Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby cheeps » Mon Nov 20, 2017 2:16 pm

Thanks for the kind words but I'm not the best. The best is inn all of us working together and supporting whatever happens.

Who knows.....next week could have you stabilized. Just don't fear the anxiety and depression...it IS temporary and it's just your brain chemicals being pissy....it is not the real YOU. You will not be this way forever. It is a mindfuck that comes with taper....stay steady then and remember that you do have control and it will get BETTER.

Having the house guest during this time is a huge stressor...no wonder you are having panic issues. I didn't know that.

Wait to drop...there is no hurry.
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:25 pm

Got it. And I understand. We are a team here & tag you were it today. :lol:

Don't get me wrong about my bestie that's at my home right now. I love that woman to death. She's been my best friend for a very long time. It's just been really hard after the hurricane. I should tell her what's going on, but she's 79 & might not understand this very hard to understand medication. :crazy:

Regarding the depression, because I'm Bipolar I've been very depressed along the way in my lifetime. It's dangerous for me to be that depressed. But after reading many responses today from everyone, I'm feeling a bit better. Plus, I've got my mind on work so that does help.

I've already cut my meds for this week, so I'll just stay at 3.5 for now. Thanks!
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:22 pm

Hey Cat. First i want to say that I am sorry that I didn't check your thread sooner. I've been a bit down myself. I too am Bi-polar like my mother before me. I get really badly depressed, to the point that just going to the bathroom takes a huge effort. I get it. Subs has made it worse and the taper at times makes it even worse. Its a tough gig. But you are strong. I know this as well as I know my own name, Gertrude. haha. Just a little levity to maybe put a smile on your face. Please know that I am here and I am thinking of you. I've been a bit self absorbed of late, and I'm sorry for that. The addict in me still lives, she's just not raging which is good.

Please feel free to PM me any time if you just want to vent. Venting is good for you, so do it. I need to know that you're ok. We can be ok, we just need to push through. I think Cheeps and S4S have given you some very good information and that you are going to put it to good use. You are strong, smart, kind, caring, compassionate and just an all around good woman. You know one thing I'm finding out?? That the people that care about us are much more understanding than we give them credit for. Your guest is your friend. I think we need all the friends and support we can get during this time. Just saying'. I was so scared to tell people about the Subs/taper, but I've told just about everyone who matters now, and they have all offered amazing support. I didn't trust them to do that, and that was on me. I know you'll do whats best for you. Either way you've got me in your corner and some other truly exceptional folks here. You're going to make it through. Don't doubt it, I don't. Am I rambling again?? So it would seem. Just sending you my love my friend. XOXO

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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:51 am

Thanks for your kind & caring response Anna. We have so much in common its rather uncanny. I got some really good information that's for sure. I was running scared due to not adjusting to my .25 dose drop for 3 weeks! The depression got serious.

I worked Monday, but that's it for the week. I did chores & went to the grocery store yesterday & I think I'm getting really close to homeostasis. The depression has lifted. Not being chained to a desk did wonders for me yesterday. I actually moved around & that helped more than anything yet. I've got to get an exercise routine. I know its critical to this process.

I desperately need to tell my best friend & my sister. I bowed out of Thanksgiving with my sister & nephew & they're pissed royally. Won't even speak to me at this point. I can't help it. Fuck 'em. I've got to take care of myself right now. I love them, but my sub taper is more important. Basically the only things I have in my life are work & sub taper.

It would be so much easier without the work part. Very stressful job I have. Can't do anything about that. Just have to hang on.

Stay strong my friend.
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 23, 2017 12:16 am

Just tell them you have a really bad, possibly contagious, stomach bug. I flies. I know because last Thanksgiving I had a really bad stomach bug and i threw up for 4 days. I went to Thanksgiving but could not eat a bite as that was day 2.5. They will be glad you are not coming as long as you tell them you are suffering, and possibly spreading the plague. I know how fucked up that is. You can use excuses. Don't be so honest. People prefer a good story to the truth sometimes.

I'm not in the best place, so I'll leave it at that.

But I will say that just being on the forum has helped me to process my own feelings which have been churning. I've put them to the page, and though they may seem self indulgent, its what i needed to do to calm down. If you're wondering, just go to my thread. If you'e not cuz you're dealing with your own shit, thats fine too. I'm not needy today. Don't need validation, just needed to put my thoughts down.

