My Taper Journal

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: My Taper Journal

Postby nomojo3479 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 8:25 am

I’m glad the surgery went ok... and tbh fuck anybody who is gonna give you a hard time about “sobriety”. Plenty of websites out there for that big book thumping dogmatic nonsense.. we don’t need it here. I’m looking forward to June 2018 in nyc. I’m def down to meet up and hopefully my taper will be done by then.
Anyway, I hope your post op continues to go ok, keep up the good work
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:18 pm

nomojo3479 wrote:I’m glad the surgery went ok... and tbh fuck anybody who is gonna give you a hard time about “sobriety”. Plenty of websites out there for that big book thumping dogmatic nonsense.. we don’t need it here. I’m looking forward to June 2018 in nyc. I’m def down to meet up and hopefully my taper will be done by then.
Anyway, I hope your post op continues to go ok, keep up the good work



Mojo!! Good to see you dude!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:40 pm

It is great to hear from Mojo after over a month. Restores my faith in humanity kind of thing.

Where’s Lucy and GingerPop? I don’t know why it bothers me but when people disappear it hurts. I know, I’m weird.

I met with Freddy today for the first time in a long while. I was basically Freddyless until I had to deal with a surgery. It sucks. I backed up one notch on my dose but it’s already not going well. I was in actual withdrawal for about 8 hours today. I’m so pissed. Even at .36 mg I didn’t feel a bad interdose low followed by a post dose alleviation. But now I do. The surgery has short circuited my taper and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go back to 1 mg, no way. Maybe .5 mg and do 1 week reductions. I’m way too sick and chicken to jump.

I am in a serious rut. I don’t work so I am basically doing nothing. It’s bad. The no energy thing now complicated by whatever the damage surgery did to my receptor sites has got me seriously down. At 22 hours from my last dose (not good, too soon) I took .4 mg and actually felt it. I’m totally fucked.

It’s one thing to not frame a taper in terms of time, but this is getting to be ridiculous. Over a year at or below 1 mg and now I may have to use reverse gear again?!? Granted, the medical emergency was not my fault and I did, for the most part, exercise restraint; but come on, another 2-3 months added once again.

What happens if you jump for a few days and let yourself go into hard core withdrawals...and then go back on sub? Would it make it so I could restart at a LOWER dose and feel ‘normal’? Logically it should work that way but when it comes to buprenorphine I’ve learned logic doesn’t apply.

I’m the most lost person here. At least right now.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Martin » Tue Nov 28, 2017 7:25 pm

Hey SDD, sorry your having a bad day man.

SDD - I have done just that - quit for a few days and come in at a lower dose. I failed, but I still think skipping days is one of the keys to getting out of this if one is really disciplined and committed. It's tricky. Mind you, and I tried it at much higher dosages than you are taking. It got me high the first couple times, and I kept increasing the subsequent dosages chasing it trying to get all nice and warm and fuzzy and I ended up right back where I was or worse. And the last time I did it, the sickness didn't stop until I had taken several milligrams (more than my normal dose) within 2 hours because I was that desperate for the sickness to stop. Take this with a grain of salt.
My experience was long ago and far from scientific.....I'm sure Cheeps or someone else has better advice than me. It can probably be done but it requires more discipline than I have. So if you go this route, be careful.

Take care bud! Tomorrow will be a new day.
Benzo Free June 2015
Sub Free Dec 2015 For about a year
Back on Sub June 2017, 8mg a day
Tapering @ 3mg a day
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 8:17 pm

Hey Doc

Glad to see you back on your thread.

I'm very glad that your surgery is behind you, but sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with your taper. I can only say what everyone says; be patient with yourself. You're not lost, you're here. Lost people don't come here. You know this. You're hurting, but you're not lost. Give yourself a break. There is no right or wrong way to do this. There's just the way that works, so just do it. You don't need to suffer. You've suffered enough.I don't want you to suffer any more. You're still here, you're still determined and you're still strong. Do what your body tells you to do and don't feel bad about it.

