty is in her heated bed. She wasn't there when I got up a 5:30 AM. Didn't see her yesterday but that's okay. I know she has another safe place to go. I do believe that the stress last week when she was missing caused me trouble. Stress during a sub taper is no good! I'm going to need to learn to control stress. Armed with that knowledge I believe I can do it. I must.
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:04 pm

Yeah....the stress boogerman sucks...along with pain. This is where the mindful stuff comes in and you just have to practice doing what you can.

I'm having a hard time staving off the minor anxiety about getting paperwork done, making a few business decisions, upcoming tax prep.

I have to set up a standing/leaning work station so I can be more productive. It's bad enough sorting....and I need a rolling chair that doesn't hurt to sit on. I hate assembling those things...I have one in the garage....it's probably full of black widow spiders and cat hair.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9880
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:25 pm

Hello my Cat. All I can say to you is that you are so strong. You are becoming. When you're done you will be you. I know how frustrating this process can be on a daily basis, but you are doing it, on a daily basis. Be one with your body, it will tell you what to do and when. Sometimes it feels like you're slowing down. This process is slow enough without feeling like that but, it has ebbs and flows. You are right where you need to be. You're going down down down which is so good. I'm always comforted to know there are folks out there dealing with the taper just like me. Can't think of anyone who's been as brave and determined as you have. I'm sorry your sleep is being disrupted and I'm sorry your having pain. But as you say to me when i'm a mess, "this too shall pass". Together we are headed to a new day, a new life.

Listen to SDD and to Cheeps. My God, where would we all be without Cheeps????

I love you

Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 323
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Jan 16, 2018 9:42 am

SDD I don't know how I missed your post yesterday! (I wasn't in a good place arising at 5:30 Am). :gaah: Sleep disturbances are a real issue for me. I will learn to deal with it. I have to! This is a profound statement - "there’s no clear relationship between symptoms and taper dosage". I really thought there was. This taper is becoming something that I did not expect. Thanks for the words of wisdom. I now feel that I'm better equipped to deal with whatever may come & I thank you for that my darling!

You really have a gift of words. This brought tears to my eyes:
Be the cat that weathers the storm and makes it back home because someone’s looking out their window, for you.

I am also proud to be in the current bunch of taperers/jumpers. Thank God for SS.

Anna, I love you too dear. I feel honored when you bring yourself to post. I know its so difficult at your low dose, but you do it & I'm grateful. Funny that you would repeat my words back to be about symptoms coming & going. You needed to hear it, & now I need to hear it. Hang strong Anna. :kiss:

Cheeps I am trying to hang in there. This sub taper just controls my mind & body so much. Everything else is suffering. Then that brings on more stress. I need to try to accomplish just one project & revel in that accomplishment. That should be a stress buster. I'm going to try...

New symptom, the dreaded constipation. I've done well up until now. Now I'm taking stool softeners. Even had to take Miralax today. Ugh. This is one thing I really hate. I'm banking on the stool softeners. Unfortunately constipation makes my surgical pain more intense. It's a lose/lose. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby cheeps » Wed Jan 17, 2018 3:42 pm

Cat....sometimes I've had to take a handful of the 240mg...sometimes 3-4, that is eight of the little 100mg football looking ones. Everytime I'd eat....I'd take them. When I went to a rehab 3 years back....I brought mine...I should have hidden them because they would only give me two 100mgs a day...oh I was pissed....the detox Dr ignored my request for that shit. I chugged more water in hopes that would help...not. Grease is grease....I've never had any issues when I could control my use. When I would forget, I'd jump on the supppositories early and that helped. Any shit is better than none. :banghead: :mrgreen:

I need to try to accomplish just one project & revel in that accomplishment.


Girl, this is so true....you are fighting a battle in the real war on drugs. This is so damn hard....we kinda get used to that until we think back to what we Could do, what we used to do.... Motivation really goes out the window during taper...it just fucking sucks.

