Mare counts down from 8

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:45 am

This is great advice S4S. You really explain a low & slow taper to a tee. I'm going to start listening to my body more & forget the calendar. It's hard not to be in a hurry when you're taking something that you know is so bad for you.

Thanks for coming back & posting such wise advice. You're a real asset to SS & to all that will come behind you.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:28 pm

It's been okay. Kind of crummy slow starting days. The nightmares only came back for 2 days but they have since subsided. I have been waking up in the morning getting super lethargic and wanting to call in sick every day. I started having a shot of bourbon before bed. More like a single swig. I keep it out of the fridge so it's less appealing. That's helped.

I got the RDS. It's fun. Boyfriend's happy. Things are cool. I'll probably slow down now. I'm too tired to keep it up at this rate. Nothing's perfect.

I lost my medical coverage at the beginning of the year. I'll find out more information on baby beluga SDD. Or whatever it's called. I'll probably reapply once I can get a check with less hours on it. Who has two thumbs and makes 400$ too much to qualify for State insurance? This gal. Medi Cal fraud is one of the big reasons I need to get off. I simply can't get any more strips. Hence the rush.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Thu Jan 25, 2018 7:04 pm

this is my favorite thing!

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:55 pm

That is fucking hue-laree-us!!
,

I laughed so hard I kicked the furniture and set the dogs off!! Going back for more.

PS....it is time for you to slow down....give it two weeks.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Sat Jan 27, 2018 11:25 pm

Yesss! Glad you liked it Cheeps. It's my favorite Mr Show skit. So ridiculous. Most of the episodes are on YouTube. Check it out. Here's my favorite episode.

https://youtu.be/DIWi1oMZuUk

Definitely gonna take a chill pill. Gonna sit at 1.25mg for a week once I'm done adjusting. It's slow going where I'm at, but I can tell it's getting easier. Slowly but surely! Luckily I only got scheduled for 2 days this work week, so I work tonight, then I'm off until Thursday! Gonna have some needed rest and relaxation!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:20 am

The speed at which you have tapered is amazing. You’re still a 20-something and I beleive that helps but it’s not a panacea and know you must be having some really tough moments. You’re getting it done that’s for sure.

Getting Belbuca without insurance, decades of savings or other resource might be tough. How is your supply of film currently? You have 2mg strips right?

If I can help I will. Sending lots of good thoughts and support.

SDD
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 10 years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Jumped Off February 5, 2018 @ 0.09mg
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Re: New girl

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:42 am

Mare, this was your first post in November...
Mare wrote:
This month, I bumped down from 8mg to 5.3mg, then again to 4mg daily. I'm hoping to be off completely in about the next 3 months. I have a break from work for the next 5 months and the time is right. I'm getting a lot of insomnia, RLS and general aches, an endless tummy ache, plus I started having some really weird dreams. Other than that, I'm doing just fine so far!

-Mare


You've reduced from 8mg to 1.25mg in just over 2 months which is incredible. Don't change a thing, just keep doing what you're doing. Going to be a great spring + summer for you.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Thu Feb 01, 2018 5:13 pm

Hey Mare...Just letting you know I'm in your corner and you can puke on me if you need to.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 10 years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Jumped Off February 5, 2018 @ 0.09mg
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:48 am

Hey Mare. Haven't heard from you in a bit and I'm hoping that you're doing okay. Come back & let us know how it's going for you. You've dropped so low in such a short period of time. Problems are to be expected. But if you can slowly taper from here on out you've got this!

Thinking of you Marilyn!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Wed Feb 07, 2018 5:42 pm

Thank you world, sorry I'm just kind of brain dead walking in a fog. Work, game, eat, sleep, repeat. I've been holding steady here at 1.25 and it's not really getting any easier. I'll give it 14 more days and if no improvement in how I'm handling it, I guess I'll have to just keep trudging on. God I'm glad I didn't get my hands on any benzos ahead of time.. I would be in another world right now. Having a lot of cravings I haven't had in years. The weirdest part? I miss crack the most. I'm not even into uppers! Oh well. I'm too scared to go back down that road, so don't worry.

Thank you Cat, SDD, S47Y. You guys are great and I'll try to be more in touch. I'm going to temporarily relinquish my feelings of obligation to read all the posts because if I don't I'll keep avoiding the site.

And SDD I have 8mg strips and I think I have about 70 of them? Not sure. I'll have to count. I think I'm good for now on them but I haven't done the math in a while. I'll have my brother help me when he gets home, he can do the decay function to see how long it'll last. I started smoking weed instead of going to trigenometry in 10th grade so I can't figure that crazy shit out. Pity, I was good at that stuff!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:07 pm

Mare...you’re at a resistance point. It’s a common place where, for whatever unknown physiological/pharmacological X factor resason, people often say, ‘ I feel better at .75mg than I did at 1 or 1.2mg. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same phenomena happens to you. You have also gone really fast...but you’re a 28 year old artist so you’re supposed to suffer hahah.

If you have 70 8mg strips and we round your dose to 1mg/day you have 560 days worth If you DONT taper! That’s over a year and a half at 1mg/day. You’re golden supply wise. I thought you were running low? There’s a lot of threads and I get them confused.

You got this this 100%. The only statistic you will part of is success.

