Mare counts down from 8

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:56 pm

Hi Mare. I know you're on vacation but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you & hoping you're having a great time & feeling well!

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:30 pm

Thanks Cat.

Yeah I'm on vacation but I'm still up on here every day, reading mostly. But FUCK!! This is probably the most difficult and painful vacation I've ever been on. As Cheeps predicted, the food here is mostly garbage. I feel awful most of the time... I'm grumpy, I'm tired, my legs and my feet start hurting really early on, and we walked OVER 10 miles yesterday, and that's really taking a toll on me. I keep waking up from nightmares every morning. I wanna take just a sliver more, but I know it won't help. I'm thinking about heading down to the lobby and just getting some whiskey shots until it hurts less. On top of it all, I sprained my finger on day 1 here. Dropped my phone at the security gates and when I went to grab it I hit the table with my pinky and it bent backwards so now I can't grip things comfortably and am a little bitch when my boyfriend holds my hand. It sucks. Also having some new gut troubles. Need to drink more water and remember my stool softeners. All in all, everything just kind of sucks. I've been kind of low, hopefully that will turn around today. I hope so, because this is too expensive to suck!!

Image

Edit: So I decided that since I'm having trouble making it through the evening to my PM dose, I'm gonna split my AM dose into 2 parts. We'll see if it helps, today is gonna be my last night stay at the hotel, and tomorrow is a full day. I'll be okay I think.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:06 pm

Oh dearest Mare, I'm sorry to hear it's not going as planned. Keep hanging on, it will get better. Spiking will not help. You've got to hold the line until you adjust. I would suggest that you hold your taper for just a bit until you can feel really well. You need some time to just feel better before you put your body through another taper. Just MHO. You know what's best for you. You are in control of your taper just as I am.

Hope you're feeling better today!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 14, 2017 3:45 pm

Yes, do what you can to stay at the current daily dose....

You are allowed to be grumpy....but you did overdo with the ten mile shit. Stressing the body causes that backlash so it will go away once you slow down a bit. Take a shot for me! Grey Goose please..... :mrgreen:


Ice that pinky!! ouch!!! :MrT: :MrT: :MrT:
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:47 pm

My dearest Mare.

I am so sorry that you are feeling under the weather for your trip. I'm also sorry I haven't been to your thread sooner to lend you my support. You've taken the time for me. Its just a very busy kind of manic time of year for me and my focus is not great. Squooshed eyeballs and all. The squooshed eyeballs thing still freaks me out, but it definitely feels like thats the case.

I can only agree with Cat and Cheeps. Try to just hold for a bit. And try to enjoy your vacation. I know you've read my thread and you know that i have used alcohol to take the edge off my taper on the rougher days at the beginning. It did help a bit. So CHEERS!!! :)

Once the holidays are over I hope to be able to devote more time to the forum and to all you guys here. Just know that I'm thinking of you and I appreciate you. You're going to be fine. Just be good to yourself. It gets better. Trust me.

Did you get that yummy Monte Cristo sandwich yet??? If so, go have another one.

Your friend

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:28 pm

Yeah Cheeps I did go at it all too hard. 36 miles in 4 days to be precise, according to my phone's tracker. Ouch! Luckily my little pinky is healing. Would have been so messed up if I really did some damage: I broke my knuckle on my right pinky when I was in massage school so I don't have full range of motion which really stinks for my career. Who knew pinkies mattered so much!?

Thank you for the support as always Cat. And thank you Anna for coming by and saying hi, smooshed eyes and all! Just do your holiday thing. We'll all be here when it settles down. Don't worry about me right now!

Okay now for an update. I got home yesterday around noon. Disneyland was really fun. My last 2 days were MUCH easier on me after I split my AM dose into 2 parts. The only thing that messed me up was the last day coming home, Thursday. I was feeling fine after my first dose of the day @ 1mg. I was planning to take the mid-day .5mg around 9pm, but we got lost in chasing those last few rides of the night. I fell asleep in the car on the way home, and we stopped at a rest area to sleep until about 8am. Suddenly it had been 17 hours since I had taken 1mg. I took the 1.5mg left over and went to sleep for the ride home.