Thats my 2 cents. My vision is bad lately and its hard to type and read. But I'm thinking of you.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans -Lennon

Much love

Anna :banana:
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Mare » Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:45 pm

SDD... It's easy to be mad at oneself. It's a lot harder to forgive oneself for where you are, no matter how much progress has been made/you feel hasn't been made. You HAVE made so much progress, and faced some really rough stuff on this route to freedom.

If you think you can make it through a few days, then maybe that's the first step to readjusting to what's happened. But I think you should really think about it. What happens if it's too hard and you find yourself in a weak place. What happens if it hurts so bad with the WDs + the post-surgery pain that you end up sub grazing again? I only say this because I've only just read your full thread here in full in two sittings and one thing I've learned from it is that sometimes you have to slow down to speed up.. you know? I'm seeing that by being patient, we can avoid backsliding which only further compounds the impatience. And when we try to speed up the process, it doesn't tend to work in our favor.

Hang in there man, sorry if my words are coming out weird or jumbled I'm not sure that all made a ton of sense. But I think you should hang on where you're at even if the impatience is kicking in... Just my thought though, you know what's best for you and your journey.

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Methadone free since Dec 10, 2015

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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Tue Nov 28, 2017 10:53 pm

Thanks everyone for the kind words of encouragement. It helps and it matters. I notice I’m having tremendous mood swings. Could be andropause, but it’s more likely chemicals.

I’m going to get up tomorrow. Work outside on my yard. Drink a lot of (and only) water. Eat the uber-healthy diet. Work a bit on my diet web site. And force fuck myself to stick to .4 mg/day until I stabilize. And not engage in any unhealthy habits...like hiding in bed or eating crap food, etc. And lastly, but probably most importantly, get me head back in the game. I have to embrace the suck. If I do all these things the suck will lessen, even during tapering. I’ve lost my fighting spirit a bit and it’s time to get it back.

I get knocked down, but I get up again...

I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Wed Nov 29, 2017 11:15 am

If you will go on to the main page and look for "view active topics" , (it's in the middle at the top)and click that sucker your life here will be much easier. To get too the last post, you look to the right of the last posters name. You will see a tiny box., click that bitch and it takes you to the last post in the thread.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:45 pm

Oh SDD you didn't ask for this surgery & there's nothing that could have been done about it except for exactly what you did. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost. I know exactly what that's like. It happened to me on my last drop. I felt trapped & depressed. Can't go up, can't go down ugh it was hard. :banghead:

But with time, I did adjust. Not so sure that I feel the "normal" that you're talking about, but I do feel better. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you. The only thing I can say is that I just know you're going to make it. You're going to adjust to your dose & you will keep tapering & you will get off subs/opy's. :)

You're stronger than you think you are right now. This too shall pass. Surgery happens. It could happen to any one of us on any given day. Today that person is/was you. :shrug:

Hope your brain & body lets up on you & you stabilize appropriately ASAP.
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Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:14 pm

[youtube]http://youtu.be/JkOHDoEkPW0[/youtube]


You have to find one without that pesky period in the youtube part...otherwise it would have worked. Never click on the the share link....always go to the top address bar and copy it from there.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:29 pm

Not a perfect day but I made it 24 hours to that stupid orange sliver of film. I clock watched which is something I hadn’t really needed to do. If I can make it sticking to .4 mg/day through the weekend I feel I’ll probably adjust.

It will be amazing if I get on the other side of all this. All of the courage and strength I read about you all having has helped me try harder, thank you all.

I’m going call the Rite Aid pharmacy now...just kidding.

Hey Freddie, fuck off.

Wannabeasubjumpa is the current President of Club Sub...the Hero of the Day.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Posts: 117
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Mare » Thu Nov 30, 2017 5:38 am

Attaboy! Staying strong, I like to hear it. Keep on checking in when you feel uncertain. You've accomplished such a huge feat just getting through this week with your surgery with minimal pain meds use and jumping straight back on schedule. Keep it up man.
Heroin free since Sept 6, 2015
Methadone free since Dec 10, 2015

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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:11 am

Heh Sdd,
Thanks for the kind words, but honestly I'm just a fellow traveler on this road fighting for my life just like you!! I mean look at all the things you've overcome throughout your journey! Fucking amazing!! You and every other person here give me the strength to keep pushing everyday!! I like to think we both know that the only way out of this is straight through it- your doing awesome man and your gonna get over this hurdle just as you have all the others!! Like I said -fucking warrior and there isn't a single thing in existence that can take that away from you- fuck Freddy-that mf is going down!!

