Maggie Mays taper thread

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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby syd » Thu Sep 28, 2017 6:43 pm

If you taper slowly enough, you wont have major withdrawal symptom till you jump.

Crush the pills and divide the powder to achieve whatever dose you need. The pills are actually easier than the strips. Strips are hard to cut. With powder, you can literally reduce down to crumbs.

Whatever you do, DO NOT yo-yo your dose. Stick with your drop till you feel "normal". Then drop again.

You can do this. It takes time to do it right.

edited to add;
Eating a high fat diet can potentiate opiates in some. Try eating a high fat meal with your dose and then a low fat & see if you notice any difference.
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby cheeps » Thu Sep 28, 2017 6:58 pm

Mags....this little corner off sub land is so small...I can see we having many reading. I'm just so glad you were brave enough to finally post. We are in a slow spot now.

Nomojo and diet doc are hovering around a mg. Annalo is on the liquid taper at one mg. And you are at 12. Wannabe is below a mg.....as well as tired.

You all are struggling together and since you are forum savvy, you have the advantage. Oh...You and lucy are on the same dose. I love lucy! She's from down under.

So that's our little group. You are having a down day for sure. Do you have any real life support ?
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:21 pm

Maggiemay. My name is Anna. I just got the courage to start thread after lurking for a while and PMing with Cheeps. Cheeps is awesome. It seems that you and I have something in common. i was a substance abuse counselor for about 20 years, on subs for the last few years. Also my dirty little secret. But one needs to make a living right. Anyway my thread appears right under yours on the Sub Sux board. My handle is Annalo57. I've sent you a PM. I hope we can help each other. This shit is hard, and scary and there are days I just want OUT, But deep down inside I guess I want to live because I don't try to hurt myself, no matter how hard the days get. I'm depressed, I isolate myself, I barely leave my house and only do if I absolutely have to. I do make it to see my doctor/dealer without fail. I hope one day to be able to tell him to go fuck himself. For now I'm trying the liquid taper. I'm using subtext pills, dissolving them in mouthwash and using a syringe (no needle) to measure my dose. I've gotten myself down to .5mg 2 times a day. Sleep is elusive and I hate that. I get very anxious and edgy but I'm basically managing. I'm hoping to be able to do this thing. I have to do it. If i don't, then there's nothing. Anyway, I wanted to say hi and let you know you're not alone. We have a lot in common. This site has been a place to find strength and courage, even though i've done it very quietly until just the past couple of days. Anyway, hi. Take it slow. PM me if you feel like it. :)
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby maggiemay » Sat Sep 30, 2017 5:37 am

Hello all,
Syd- I had an Aha moment reading your comments about the pills, how to get them in smaller pieces, that is math I understand right now. lol. and your suggestion about stabilizing before dropping again is a wealth of information for me right now, it registered!. thank you for your feedback!
I read how low most of you are and I get caught up in my self pity, how im never gonna be able to do this and big deal that im down to 12 mg. Double digits, when I read how everyone is down to well,,,,, fucking math I don't even get!!! Then I keep reading reading and realize im wear im at and just like when I was coming off dope all those years ago that this is MY TIME, MY TAPER. I then realize that everyone has been where or around where I am right now!!!

Cheeps- thx for the summery of where everyone is at, I was thinking I was signing in and posting to a pool of the big large unknown web of threads.

Annalo- thx for reaching out, Ill be messaging you, I couldn't figure out how to use the site on my phone, . Ill also be checking out your liquid taper. It took me along time to actual post here too. Funny thing is looking back its when I went on sub is when I didn't want to be a counselor anymore, I worked really hard for the hours and certification it took to get the job in field, I ended up getting a job In a cubicle and not having to deal with people any more to get as far away from it as I could. I didn't connect that separation to sub at the time.

