My liquid taper

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Sat Nov 04, 2017 2:33 am

Annalo57 wrote:I'm a little excited because my beloved NY Rangers just created a win streak. A 2 game winning streak. FUCK YEAH!!!!! LETS GO RANGERS!!!!! How freakin' pathetic is that??? But I'll take it.

Lets Go SubSux taperers!!! We can WIN!!!!! LETS GO WEANERS!!!!!! Hahahahahaha


NY RANGERS ALL DAY. That win against Tampa was big but it's not looking good this year. Just know the end of the taper is the hardest part. Push when you can, stop when you can't. Simple as that. Your body will tell you everything you need to know at this point. That real smile is on it's way.
Sub4Sevenyrs
 
Posts: 153
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 11:31 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Nov 04, 2017 12:53 pm

Annalo57 wrote:Cat, I met my husband in 1984. I was a 26 year old kid. He was and is 19 years older than me. We got married in City Hall in 1989 when my son was almost a year old. so we've been together 34 years. It has been quite a journey. through Heroin addiction and back again and back again and onto Subs. I think he's been pretty cool considering some of the shit I've done. Not gonna complain. I'm very lucky that he still stands by me. I've not been wife of the year, ever.

Lot of water under that fucking bridge.

There may be hope for my Rangers yet. We'll see.

going to try to sleep now. Wish me luck.

Anna :banana:


So Anna, there's another thing we both have in common. Being married for 30+ years. I assume that he's retired at this point? We're both still working ourselves to death at our business. He's very stressed out. He's an engineer & it's a really hard & specialized job that he does. I do all the rest. I was just the financial person, but for the last 5.5 years I've done everything else at the office too. So we're both under a lot of stress at work. This isn't going to bode well for me at the end & jump. I'm going to worry about that later. Cheeps always says "don't lean forward".

Sorry I got off on that part of my story on your Thread. I just hope that neither of you are having to work at this point. I'm just so glad that he's stuck by you & is so supportive. Sounds like there's a lot of love there. How wonderful.

Hope you're having a great day!
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Sat Nov 04, 2017 4:49 pm

Sub4Sevenyrs, Fellow Rangers fan!!! Are you a member of Rangers Road Warriors on FB?? NY RANGERS ALL DAY!!!

Cat, My husband still works, he loves to work. He is a personal trainer in very good shape and looks about 20 years younger than he is. All that holistic stuff has served him well. I took retirement last March. I couldn't do the taper and go to my job, Methadone counselor. I commend you on being able to work through his process. I admire anyone who can do that.

I'm hanging' in. Out on Long Island for the weekend. Just keeping things pretty simple and as stress free as possible.
I'm ok today. Not feeling too bad. So far so good.

Here's hoping everyone is having a decent weekend.

Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Nov 05, 2017 8:30 pm

Still here, still on track. Getting ready to watch The Walking Dead. Hope everyone is doing well this evening.

Anna :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 10:11 pm

Well SS was down for about 24 hours and I certainly missed you guys. I come on several times during the day to read and post. When it was down I was lost. No where to dump my shit or get inspiration and motivation. I'm so happy its back.

Just watched my NY Rangers win their 4th consecutive game. Yay!!!!

I'm at .7mg a day. .35 twice a day. I really get impatient sometimes, I want to get this shit over and done, but I know I have to chill out and take it slowly. So not changing the plan. Gonna get down as low as possible before I jump. It'll take time, but thats how this game is played. Patience, patience patience.

Hope all you SubSuckers are doing well tonight.

Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 3:08 pm

Hello. I'm not altogether sure if anyone is reading this thread. Maybe some are, and have found me too obnoxious to comment on. Thats cool. i can be pretty obnoxious. I know that. Borderline personality disorder is obnoxious. I know this because I have been involved with many borderline people. I seem to gravitate towards them. I don't mind that my nature is clearly visible on this thread. i use the thread to dump. I need to dump. Responses are optional, dumping is not.