Friday at noon we get home, but I'm uncertain about returning to regularly scheduled programming, as I'd just finished my Thursday dose, so I just waited until I started feeling chilly and yawning to even begin my Friday rations. That was about 9pm last night, and I took 1mg.

I know this might sound confusing so I guess I just messed up my dosing schedule and inadvertently dropped down to 2mg daily. I'm still trying to adjust times to something that works better for me. As of now it's looking like 1mg at 11am, 1mg at 11pm. Maybe I'll get more sleep. We'll see how it goes.

So far I'm just a little chilly and have a case of the blahs. I just feel kind of bored and kind of like something's wrong. Not terribly wrong, but just a vague feeling that something's not quite right.

I'm taking a few days to settle down from the trip. It really did a number on my legs and feet, plus all the time in the car on the way there and back. I'll let you all know what's up.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:54 pm

Hey Mare...I hate when things get confusing. It’s difficult to maintain a set course on its own, but then things get even more stressful when there are technical difficulties. But what shines through is your commitment in the face of challenges (not my personal forte haha) and clearly you’re following your innate body compass. Hopefully not now, but in my resent past in your situation I would have double-dipped. God job dudette. You be tough.

If your pinky is still inflamed or you have pain on motion buddy tape it for a few days.

You’re amazing...keep it up.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:47 pm

Thanks SDD! I'm really trying here. I'm not really enjoying the technical stuff, but I guess it's all very necessary. I know that any setbacks or slip ups will only make things worse. I'm grateful to be able to control myself so far, and even though I'm still a long ways away I feel like I have faith in myself and my plan. I guess it's easier to believe in a plan when you stick to it, for better or for worse.

I never believed I'd be 2 years clean off everything serious (I still have a few drinks on occasion, I smoked weed for a stint but it no longer appeals to me, and of course the subs), but because I've remained strong and never wavered on this new path.. I know now what I'm capable of.

What really excites me is that I was told and I believed for the longest time what they told me in rehab and the 12 step meetings.. that I'd never be able to control myself and abstinence and constant focus on the negative power drugs hold over me are the only way to live any semblance of a normal life. Believing that made it true, but today I do have power over my choices. I don't need a book or someone with 10 years clean to tell me that heroin or crack will ruin my life, I know it. I've learned how to use alcohol in moderation, which is huge for me as I've been jailed and hospitalized for my alcohol usage many times for the past 14 years, exactly half my life! I'm grateful to have found my way out, and how to still enjoy a drink without it meaning my life is ruined and I end up dead (see: Phillip Seymour Hoffman.. I always used his story as a way to convince others that you are never "cured".. and it's true, you never are, but just because you have a glass of champagne doesn't mean you have to end up dead in less than a year after 23 years of sobriety. I know that it doesn't have to be true for me. No shade against the great PSH, it's just a story that used to scare the shit out of me.)


In other news, I've been nursing my boyfriend back to health and playing Mommy for the past day now. When we got home from Disney, we stopped at his favorite Mexican food spot before we went home. I guess after he ate half the burrito and took a nap, he ate the leftovers and mixed up the salsa he just got with salsa he had sitting in his room for a week unrefrigerated... So he got really sick.. he was projectile vomiting within 6 hours and didn't stop all night. I got him to drink water until it stopped and then some to avoid total dehydration.. he's got a fever now and won't eat and is rejecting water. He is afraid it's gonna make him sick even though it should have the opposite effect, especially since all I've tried to feed him is that Lipton noodle soup.. you know the one that comes in the packets and is basically broth and tiny noodles. Anyways, I'm gonna try again. He has to eat!

As for me, so far this drop to 2mg has been nearly imperceptible. I feel a little lazy and I was a little chilly, but I'm fine overall. Just feel like I have to stretch a lot. Maybe I'll get worse, who knows? We've just been binge watching some TV while we recover from this trip and his salsa catastrophe.

Here's what we're watching, all available on Netflix:

Drop Dead Diva: a surprisingly charming procedural lawyer//romantic comedy//fantasy show I chose to watch because it looked like some trash I wouldn't care about. A young beautiful woman in love with the man of her dreams dies in a car crash, goes to the lobby of heaven, and schemes get way back to Earth, but ends up in a huskier lawyers body. Hijinks ensue. 10/10.