And I really dislike powder cocaine, I just love the way is smells...blahahahaha.

Fight you artistic bitch, the people of earth need you.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 10 years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Jumped Off February 5, 2018 @ 0.09mg
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:38 pm

Mare, you're fucking awesome. Stay at 1.25, let your receptors and brain heal from the previous drops and move forward when you're ready. You are actually moving forward as long as you stay at any dose, you are giving yourself time to heal from higher doses which the body needs a minute before you go rushing into the next drop. Take it easy, doing perfectly. Glad to see your post.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:51 am

Yeah I dunno maybe I did the math wrong back when I first was working it all out, or maybe I'm not sure how many I have. They're all still in their little prescription bags except for one pack so I honestly have no clue what I got at this point. I'll have to check when I go home! But yeah I think I did the math for a slower taper when I was at a higher dose and it kind of stretched out the time limit. Ah well, it's all good! Yah SDD life is suffering and I saw a baby beluga when I rode the balclutha. I still don't know how to spell that med you were mentioning but I'm having fun thinking of similar words. Blah.

I think I'm getting replaced at my retail job. I'm offended, but pretty happy to only be scheduled for 3 out of the next 14 days. More time to rest!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:10 pm

It is insane how little is known, understood, or written about what bupe does to the mental. The potency is astonishing. :banghead: :banghead:

I could go on forever on this but fuck it....we know that it just DOES happen and everyone has their different tipping points. NUTS!!! :gaah: :gaah: :gaah: :ogeez:
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:29 am

cheeps wrote:It is insane how little is known, understood, or written about what bupe does to the mental. The potency is astonishing. :banghead: :banghead:

I could go on forever on this but fuck it....we know that it just DOES happen and everyone has their different tipping points. NUTS!!! :gaah: :gaah: :gaah: :ogeez:


I couldn't agree more, it's a real mindfuck, I was pretty OCD on subs, anxious, angry. was ugly at times. i think the guilt from taking it so long messed me up more than any side effect or symptom.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 09, 2018 10:18 am

Mare...
Are you sure you're going to lose the job? Sometimes it is helpful to have a reason to get up every day...or 3 out of 14. You know we advocate the whole, STAY BUSY. But as long as you don't mind isolation?? I'm torn on this for you. What else can you do during the next few months besides a fucking taper?

Are you doing any art at all...even dark gloomy stuff?
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 09, 2018 10:22 am

Sub4Sevenyrs wrote:
cheeps wrote:It is insane how little is known, understood, or written about what bupe does to the mental. The potency is astonishing. :banghead: :banghead:

I could go on forever on this but fuck it....we know that it just DOES happen and everyone has their different tipping points. NUTS!!! :gaah: :gaah: :gaah: :ogeez:


I couldn't agree more, it's a real mindfuck, I was pretty OCD on subs, anxious, angry. was ugly at times. i think the guilt from taking it so long messed me up more than any side effect or symptom.




So....is your anger, rage, anxiety pretty much gone now...I remember you said you were very prickly and could be aggressive. I want you in my corner kicking my ass when I go to stop smoking.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Fri Feb 09, 2018 11:27 pm

Sub4seven, yeah I'm definitely having a lot of moments of rumination. It's weird to think about all that stuff all the time, but I'm okay. Mostly just blank.
cheeps wrote:Mare...
Are you sure you're going to lose the job? Sometimes it is helpful to have a reason to get up every day...or 3 out of 14. You know we advocate the whole, STAY BUSY. But as long as you don't mind isolation?? I'm torn on this for you. What else can you do during the next few months besides a fucking taper?

Are you doing any art at all...even dark gloomy stuff?


Not sure I'm going to lose it but it sure looks that way. A new hire in my position has just come in and it looks like there edging me out. The store manager knows my position and situation and is okay with it but there is a new 2nd in command who doesn't and I don't think I want to talk to him about it. He knows that I'm only there temporarily and I think ​he's trying to prepare for when I do I leave, as I was planning on only staying through December originally. I'm fortunate enough to be staying with my grandma and sometimes with my boyfriend and my only expenses are my many fruits and veggies, and I have some savings so I'm okay financially without it. I could go find a temporary position in massage until my clinic reopens if anything goes bad.

I have been pretty shot creatively lately, mostly playing video games and watching TV and YouTube. I did just pick up a small volunteer gig for a YouTube channels website working on the creative team for a monthly webzine through his community so I have something to work on, but I'm so uninspired lately. I am just hoping this is just a temporary slump and I'll readjust soon. I'm gonna try getting back into my supplement regiment this week and see if it helps.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Sat Feb 10, 2018 3:19 am

The anger is pretty much gone, I'm an aggressive person by nature but been pretty calm lately. It comes from an upbringing in competitive sports, the only time it's acceptable to let it all fly. Anxiety is pretty good too, not gone though. But yea my anger can light a fire, great when it's focused, not so much when it's not.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Sat Feb 10, 2018 3:15 pm

Sub4Sevenyrs wrote:The anger is pretty much gone, I'm an aggressive person by nature but been pretty calm lately. It comes from an upbringing in competitive sports, the only time it's acceptable to let it all fly. Anxiety is pretty good too, not gone though. But yea my anger can light a fire, great when it's focused, not so much when it's not.



That's good to hear....curious to know what sports and positions you liked to play?
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