Anyway, if lurkers read, or active members read, or no one reads, it's fine. I will continue to dump, cuz if I don't, the H dealer is a phone call away. He makes sure I have his number no matter how many years go by. Once I was dong ok and he showed up on my block looking for me. He knows that if I give in to him I'm good for a bundle a day.

I'm not even thinking of giving in, but to stay strong, I need to dump. I will admit to you that I have had several loves of my life over the course of my life, scattered among the not so loves of my life. But the absolute love of my life was H. No doubt about it. I loved H above everything, even my kids. H and I had a long torrid affair. To this day, I kinda miss it. Everything about it. But it destroyed my life so I know its an evil liar. It is an abusive lover. I won't tolerate abuse ever again. Been abused too many times. Am I being obnoxious, borderline, crazy??? IDK. If I am, I apologize. Just in an introspective mood today.

Holding steady on .7mg. .35 in the morning and .35 in the evening. Still foggy, still have a bad taste in my mouth, still have trouble sleeping. But i am managing it. All of it. So I give myself a pat on the back for moving forward. One day I will be past all this. maybe then I won't be so fucking obnoxious.

Anna :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:06 pm

Dearest Anna,

Let me assure you people are following your Thread whether they post or not! In fact I was a bit worried because you hadn't posted. So how many days are you now at .7? You're really getting there Anna Banana. Keep pushing. Do everything you can to tow the line & keep your taper going (I know how hard it is to go to the gym).

Keep posting here to let it all out. I truly believe it's helpful at this stage of the taper. You're so low that you probably can almost taste your jump. (And I don't mean that awful taste in your mouth that continues to plague you!) We all seem to have those certain WD symptoms that come every time we drop. I know that I do. :gaah:

Keep remembering that you've got to stay patient. You can do this. I can do it too. I'm not feeling so hot today either. Work is suffering terribly. I've got to take my own advice & keep pushing too.

You know I'm here for you. I just hope I can say something that helps. :boobshake:

Keep up the great work!
Kitty Cat
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 5:35 pm

My dearest dearest Kitty Cat, Every single word you type is helpful. Thank you so much. I cannot tell you what it means to have even just one person hear you. I guess you know. I'm trying to keep up with several threads and that in itself can be challenging. Foggy brain, you know. But I continue to give my best. You are going to be fine, you have this thing. Ive read and posted on your thread. You are smart and you have a really good plan. Wish my brain worked well enough to write out drop schedules. But Cheeps will be happy to know that I am putting my daily dose on the wall calendar. Go me!!! Its weird but my brain is foggier and foggier the lower I go. Unless thats just my foggy brain's perception. Who the fuck knows at this point. Foggy has been my normal state for a long time.

Foggy Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Dcleanist » Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:29 pm

You have nothing to apologize for. Shame is only an excuse. I would love you anyday or night. Sorry I can't spare more. There's not enough love to go around.

Atleast we can understand what it's like to have unhealthy desire behaviors. Not everyone can personally control there weaknesses. You have nothing to fear. No one can hurt you more than you. A thousand miles is a thousand miles. We will skip through it together. Mwah peace.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:47 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:01 am

Thank you Dcleanist(I actually love your handle). I tend to ramble on my thread. Shit goes through my head and comes out through my fingertips on my keyboard. I've always been fairly blunt about shit. Not much of a filter. I'll take whatever love you have to give and give some back. <3

This is he end of day 6 on .7mg. So far no increased wds. In fact so far I have only had one week of feeling completely unable to function. For the most part I'm ok. Mild stuff hangs around but I think I'm just used to it now. I can do this for however long it takes. I think the hardest part is not really knowing how long it will take, but as cheeps would say, staying the day and don't worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet. So i soldier on.

Speaking of Cheeps, I got a PM from her and she wants everyone to know she is ok. She just needs to avoid looking at computer/phone/tv screens. But she will be back here soon.

