getting of sub fast

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: getting of sub fast

Postby les601 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:59 pm

Yeah, the higher the dose the weirder I act. Every morning when I dose I sneeze like when one is going through heroin WD's. However, overall, my mood and physical condition seems to be better at a higher dose. I suspect I simply tried to do things too fast (typical). My physical condition and age are so different from the last time I did this. I probably should have taken eight for a month or so and gone down from there. The shrink said because my heroin use was so high and since I used for so long that my tolerance was incredibly high. Im not sure I agree with her logic but there is no question that starting at two was not sufficient. My reasoning was since I was on nothing at all for four solid days that my tolerance would be so low that ANYTHING would be sufficient. Two mgs worked for about 12 hours. It has only been 77 days without illegal drugs and obviously Ive been expecting too much of myself. There is a lot of shame and self-hatred that comes with taking this stuff. The shrink made me feel worse. She said I was the worst drug addict use wise she had ever met, that I was the outlier of the outlier and that I was weird. Thus, she made me feel worse about myself, made me feel more isolated and more hopeless. Not sure what she was thinking but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I counted all my pills and strips last night and I have 85 8mg doses left. Yesterday I took 6mgs and felt ok. Today Ive taken about half a pill though it was a clean break so probably a little more than 4mgs. Im waiting to get an MRI on my right side to see if there is the same nerve damage issue there was on my left side that required surgery and led to relapse. I am overwhelmed by my physical problems. Very depressing. Also very depressing is the higher the dose I take, the better I feel.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby cheeps » Tue Dec 26, 2017 6:49 pm

So.....she did refuse to give you more Sub? Les, what do you think is a realistic avenue for you? Do you feel that you need to stay on maintenance if you can?

Of course you want off....but what is the best way for you to get there and...What is the best case scenario to get stable so that you can plan and act instead of react to a shitty situation?
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Dec 26, 2017 7:40 pm

Dearest Les, I wish there was something that I could say to just fix this! But of course, there isn't. You're in a tough situation that's for sure. I'm sorry that your Dr. did such a head trip on you. :gaah: What a douche bag. You did not deserve the mental fuck that she threw out there to you! Of this, I am certain.

I do believe that you will find an answer. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad on so many levels, but I must believe that there is hope. I'm hoping that you will find a stable position on subs. Then get a comfortable taper schedule. Then hang in there with the rest of us on that taper schedule.

We have quite the group currently tapering. Glad you're here to join us. I personally believe that we will all survive this sub taper and stay off the drugs that got us here.

Sending blessings your way.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby les601 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 9:20 pm

She wanted to increase my dose to 24mgs/day. I said no fucking way. Then she said "our program isn't for everyone..." I was not wanted there. Their basic dime store philosophy bullshit doesn't fly with me. They really didn't like that I went to Costa Rica and came back without relapsing. They, as is the case with most drug programs, don't like people who ask questions. Such is life. I'm relatively comfortable in AA except for the suboxone thing. I have no problem being on it and counting days but too many people in AA would and do have a problem with it. I feel ok today on this higher dose again. I think I should stay at this level, say 5 or 6 mgs/day for a month or two. I have too many physical issue to try and tough out a sub taper simultaneously. If I do in fact need that surgery for nerve damage again I have no idea what I will do-- cross that bridge when I come to it-- though before the last surgery (and I just knew I was going to need surgery) I was forced to try every other CHEAPER alternative beforehand. It was a serious waste of time, resources and taxpayers money. Can't say enough bad things about our healthcare system. Just getting an MRI is a fucking headache. This is why I am going back to Costa Rica next month to get major dental work done. I have a patron saint who is providing financial assistance to my broke self though it is highly inconsistent and i have no idea how long it will last. I have to say, I feel pretty decent right now--9:20pm. I took my dose around 11am this morning. Usually by now I feel like shit. I have a super fast metabolism. Thank you all for the words of wisdom, support and kindness.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby cheeps » Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:49 am

I m encouraged by your words and believe you can stabilize at this dose. You have many pain management issues the overcome....you are being proactive about it.....even if you feel you are in a shit storm. I think if you can do what you said...cross bridges when they come...you'll be somewhat content with yourself until you can really do something about the sub.

Yes...one damn thing at the time man.

I'm very interested to hear about Costa Rica's dentistry. Like you and many of us...my mouth is a mess too. :banghead:
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:16 am

I agree with you staying on 5 to 6 mg's until your stabilized. You're going to have to address your pain issues. You're in a complicated situation that's for sure. I agree with cheeps, one thing at a time. I also deal with nerve damage pain. I've already had another surgery to try to fix it & it failed. I'm out of options. I hope that you aren't & can find & fix the problem.

