Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Thu May 18, 2017 11:50 am

Good afternoon dudes,
14 months today...it still feels surreal to say it.
Nothing really to say besides it FEELS FUCKING GOOD!!!!!....and summer has finally risen it's head in this gawd-forsaken state. Yay baby.

Love you guys,
~Dotz
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
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13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Thu May 18, 2017 12:39 pm

Dotz....when I did my methadone detox....at 14 months I felt 85% and I was happy as a clam in sand! It was a big big turning point for me.


Time will fly now so reach out and do the things you want to do!!!

On my phone but wanted too say.......Yeeeeehawww! :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Fri May 19, 2017 6:07 am

Happy summertime to you Dotz...you keep racking up the months and before you know it it'll be years your celebrating.always proud of you kiddo!!!WALK ON!!!!!
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Sat May 20, 2017 9:36 am

Nice Eyedotz! :shred: Makes me so happy to know you are still going strong.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby A7dream » Thu May 25, 2017 11:49 pm

:D :D :thumbup: :thumbup: :boobshake:

thats great news!!! love to hear your pumped enthusiasm DOTZ !!! It gives me much hope to be there too. And wow just wow to the 18 long yellow dancers, :cheers: :cheers:
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Sat May 27, 2017 6:54 pm

Eyedotz, you got any Maine Vacation tips? Where should I go? I want stormy, foggy islands with rambling houses, creepy lighthouses in the distance and bizarre locals who say 'Ayuh' and bonus points if they have a sea captains cap on when they say it. Kinda like a horror movie setting I guess.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Sat May 27, 2017 7:21 pm

Jesus dude, that's a tough one....The whole fucking place is gorgeous in it's own right. I live right outside of Portland (largest city) and it has a really great local scene on the waterfront if you like bar hoping/music venues (called The Old Port). About 15 minutes away, there is Cape Elizabeth which has lighthouses/old fort thingys. A lot of peeps from out of state like to stick along the coast line. There's Ogunquit, Old Orchard Beach, Kennebunkport, Freeport (home of LL Bean), Bar Harbor, Camden...Bar Harbor is pretty close to Arcadia National Park which is a tourist/local gem. Google those places and choose your fancy.

Not sure about the fisherman's hat but I could probably dig one up for you if you're in the Portland area...I'll cue a fog machine and some wind machines when you drive up to get the haunt-y effect you're looking for. :clap:

I'll tell you one thing though...the air here is so fucking clean and crisp. Living on the coast, you get the Atlantic right up in your face. I took advantage of the beauty here for years... I didn't realize how good I had it...even if 6 months of the year usually suck. There is nothing like walking my trail at night in the complete darkness with headphones on and fireflies dancing on all sides. Fucking epic.

Yeah, don't watch the weather reports. They are always wrong and things change day to day. You'll plan for summer sun and end up with torrential downpours. Ah, Maine: The way life should be. Anyway, weed is LEGAL if that floats your boat (lobster boat?).

I don't say a'yuh... that's the northern fuckers that give us a weird rep. Being on the southern end, a lot of us have more of a Boston accent....ALTHOUGH...I do say car like cah. You got me there. :cheers2:

Everyone should come to the Maine coast at least once in their lifetime. True dat.
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Mon May 29, 2017 1:42 pm

It really sounds amazing Eyedotz. Thanks for the tourist advice. All those places sound beautiful. I am hoping to take a nice road trip and explore. Maybe next month. I love getting in the car, knowing it will be a long journey, stocking up on coffee and shitty food like red hot cheetos, and just fucking driving. :cheers:
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby mimiluv » Mon May 29, 2017 2:03 pm

Congrats Eyedotz, so glad you're off of sub and feeling good. You walked through hell and made it back.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Mon May 29, 2017 10:10 pm

I've been saying we should go check out Maine...Wendy's looking for palm trees but your area sounds delightful.i can see CHEEZEs face and fingers stained orange from the fucking 14 bags of Cheetos she consumed heading up 95....funny shit.Bonus for her if Stephen King is pumping gas at a creepy old gas station some where north of"Bah Habah"and Jack Nicholson is the manager of the local "Wendy's"...CHEEZEs vision would be complete.