Ive been at 12mg now for 6 days, I am going to cut down to 10 today, I think, ill letyou guys know. I have been taking 2mg at 5am, then another 2 at 7am. then 4 at 12pm, then 4 at 5pm. This week has been huge progress for me because I was taking unknown amounts of half a pill all day long.
I think I can cut that after noon dose from 4to2 for now.
Hope your all well and ill be around all weekend
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby cheeps » Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:06 am

Mags.....I've done what syd said. I had 8mg pills and got out a big picture frame with a dark back ground and crushed them, drew them out into big lines like coke. It felt weird but I was able to make tiny little piles down to .5.....So it works well.....And I think you do need to stockpile.....at some point, even tho you say your a fast motabilizer.....You need to go to twice a day dosing. It's better to do it in the bigger numbers....so consider that soon. Sub still has that long half life.

There was a time in my methadone taper I tested myself. We have that ability since we have control over our intake.

I dosed three times a day, if i went one minute over eight hours, I'd break out in a sweat then get goosebumps, my hands would shake, runny nose...all the pre detox wds. So one day I said, "FUCK this". I waited to dose....I got busy doing something and waited....nothing happened after eight hours. So I went to bed, got up next day and said, "FUCK you meth", I went to the store and waited for the bomb to drop...It didn't. Not even one fucking yawn. After 30 hours, I finally noticed some true wds....so I dosed my usual dose.

I was amazed and thought about a time I inconvenienced the hell out of family because I had forgotten my dope.....I was convinced if I didn't get it, I'd feel bad.

So the moral of my story was....long acting opiates(lao) like meth and sub take a long time to really get out of your system. When you have the dose in your hand and can take it when YOU want to.....You can test yourself to see exactly how you would feel if you really had to stop at that dose.

You should try that too....You have control. Start a journal and jot down times, dose, and drops. Use a calendar....having a timeframe to look at helps me tremendously.

Test yourself. You have nothing to lose and total power over how you feel. Push through the mindfuck and see how it really goes when you aren't afraid.

Gotta run.
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:22 pm

Maggiemay. Thanks for responding to me in your last post. I know how you feel. I was once a very good counselor and i like ti think I helped some people. I mostly worked with Heroin addicts like myself. But at a certain point I just felt like a fraud. So I left the job after 12 years, and another 7-8 in various places before that. I had a passion for the work.

But as always, life gets in the way. Our true nature gets in the way. My true nature is to not be me, to find a way to feel differently than how my brain makes me feel. IDK, I think there's a benefit to SA counseling if you've been there. The counselors that helped me so long ago were people like me. So I took what I knew and made a career out of it. But once you give in to your true nature, even if its only for a day or two, you're as fucked as your clients. So I fucked up some years ago after having 6 years clan and sober. I didn't stay out there long. Because I heard of this new miracle medication.

Buprenorphine. The easy way out, the answer. Such an addict thing to do and to believe in. The disease interferes with all our decisions it seems. So I found the NYC main BUP guy (doctor) and on it I went. I was good for a long while. I guess I was kidding myself. After years I realized that I was just going through the motions and not myself anymore. The depression became debilitating. Every day while driving to work I asked myself, "what business do you have doing this work?" But i did it and since it became more about billing and less about helping sick people I managed to justify staying on.

More years passed and then it was just time to go. So I went. And now I'm here, with nothing to do every day except hope I can get through it without doing something colossally stupid. So far I'm not on the colossal index. Just trying to get this dose down to one I can jump from. Toady I got it down to about .48mg. A big step from .5mg. At least it feels like one. This process is going to be long. Thats really the only thing I know. Sleep is unattainable without other meds ( trazadone, clonidine, alprozalam, seroquel, flexeril and the worst of all, alcohol). Ive decided that i can deal with using the alcohol for now because it diminishes the anxiety and the days are so long when you're feeling anxious and your left leg is going a mile a minute.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I don't want to be the rambling crazy woman on this site. I just want you to know that I know what you're dealing with, I'm there with you. I think with the help of out brethren here, we can do this. I didn't think that before, so I guess that means there's been some progress. Much love and support.. Anna
Last edited by cheeps on Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added spacing
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby cheeps » Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:27 pm

Progress is moving forward....no matter how slow it is....the main thing is not to spike to feel better....cause that shit doesn't work with sub....


