My liquid taper

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 30, 2017 7:55 pm

From 1972. I still say Diana got ripped off by the Academy due to her color. Just my opinion. But here is her portrayal of Billie Holiday, who was indeed a Heroin addict, way back when. I can't think of anyone who has depicted this obsession better than this. I think Diana must have known someone who suffered with addiction. She does it so well. So if you know it, watch again. If you don''t , find a way to watch the whole movie. I think it may hit you where you live/lived. I don't want to go where she went. Been there already. In this clip you can see what happens to a Heron addict when their Heroin walks in the room. God, why would you create such an all consuming substance. Oh I forgot, there is no God.

Sorry, I'm morose this evening. But it's nonetheless relevant.

3 songs in total. There are more. You really need to watch the whole movie. I'm sure you can find it somewhere. At the least, it will kill 2 hours of taper shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7H7hPr61wM
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:28 pm

Ok, so I'm not so well informed. I was scrolling through the guide on my Spectrum Cable Tv and i saw Halloween. So of course I was like, "cool". But it turns out to be a 2007 remake which quite frankly SUCKS the ass off of 10 orangutans. Who on earth thought this was a good idea??? They even had the nerve to use the same creepy music. I am livid!!!

Jamie Lee....WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????

Someone should be shot for making this horrible movie. Starting with Malcolm McDowell. Turning it off now.

Piss, shit and corruption. I thought I might get a couple hours out of my own head. Not to be. <sigh>
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:29 pm

Ok, lets talk about sneezing. In all these years I too have not sneezed. Since Ive started this taper Ive sneezed a number of times. But tonight I sneezed 12 times...in a row. I guess thats a good sign. I know sneezing is a wd symptom. So I guess that means that I am getting this shit out of me. Got a ways to go, but I'll take the sneezes. It means I'm on the right track. Bring it on. I can sneeze til I'm silly, I welcome the sneezing.
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Tue Oct 31, 2017 8:32 am

Oh hell yea with the sneezing, same here I didn't sneeze at all for the last 5 years!! Once I got to like .5 now I have these fucking sneezing fits throughout the day!! Weird shit 4 sure!! Hope your doing ok today Anna!!
Peace T
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 31, 2017 9:05 am

You need good bait.....a lamp in a darkened room with a piece of hamburger under it ought to do the trick.

Drinking? It is a step on the slippery slope....you had better have climbing boots and a rope handy and continue to be upfront and honest about it.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 11:49 am

Cheeps, I'm not binge drinking. In fact I still have the better part of that pint, and no desire to drink it. I'm fine.

Today is the first day that I don't have even a hint of that funky taste in my mouth. Actually I feel pretty good today, almost normal. I don't know how or why this is the case. I am still waiting to see if the .05 drop I made last Thursday is going to create increased wd. I'm hoping that it was a small enough drop to avoid any major shit. I'm going to give it a few more days and then I'll drop another .05. The most puzzling thing to me is why I even need .75mg. I was getting by at a certain point on .5mg a day (a quarter of a 2mg tab). I don't even remember how I wound up raising my dose from that to 2mg a day.

Nevertheless, so far so good. Still on track. Just trying to practice patience. I like to think about this as something akin to pregnancy. Just gotta wait for how ever many months it takes. When its all over I will celebrate by rebirth. Today I have a positive outlook.

Regards to all SS folks.

Anna banana :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Oct 31, 2017 1:01 pm

Anna I'm thrilled to hear that you've lost that funky taste thing! You've been fighting that one for such a long time. I hope it makes food taste & smell better. Congrats to you on your .05 drop. I bet you're going to be okay with this one & make your next .05 drop. I believe that you're doing such a great taper. I also hope to have this kind of patience when I'm so low.

You're pregnancy analogy is brilliant. Although I have no children myself it makes perfect sense. To be free of Sub & opy's will truly be a rebirth. I'm so happy that you're sporting your dancing 'naner today. Your positive outlook is shining through! Keep up the good fight! I'm thinking of you.
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:12 pm

Thanks cat. You're awesome.