Cat, you are doing so well, I'm a bit envious of you. You won't understand why i say that, but its true. You, my dear, are someone I aspire to be.

Try to relax tomorrow. Don't lift a finger for work, enjoy your quiet time. Your sister and nephew will be ok. Its all about you right now. They can never know the heroic thing you're doing, the monster you're slaying. One day, when they remind you of this Thanksgiving, you will tell them. And, though they will never be able to comprehend the enormity of your accomplishment, they will forgive, and you will share turkey together. Believe!!!!

Rock on Cat!!!

Love you girl. We are together.

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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:02 am

My Anna Banana thanks for the kind words. I believe that I have finally reached homeostasis. I'm feeling strong & happy again. My family has finally reached out to me & I feel so much better about that. I'm going to hang at 3.5 for a bit. I need a break from tapering for just a little while. As much as I want off this stuff, I also want some time to be okay.

I know you're hosting Thanksgiving & I'm so proud of you for stepping up to the plate & getting that done. My bestie is helping me with that today. Should be a fun filled day with good food & football! I'm just so glad the depression has lifted & my body is happy again. Time off from the stresses of work has done wonders for me.

I want to tell my family what's going on, but it needs to be done in person. I want & need their support. That day will come I hope.

I'm sorry you're "not in the best place" today. Hang on Anna because you know that this too shall pass. You're doing so great & will be free from Subs. It will be here before you know it.

Happy Thanksgiving my dear!
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:27 am

Heh Cat,
Glad to see your feeling a bit better and the depression has lifted. Thanks again for all the kind words on my thread it means more than you. I think your doing the right thing by taking the time you need for yourself right now..I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!!

Best T
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:48 am

Yes Tim, I have reached homeostasis at 3.5! No more depression, no more back aches, just blissful peace. The help I have received here has meant the world to me. I believe that the next time this happens I will be better equipped to deal with it. So onward we go.

I'm following you closely. I see success in your future. It's going to be great one day. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're going to help so many with your experiences. That's got to be a good feeling.

Happy Thanksgiving to you to dear.
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Mare » Thu Nov 23, 2017 5:21 pm

Cat!!

I finally had some time this morning, so I went on a walk and read your whole thread! What a journey. At first when you mentioned your taper rate on my thread I thought it sounded too slow but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I've only made it down to 4mg in 2 steps but I don't really want to start dealing with the WDs compounding and hitting me all at once. We'll just have to wait and see what happens for me.

I think it's really cool that through this time you have been such a great support, not just to us here but to those in need around you. Your friend who lost their home needs you and you aren't letting your taper stand in the way of doing the right thing. You even are staying on top of work it sounds like. I haven't been able to be much support to anyone lately. I keep getting mad at my best friend for whining about his girlfriend/ex, and my boyfriend for whining about his withdrawals from Norco (he takes them in Disneyland for pain when we go and last time he just kept taking them for like 3 months!). I keep denying it, but I feel like I'm so focused on myself I don't have time for anyone else's shit right now and it sucks.

I'm glad to hear you've stabilized at 3.5 and have gotten out of your depression. It's a rough and lonely process, but I'm proud of you for sticking with it.

Happy Thanksgiving
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 23, 2017 10:57 pm

Hey Cat

Just dropping by to say I hope you had a lovely day today. You sound so much better. I'm glad. Go you!!!

Its been a long couple of days so I'm going to veg out now. I'm a bit surprised that i managed everything, but i did. Go me!!!

Happy Thanksgiving my good friend.

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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby cheeps » Fri Nov 24, 2017 10:35 am

Ms kitty....you are so good. I'm so fucking glad you have some time off....being burnt out on a stressful job is the damn pits. When I took the time off last weekend for my sons wedding shower, while it wa stressful to do....it was great to be away from the job. I love working...but I love staying at home puttering too. When you don't get to putter, when you feel guilty for puttering, or if you happily putter.....there's always work to bring you back to a fucked up reality. It's weird how much we need the distraction of work....yet we hate it sometimes.

