My Taper Journal

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Mon Jan 08, 2018 2:14 am

Thanks S7. I see how you did the math. I’m still thinking of trying it becasue it might help me recalibrate from my holiday transgressions. I was a bit irresponsible over about a week. There’s no question I am in opiate withdrawal and it sucks. I’m just trying to figure a way out of this with the least amount of pain. By your caluculations I would be backing up to .4 mg/day but over a 16 day period I’d get back down to .27 mg/day and since I was only on a bit higher dose than my regular taper dose for a week it just might work out. The other way to go is just go up a little bit and stay there...I’m just so tired of not moving forward. It’s my own fault though. I take more to feel better to function when I have to and when you’re in withdrawal taking more works. At least at this point it has been working. But I know I screwed myself yet again.

As far as the benzo goes I’m not concerned. I’ve slowed my roll on tapering on Xanax. I have tapered off Xanax at least 6 times and never felt a second of discomfort or symptoms, ever. Weird right? I think it’s becasue I take it every 8 hours, so at 3 times a day the blood level is so stable. I reduce only 1 of the 3 daily doses a week so I just never notice anything as long as I go slow. And I’ve only been on it for about 10 weeks as opposed to 10 years of sub. I very much regret creating a dependency on alprazolam I didn’t have while I was tapering on sub, but I’m human and what’s done is done. If and when things get weird and worse from the sub I don’t care about taking Xanax. For me it’s a zero symptom taper that’s just a nuisance. I don’t mean to sound cavalier about it and really feel for those that struggle to get off of benzodiazepines. I just don’t.

I just can’t figure out why I’m in such bad opiate withdrawal. Everyday is the same, hours of feeling fairly normal and like I can handle it followed by hours of feeling like there’s no way I can get past this. It’s confusing. But I am certain it’s buprenorphine. What’s also confusing is when I would have symptoms in the past, taking a little more (what I called spiking) did NOT seem to help. But now it does. I know this, I’m pretty far down the path and although I’m suffering a bit there’s no way I’m losing this fight. I just want to figure out the best way to fight it given my present set of circumstances and symptoms.

Last question: when I first started reading on SubSux it seemed that it was strongly recommended that once a day dosing was the best way to go. I was taking sub twice a day and worked to go to once a day. Now I’m thinking twice a day might be exactly what gets me across the finish line. But I’m freaked out by the thought of changing. Maybe it would be the greatest thing ever for me, both physically and psychologically. But I just don’t know how to do it without losing even more time. And I have a finite amount of sub. I have 14 days of .27 mg and 14 days of .22 mg precut and 3 unopened boxes (90 strips total).

It scares me but maybe I should back up a little, say around .4 mg (again, fucking hell) and try .20 mg every 12 hours. Then every week see-saw my way down, lower one and hold one, repeat. Or maybe, and this would be a miracle, I could just split dose the .27 mg. Just chop that bitch in half and take them 12 hours apart and see how it goes.

Oh fuck I don’t know what to do. I know something has to change becasue it shouldn’t be this painful. What should I do? I sincerely need advice and help. Rehab is 25,000.00 for a month for a not-so great one (I have to pay out of pocket) I’d do it if I knew it would work. And by work I mean I wouldn’t suffer. I’m not paying 25K to sleep in some shit hole dorm room to do the same suffering I can do for a month in a 5 star beach house for 1/2 that amount. Fuck that.

I gotta fix this shit now. I didn’t realize how bad things are until I read your comment.

What’s my best move here?
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby SmottleB » Mon Jan 08, 2018 3:04 am

Doc, what I have noticed is that 50/50 split dosing did not create the best circadian rhythm. I found that if necessary, taking 30% of the next dose was best for sleep. Instead of 50%. It also keeps the brain from getting the mega reward. And in the morning you will get 70% of your full dose. For me I had to do this a handful of times during my taper. Usually for 2 days, then I could go to sleep without. Even if it’s just a few hours the time you go without it will be very close to 24. It helped me. So many times I just cut my next dose in half( it was small and cutting it in half seemed easiest) but it was Not best for me. I needed extra energy in the morning and I needed sleep at night. Too much at night meant no sleep. Just my 2 cents. You got this. Can you smell the end yet? If you can’t trust me it’s close.
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby SubJumpa » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:15 am

I know this, I'm pretty far down the path and although I'm suffering a bit there's no way I'm losing this fight


You got this doc!! Honestly in my opinion I think you should give split dosing a shot at this point.. personally I don't think I could of tapered as low as I did without dosing more than once a day.. If it were me I would do just as you said and split that dose of .27 into two doses and see how you feel man.. Like you said there's no way your losing at this point... just gotta readjust a bit an finalize your attack that will end this war!!! We all believe in you man!!