Then you can get back to the sub issue. Hope you're feeling okay today!
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:09 am

How you doing Les? Still feeling comfortable on your current dose?
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby MollyWheezy » Thu Feb 08, 2018 11:20 am

Hello,

Could not login for some reason for quite some time no idea what happened. Anyway, as usual, not in a good place. Culminated in a full on relapse two nights ago. Feel horrible. just took about 2.5mg of a sub pill about half hour ago. Feel ok so far. Apparently when I drink gin I end up in bad places. Did make it to Costa Rica and got eight crowns. At least I look semi-human now. Feeling pretty hopeless must admit.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby cheeps » Thu Feb 08, 2018 11:55 am

Awwww les, shit happens, you know what your triggers are and you really need to try and stay away from them. How were you doing before that?

I'm going to send you a private message so check your messages at some point.

What are eight crowns?
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby MollyWheezy » Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:58 pm

eight teeth. yeah seem to have many triggers but women are the biggest. can't believe I stuck a needle in my arm again. embarrassing. very tired. very weak. hard dealing with shit when it comes from every direction at once.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 09, 2018 11:21 am

Les, I hope today is better than yesterday. When you get down on yourself, go look in the mirror and smile, enjoy those new teeth.
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Feb 09, 2018 2:45 pm

Les, glad you came back. Okay, so you had a relapse. It happens. You won't find any judgement here! We're all here to help each other.

I'm sorry that shit is coming at you from every direction. Life just goes that way sometimes. But it's not fun. I hope that you can get on a dose of sub that will get you going in the right direction. Not up, not down, just stable. Give those kitty cats a big 'ole hug from Cat. Keep them close. They will help you. They need you & you need them. Got 5 myself & I love those buggers.

Take care. Oh and glad you got your new teeth. That must make you feel better.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby MollyWheezy » Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:17 pm

Thank you. I am now doing to mg strips 2X/day. Other things i.e. alcohol and benzos are becoming an issue as well as the company I keep. But feeling better physically-- gaining weight, exercising, enjoying my new tooth. If only I could go to Costa Rica to get a new brain...
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Feb 16, 2018 10:03 am

So glad you found a dose that you're comfortable on. That's the first step my friend. Well you certainly know what your triggers are... now you've got to learn to stay away from them. It's hard, but so worth it.

Good for you getting good exercise and enjoying your new teeth. That should lift your spirits.

Glad you've been able to keep your sense of humor. Please pass along that phone number of the brain store in Costa Rica. I happen to be in the market for a new brain too! :roll:
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 16, 2018 12:10 pm

So you are on four mgs daily?

If you can stabilize there for a couple weeks.....You might be able to get down to 2 mg daily. But get stable first.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby MollyWheezy » Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:01 am

It is odd-- sometimes the two mg strips don't seem top be cutting it, like right at this moment. Took one about an hour ago and still don't feel right. The new shrink I got this script from wants me to take 2 two mg strips a day which I have been doing for four or five days. Maybe not long enough to stabilize. She also said it can take up to three days to notice a change in dose which no one ever told me before. Been taking a very small dose of Xanax to sleep along with a few gin and tonics and sometimes one toke of weed. I don't like any of it (well maybe I like the gin), but it reduces my anxiety SO much and I sleep. No longer doing AA meetings. Have no support system which kind of makes me a ticking time bomb. Been going to the gym which helps but isn't enough in itself. February in NYC sucks even though it has been warmer than usual. Lacking structure, purpose, routine. I know all too well that recovery is not about getting off the substance as much as it is being honest with oneself and others and finding as way to integrate myself into society. Always been an outsider. Really difficult to get adequate medical/mental treatment with shitty health insurance and no money or job. My landlady's cat has kidney disease and needs an IV infusion every other day. Very stressful because I have to do it. My two cats just turned 15. I can't even take care of myself right now. All I have done the last three days is go to the gym, eat vast quantities of food and then inebriate myself so I can sleep. Could be worse but will be worse if I don't do something soon. An unhealthy relationship is at the core of everything. I know it but can't seem to end it or effectively change it. Self destructive behavior is hard to change after 48 years. I'm emotionally exhausted.
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby cheeps » Sun Feb 18, 2018 3:34 pm

No family to speak of? City life sounds awaful. :MrT:
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Re: getting of sub fast

Postby nomojo3479 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 7:54 am

It sound like ur experiencing withdrawal.. u should begin to see some stabilization and relief of symptoms in 4-5 days.. hang in there
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