Cheers to another day closer to freedom!!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:04 am

Wannabesubjumpa wrote:Heh Sdd,
Thanks for the kind words, but honestly I'm just a fellow traveler on this road fighting for my life just like you!! I mean look at all the things you've overcome throughout your journey! Fucking amazing!! You and every other person here give me the strength to keep pushing everyday!! I like to think we both know that the only way out of this is straight through it- your doing awesome man and your gonna get over this hurdle just as you have all the others!! Like I said -fucking warrior and there isn't a single thing in existence that can take that away from you- fuck Freddy-that mf is going down!!

Cheers to another day closer to freedom!!
Peace T





:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:


SDD?..check the post you tried to link to YouTube. The answer lies there.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:08 am

Hue lare ree us!!! This is what SDD was trying to post!! A man after my own heart!


10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Mare » Fri Dec 01, 2017 1:02 pm

Yay you posted my favorite Tim Minchin!! He's so funny! If you protect a single kiddie fucker then Pope or Prince of plumber you're a fucking mother fucker!!
Heroin free since Sept 6, 2015
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:45 am

Hey Steve....what up...I've enjoyed your music. Just thinking of you....

I never said a full thank you for saving our asses here with your donation.


Hey EVERYONE....Steve donated some money to pay the host for a while...without his HUGE kindness and dollars...we'd be crying on a shitty yahoo group....or a forum with a shit ton of ads for....you guessed it...suboxone. :banghead:

Anyhow...thank you thank you thank you and twenty more thank yous.

But no blow jobs :mrgreen: :spank: :wiggle:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Tue Dec 12, 2017 7:47 am

I really didn’t want it to be known that I funded the site. I’m not at all upset with you Cheeps, you were just being your big hearted self. But since you brought it up, maybe some of us active users could click on our PayPal apps and drop something in Ratch’s SubSux account. If each of the dozen or so of us regular users donated 2000-3000 dollars each Ratch would have about 250,000.00 dollars, at which point he would close the site, tell us all to fuck off because he’s moving to Bora Bora with our 1/4 million. So, I’m thinking it’s probably better to donate in the 25 dollar range, that will keep the lights on and help him make repairs and some improvements he really wants to do. If you can shoot the guy a few bucks to help out with his server and IT costs it really would be appreciated more than you know. The site went down because the monthly fees automatically come out of the site’s PayPal account and when the balance went to zero the site shut down. We all donate money at various times to all kinds of worthy causes, why not this one.

Ironically, one of the things he wants to fix is the dead “Donate” link. To donate, open any PayPal app on any device, enter this recipient’s name: Hrratchet@yahoo.com, then just enter the amount and click send...dhurrrrr. Even I was able to do it.

I hope no one thinks I’m a dick for posting a plea to help out funding this site and keeping it alive.


Last edited by cheeps on Tue Dec 12, 2017 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Fix link
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Dec 12, 2017 10:16 am

Will do Steve. I sent some bucks last month, but I'll get right on sending more today. We've got to keep this place going! For those before us, those who are tapering now, & those that will come along behind us.

Hope you're doing really well today too!
Opy Free 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering From 16 mg Since 5/6/2017
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:12 pm

One day we will have enough money to fix this place up....thank you for every dime y'all have sent.

I have no idea how much ratch gets from peeps....he holds down the financial end and usually lets me know if we are getting close to broke.

This place needs to be updated in the worst way....during finding a trustworthy IT person is a challenge as that person sees everything. The last person we had was fantastic but he caught holy hell from a group of old members, to this day I'll never understand that....but it was because he wasn't an original member of the first forum. SS has been revived from the depths of cyber hacking a few times....xeno helped ratch rebuild it last time in 2011 but has now moved on with his life.

Every penny is precious..I don't think any of the old members contribute anymore as most of,them have moved on.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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