So...one foot in front of the other. It didn't take days to get hooked on this shit...so it may take a year to get off. This where the dreaded word Patience comes in. :gaah: :mrgreen:

Anna....have you made it out of the damn house yet? What's your new hobby? Posting here and soaking up grit, determination and getting ready for Xmas?

I listened to a KennyG holiday CD today....it was really good. Hell, I even bought a snowflake sweater at a yard sale today. The weather has finally changed and I'm feeling groooovy. :wiggle:
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby maggiemay » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:12 am

I just composed 2 responses and they seem to have disappeared- yikes, I had a lot to say, I guess this one is just a test, ill edit it if it shows up.
:(
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:21 am

Ive done the same. Written a lot that didn't show up. But I'm here reading. Every day. :)
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby maggiemay » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:49 am

Hi Anna- I composed a very long response to you, and cheeps and there gone DAMN IT.
Ill be on tonight, I have to clean my apartment like a maniac, before my brother and sisterinlaw show up!!!
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:54 am

I just wrote about 4 long paragraphs that are now out in cyberspace somewhere but clearly not on here. Can't write it again, but I'm here Maggie, I'm here. Clean, but don't clean too much. It doesn't matter. You are what matters. <3
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:56 am

From now on I'm not hitting submit until I copy every word. So strange. Sometimes it posts and sometimes it doesn't. And I promise you, I'm not doing anything different each time. Kinda creepy..
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby maggiemay » Sun Oct 01, 2017 9:07 am

Hmmm, yes I franticly checked face book to make sure I didn't post there for some reason, I am addicted to checking in here. Anna what is SA? I really really have to go lol, ill be on late afternoon, I also want you to know you have someone thinking about you- your dose is in that math I don't understand yet lol/ I have a lot I said that disappeared and I will say what I wanted to say when I have more time, just want you to know im here too in your corner.

Cheeps-thanks for posting about how to deal with the pills- I didn't realize!!! I do know I have to stop dosing 3x daily, im pretty sure I can cut out that noon dose, I did 10mg yesterday, ill be doing 10 today, I think.k really going now
Last edited by maggiemay on Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby cheeps » Sun Oct 01, 2017 10:16 am

The forum will time you out unless you click on keep me logged in. Do that when you put in your password.

It's always a good idea to copy before hitting submit. Sometimes you can hit back and it will still be there but unless you click the box that sez...keep me logged in....after about an hour of no movement on the website, it dumps you out.

Gotta run.
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 3:37 pm

Maggiemay, I wrote this on my thread in response to you. This is a copy of that.

"Maggiemay. I was at about 16mg a day but I did not allow myself to stay there. I dropped to 4mg really fast, like within a month. No real ill effects, just some sleep issues. I was taking 2mg in the morning and 2 at night. From there it only took a few weeks to get to a quarter of a pill which is .5mg 2 x daily. But I could never get below that because I couldn't break the pills up small enough. Thats why I'm trying the liquid method. It allows me to (in an imprecise fashion) go down by very small increments.

Ive learned that 2mg of this medication is a big dose. 32mg is a dose no one should ever take, definitely not for any long period of time. The lies about BUP, the hope they gave people!!! It makes me so fucking angry!!! :evil: It's worse than methadone and I never thought I would say such a thing. But it is. Give yourself all the time you need. There is no protocol for this. No detox/rehab/doctor knows how to do this. We have to figure it out on our own. And so we will.

