My liquid taper

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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:58 pm

Okay.


Thanks Cheeps. :shrug:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 9:19 pm

So I'm back from the game. And not terribly happy because my NY Rangers suck so bad this year. They certainly stunk up the Garden tonight. But I went. Now I'm back home, in my barcalounger trying and failing to get sleepy. There's a really weird movie on, from 1988, "The Lair of The White Worm", with a very young Hugh Grant, and a very evil dominatrix type broad tormenting some kid, who is in a big round tub, taking a bubble bath. I'm well versed in movies but this is a new one on me. The cable company guide gives it 3 stars. So right now I'm gonna watch that. Ramble ramble ramble.

Strange days indeed.

A
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:11 pm

Ok, so "Lair of The White Worm" gets half a star from me. I give it that half because Hugh Grant is always charming. The dominatrix/vampire broad just got eaten by a giant white snake. I have yet to see a worm. So if you're ever channel surfing and you come across this atrocity, please, spare yourself.

i'm still not sleepy which is a shame, cause I'd like to escape this movie. But it's so bad, you simply can't look away. Kind of like"Jersey Shore".. Haha.
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 24, 2017 8:39 am

Hope you finally fell asleep and didn't get eaten by a huge white worm...ugh.

I never watch stuff that's creepy, eeerie, weird, scary, horrific, vampirish, scary, or any bad bad news...I can't take it...it gives me terrible dreams. :wtf: :? :crazy: :shock: :gaah:

It's hard for me to watch Chicago Fire and that's one of my few favorites.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 9:21 am

Hey there Cheeps. Thanks for moving my butt to the game. But oh my, what a terrible game. The worst game I have seen in a long long time. Gonna be a bad year for my team. They stink. :(

I did manage to fall asleep fairly late and not without help. It pretty clear to me at this point that I am going to have sleep issues for the duration. At the end, my meds probably won't help anyway. My sleep patterns have been all fucked up since my Heroin/Methadone days. Even when I stayed clean for 6 years I had sleep problems. Then winding up on Subs for a dozen years. I haven't slept longer than 3 hours straight in about 30 years. I've basically been living on naps for a long time. But this is going to be a whole new ballgame when it comes to finding sleep. Just an observation.

I''m pretty sure this taper is just warming up. I'm still at .8mg a day. But no matter how crappy I feel sometimes, I have not even considered spiking. So I do feel good about that. I may piss and moan and get into pity party mode, but I don't think of spiking or using. Thats kind of miraculous for me.

Anna :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 24, 2017 10:42 pm

SHIT....lost a long ass post cuz the battery died and I dropped the charger thingie in the John.....fuck. :evil:

Just know that it was only about sleep or the lack there of. Dammit.... :banghead: I'll address it again tomorrow. :banghead: now I have a headache. :banghead: :gaah:
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:24 am

What I lost last night was mostly ramblings about sleep. When I did that methadone detox I had issues for a while so I tried to stick to a routine. When I laid down at night, I turn the music on; I used a very slow classical piece and sometimes I'd hear it three times before I slept...I called it resting. The body needs the down time even if you're sleep is disturbed. Some nights were good; some nights sucked but you'll make it through if you give yourself a routine.

Some peeps say not to nap during the day but I think you should get sleep when you can and just accept it.
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:51 pm

Cheeps, I hope your headache is better. Im sleeping when I can but haven't been able to sleep during the day. I feel like I have no equilibrium, like the world is constantly slowly spinning around me. Its very strange. This whole process is strange and crappy. I'm tired. Not feeling well. Not in terrible wds, just feel like shit. Its a hard feeling to describe. Weakness, shakiness, heaviness, a bit of nausea. Very tired but not sleepy. Very depressed today. Still haven't done anything stupid or crazy. Thumbs up.

A
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:24 pm

So I have decided that, since I have been feeling like shit every day anyway, since I started this thing, I am going to drop my morning dose to .35mg starting tomorrow. I will still take .4 in the evening. So I'm dropping from .8 to .75mg. When I feel that I have stabilized on that then I will drop my PM dose to .35. Then once stable again, drop the morning dose and so on and so forth. I do realize that as I get lower I will need to do smaller drops. If anyone thinks this is a crazy notion, feel free to say so.

Bear in mind that this liquid taper is rather imprecise and I'm not getting the full dose. This I am sure of. I have no way of knowing how much sub is actually getting into my system. For all I know I could be getting half of what I squirt into the cotton. This thought does not upset me in the least, in fact its rather comforting. I do know that I have not felt normal or particularly stable on any day since i began this. So what do I have to lose?? Embrace the shitty right?? Idk but sometimes I feel like I'm high, but not in a good way, in a really crappy way. I never felt like this even when I was taking a quarter of a tablet a day (.5mg). So either I'm getting a lot less than I think, or the liquid (mouthwash) is affecting the subs in some way. I don't want to use Vodka cause if I buy Vodka I'll be drinking it, and I don't want to do that. I went through a drinking binge at the beginning of this and it was not a good thing. I'm not drinking and prefer to stay that way.