SubSux Strong!!!!!!

Anna and her dancing banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:26 am

Anna...I check and read your thread daily. Every word you write strengthens my resolve. Sometimes I feel so isolated becasue I am doing my taper without any outside support. And I have symptoms that I feel are unique to me. This further makes me feel isolated. But then I read something, often by you, and I realize I am not alone and things I’m feeling you and others are also enduring.

I’m getting better at being more succinct. When you wrote that you tend to ramble I laughed becasue your longest posts are more like my shortest ones.

There are at least 6 of us who are active on the site, all tapering, all of us at or under .75 mg per day, and most of us are, shall we say, not in our 30s. That’s a big deal. All of this is a big deal.

I have been trying to ge off this drug for a long time. I know you, me and a bunch of other people currently active on this site are all going to have a day, sometime soon, where for the first time in a long time we don’t take any more Suboxone/buprenorphine again, ever.

We will be free. We will not let more years go by a slave to this sublingual succubus.

Keep writing. I need to write more on my own thread, too.

You are most definitely not alone.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ < .5 mg/d
Alprazolam: Tapered off May 2016 - Started again October 2017 currently tapering
Subverted DietDoc
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:58 am

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Dcleanist » Thu Nov 09, 2017 3:10 am

Why I'm I always the runt of the litter. Lol. I'm clean from all opys but still struggling. I'm in my 30's and can't imagine doing a sub taper and or jump. I'm not like you people lol. If a opy touchs one synapse I get a max sentence of terror. I would rather be trapped in a constant fent/h wd than have jump sub again.

Sub is less extreme in pain but drags on. I'll take my beating and keep my hand out the cookie jar.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:47 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:39 pm

Hey DietDoc. Hey Dcleanist. Thank you guys for posting on my thread. I crave the support and it makes my day. And the days are kinda long, particularly gym days. God how I hate that place!! Its full of young people who look awesome and I try to hide.

Doc, I have my own personal symptom too. Its this nasty taste in my mouth. During that bad week it was just overwhelming. Most days its there but kind of in the background. I'm sure when I get to the end its going to be strong and accompanied by other lovely things. I often wonder how the hell I got here, but that is a dumb thought. I have many dumb thoughts an questions. My brain works overtime. I try to keep myself distracted, mostly by binging escapist TV shows or movies. I am unable to read for any length of time. Can't focus on the page very long. I hope that some day I'll be able to enjoy escapist books again.

Dcleanist, I would hardly call you the runt. If you can do H wds easier than this I commend you and you are no runt. The last time I did H withdrawal I was convulsing so violently they had to put me in restraints and pump me full of some strong benzo to knock me out. It took them forever to find a vein. Then i wound up on Sub. I am terrified of H or Fent wds. Absolutely terrified. It may only take a couple of weeks, but those weeks feel like a freaking lifetime. This sub taper has been much more manageable, for me anyway. I'm pretty sure its going to get harder the lower I go. I hope I can continue to manage it.

Meanwhile,

WINTER IS COMING.........................tomorrow.

I'm in NY and it has been very warm. last week in the 70s, today in the mid 50s. They say tomorrow its going to be about 20 degrees. I worry about the butterflies. A lot of them have been confused by this weather and are still hanging around. There are pretty much no more flowers for nectar, so they won't be able to make the trip to the over wintering sites in Mexico anyway, but now they are all gonna freeze to death. I also worry about homeless animals and animals that people keep tied up outside. I hate people who get a dog and tie it outside no matter the weather. It makes me crazy.

So I'm on a ramble again. Not sure how my brain got onto homeless and abused animals, but where it goes, I follow.

Keep the faith my friends. we are in this together and we will get out of it together. I love you all.

Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Nov 11, 2017 11:13 am

How are you Anna Banana? I wanted to let you know that I ran across some information on Gerd, or Silent Gerd causing a strange taste in the mouth (towards the back I think it was). I wanted to pass it along so you could do some research to see if there's anything you can do to get rid of it. Hope this info helps.