I am with you!!!!!!!"
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby maggiemay » Tue Oct 03, 2017 4:15 pm

Hi . Today is day 3 down to 10mg, and like the last drop on day 3 I got chills and massive headache. Hopefully its just my body stabilizing to the drop/ Ill stay at 10mg till at least Saturday- soooo that's the plan.
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 5:01 pm

Hey Maggie. I just posted a rant on my "My liquid taper" thread. This shit is hard. As hard as Heroin, as hard as Methadone (both of which I have done). I'm old now. I don't know if I can do it. But you... you are doing what needs to be done. This shit is no joke. It was sold as an alternative to methadone, but I swear to you...it's worse than Methadone. As if anything could be worse than that!!! IDK what to tell you except stay the course and find things that help. I'm sorry to say that the things that are helping me are not good for you, but, what is my primary purpose? My primary purpose is to get off this shit. If I have to deal with other shit after that, I will. I JUST WANT OFF THIS SHIT!!!!!

I don't know how much of it is in my head and how much is real wds. But it doesn't really matter does it? Wds are real, whether you create them out of fear or they are bonafide. The only thing I do know for sure is that part of me wants to go....you know what I mean.... to just go. But there are people, not many, but a few, that would not understand my decision. And there's always the chance that there really is a God, and that you don't get the good stuff if you make that decision. Benefits of a catholic education. I don't believe in catholicism, but I'm not sure about the god thing. I'm extremely doubtful, but not wholly convinced that this entire mess we call life is not under someone else's control. It sounds silly when I type it, but who knows?? NO ONE!!!!! I pray for help to a God I don't believe in. I pray to the Universe. None of my prayers have ever been answered, not really. Theres times I could say, "yeah I got a little help". But Maybe it was just a coincidence. IDK IDK IDK!!!!! I WISH I KNEW!!!!!

I'm sorry for my rawness. But I'm alone here. No one is reading or responding to my thread, so I'm desperately looking for help here.

I know you can get down to the lower doses. I know you can. Believe me, if I could, you can. I am as weak as a fucking kitten. Just one small step at a time.

I AM WITH YOU!!!!!!!! Please......be with me!!!!
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby cheeps » Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:04 am

maggiemay wrote:Hi . Today is day 3 down to 10mg, and like the last drop on day 3 I got chills and massive headache. Hopefully its just my body stabilizing to the drop/ Ill stay at 10mg till at least Saturday- soooo that's the plan.



If Saturday comes and you aren't stable...wait a few days. I wish you didn't get those awful headaches...that must be the worst. Any pain in the head or neck is the worst....so I certainly hope that minimizes as time goes on. :banghead:
10 yrs on methadone
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby maggiemay » Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:48 pm

Hi Cheeps, I am listening..... I will defenetely make sure I am stabilized befor I go down again.
I guess I am eating my words about an earlier post when I said I can go down to 8 without even noticing. That was years ago and I wasn't so out of control with dosing so high as this time..OR it is the Actavis not being as strong as sub strips. Not sure. I have a spinal cord injury soooo headaches and neck pain are my normal. Its actually the reason I got on suboxone. Not sure what I am going to do about the pain issue but ill deal with that after I get down in my dose and decide what I need to do.
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Re: Maggie Mays taper thread

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Oct 04, 2017 7:21 pm

Hello Maggiemay. It's Anna aka Annalo. I'm sorry Ive been so caught up in my own shit (not too much of an addict huh?), that i've totally disregarded your shit. You can get down to a lower dose. i know because I did it without much trouble. You have to be patient and take it slow. But you can. I promise you. Nothing feels so terrible as feeling betrayed by your doctor or so called care taker. We were betrayed, sold out. But we have each other, we have Cheeps and all the others who's names I will not type because i have no memory and will type them wrong. But we know they are here, they are supportive, they are in the same boat or have been. If a single person could get through this, then I know that we can get through this. it's just going to require a lot of patience. patience is not a strength of people like me (or us, don't want to speak for you). Everyday I make the decision to deal with another uncomfortable day. Everyday I decide to live. If i want to live, really live, I have to get off this poison. It steals everything. I have written some very dark stuff in this forum, but it helps to write how you feel and not have anyone judge you for it. It takes a village to help a single person get through this. We have a village here. PM me if you like. It would be good for both of us. <3
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