If i Ever started my own forum, it would be Whatmotivation?.com It takes me an hour to get my head right every AM...taper or no taper. Things that used to be important...just aren't now. I'm lazy about several things... :banghead: and OCD about a very few things. :shred:

Yall are having some shitty weather right now...lots of peeps have the winter/no sun depression issues. Does that bother you?
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9880
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:27 pm

Actually I've had 2 days off of work because of the weather. Roads way to dangerous down here. It's given me a chance to do chores & some things that I enjoy. It actually snowed for about 15 minutes. I enjoyed every single one of those minutes. My outdoor kitty babe is safe in her heated house all day. Whew!

Yep, I'm chugging the stool softeners. Using fleet supps as needed. I'm used to this but it does suck. I'm hoping this too shall pass. I decided to go ahead & drop to 2.25 yesterday. I have a feeling that I'll be better at 2 than at 2.5. I'm going to push. I'll be okay. Gotta keep this taper going!
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby cheeps » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:31 pm

It's snowing like crazy....beautiful heavy snow 4-8 inches....about 20 miles away...cold rain here so far...
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9880
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Jan 18, 2018 9:24 am

Stay safe. Looks like crazy snow today. We're back to work. Still really cold.
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:06 pm

Hahaha, and today it's 75 degrees here! Unbelievable weather this year. Things are going really well. The stool softeners are doing their job. Oh & no surgical pain today. :) Slept great last night too. :zzz:

I'll be steady on 2.25 by the end of the week. This is a good time to thank everyone that's helped me so much to get to this point. I could not have done this without all the great people here at SS. :cheers2:
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby Martin » Sat Jan 20, 2018 7:20 pm

75 degrees? I am jealous. It was definitely warmer here, but kinda gloomy and wet, not really
nice enough to get outside for very long.

You are doing great Cat. Keep fighting the good fight! I must thank you as well for making this place what it is, giving good advice and having kind words for everyone! It wouldn't be the same without you!
Benzo Free June 2015
Sub Free Dec 2015 For about a year
Back on Sub June 2017, 8mg a day
Tapering @ 3mg a day
User avatar
Martin
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2017 12:35 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby cheeps » Sun Jan 21, 2018 1:39 pm

Martin wrote:75 degrees? I am jealous. It was definitely warmer here, but kinda gloomy and wet, not really
nice enough to get outside for very long.

You are doing great Cat. Keep fighting the good fight! I must thank you as well for making this place what it is, giving good advice and having kind words for everyone! It wouldn't be the same without you!



I most certainly agree with you Martin...CAT and Anna too are such good peeps! I only hope we can lift their spirits as much as they do ours. :cheers2:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9880
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Jan 22, 2018 10:52 am

Hey Cat. I'm just stopping hy to say hi and that I'm thinking about you. Every day IS a day closer to the end of this. The last day of the taper feels like a mythical day, but its not. Just requires patience. So onward we go.

Love you :kiss:

Anna :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 323
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Mon Jan 22, 2018 1:52 pm

Martin & Cheeps - you both are far too kind. I really appreciate your sweet words.

Anna - There you are! I miss when you don't/can't post/read. But I totally understand. What you're doing is grueling, but you're making it. I see total success in your future.

As for me, I've been on the emotional roller coaster ride for a couple of days. I'm afraid that my age is definitely working against me. The young 'uns here seem to just walk off mg's so easily, where as I have to drop so slowly & carefully. I said I wasn't going to drop during year end, but I just couldn't stop my momentum. I've got such a long way to go. But the prize at the end is there for the suffering now. I was miserable on opy's. Now I'm miserable on subs. I think I deserve a break. Still more hard work to do, but I will succeed...
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby Martin » Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:05 pm

Ah Shucks. I hope I'm not making it look easy. I'm trying not to focus on the negative, but it's there. I feel ok physically, but mentally I am not having a very good time. My temper has returned and I want to murder everyone around me! Hang on, we're going down hill together!
Benzo Free June 2015
Sub Free Dec 2015 For about a year
Back on Sub June 2017, 8mg a day
Tapering @ 3mg a day
User avatar
Martin
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2017 12:35 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:48 pm

Part of going down and then getting off is losing WHATEVER restraint we have towards anything....my mouth totally runs away with me during these times. Sometimes it's funny mostly it's dark muttering and road rage, fist shaking, total filthy fuckyouism.