Lake Sabago anywhere near by?my business partners been trying to get us to go there for years...bet that fucking water is cold...and stays cold.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Wed May 31, 2017 11:24 pm

Dude Sebago Lake is an hour away. You better tell me if you decide to come up here! I'd love to grab a coffee with your crippled ass and meet that awesome family of yours...just sayin'. What a trip that would be...

Water isn't that warm...no...but great fishing I hear...isn't that all that matters really? I haven't been there in years but it's def well known. I fucking love creepy Steven King... I met him once and was star struck... dude is epic. OF COURSE cheez would eat cheetos...maybe a side of nacho cheese Doritos? Ayuh. Peace dudes, I'm crashing. Fuck this day and on to the next!
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Jun 01, 2017 6:03 am

I feel like I am sensing a subsux family vacation coming on. I'll bring the red hot Cheetos and black coffee. They pair nicely on long road trips.

And it seems like everybody who has met King has said he is a really nice dude. Bet he's a fun guy to drink a few beers with. And it is funny because I have been thinking a lot about artists who have done work both on drugs and sober, and King is a good one to look at for that. A lot of people say there is a big difference between his sober and druggy work. Kinda interesting. I wonder how different his early stuff would have been if he hadn't been fucked up all the time.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Thu Jun 01, 2017 9:16 am

Years ago I went to Maine to get my brother who was discharged from the navy post Vietnam. We went to Acadia park, the air is just as you said, blue, crisp, WONDERFUL! I loved it there and always said if I ever moved up north...that would be the place to live. Edotz...I'm very jealous that you get to enjoy all that non humid air! I can't think of a better place to go....but fuck driving from here...I'm taking the plane and will bring a case of hulless cheese popcorn! 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Wed Jun 14, 2017 12:58 pm

I haven't updated in a while but I have been lurking. I'm glad to see all the newbs taking the bull by the horns and facing this shit head on. I feel like an old veteran or something. It is so hard to believe its almost been 15 months...I'm trying not to count anymore but it just happens.

Time passing is weird for me. For so long, the only focus I had was sub/tapering/symptoms, ect. and now it is just being alive after-the-fact. It's almost like seasons or something and moving on to the next chapter. The one thing I have noticed is that once the paws settled down and I normalized, I also became complacent. Almost like the determination and desire to taper and get off this shit was all consuming...and then you realize, 'holy shit, I did this'. I don't know but there is something about the red-hot desire to focus your attention to something...and then once you complete that task you have an emptiness? No clear purpose?

Maybe it's just me. I have this incessant ability to constantly reflect on myself post sub. It is exhausting sometimes to feel overwhelmed and detached at the same time. For example, I want to care about something but I tend to avoid it/detach from it because I'm afraid of the pain it could cause me now. I know its normal to feel things but it can be hard when I'm still adjusting to healthy ways to deal with them. Ugg. So hard to describe in writing, I guess. Fuck it...moving on.

Anyway, summer is here and it is awesome. I'm happy to report that I am still obsessed with fucking sky pictures (ask subblind...haha) and I can see beauty in everything. I hear beauty in the wind... there are times when I just stop outside and close my eyes and listen to the different tones of the breeze in the trees. Gawd, this world can be stunning sometimes... but the clouds are possibly the most valuable thing I've discovered post sub. Staring up at the sky like a pez dispenser, right SB? Love you guys, hang tough.
Last edited by Eyedotz on Thu Jun 15, 2017 7:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Thu Jun 15, 2017 6:59 am

You see some awesome things through your new"lense on life" really stunning shots Dotz...keep finding the beauty that sub free life has given you my friend...as always,so very proud and happy for you!!!
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:02 pm

Hey all my SS dudes out there. Today is my 16th month Sub-free birthday... I have been quiet here for a while, I know. I do check in and it's nice to see all the new people helping each other out. It's really important to have the support of recent jumpers. It feels like a million years since I've jumped.