I'm hoping all is well. That you're busy out there living your life & doing great. I'm doing well on my 3.5 mg where I will now stay. Still having very very small symptoms, but I want them all gone before I start the 1 month process to drop .25 mg's again.

Such a slow process this is. When's your next drop? Hang in there. You're strong & determined & I so admire that!
Cat
CatsMeow
 
Posts: 83
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 4:29 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby mickey » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:34 pm

Keep up the good work Anna! Your story has given me much inspiration and helped to keep me from spiking several times. Thanks for sharing your story with us lurkers.
mickey
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:40 pm

Mickey, thank You for posting on my thread. So glad you're not spiking. I refuse to. I don't know how much you're taking but as long as you go in the desired direction, you're going to make it. I think you should stop lurking and start your own thread, You can inspire me and others too. Turnabout is fair play after all. Think about it. If you're not ready to do that, just don't be a stranger.

Anna, to the B, to the A, to the Nana. :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Nov 12, 2017 11:53 am

Its Sunday, my last day at .7mg. I'm ok. I've been feeling ok for the most part. Just weak, unmotivated, foggy blah blah blah.. You guys know the drill by now. I have to stop myself from speeding up my taper. How stupid would it be to do that since I am basically ok doing what I've been doing. Just so tempted to push the envelope. But I will resist the temptation............. for now.

I have been taking the supplements my health freak family has prescribed for me. No idea what they are exactly. Theres AM, Midday and PM packets. I have to say that since taking them for at least a month now, probably longer, I notice that my skin is smoother and brighter, and my hair is not falling out as much. If they are doing that much good on the outside I think they must be doing a lot of good on the inside as well. Could be they are playing a big part in my feeling pretty much ok.

Today I am binge watching Jericho. I have meant to watch this show for a long time because people told me it was a really good show. It's ok but really loaded with heart attack inducing cheese. Revolution was a much better show IMHO.

Hope all my SS peeps are doing ok today.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and it is one day closer to the end of Sub use forever.

Finish the mission!!!! HUZZAH!!!!!

Happy Sunday my friends.


Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby mickey » Sun Nov 12, 2017 1:03 pm

Anna Banana, your right, I'll think about it. I should be down to 4 sometime after Thanksgiving, and before Xmass. I can't believe 2017 is almost over. Crap, my baby just threw up a hair ball on sofa. Got a run! Have a Great Day!
mickey
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Nov 12, 2017 2:17 pm

Mickey, I hope you are referring to you cat, cuz if you've got an actual baby throwing up hairballs I think you've got trouble. My cat throws up at least once a day. Sometimes its hairballs and sometimes its cuz she seems to not chew her food up. Also she's just a bit high strung. She's supermodel gorgeous though, and that hides a multitude of sins.

I'm so glad you posted again. This place is a godsend. I find I never get stuck in my own bad thinking when I have people to be accountable to, and I listen to them. Its good to have a place to really process the enormity of this challenge. Normal people, no matter how much they love you, really don't want to hear it everyday. I can't really blame them either. The taper itself can be an obsession for me. Hence the coming on here multiple times a day.

Keep reading and responding to people. i saw you on Cat's thread too. This is good. Keep up the good work. We can do this thing.

Anna banana :banana:
Annalo57
 
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:13 pm

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:06 am

Heh there Anna,

Wanted to hit your thread up and say thanks for posting on my thread while I was gone. I had a few really rough days and your post really got me through!! Glad to see your taper is going well.. I think if you just keep doing what you've been doing you will beat the shit out of the mindfuck that is suboxone!! I'm back at work this morning and back on the taper game as well, I dropped to roughly .19 yesterday so we will see how it goes..Hope your doing well this morning!!

Best, T :thumbup:
Wannabesubjumpa
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:07 am

PreviousNext

Return to Sub Sux

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: CatsMeow and 2 guests