Do you have a good job? One you like most days?
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Nov 24, 2017 11:51 am

@Mare I'm so glad you read about my plight. I bet you now understand why I can only drop by .25 & it takes me 4 to 6 weeks to stabilize. Slow & steady wins this race. Oh wait, its not a race... its a process. :banghead:

Sometimes during this process you must think of yourself only to survive. When I'm in the middle of a taper I bitch & moan to the hubs & bless his heart he just wants to fix it now. But that's not possible. I completely understand that you can't deal with other's problems right now. Your sub taper will become your life. That may sound harsh, but for me its all too true. :gaah:

Do they know about your sub taper? Only my hubs knows so it is a lonely process. I do my best to not dump on him too much. I'll need him down the road even more. I've done several mental dumps here. My buds came to my rescue with the best advice. They've saved me more than once & I love them for it.

You'll get that support here too. How are you feeling today? Just keep dosing at 4 mg's & you will adjust & you'll feel great. Oh & let me warn you, if you think for 1 minute that just a little "extra" will make you feel better, you'll be wrong. It's called "spiking" & it will make you feel worse & set back your taper. So please try very hard not to do that! :nono:

I'm hoping that you adjust very very soon to the 4 mg. I want your vacation to be symptom free. We all need a break from work & daily stresses & your vacation will be that for you. But I want you to be totally well at 4 mg.

So stay the course Mare. You can adjust to 4 mg.
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:19 pm

I knew you could do it Anna! I hope that you actually had some fun too. Have a nice day just vegging out. You deserve it my friend. :cheers:

My family was actually very nice to me yesterday & for that I'm so thankful. I need things to be right with them (or even just okay). Can't deal with family drama. My Thanksgiving was pretty good. Still dealing with a few issues with my mouth, but I've taken all the great advice given here & today I actually think its better! Yay! :clap:

As of Wednesday I've started my Meow Method slow ascent to 3.25. It's Saturday so 3 days out & no problems so far. I will dose 3.25 for 2 days per week next week. I'm ready for the next drop. I'm like you, I've just got to keep moving forward no matter how slow it is. It's progress! :)

Enjoy you're day my friend!
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:50 pm

@cheeps how wonderful that you attended your son's wedding shower. When's the wedding? Do you like the to-be wifey? Sure hope so. I also find that pushing myself to do something that I like to do helps mentally. Its hard sometimes but its a step back to normalcy. When on opy's I dreaded such events like the plague. Its still hard now, but in a different way.

As far as my job goes, the hubs & I own a small engineering firm. I like the financial side, but not really the job accounting part or the fact that I have to answer those FUCKING phones. One day we're going to move the business into our home & just work when we feel like it. I wish that day was now! I could kick subs in the FUCKING ass at a faster pace than I can tolerate now.

I've started another slow taper down to 3.25. Maybe this drop won't be as difficult as the last. :shrug: I do think I'm better equipped to handle it now after that last disaster. :banghead:

I'm so determined to get off subs no matter how slow it is. Others have done it & so will I. Like you, once I'm off these FUCKING SUBS I'll never touch this shit again. You can take that to the bank!
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Mare » Fri Nov 24, 2017 5:15 pm

[quote="CatsMeow"Do they know about your sub taper? Only my hubs knows so it is a lonely process. I do my best to not dump on him too much. I'll need him down the road even more. I've done several mental dumps here. My buds came to my rescue with the best advice. They've saved me more than once & I love them for it.

You'll get that support here too. How are you feeling today? Just keep dosing at 4 mg's & you will adjust & you'll feel great. Oh & let me warn you, if you think for 1 minute that just a little "extra" will make you feel better, you'll be wrong. It's called "spiking" & it will make you feel worse & set back your taper. So please try very hard not to do that! :nono: [/quote]

Cat-

Yeah, I mean almost everybody in my life knows about my history with addiction and my current taper. Most of my friends are from my rave days or from my 12 step days or rehab.. I even told my boss at work so she would go easy on me when I'm feeling sluggish and she was really happy that I was willing to share something so personal with her. She's kind of known for being a bitch so she gets all giddy whenever anyone trusts her enough to open up.

It's getting easier with my boyfriend to find some support there now that he's through the thick of his Norco detox. He's there for me when I don't wanna move and need him to bring me some water in bed.. or need to move and he let's me be.

Yesterday morning I got confused and accidentally took the entire 4mgs in the morning.. I started nodding out and thought I was adjusting to the new dose... When 12 hours passed I realized it and was pretty frustrated because the chills had already set in. I survived it without spiking, but this morning I have some pain in my upper back in the ribs that has been stewing there for a few days now. Other than that, I feel okay.. no temperature issues which is nice and I'm starving which is better than no appetite! Gonna have to set up a liquid taper so I can't keep messing up. I set some alarms on my phone for every 12 hours so I can't forget anymore.