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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:59 am

Hey Jumpa and Smots...Thanks for those comments. I "went to bed" last night (ha ha - what a joke that is right now) feeling like I had no hope...but reading your posts helped me. When I look at what I posted, I can see the panic in myself, but things aren't all that bad. I wouldn't say 'I got this' (but you have no idea what it means to me to hear it from you guys, like seriously moving and I thank you again). But I don't feel like 'all is lost' either.

I have thought for a while that taking sub twice a day would be a very good move for me. The psychological pressure alone of waiting out the 24 hour clock is getting harder and harder on me. And now there is the physical symptoms arising at the 14-16 hour range, which, as I wrote, I have been giving into too and that's bad.

It would be a fucking Christmas miracle if I was able to feel stable on .27 mg taken as a split dose...that's .135 taken twice a day...fuck me that seems small. The .27 mg piece as a whole, uncut dose, already seems small...but then I chop that in half?!?! But I have nothing to lose.

I hear you about the sleep issues. But I'm already screwed there any way. I've taken my full dose of .31 mg at 8:00 AM and gone to bed at 11:00 PM (15 hours after dosing) and still had complete insomnia so what the hell do I have to lose at this point anyway. 50/50 might be the right choice for me but I can always adjust to 70/30 or some other tweaking. But I'll start at 50/50 and what the hell, why not just go all in and NOT up my dose and start with the .135 mg 2 X day...again, wholly shit does that seem low.


I guess I'll know how bad it will be anywhere from 12 to 36 hours. Or, if I have ever done anything good in my life for another person maybe karma will smile on me and there will be a little physiological magic and I be posting how good things are going (even at this lower dose) since I changed to split/twice a day dosing.

This is freaking me out, but I do strongly believe it will help me, but I think/fear that the starting dose is too small. If I just can't stand to symptoms I can back-up and try .4 mg taken in .2 mg divided doses. But now I'm ruminating. I will say this...Since I made it from 16 mg down to .31 mg taken ALWAYS taken once a day, I am so used to going 24 hours that knowing I can take more, no matter how small, in another 12 hours, is a huge benefit. Or will it mean that instead if suffering once at day for 6-8 hours I suffer twice a day for 3-4 hours? I have analysis paralysis.

When you have tapered over 98% off sub over a period of well over a year one way, and change it up for the last 2% it feels as close to jumping as you can get...without jumping. Giving this a shot and not upping my starting dose shows at least some real commitment and desire...I'm not jumping today but I am leaping a bit.

Thanks all. It's leap of faith time.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:15 pm

Doc.....I think what we have learned from peeps over the years is this.

1.Everyone is different but Bupe is the same.
2.Split dosing at higher doses is NOT necessary but very helpful at low doses.

Therefore....when one gets under a mg....adjustments without spiking are individual and reasonable.

Smots, Sub4seven, and subjumpa...all recent cases in point.
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby lil_tony » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:35 pm

Doc,
I had a chance to read your entire thread. I know you had taken the time earlier to comment on mine. I know you are struggling. Keep fighting. You are truly close to the finish line. And you are correct, the rehab can't do anything magical. They will give you clonidine and/or benzos and gabapentin. There is no magic cure. You could match it at home with Xanax, a blood pressure cuff, and your Temper pedic. A good one might not even recommend you go bc of the low dose you have managed to taper too.

God Bless
Opiates for 10+ years (more on than off)
Suboxone for a year
Jumped at .4mg or so (1/8/18)

"Every dog has his day."
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:58 pm

Definitely try the split dosing DD, even if you have to do 0.2 each time so you actually feel something for the first week or 2. It should do wonders for you, seriously. Taking half 2x per day with the long half life will really stabilize you while not stacking since you are taking so little and should make it a lot easier to drop. You can drop 1 dose at a time like if you were taking 0.2 twice per day, you can stay with 0.2 in the AM and drop to 0.15 in PM, makes it so much easier on the mind to still get that 1 full dose while dropping. You're basically on the bottom step, you don't have to push yourself to taper to nothing to jump. Stabilize yourself for x number of months before you're ready to jump, dont push yourself too hard just to reach a lower dose at this point. Find a nice easy pace and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Taking less than half a mg is a great accomplishment, it's a bitch to get down to that, takes complete will and dedication over several months or even years. The reason you are getting down sometimes is completely bc of the taper, you basically don't have enough sub in you and you're worried how are you supposed to take less...Go Easy. No reason to push it at such low doses. It's not worth the anguish.
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:22 am

Thanks all. Tony, you have to be a JD if you read my thread that fast haha. Thanks for the support and comments. I keep re-reading them as I’ve derived a lot of hope and encouragement from them.