Trollhunters: a surprisingly adult Netflix animated series in which a teenage boy finds a magical amulet that gives him the power to stop the bad guys... I mean.. bad trolls. I thought it sounded dumb but my best friend convinced me to watch it after a year and I'm really impressed. It's funny, it's sweet, and there's tons of action. 7/10

Ash Vs. The Evil Dead: okay I don't think I have to explain this one, but... Bruce Campbell reprises his role as Ash from the cult franchise The Evil Dead. It's 30 years after Army of Darkness and evil is back and Ash is still groovy. Lots of campy gore and adorable one-liners. It's awesome. 9/10.

What are you all watching?
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:03 pm

Dear Girl Squad (Mare, Anna, Cat, Cheeps),

If you’ve read my thread you know I am complete agreement with your perspective regarding addiction, specifically the model it’s a life-long, chronic, incurable disease. It’s certainly a life-long propensity that experience raises one’s awareness of choice. Putting your hand in fire isn’t a disease anymore than using substances is. I’m preaching to the choir, but that’s my point. It took me a lot more years than you to see this truth, you precocious savvy bitch!

Here’s my Netflix Pix:

Need to laugh, and not think? Then Kimmy Schmidt is perfect.

Like some Sci-fi with a bit of intrigue thrown in? Orphan Black. Tatiana Maslanay plays 8 different versions of her cloned self. Total blast.

Crime dramas on your menu? I have two that are so fucking good I defy you to be able NOT to bindge watch after you see the first episode: The Tunnel. It was made by both the Brits and we American’s. The US version is called The Bridge, very good. But I perfere The Tunnel. The second one, and this is a wild coincidence, also has an American version and a Brit version...Broadchurch! So good. The American version is called Grace Point. Again, I like the British version better. It’s really fun to watch the first episode of Broadchurch and then watch the first episode of Gracepoint, it’s like a study in acting, directing and filmmaking. The lead character is played by David Tennant, and he stars in both the British and American version. It’s fun to see him say the same dialogue with two different accents.

Movies: I could go on on with this but I’ll just post a couple. GET OUT! A totall slam dunk. Crosses many genres and has a fresh style. Baby Driver, also a fun ride with a fresh look and feel and great comic relief. Hell or High Water, a slick ‘do the wrong thing for the right reasons’ film.

Stay tough, Girl Squad.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:42 pm

Ha! Yes Kimmy Schmidt is amazing. Tina Fey is my favorite woman in the world. She and Tim Minchin are basically the king and queen as far as I'm concerned. I've seen all her shows and films more times than I could count. Plus, Boobs and California was my ringtone for a while.. now it's White n Nerdy by Weird Al. I like Orphan Black too but I stopped watching a while ago, can't remember why. But I'll have to check out the David Tennant one although it's always a little weird seeing the doctor, regardless of generation, in other roles. I'll try it out. And yes Get Out was awesome, such a head trip.

Boyfriend is sleeping off this salsa demon so I'm trying a new show right now.. the marvelous Mrs maisel on Amazon prime. Not sure what it's about yet but it looks really cute in all its 50s style glory so far. I'll let you know!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:09 pm

It’s funny...she stumbles into a comedy club and accidentally invents observational comedy by complaining about her life. It’s the golden age of television for sure.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:36 am

Yes! I got in about 4 episodes, really like it so far! I guess this will be my new "watch alone" show.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:18 pm

I can't believe myself. After my boyfriend got over the food poisoning, I went home and... Ate some old pot roast. I've been sick out of both ends for the past 5 hours now. I'm finally settling down, but it still feels terrible. Ugh. Ow. And now I'm home and away from BF so I don't even have him to take care of me like this. Wahhh.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:48 pm

Mare wrote:I can't believe myself. After my boyfriend got over the food poisoning, I went home and... Ate some old pot roast. I've been sick out of both ends for the past 5 hours now. I'm finally settling down, but it still feels terrible. Ugh. Ow. And now I'm home and away from BF so I don't even have him to take care of me like this. Wahhh.



I hope you've got some of that soup you were trying to cram down his throat....so that's where the artery came from.....aaaaggghg!