BTW HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaC-WDrvmUQ
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Nov 01, 2017 11:50 am

Hey Anna, just read on DD's Thread that you're not feeling so well today. Sorry to hear this, but you know how it goes. Are you going to the gym today? If so, hopefully you'll feel better after. Just keep pushing dear. You're going to make it & be free of this stuff. SUB SUX! You know, I know it & everybody that's on it knows it.

Keep in mind what a great job you're doing. You've got this. Just a little more time & patience. Time & patience.

As always, you're on my mind. :kiss:
Cat
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:33 pm

Thank you Cat. You really are the Cat's Meow.

So today has been a bit of a struggle. Nothing to do with the Subs or the taper. I can manage the symptoms Ive had since I started this. But managing the taper is at times all consuming, and makes coping with other real life things a bit more difficult. I have been so focused on doing this taper, other things seem to be piling up. I clearly have not been the poster child for healthy coping skills in my life. So trying to cope. Not exactly kicking ass in that department, but I'm not using and I'm not spiking. Today is day 7 on .35 in the am and .4 in the pm. Still feeling physically stable. A couple more days and I'll drop again.

I hope everyone else is SubSuxland is doing ok today.

Ciao

Anna
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Thu Nov 02, 2017 5:09 am

Damn Anna I can so relate to your last post!! I'm a stubborn Irish sob so I can deal with the shitty wd symptoms for the most part but juggling real life at the same time has been challenging to say the least. Just wanted to tell you that your doing great and like you said keep it simple.. Your doing the best you can do each day and I think that's all you can ask of yourself!!!

Best T
Ps: as you know I'm gonna be with the fam. for a while but I will try to check in if at all possible..
Peace& Love :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Dcleanist » Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:43 am

So your under 1 ml. Fn yay for life.

I could never get lower than.7. I have a higher than normal pain tolerance but extremely impulsive. Ouch for us all.

Your thinking of it wrong. It's hard when at the tail end of the cycle. If you're temporary pain could save loved ones there would be no question. If I offered you a million dollars to get clean you would jump today. Lol. Money doesn't mean much to me but I'm sure ss can share the responsibility of a million hugs and kisses.

I apologize for down grading our worth. We are priceless worth a lot more than some days in pain. Tomorrow will be bright and if not the next one is sure to be. Our hard work understanding our time in existence will pay off.

Think like 100 thousand a year or100 people a day die from opys. Can you imagine how many people are hurting at the same time. Freezing in the cold on the streets of hell while everyone "normal" degrade you laugh at you and wish for your "departure".

Your gonna be all right but should do 1 good thing for someone something everyday. Fight with love/heart. Mwah peace.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:13 pm

Annalo57 wrote:Thank you Cat. You really are the Cat's Meow.

So today has been a bit of a struggle. Nothing to do with the Subs or the taper. I can manage the symptoms Ive had since I started this. But managing the taper is at times all consuming, and makes coping with other real life things a bit more difficult. I have been so focused on doing this taper, other things seem to be piling up. I clearly have not been the poster child for healthy coping skills in my life. So trying to cope. Not exactly kicking ass in that department, but I'm not using and I'm not spiking. Today is day 7 on .35 in the am and .4 in the pm. Still feeling physically stable. A couple more days and I'll drop again.

I hope everyone else is SubSuxland is doing ok today.

Ciao

Anna


Boy can I relate to this! I can manage the sub taper too but I'm still on such a high dose I get that Sub brain fog that really makes it hard to work & not make mistakes. We have a family business so if I want, I can just read the Forum and immerse myself in all things sub. Physically I'm feeling better after getting down from 16 mg to 3.5 but I'm well aware that this is still a very high dose. But I've got to stay patient. It's hard to do.

I'm thrilled you'll be dropping again in a couple days. You're doing such a great job. Sure, other things in life are going to have to slide for now. But just think of the wonderful days to come when you're off this stuff & seeing life free of opiates. It's going to be great Anna.

I'm so glad that you have your family's support. Surely they'll understand that right now other things have to be pushed to the back burner. Put yourself 1st for now. I think I've seen Cheeps tell this to others a lot. Wise words IMHO.