The ‘enjoy the fruits of your labor’ comment and ‘you’re on the bottom step’ and of course ‘you got this man’ are all so helpful and encouraging.

Today was so weird. Looking back to the beginning, 16 mg a day - I’ve been dosing 1 x a day...and then all the sudden at the 11th hour I change methods. Feels weird.

If, and it’s a big if, I am able to not ‘need to go up to go down’ and can stay on this dose (today was not only the first day where I went to 2 x a day dosing but also a 15 % drop on the same day) it will be a miracle. But it’s really amazing to be taking .135 mg as a dose, even if there’s two, it still feels good to see such a low number. .13 mg - wow. If I can make it to Friday I’ll be able to stay in on this dose and move forward.

I swear sometimes I feel like I’ve been at this so long I forgot what the hell im even trying to accomplish. One day, for a long time, I never want to say, hear or see the word SUBOXONE. I’m so done.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:36 pm

Well...here comes the brutality...

You are correct...you will know by Friday if you can sustain. Damn a long half life....damn a LAO. :evil:

But... :mrgreen: it may not be brutal at all. Fear not...absolutely fear not...because you know how and how long to push. You understand the feelings. You understand expectation. You understand and know HOW to get past it. Eat the orange. Eat the Brussels. Go to the gym. Get mad instead of letting fearful fucking Fred take over.

Brutal....not for you....brutal gets stomped when you have control....and you have that. Here's what you do to Fred. :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: Beat that ass...here Freddy...have another one. :deadhorse: :mrgreen:


And btw Fred..... :blowme: :blowme: :blowme: several times a day...right here in this thread. :wiggle: :banana:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:34 pm

SDD I really hope the 2x a day dosing will help you now. You are so close. You've come too far to go backward. Just hang on & do it when the time is right. They say that you will know when it's time. I believe them. We get the cold hard truth here & I'm thankful for that.

I truly wish you the very best & am sending all the good karma your way. Please hold on! You're strong & determined to get it right this time once & for all.
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:46 pm

If he doesn't, I'm gonna make him butcher a cow and a hog and eat them.
10 yrs on methadone
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
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2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby lil_tony » Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:56 pm

Truth be told I have been trolling many threads here and can't wait to see you finish this taper strong.
Opiates for 10+ years (more on than off)
Suboxone for a year
Jumped at .4mg or so (1/8/18)

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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Jan 10, 2018 6:08 am

For over a year I have been struggling with getting off of ONE MILIGRAM. Lots of mistakes, backsliding and some ligitamate bad luck along the way. I’ve been posting on and off and it’s usually to report how shitty things are going and how rotten I feel. But just this once...this one time...I want to report a big change. The single biggest thing that’s happened in a year.

Out of no where, suprizingly and shockingly, I did a drop riddled with fear becasue I was already in WD and unstable on the dose I was dropping from. But I did it any way. Today I am I into day 4, and look I have a very healthy respect for the power and potency of this drug, but with that said: on the lower dose that I thought would make things worse, much worse in fact...I feel better than I can recall feeling my entire taper.

A few things clicked. One, and this is huge, I realized I was both trying to get off of suboxone while at the same time staying on it. For 10 years it’s represented comfort so it would probably be weird if I didn’t look forward to taking it and trying to hold on to it as much as possible. But something clicked and now, suddenly, taking it is more a nuisance than a reward, now I truly want to be done. The second thing that happened is for the first time in tapering from 16 mg to .25 mg and ALWAYS taken it once a day I have now split the dose. That’s a big deal, scary even. I thought it might help me but I’d have to raise my dose to get it to work out, go up to come down...but now I’m day 4 and I have not had to go up and no matter what comes at me: fuck you suboxone, the only dose change from here forward is down, period. The next thing that was a real confidence builder is my dose is now only .12 mg...that’s 120 micrograms, that’s sub-clinical even for bupe in pain treatment. This was a huge moral boaster.