:sick: :sick:

Feel better soon....you poor thing! :banghead: :banghead: :ogeez:
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:24 pm

Yes lol that artery thing came back to haunt me! Ugh! I have just been doing everything for myself that I did good him.. sipping on water constantly, drinking ginger ale, making the Lipton noodle soup. I'm surprised I was able to eat so soon! I got a kombucha drink on my friends advisement, and I'm drinking that super slowly now.

Once I feel like my stomach can handle it, I'm taking some Motrin. These physical aches are insane.. not sure if it's from my reduction to 2mg or from the food poisoning, or both.. it doesn't matter, I just need to feel better!! Thanks for the love Cheeps. You've been busy on the forum tonight! You feeling better today?
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:43 am

I'm glad you're a little better sweetie. My back is still mad but I'm going to push thru the holidays. I may not get to go anywhere for Xmas....was going to my grandsons house but I might have to stay horizontal.

If you have Tylenol, that would be better.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Wed Dec 20, 2017 6:24 pm

Hopefully it lightens up before the big day is here. Just keep taking care of you.

No Tylenol, but the Motrin really helped. I was having some crazy aches, I was howling and my hips were all out of alignment from sitting in bed all day. Today I feel at 80% which is great. Didn't expect to recover so quickly, I think the soup and the kombucha really helped. I'm drinking another today to try to help boost my digestive immunity.

Gotta work today, usually I start at 3pm but I guess we are open late during the week approaching Christmas so I actually am scheduled 4pm to 12:30AM. Yuck. And I didn't know so I'm just sitting here waiting for my shift to start.. I could have been watching episode 4 of Broadchurch! Damn you SDD! I wanted to dislike it because I'm not keen on British television.. wtf I don't talk like that.. it must be this British TV, innit... Hey sidenote.. im wondering if anyone out there has ever picked up an accent? I feel like I'm super prone to it. I have picked up accents and ways of speech from TV more than once. Is that weird? I blame Penny Dreadful and Hell on Wheels for me sounding my most ridiculous. But also I'm super fascinated by accents. It's all about tongue placement and mouth tension. Weird stuff. Pretty neat. I wanted to be a linguist when I was a kid. I can't roll Rs though. I blame my overbite and small mouth.

Glad I got all that out. Wtf?
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Thu Dec 21, 2017 9:12 am

Are you gay for pizza? This video may be for you. Okay I lied, it's not for anyone but it's ridiculous and I can't get enough of this weirdo. So ridiculous. No url without the dot, so sharing as a link.

Warning: hugely cringe worthy content ahead.




"We're alone so it won't be rude
If you want to play with your food
Cheese and pepperoni all over me
I could even be your boyfriend.. well, potentially"


........


Feeling better but had a rough time at work today getting over my food poisoning. I've always been someone with a lead belly.. I can't remember the last time I vomited from something that wasn't drug related.

I feel like I learned a lot:
Don't reheat food that is more than a couple days old, even if it smells fine and has been refrigerated. If you wake up bloated and gassy, beware. Rehydrate slowly and constantly, you lose a lot of water with vomiting and diarrhea, don't chug though. Personally, I try to drink enough to flush it all out in vomit in the beginning... Dry heaving is no fun, avoid by drinking enough water to give even the tiniest bit of bile a getaway car. Eat something light and easy ASAP, I went with noodle soup, and ate slowly. You need nutrients. I started eating when I stopped running to the bathroom, even though I was scared. Keep drinking fluids: water, ginger ale, and kombucha. Avoid acidic food and drink to minimize harm done to the esophagus. Take a OTC painkiller like Tylenol or Motrin for any aches. If you have a fever, sleep it off. Take a second day of rest if possible. I had work today, which I felt okay with going into but it was really difficult as the day wore on.

Sorry for rambling, I have been getting spotty sleep since this started and although my symptoms have diminished, I still have diarrhea (of the mouth).
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 21, 2017 10:27 am

Excellent advice on gut issues Dr Mare!!


Not sure I can eat pizza now....something about that lipstick...eww.


And mare....if you copy the link from the address bar and not the share button, sometimes that pesky period doesn't show up.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Fri Dec 22, 2017 12:04 am

I don't think I can get it to work cause I don't have a computer :puppy-dog: all my links come out in mobile format and if I go to desktop format on chrome it just switches over to the app
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