There is a single moment between life as you know it before... and life as you know it after.

So this week was hard. I lost my grandmother last night after a long battle with Alzheimer's. She broke her hip last Sunday and the trauma transitioned her into the end of life stages. All they could do was keep her comfortable. I sat with her everyday and rubbed her head and held her hand. I was with her when she passed and I was honored to be there. We were very close (I was her first grandchild) before this awful fucking disease stole her. She was 89.

The reason I chose to share this news is because it is the first time that I've had to deal with something so profound in my life....and I'm doing it sober. I am trying to be in the present and deal with my emotions as they come. It has been a hard long week and I knew I wouldn't get the chance to be with her again. I was focused on what was important. I handled it very well considering. I kept thinking that if she knew what was happening that she would know that I was there for her and I loved her. Now that she is at peace, I'm heading into a new phase which is the finality of knowing she's really gone. It's been hard today but I am doing this sober. When I need to cry, I do. When I need to laugh, I do. This is going to be a process but it is a process that is supposed to happen so I won't hide from it. Anyway, if I can make it through this without drugs... I can make it through most anything.

Love you guys...keep up the good fight... I'll visit soon.
~dotz
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Lucy » Tue Jul 18, 2017 8:40 pm

So sorry for your loss, Dotz. It was so good and brave of you to be there with her and some part of her would have/does know and appreciates it so much. Grief and loss are such a huge things to deal with and you're doing it sober. You have every reason to be proud. Your grandmother must be proud too. It's great when successful older jumpers return and update. It gives a boost of hope and courage. Ive read this thread all the way through and learned so much that is going to help me.
Reducing from 32mg. Dropped from 26mg to 16mg 8th July 2017. August 1st 12mg.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:03 am

Eyedotz wrote:Hey all my SS dudes out there. Today is my 16th month Sub-free birthday...

So this week was hard. I lost my grandmother last night after a long battle with Alzheimer's. She broke her hip last Sunday and the trauma transitioned her into the end of life stages. All they could do was keep her comfortable. I sat with her everyday and rubbed her head and held her hand. I was with her when she passed and I was honored to be there. We were very close (I was her first grandchild) before this awful fucking disease stole her. She was 89.

The reason I chose to share this news is because it is the first time that I've had to deal with something so profound in my life....and I'm doing it sober. Anyway, if I can make it through this without drugs... I can make it through most anything. ~dotz



First off.....I want you to know that your grandmother is right there with you on your shoulder...and she will be for the rest of YOUR life. And even though she was out of it...she knew you were there for her. Hearing is the last sense to die in a person and when she was alive, she could hear you and knew it was you. I know she's so fucking proud of you and while she couldn't show it, she was probably so happy on the during these last 15-16 months.

You are resilient and when you finish crying, you may feel anger at her disease as it stole so much of how she really was....but the most important thing you can take away from a grief situation like this is to know that she's not suffering anymore and she died a happy woman....regardless of what happened. Her energy goes back into the cosmos so every cloud you see carries a teensy amount of her energy. That's the way I like to think of it since I'm atheist.


I'll send you some good thoughts and hugs for the next few weeks. I'm so sorry girlie but the cool thing is...she had you right there when she needed you. :kiss:
10 yrs on methadone
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Wed Jul 19, 2017 3:28 pm

Thank you my friends... :kiss:
....I appreciate the condolences.

PS.. Cheeps you know it's funny you say she's on my shoulder... I hope she kicks Freddy the douchebag every time he tries to climb up. Although in all honesty, I think that little bastard has given up and crawled back to Reckitt Benckiser where he belongs... :clap: :laughpound:
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby DietDoc » Thu Jul 20, 2017 12:03 am

Eyedotz,

Sorry for your loss. My heartfelt condolences. I believe that your grandmother felt your loving presence by her side. And the vibrant you she felt in her heart that made her passing one filled with love was the most authentic you, the you she always knew and felt again in her heart. You were there in a way you couldn't have been 16 months ago. You're the you that you worked and suffered to become,again.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

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