I’ve been posting a litany of pissing, moaning and complaining (and believe me, all legitimate complaints) but it feels good to finally post something positive. And not just a good day. For the first time in well over a year I feel in control, like I get to pick the jump any time I want and I am no longer scared, but can’t wait. I can feel I’m done. I didn’t expect this. 72 hours ago I felt lost, worried and pretty sure I’d wind up at Phoenix House on fucking clonidine and Imodium for a month. But something happened, and with the proper respect for this drug and knowing they’ll be some pain and a new chapter that brings new work...I know, for the first time...I FUCKING GOT THIS.

It may be 2 weeks, it may be 8 weeks...but I’m getting off and am looking forward to whatever I feel becasue I know I’ve paid in and build some serious equity. .12 mg 2 times a day...next drop is to .10 mg 2 times a day and from there I’ll let my gut tell me what to do.

All I know is this had a lot to do with realizing I wasn’t as ‘all in’ as I thought I was...and making it to .12 mg even though it’s twice a day was a huge taper B12 shot, so to speak.

Hey suboxone, go fuck yourself. I’m coming for you. Our love affair is over you dumb bitch. You’re just too toxic and I’m tired of your drama.

I’m getting close, I’m getting close, I’m getting close! And oh yea, I’m gonna be able to jump soon. Hahahaha get it!

I’m a very fart smeller, I mean smart fella.

I am happy.

Thank you all. More work to do but looking forward to it, not terrified of it.



Wholly shit, I actually posted a positive comment! It’s a miracle!
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby cheeps » Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:11 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

I considered Phoenix House but a friend reminded me of my religious preferences and I wisely ended up at Summer House. Yes, Summer House is detox....not a proper rehab....but if you can pay, you can stay and it beats the hell out of rehab.

Rehab....its just about a dirty word. I know there are good places out there....but the majority still want to 12 step. No can do. I have control. :D

Its not even the religious aspect as much as it is....I am not powerless. :cheers: :cheers:

Steve.... :popcorn: :popcorn: :wiggle: :blowme:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:21 pm

Gotta love Cheeps. Funny as hell dude. I pour my heart out and make my first and only declaration that I feel some optimism and confidence I’ll get off and you message back ‘blow me’...yet, somehow, there just isn't a cooler response than that and I cherish it.

But did I mention the part where this is day 4 on 0.12 mg tid? And that I have basically no symptoms or at least improved symptopms?

Seriously, it’s a Christmas miracle. I always felt I was on the ropes and the runt of the SS litter. Less than a week ago I looked forward and saw only failure, no joke. I was convinced that I would never break through to the other side...but something changed...And one day soon I shall be a suboxone bitch no more.

The dream after that (and I know there’s a lot that I’ll have to go through before I’m there) is two simple life themes. Work hard to become the healthiest, happiest, most productive and appreciative adult I can be, and spend my life helping other people do the same, in what ever form that takes. That’s is. That’s all I want out of life. A second chance at unimpeded function to peruse my best self and to impart care that empowers others to do the same, to just help others.

Oh, and one more deep sentiment, blow me.

Wait...what’s that and the end of the tunnel I’ve been stuck in for a year...what is that? Oh, wholly shit...it’s light!

I am Sisyphus no more.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:58 pm

Wow, just wow! Finally a break through. You certainly deserve this one. I truly believe that you've got this now. I'm thrilled that the 2x per day dosing is helping. I've always done it for the analgesia effect to help with pain. I'm glad its helping you now.

I'm feeling a bit down today due to some regular 'ole life circumstances but your post has really brightened my day. Can't wait to see what the future holds for you. It's going to be good. Real good! :cheers2:
Opy Free 4/14/2017
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:34 pm

Hey Doc. I'm just stopping in to say that you sound really really good. My money is on you. Its just a matter of a little more time and OFF you will go.

I wish i could focus enough to read more and post more but the brain is not cooperating these days. But You're on my mind and in my heart. You are one of the reasons I've made it this far.

I don't know what else to say. Its hard to form thoughts, but basically i just want you to know that you've got this. We've got this. Keep your eye on that light at the end of the tunnel, it's getting brighter.

Anna :banana:
Last edited by Annalo57 on Sun Jan 14, 2018 1:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:21 am






Male Vocal: Me (Peter Gabriel)
Female Vocal: Cheeps (Kate Bush)
Last edited by cheeps on Sun Jan 14, 2018 6:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Fixed link
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:52 pm

Wow SDD that was great! Yes, I finally had chills listening to music. :D Peter Gabriel (& Genesis) have been a favorite like forever & that song was spot on.