Hope you're doing good today!
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 2:43 pm

Wannabe, Dcleanist and Cat. Thank you all for you words of support. You really will never know how important they are to me.

I think I'm ok today. I had to go to the dentist today, which sucked but I managed it. Probably have to back Monday for an adjustment. After the holidays, which I am kind of dreading, I need to have oral surgery(implants). I am the classic addict. Has anyone here ever seen that old anti-heroin commercial, I recall it was in black and white. In it this attractive blonde removes her make-up, her hair, and then her teeth. Moral of that story, something about how using destroys you pretty much. Its true. I sometimes feel like that girl. But I'm not a girl, I'm an old lady. But I have had a lot of dental problems over the years. Really kind of sick of dental appointments, but I have a bunch in my future. Sucks.

I'm going to drop my dose tomorrow to .35 in both am and pm. I have not had any increased wd since my last drop eight days ago. I think some people might say i should wait another few days but I think I'll be able to handle whatever comes. If you think I'm totally crazy, don't hold back.

I hope all my fellow travelers are ok today. Another day closer to the end is always a good thing.

Peace
Anna banana :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:01 pm

I wish I had some advice here Anna. All I can say is listen to your body. If you're at day 8 with no increased WD then dropping tomorrow may be just fine. Patience dear. If you drop & your WD increase I would hate to see you have to spike. But only you know your body. Do what feels right along with a big 'ole wollup of patience!
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 5:07 pm

Well Cat, I figure this; I had some much worse wds when I dropped kind of fast from 1.5 to .80. And I managed it. So if I have to manage a multiple number of days of ickiness to move forward, then I will. Anyway, thats my thinking and thats my plan. Not expecting a free ride. I'm just not that lucky.

Just moving forward through what I think I can manage. Because, honestly, you Cat, make avery good point. My family is allowing me to be pretty non-functional (the fucking gym being the exception). It is very extraordinary, and very unexpected. One day I will be done and and then I will thank them.

As for the rest of you motley crew here on SubSux...............I think you're all awesome, whether you like me or not. I don't care, I still think you're awesome. :shrug:

Ciao

Anna :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 5:35 pm

Btw, during my sub-taper travels I saw a Netflix production of a Stephen King novella, "1922". It was very dark, and at times very disturbing, but Thomas Jane was really fucking awesome!! I didn't even know it was him until I was done. So if you have some sleepless Sub-taper hours to kill...It ain't bad.
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 9:43 pm

I'm a little excited because my beloved NY Rangers just created a win streak. A 2 game winning streak. FUCK YEAH!!!!! LETS GO RANGERS!!!!! How freakin' pathetic is that??? But I'll take it.

Lets Go SubSux taperers!!! We can WIN!!!!! LETS GO WEANERS!!!!!! Hahahahahaha
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:21 pm

Great to hear about your beloved Rangers! I'm in the South so I've never even seen an ice hockey game. I'm a football gal all the way! But it's great that you have this game that you follow & love & get really excited about. True excitement, not drug induced fake stuff. Ya know? I'm quite the Fantasy Football player. I've won my League the last 2 years in a row. Crazy. :crazy:

It's very exciting to me to see you doing so well as you're at such a low dose & dropping when your body tells you to. I'll say one thing, don't wait until this is over to tell your family how much you appreciate their love & support. I'm not so sure how my spouse will do when my time comes. I've been married for 31 years. How long have you been married? I know your Son kind of forces you to the gym but I really do think its for the best. Keep it up girl!

Hope your day is good & congrats to your Rangers! :cheers2:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:18 pm

Cat, I met my husband in 1984. I was a 26 year old kid. He was and is 19 years older than me. We got married in City Hall in 1989 when my son was almost a year old. so we've been together 34 years. It has been quite a journey. through Heroin addiction and back again and back again and onto Subs. I think he's been pretty cool considering some of the shit I've done. Not gonna complain. I'm very lucky that he still stands by me. I've not been wife of the year, ever.

Lot of water under that fucking bridge.

There may be hope for my Rangers yet. We'll see.

going to try to sleep now. Wish me luck.

Anna :banana:
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