Looking for advice on when to jump

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Jun 01, 2017 5:50 am

You know what's weird? I have zero drug dreams...I find that odd.

I did have a good dream last night...I was on a road trip with a tall, lanky FBI-type, and we were having fun. I was laughing a whole lot. We were driving along side, I guess, a river, but it had waves like the ocean, and the waves would kinda pull up into this ball shape, and we were saying maybe we'd go white water rafting or canoeing. We got a cabin and he had this big case of electronics or surveillance equipment and upside down under the case he had a tower of post it notes stuck there...on them were a bunch of words that seemed really interesting...and I am pretty sure he and I were about to bang but then I woke up. The fucking injustice.

But I was expecting some intense introspective dream shit to take place by now. Some terrified running from giant pills, or something. All well, rafting is fun too.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Eyedotz » Wed Jun 14, 2017 12:32 pm

Hi CheeZ.
What the hell is up, my friend?
I am sure you are absolutely fine though!
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Subblind » Thu Jun 15, 2017 6:53 am

She may be eating Cheetos in Maine...
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Jun 15, 2017 8:01 am

Eating Cheetos in Maine...is that another 12 minute, experimental, instrumental metal-jazz fusion song?

All is well here.

Honestly, I never think about bupe unless I come and lurk here.

Don't know if that is bad or good, but I ain't gonna force it. I still don't feel like an 'addict in recovery' or like I'm in remission or whatever that term is. Active versus Inactive addiction? Those terms always grated on me though, like a fucking disease or some shit. For me personally, thinking of drug use in those terms takes away too much of my own personal responsibility, and I feel like as long as I have strong goals, then doing anything to prevent myself from achieving those goals is dumb and will lead to further strife, so I end up not wanting to do any drugs... I know that sounds kinda like I'm saying that the key to stopping drugs is to stop taking drugs. :roll: I dunno. I just think it all comes down to being honest about what you want.

I guess mostly I just feel like I have shit to do, and focus on all that. Still could use some more energy but I am getting there. It will be interesting to see how it goes from here on out, that's for sure.

I check in here often and read the posts, and I am happy to see people tapering. :cheers: And I always check in to see how you guys are doing. Eyedotz, you, as always, lead the way forward with such positivity, it makes it seem like there is no other path for people who taper off this shit. And Subblind, hope you hit the lottery to pay for those teeth buddy. What the fuck, I can't figure out how they can charge such a lot of money. :wtf:
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Tue Jun 20, 2017 3:00 pm

Hello everyone. Just checking in. It's been three months today. Not sure what is new, but the lack of energy still persists in the PM, but it isn't that awful. Summer is pretty much here. I am thinking the sunlight is helping. Actually, I oddly think it is helping my eyesight. Some rainy days when I stay inside, my eyesight gets worse. Then a couple sunny days out and about and it is back to normal pretty much. Weird.

I love getting outside, but shit, the ticks are ferocious this year and everyone is on antibiotics for Lyme right now. Short of chemical warfare, I don't think there's any way to prevent the fuckers when hiking. I sure as shit am not gonna tuck pants into socks in 80 degree weather. Bug spray it is. Some days they are so bad I feel like taking a flame thrower to the woods around my house.

Okay, not much else to say I s'pose.

Love to all you folks, and hope any taperers are holding strong. Summer is a good time to decrease, thats for sure. Still sucks though. I remember decreasing last summer while driving on a road trip and feeling restless legs while driving. Fuck that shit. No where to go, can't get up and stretch...and that was when I was doing the liquid taper and I remember trying to measure out my dose while on the road... :shock:

God, every time I post, I end up mentioning road trips...I am really hearing that road a calling I guess...just gotta find the time to do it. :thumbup:

Man, that little guy looks sarcastic as fuck. Like I just told him I got a 95% on a math test, and he's like 'Oh really? Gee, you must be the next Einstein. Good for you jackass' And this guy :wave: too... Actually, that guy is me when I see someone I know in the store..."Oh Hi, great to see you" while I'm thinking Oh fuck, I just wanted to buy my toilet paper and sanitary napkins in peace.

Alright now, someone feed me three bananers :shred: :cheers: :boobshake:
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Eyedotz » Tue Jun 20, 2017 3:15 pm

oooooooooo!!!!! ME ME ME!!!!

:banana: :banana: :banana:

Yeah baby! 3 months OR a quarter year! Good job dude. Always nice hearing from you. I just hit my 15 months on Sunday. Just living I guess. I'm trying to socialize more... I'm totally out of practice but how do I make new friends if I don't try?

My GF and I went to a club on Friday for Pride and she broke her foot. I guess she joins Cheeps in that dept (Hi Cheepers!). Basically her whole summer is shit now... she's not very happy because she's insane active. I keep trying to tell her 3 months is nothing compared to a 9 month taper...what the fuck do I know though. I've never broken anything due to being built like a brick shit house. Haha....

Good on you Cheez... what state are you in? Maine is a GROSS tick land in some parts... luckily, I stay the fuck away from those parts. My path seems to be free and clear but you also won't catch me dragging my ass around in the bushes off the trail. Subblind found his love for chicken via tick bite... oh the good ole days, right SB?
:shred: <----- This one looks like it's taking a dump.
:think: <------- This one is watching a naked tennis match.

So happy for you, my friend. Hugs dude. ~dotz
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JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Subblind » Wed Jun 21, 2017 7:40 am

So happy to see this page this morning...you guys are the core here and the funny shit that just flows is priceless...

I got a ziplock bag with about 35 different tics in all varieties magnetized to my fridge...some still crawling...anyway gotta run,will tell you all about the vape device that blew up in my truck(VAN) next time...obviously I lived!!!
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Subblind » Wed Jun 21, 2017 7:45 am

:banana: l :banana: :banana:
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:05 pm

Nice! thank you guys for my nanners. I am wiped out but spent a lot of time outside today.

Subblind, that is hilarious about the bag of ticks. The tri-state is fucking loaded this year. And Lyme is spreading all over the country. Creepy shit. Not to mention the other weird tick-borne illnesses floating around now...my doggo has had a couple kinds of tick-diseases in the past two years.

I'm excited to hear the exploding vape story. :mrgreen: Glad you weren't holding it next to your face when it blew!

And Eyedotz, sorry about your girl's foot. I'm curious how she managed that in the club :D The whole socializing thing is fucked, isn't it? I have never been a pro at the ol' art of light conversation between acquaintances, but damn, it is definitely harder for me now because I am so accutely aware of my own dysfunction. I always seem to find the most cringeworthy things to say:

AnnDee notices friend of friend in town. She pretends to be interested in something in a shop window, hoping to avoid eye contact. Too late. They're coming her way. AnnDee realizes she doesn't remember the lady's name...AnnDee panics, but there is no chance of fleeing, so she pretends to be even more engrossed in the thing in the window. The lady stops next to AnnDee. "AnnDee? Is that you?"

AnnDee looks up at her. "Oh wow! Hey there..." AnnDee fumbles for a name, "Uh...er... So, how are you?"

"Fine, fine," the lady says, and then she looks at the thing in the shop window, the thing AnnDee had been pretending to be so fascinated with. AnnDee looks also, and realizes for the first time that its a nose-hair trimmer. The lady looks back at AnnDee. "What are you up to, then?" the lady asks.

"Uh, just shopping," AnnDee says, instantly regretting it, as they both awkwardly look at the nose hair trimmer again. "So, " says AnnDee, "How's the husband?"

The lady looks back at Andy in disbelief. "Well, AnnDee, he died of pancreatic cancer last year. Remember?"

And inside AnnDee's head, this little fucker :thumbup: is saying, "Right on AnnDee, you're a real cool cat, huh?" And then this guy :clap: chimes in and says "Nice fucking job, jackass."


Okay, maybe it isn't always that bad, but damn, it feels like it sometimes. Social anxiety is fucking annoying!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Eyedotz » Wed Jun 21, 2017 4:15 pm

Oh my fucking gawd!!!!! Bhahahahahahaha!!!!!!! I love you guys... seriously. We get us. SB and his swinging bag of fridge ticks!!! Wtf Is wrong with you dude. Do they smell? Inquiring minds want to know! YOU KILL ME!

She broke her foot dancing like a nutcase and someone spilled beer on the floor behind her so her foot slipped a 1000 miles an hour and abruptly stopped on the other side because of her grippy skate shoe. She broke the outer bone under pinky toe. Air cast for at least 4 weeks.

Cheez! Tell us another awkward socializing story!!! "Hey there.... you." LMFAO...
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JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Wed Jun 21, 2017 6:57 pm

well, thankfully my social experiences aren't really that bad.
One time that stands out in my mind though, is one night I was having dinner with the parents of an actor, and I of course happened to casually mention how this one recent movie was really pretty shitty. The dad gave me this look like, "Is this girl joking". About five milliseconds and one almost choked bite of food later, I remembered that their kid was one of the stars of the fucking movie. :thumbup:

Glad your girlfriend had a good story for her broken foot. Kinda like Cheeps' broken bone story...wasn't she chasing moonlight? The best broken bones come from hilarious insanity.

Hey Subblind, did you know Cornell will test ticks? I think its Cornell. But you send them the ticks and they'll tell you what diseases they find.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Eyedotz » Wed Jun 21, 2017 7:17 pm

...I think SB wants to keep them....like a hunter with a deer head wall... :lol:
The tick man and his VAN. (SB supplies too much ammo for my ball busting gun to play with)
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JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Jun 22, 2017 5:33 pm

Eyedotz wrote:...I think SB wants to keep them....like a hunter with a deer head wall... :lol:

But he will only put the itty bitty heads on the wall. The bodies are tiny, which is why he needs a whole bag full...then, once he has enough, just like a deer hunter, he will turn the rest of his kills into a bowl of delicious stew. Like venison, only with more crunchy bits. :sick:



Ooh, speaking of deer hunter, anybody remember that movie with Christopher Walken? I remember thinking that dude was fine as fuck in that movie... Great movie.., I should watch it again after all this time. I remember the russian roulette scene. Intense shit.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Subblind » Fri Jun 23, 2017 7:51 pm

I simply can't take you fucking guys...I'm just dying here OMFG.

CHEEZE Cornell research is literally 6 miles from me...maybe I'll bring them there after I get done at the taxidermist.

I just can't fucking take anymore of this...SO much fun.and we don't have to entertain each other socially...you can't get a better circle of friends anywhere.thankyou both,you made my day(decade)
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Eyedotz » Fri Jun 23, 2017 9:14 pm

Right back at you baby! You guys fucking kill me.... some people just get you, you know?
You can store your tick head trophys in the same room as your vapo studio....what a treat.
Twisted fuckers we are.
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JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby cheeps » Thu Jun 29, 2017 8:38 am

Ticks? Any big blood filled ones? I like to put a napkin on those and pop the Fuck out of them!!

I'm tapering and in wds...shaky to say the least but here's my three naners to go with the others!

:banana: :banana: :banana:

AnnDee...the trick is to put them on the defensive. Turn around and say, " hey there....long time no see....where you been?" Or....If they say, "hey AnnDee, how are you?" Then say, "you know what....I'm dumb,I can't remember your last name!" They almost automatically say there whole name. That one saves my ass.


But yeah...let me sulk away in peace PLEASE.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Jul 20, 2017 8:03 pm

What's up motherfuckers?!?! :boobshake:
Tis 4 months for me today. Nuts, ain't it?
Still the same old.
Not much new to report. I don't think about my taper much anymore, or being on subs. I get little things that remind me, like a couple yawns in a row that don't quite feel like 'typical' yawns, :yawn: or a stretch of restless legs that takes me back for a moment to the pain of the taper...but I am good with it. I do come in here and lurk everyday to catch up on shit. Lots of new people jumping and tapering. Neat.
All I can say for those tapering, think about sticking with it. You'll see people come and jump, and think 'well, shit, I should just do that.' And, for some people it works. But the only experience I have is with a long, long, long motherfucking taper and it sucked a lot, but it got me off a bupe habit that extended well past a decade. So I gotta rep the taper plan, but in the end, only you know what will work for you. And I know we all hate the 'two steps forward, one step back' routine, but just remember its your brain stabilizing. Better two steps forward and one step back as you make your way through the treacherous forest that is brain readjustment, than a billion steps forward, full speed off a fucking cliff.
You can do it if you want. Just gotta decide if you really want to. It is pretty fucking sparkly on the other side, but all the reasons you went to dope in the first place will be there waiting too, so prep yourself.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Lucy » Fri Jul 21, 2017 5:09 am

Congratulations on 4 months off the poison, AnnDee! 10 years is a long time to be chained to it. Great to read those words of hope and encouragement. I am planning on a long taper too so will start reading this thread from the beginning.
Reducing from 32mg. Dropped from 26mg to 16mg 8th July 2017. August 1st 12mg.
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby Lucy » Fri Jul 21, 2017 9:18 am

CheeZeeAnnDee wrote:I have a hormonal migraine and it feels like someone has shoved pokers through my eyeballs. Fuckin hurts. I have never found a damn thing that breaks them though. Subs make them worse. Beta blockers seem to lessen them and maybe prevent them, but once the migraine kicks in, it can't be broken. With my low blood pressure, I don't think I should take beta blockers anymore, so when I started getting the weird visual stuff and felt the migraine inching on, I just had to let it come. Blah


Hi AnnDee. I'm reading through your thread and came across this post. I too get hormonal migraines. I've been getting them for decades and they have been getting progressively worse. For the last 17 years though I've been using Indomethacin suppositories when one starts and have found 1/2 of one will almost always make it go away completely. Occasionally I have to take the second half and that will always fix it. They work in 30 minutes and provide complete relief. Hope this info might help yours too. Indomethacin is a powerful anti-inflammatory. You can get it in capsule form but I've found they don't work. Only the suppositories work, which is unpleasant but much better than those brutal migraines.
Reducing from 32mg. Dropped from 26mg to 16mg 8th July 2017. August 1st 12mg.
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Re: Looking for advice on when to jump

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Fri Jul 21, 2017 12:24 pm

Thanks Lucy! You know what is interesting, after having them for years, they've lessened to the point where for the last few months, I have only gotten headaches instead of migraines. I assume it has to do with coming off bupe, and perhaps I will continue adjusting and they will come back, but it has been awesome without them lately...god, they really suck. I will look up the medication you mentioned.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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