Thank you so much for that. It's lifted me today in a way that I can not explain. :cheers2:
Opy Free 4/14/2017
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Re: My Taper Journal

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Mon Jan 15, 2018 12:02 am

Thanks for fixing the link to our song Cheeps. I think I can’t post links becasue I use a phone exclusively to write posts so I can’t acess the other type of links that work in posts.

I want to contribute more to this site and to support others and I do think about everyone here a lot. I’ve been doing better but there’s no question I am very self-absorbed. But for now, I’m not going to give myself shit for that. I’m holding on and trying to cross that finishing line. Like the song lyrics go: I’m standing on the bridge watching that river flow, and that’s good enough for now.

I have a long, hard fight ahead of me. The taper continues but I am optimistic I’m getting closer to begin the battles that come post taper. I don’t even want to say I’m close to a jump because it wreaks of assumption. I assume nothing other than there’s more work to do.

But humbly, with that said, I am gaining ground faster than I can ever recall and I do feel the end of
dosing is near. I kid you not, it’s making me nervous to even write that! But I had an epiphany. No kidding. A real one. There was this exact moment, an actual pin-point second in time, where I realized, where I knew, the end of this taper would soon belong to me. And this is definitely not like me.

Part of me feels I shouldn’t write those words until I jump and live with it for a good while. But I guess I’m trying to decribe more a sense of hope and optimism rather than a sense of success, and I guess that’s OK to write about that. I really want to one day jump and still be able to say I knew the second, even a month or more away from the time I actually jumped, when I knew I had it licked.

I think tapering isn’t one thing. It’s not a collection of various periods of uncomfortable symptoms. It’s forced introspection, it’s feeling lost, it’s hope then despair. It’s more this aspect that’s changed, I’m just not afraid anymore. I knew when .13 mg twice a day didn’t move the detox discomfort needle at all that my only foe now was my own psyche. But I worked and suffered to make it to this point, and I think it’s OK for me to say I earned that. You guys know the last thing I am is cocky...most of the time I’m terrified which I think of as kinda the opposite of cocky.

I think I may have stumbled upon a medical paradox, or at least an irony. All of my drops have been 14 days per dose (with a good number of drops extended longer due to symptoms I thought were sub related). Most of my drops I would experience various exacerbated symptoms or even new symptoms, sometimes for a day, others for many days. Sometimes symptoms would arise on day 2 or 3 following a drop and other times I felt things got worse a week after a drop. But on this dose...nothing. I feel the same on day 8 as I did on day 2. So, and here’s the ironic part, I just might do a drop on day 10 this time. I just get the strong sense that nothing is going to change. I’m not trying to rush things, I couldn’t care less how long it takes. I just feel like 10 days is enough. For the first time ever I feel I’m in the home stretch. Me. Unbelievable.

My gut is telling me what to do. 3 more drops.

.22 mg (.11 mg 2 x d)
.18 mg (.09 mg 2 x d)
.13 mg (.06 mg 2 x d)

Might be overkill, might need to taper longer, I have no idea. Follow the gut I say. There’s a ‘suboxone taper expert’ on-line that swears tapering below .5 mg is useless and causes more harm and pain than good. Screw that clown. My plan is based on you guys and my gut.

I was going to try (and again I remain flexible till the end) to do each of these 3 drops for 10 days, if that feels right. IF I continue to feel basically no sub related symptoms along the way then why not, right? I’m going to use the next 30 days to get into the best physical and mental shape I can. Great diet, hit the gym, be vigilant and responsible with Xanax, work on my nutritional diabetes research grant, etc. so when that jump day comes I can enjoy it with some wind behind my back.

It’s been a while since I gave something my all and I’d like to finish this marathon strong. I am not over confident, I wouldn’t even say I’m confident. It could suck quite badly actually. But what I can say for certain, for the first time in over a year, is: I’M FINALLY PISSED OFF ENOUGH TO LOOK THIS DEAMON THAT’S BEEN SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME FOR A LONGTIME IN THE EYE AND SAY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

When I make it I can honestly say not one doctor helped me, there was no playbook, protocol or treatment plan, no studies or white papers to refer to, I had zero professional guidance. But I have all of you and although I got a ways to go I have to say no way I’d even have a shot without you all. Thanks and I hope to keep posting good news.

Home stretch bitches!
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ 0.12 mg 2xday
Alprazolam: Yup!
Subverted DietDoc
 
Posts: 116
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:58 am

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