Just warn the peeps you care about and stay out of stressful situations. You may have to walk away from simple issues you were able to handle before. This is where you must be gentle with yourself and be selfish. The brain is scrambled. Stay away from bars, cops, known family and friends who are sociopaths. This is where isolation isn't such a bad thing. :gaah:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9880
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:57 am

Oh Martin, I did not want to make anyone feel bad! I know you & everyone else tapering now are suffering just like me. We all have our different issues with sub. It affects people differently. I'm sorry you're having the dreaded mental issues, but glad that physically you're doing okay! Stay positive just like you're doing. I will strive to do that too. I just need to stabilize on my current dose. It will come. Sleep has become a real issue. This is what I've dreaded/feared. Fear is such a bad emotion. I need to embrace today & just move on along. :deadhorse:
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:34 am

Cheeps, can you help me understand this:

"Part of going down and then getting off is losing WHATEVER restraint we have towards anything".

No matter how bad I'm feeling, I try to treat the people around me with kindness & respect. It's just my nature. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, type thing.

The Hubs used to be that way too, but apparently not so anymore. Last night he came out of his home office & screamed at me, "where is my damn dog?". My best friend keeps our little Cavalier during the day while we work. It's so great for him. Gets walked 3 times a day & she's retired so he gets lots & lots of attention.

She was having cable installed into her hurricane ravaged house & they were there late so she couldn't get him back home. Man did that set him off! I have a feeling his anger is opy related. Or maybe he was in pain. I don't know, but I sure didn't deserve to be treated that way. Why is he doing this to me?

Obviously I can't control this. I just have to deal with it. I don't like being yelled at over things I can't control. I just internalize it & stay away from him. Then I had a hard time getting & staying asleep. Maybe that's the sub taper, or maybe its the way I'm being treated. Either way, I feel like I have no control.
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby cheeps » Tue Jan 23, 2018 9:45 am

You would have too ask him why he's being a total bitch. Just do it. "I'm not trying to start an argument Dave, I just need too know why you yelled at me. This sub taper has me a little sensitive and that yelling really freaked me out."

Could be a couple things.

His pain as you said.
His bad timing, maybe he hadn't dosed yet.
His depression.
His inability to control the situation in the house
His fears about what you are doing.


As for YOU...now is the time to learn to tap, fiercely practice mindfulness, vent here OR to a counselor about your marriage issues, whatever it takes to calm your nerves. You are on tip toe.

There are only certain things you can control.....he's not one of them. Kitty....this is one reason why we tell peeps, do not make life changes during drug taper and detox.....for at least six months if not longer after jump. Three members of the house are all under stress for their own reasons. Unless there is physical abuse or unrelenting mental SHIT going on, this is a time of not making rash decisions. It's easy to DO something too try and control....it's really hard to UNDO a bad reaction.

If you feel you cannot have a discussion....write a paper note, hold it for 24 hours, then give it to him.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9880
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Cat's Taper Thread From 3 mg

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Jan 23, 2018 1:20 pm

Thanks for that Cheeps. I did confront him about it this morning. Not last night. Of course he was sorry. I just put all responsibility for the dog on him. I'm out. Now he can just yell at himself if things don't go his way.

On a good note, my bestie has moved back home. It's been a God send. She's happy & I'm happy too. We have our privacy back.

I understand what you're saying about control and reactions. I may be extra sensitive during this taper. Got it. I'll keep that in mind the next time something like this happens.

Actually, I did talk with him this weekend about the end game for ME here (while I was crying over something that I normally would not cry over). I will be sub & opy free. Something that he has not been able to do. This could be a sticky situation for him. Never thought of that.

Really appreciate your help! :kiss:
Pills August 2009 to 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
User avatar
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Sub Sux

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests