I will succeed!

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: I will succeed!

Postby cheeps » Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:31 pm

SmottleB wrote:Little update. All is not bad still. I had a solid day at work. Ate good. Slept decent last night. Not bad. Pretty fucking good actually. Fucking Great! Ok well there is some mild anxiety that doesn’t seem to go away for long. But it does go away. Staying busy definitely helps, if not earbuds with whatever sounds good helps. I still can’t believe it!! I want to scream it!!! Crazy part is nobody knows ( besides the wife and a few friends). I’m probably just a little nicer, and better at everything. Much more witty also. I wonder what other people really think? Most people probably nothing. It doesn’t matter. I just wonder.



Well, I can tell you are raising hell....remember this mental feeling....it may change or come and go or go for a little while....you may be just fine. You got so low and you weren't on for years....this is the way you will feel consistently one day. Treasure it and remember it if crappy thoughts come in.

Get a ten pound green bean can....put a few small rocks in it, tape it up and go play kick the can in the alley. The rocks are the sub you have conquered. Kick that motherfucker and laugh.... :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :lol: 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby SmottleB » Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:09 pm

Haha will do. It does come and go. And it’s gone more than it comes. But I don’t NEED sub anymore. That is a relief in itself. I had only gotten 5 hours of sleep last night 10-3. That wasn’t so fun. But when I thought about it. 5 hours is not that bad. I’ll count my blessings. Had another productive day at work. That’s good. Weather has been gloomy. Kinda like my mood most of the time right now. I’m good for spurts, but then I have to pull the ‘I’m tired’ card. It’s laughable, because it’s usually warranted. I haven’t had to use that card in a while to avoid something normal. I have to keep watching the diet. My issues last night could be totally diet related. 4 days clean and not a lot of bad to report. I hope this continues.

Smots
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby SmottleB » Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:37 am

The Damn Saints really know how to blow it! That was an emotional roller coaster. I don’t want to go to work because I know someone’s gonna say something. WTF!! Seriously though!!! WTF!! I have been unable to think since last night. I just can’t fucking believe it! WTF!

Anyway besides that, life is ok. On night 4 I took 2mg Xanax. Craving good sleep and a break from the anxiety. It did not help much. Nothing day 5. Then yesterday, day 6 I took .5 mg Xanax midday, and .5 mg before bed. For me that helped much more. I won’t be taking any more I don’t think.( the wife is dispensing them so having to go to her helps keep me from them) I really waited as long as I could and didn’t try to do too much by taking more. I have no real terrible symptoms to complain of just kinda blah most of the time. I want that good energy back. I hope it comes back quicker rather than later. Gotta go to work now. I hope everyone is having a great day! Fucking Saints.
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:51 pm

Yep....that was one hell of a game. These games are better than the rest will be.....too many turnovers for them. I do like the saints and I just don't know how they lost that one...well, the turnovers but they have such a good team! I believe next year will be areal good one. Coby fleenER needs to retire though.
10 yrs on methadone
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More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:59 pm

Oh...I meant to say that sometimes benzos don't really help for shit during sub detox. It could be that for me, a comfort med needs to all or nothing. Benzos never helped my RLS and that was always my worst post detox issue.

Smots....this is where your patience with your progress begins. This next phase is a sorta :wtf: :wtf: stage. Be gentle with yourself, all the shit that was automatic...now is not. Are you having to Tell yourself what to do? Some emeoryissues may happens and watch out for the smooched eyeball effect. Do you currently wear specs?
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
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2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby SmottleB » Tue Jan 16, 2018 7:12 am

Ok cheeps you’re right again. I found that so many things(during sub taper), benzos, alcohol, pain meds, and more I’m sure, all exacerbate sub WD related symptoms, some symptoms may subside momentarily, some actually get worse, And it makes the sub WD that much worse when it starts back. Even Imodium during my taper, did that, it helped but when the sub WD start, they come on more intense. At least it felt that way. Until I jumped. However much has not changed, something has. I feel MJ more, I did take Imodium one night for RLS post jump, it helped, symptoms were not exacerbated in the morning. Including constipation which, during sub taper, was an issue. The most I have ever taken in a day is 6mg loperamide.

No specs here. But I saw twice as many stars as everyone I knew for while though. There was 1 or 2 times the last week where I thought I was gonna be seeing double for a while but it went away quick. Memory issues have plaguing me for a while now and so far I can say that it is definitely 100x better than before the taper. I think it will continue to get better even. Do I find my self telling my self what to do? Kinda and I fell like I have to tell myself what not to do also. At every stage of this I have just wanted with all my heart for this to be over. It’s almost over. All of it.

Smots
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:20 am

Hey Smots...Some unexpected and of course unwanted insomnia tonight allowed me to re-read your thread and it’s just wat I needed. You have a bit more youth on your side but it was clearly desire that drove you to what is now 8 days of freedom. It really did invigorate me to go over your thread again.

I’ve been active on SubSux since 10/16 and lots of people have come and gone, they post declarations and profess commitment, make 1 or 2 more posts and disappear forever. You just came, saw, and kicked ass. I think I’ve seen kind of a success cluster recently, of which you are most definitely club president.

I may be pushing the end a little too fast but I have to end this. I am finally below .25 mg. I just read where back in November on this thread I wrote to you how I always saw .25 mg as the holy grail point of tapering. Even though it took me 3 months to get here it felt good to read that becasue I clearly remember how far away it seemed when I wrote it. It funny where you find slices of hope and positivity.

You also helped me as one of the people that encouraged me to split my dosing. And it saved me. Or at least I suffered less. That also means a lot.

I’m so glad you’re doing well. It’s a gift. It’s a hard won gift you’ve given yourself.

Leave the runway lights on for me, I’ll see you in the hanger real soon. Ironic metaphor since I had to surrender my license due to ‘excessive use of opiates and ORT’. Have to be off sub for two uninterrupted years to get it back. Yet another thing I loved lost to subs, and to be fair what led me to it.

Didn’t mean to go negitive on you there. Despite the insomnia I’m not doing too badly. To quote you: Diet, diet, diet. You had that one right too! Biggest factor to feeling well there is and the only thing we’re in 100% control of. That light, clean feeling in your guts when you eat right makes even the heavy legs feeling of detox more tolerable.

Keep on rocking...
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby SmottleB » Wed Jan 17, 2018 11:43 am

Subjumpa told me that I’ll know when I was ready. And crazy enough it was exactly like that. I am still amazed. It was a very long process. I had put in a little work before I started a thread. I believe it was coming here that enabled me, with the help of you and everyone else, to get over the hump. EVERYONES input here speaks volumes. I have taken valuable information from everyone here. Re-reading my own thread has allowed me to see patterns, whether it be positive or negative.

Don p said when I had first started my thread, at .25mg. He said you’ve come a long way but there is more work to be done. He was so right. I failed a jump from .25 mg before. I wasn’t gonna do it again. Just a little more work.
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:14 pm

Hero.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby cheeps » Wed Jan 17, 2018 3:57 pm

That light, clean feeling in your guts when you eat right makes even the heavy legs feeling of detox more tolerable.


SVDD...this feeling I've had after dumping meat has really helped me. Now...I admit to having some over the past month but my guts are so much happier taper or no taper. But...I was really bad the other day :shifty: :shifty: I ate an enormous amount of peanut butter cookies. About equal to 8mgs of benzo....talk about a serotonin dump :shh: :banghead:

Smots....you are definitely on "the other Side" now....a very sweet wonderful proud place to be. Keep talking to yourself. Keep learning about your inner self and accept it all. Be the person you want to be now. :cheers: 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: I will succeed!

Postby cheeps » Wed Jan 17, 2018 3:58 pm

Subverted DietDoc wrote:Hero.


I will succeed...he said it. He's living it.
8-)
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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