Good luck on your next step down. You seem to have a good process worked out for yourself. I'm happy that you had a good Thanksgiving and your family is being nice. Glad you got a little break from work too. Everyone needs it, there's so much pressure around the holidays with our personal lifes and even our professional lifes. Wish I could be more patient about this whole thing.


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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Nov 24, 2017 6:05 pm

Hey Mare. I think it might be a little too early to start thinking about a liquid taper. I believe that that type of taper comes in around 1 mg or so. I think you need to stick with the strips until then. I think you will lose too much of the liquid at such a high dose of 4 mg.

I bought 2, 1 week pill holders. One for my morning dose & one for the 2nd dose. I cut the films a week in advance & document it in a journal. That way I always know exactly what I've taken for the day & the week. Maybe this would help you too!

I'm sure you realize how important it is for you right now to get the full bio availability of your 4 mg's. You're still not adjusted yet. I'm hearing too many WD symptoms from you right now.

I know you're anxious to get off this stuff. So am I. We all are! Just take it 1 day at a time. One drop at a time. Obtain homeostasis in your body & mind. Then evaluate when you're ready to drop your dose again.

You're lucky to have so much support. You're going to do great I just know it! You seem like a real go getter. Goals are great, but sometimes the sub has a different idea so you'll need to be flexible & patient too.
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Mare » Sat Nov 25, 2017 8:45 am

Cat

Thanks for the tip, but can you elaborate on "losing the liquid"? Not sure what that means. Maybe I ought to read more on the process.

I have 8mg strips so it would be difficult to accurately cut doses at a slower pace. 1mg is 1/8 strip, so to get say a 3.5mg dose would be tricky and probably pretty inaccurate. I'd have to start cutting down 1/16 to even taper by the half milligram, and forget about bumping down by .25! Can't get my hands on 2mg strips because of an impending insurance issue (I will lose my script in January so I have to play cool with my doctor so I have as big a stash as possible when I get my last script)..

Against everything I said earlier today, I somehow concluded tonight that I was fine and went down to 3mg. I'll probably regret it tomorrow but hey it's a process (as in my brain is bein stupid :ogeez: ) Maybe I'll see if I can cut one of those 8ths into a 16th and see if I'm confident with that. Just worried about inaccurate measurements and resultant suffering!

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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Nov 25, 2017 5:04 pm

The strips attach to your mouth & slowly are absorbed. Only a certain percentage of that 4 mg's is getting absorbed. That's called bio availability. If you tried to drop 4 mg's of liquid into your mouth, it might just get caught up in your saliva & get swallowed instead of absorbed. Does that make sense? Others here can help you with the liquid taper much better than I.

Do you feel that you adjusted very well to 4 mg's? Are all withdrawal symptoms gone? I'm assuming that happened & that's why you dropped your dose to 3 mg's. Best of luck with that.
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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby Mare » Sat Nov 25, 2017 8:13 pm

Gotcha. Makes sense. I was feeling good yesterday at 4 finally so yeah, we'll see how this drop goes. Not all WD symptoms gone but frankly I've had most of these symptoms the past year intermittently so I never expect to not have sporadic chills and aches. Just something I've always had even at 8mg.

Hope your taper to 3.5 is going well. But I guess it's too soon to say with the gradual steps down. Hope your day is going well Cat.

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Re: Am I Tapering TOO Slow?

Postby CatsMeow » Sun Nov 26, 2017 11:19 am

Having sporadic chills & aches at 8 mg's is something I've never heard of before. At that level your receptors should be fully saturated, but of course everyone is different. I'm sorry that's the case for you. That must be really hard. I know I would have a very hard time with that.

Yes, I have begun another Meow Method taper down to 3.25. Took 1 dose of that last week & will take 2 doses of it this week. I read the conversation between you & cheeps regarding my tapering method. I had no idea that I was so different. I just thought this was a way to mitigate any quick drops with the subsequent wd symptoms. It's worked pretty well for me, but from what you guys said it is certainly not for everyone.

I do keep a detailed journal so that I'm armed with information from the day I started subs. I don't know if this will help me, but I guess it couldn't hurt.

Hope you are feeling well today!
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