Basically I'm totally FINE - Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional. Among other lovely things.

Peace out

Anna (about half a banana)
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby mickey » Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:04 pm

Hi Anna,
I just want to say thank you for sharing your accomplishments, and struggles! I think you are very wise to stay away from vodka, or any alcohol for that matter. If your like me, it's way to easy to switch addictions. I don't have a thread yet, but your slowly giving me courage and inspiration to begin thinking about starting one. I am currently on approx 6 milligrams per day, after being on 10 to 12 for a few years, then 8 to 10 for a few years. I would like to be off completely by my 10 year mark. I,m only a couple years younger than you, so again, thank you for your sharing with the rest of us 'Lurkers'! Please, don't stop.
Mickey
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:31 am

Hey Mickey. Thanks for your kind words. I have my ups and downs, clearly, but I'm trying to stay positive about this. I was a"lurker" on here for a while before I started my own thread. I highly recommend it to you and any other lurkers that read this, it's really helpful to put down your thoughts and to get responses. The people here are very supportive. Cheeps has been my guru for some time. She is very cool.

I hope you get your courage up and join the fun here. You won't just be helping yourself, you'll be helping me and everyone else who is here. Some days the only thing that keeps me sane and focused on the actual prize is SubSux. I would not have been able to do this without this forum and the information it provides. Don't be shy.

I can tell you that getting down to 2mg from 6mg shouldn't be difficult at all. But you know your own body and how it reacts, so trust it. I'm trying to trust mine. So far it hasn't been a ton of fun, but its been manageable. I had a really bad week when I dropped fairly quickly from 1.5 to I think .8. I should be writing everything down but I don't have the energy for that. Also my eyesight seems to be very fuzzy. Part getting old and part sub taper.

Yesterday was pretty bad all day and I did not sleep a wink last night despite Melatonin and Trazedone. But I feel a bit better this morning, even though I'm on no sleep, so I dropped my morning dose as planned. Will see what this decrease brings.

Peace out.
Anna Banana :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:59 am

I really want you to jot it down on the corner of a wall calendar Ms Banana.....if your memory sucks....it will help.

Others need to know what you are doing...enquiring minds NEED to know!!

I got screamed at all day yesterday on the job but we did manage to get teeth brushed, ass wiped, and clothes changed.....after that, I didn't sweat the small stuff. But it didn't help my head!!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 1:17 pm

I just knew you were gonna say that Cheeps. I'll make an effort.

This morning I felt ok. But I went to the gym and now I feel awful. I just have to say that I HATE going to the fucking gym more than I hate doing just about anything!! I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!! I feel so fucking exposed in there!! Weak, sick and exposed. So depressing.

Anyway, I'm trying to get my anxiety level back down to where it was after a sleepless night. This taper is at times baffling. The swings are pretty big and very frequent.

I'm listening to some idiot on MSNBC touting the wonders of Methadone and Suboxone. And he's an ex-pill addict. Jeeezus!!!!

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 1:23 pm

I take it back!! The idiot, not such an idiot after all. I only heard half of what he said and I was quick to judge. Shame on me!!!!!

:suicide2:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 2:51 pm

BTW Cheeps,

I'm so glad that you got that job!!!! Congrats my friend!! And, I told you so!!!! Being a caretaker is hard work. It takes a particular kind of person. They are very lucky to have you.

Anna :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:06 pm

I'm trying to figure out for sure if I got the new job....still waiting patiently.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:04 pm

Well whatever you're doing, it sounds like you make a difference. As for the new job, no news is good news. Keep the faith. I read some of your answers. Very well done.

Btw I wrote my dose down on the calendar just so you know. I put it in for the rest of the month cause I'm not changing it until after that. Not going down anymore yet. Not spiking. Have not had the urge to spike no matter how crappy i feel. Just not an option. Deep down, I'm very determined to do this. I can't remember a time I was this determined. I complain a lot. Its just venting. I'm on track. For me the worst part of this is that nasty taste I get in my mouth. But I'm not budging.

:?
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Thu Oct 26, 2017 11:42 pm

Maybe it's there to remind you how much you want too get rid of sub! Ack!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby Annalo57 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:56 am

Feeling pretty decent today. Second day on .75

On days like this I begin to get impatient and think, "maybe drop a little more." But I know that's not a good idea so i won't. Just looking forward to a seemingly mythical day when this will all be over. Patience patience patience.
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Re: My liquid taper

Postby cheeps » Fri Oct 27, 2017 12:02 pm

Yep yep yep said ducky! Treasure the good hours. I'm going to Lynchburg today, not sure how much net time I'll get so pm me if you need a swift kick in the boondoggle! Love you Bananas!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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