Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Sun Apr 16, 2017 6:19 am

Thankyou CHEEZE for diverting my attention to your Easter treat rant... OMG CHEEPS...it's Easter morning and... You damaged me
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Sun Apr 16, 2017 8:58 am

And...we got a menstrual mess all over Dotz thread...so damaged...I feel like I should go to church...
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Sun Apr 16, 2017 5:18 pm

Take a kotex with you!



When they first came out with PB eggs...we bought a case cheez. Dee fucking lee cious! Poor man's reeses is a jar of Reese pb and a jar of cheap chocolate icing. Good shit at midnight!
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:30 am

HAHAHAHAH
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:41 pm

Just had a reese's peanut butter bunny. No where near as good as the all mighty egg. If I ever hit the point where I have to join NA, at least I know who my higher power is now...
Oh Holy Peanut Butter Egg, I know not what I do, because I'm just a helpless, little human bean. I'm POWERLESS before you almighty egg, please bless me with your sacred deliciousness and deliver me from my wickedness.

Let us pray.

Yo, though I walk through the sugary valley of the shadow of subpar treats, I will fear no shitty candy, for thou art with me, thy thin layer of chocolate and thy dense, salty, peanut butter, they comfort me.

A-fuckin-men :angel:

Say, where is eyedotz anyways... Probably screaming in a corner somewhere suffering from Ice Cream PAWS.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

Telling subs to fuck off since March 20, 2017
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:50 pm

CheeZeeAnnDee wrote:Just had a reese's peanut butter bunny. No where near as good as the all mighty egg. If I ever hit the point where I have to join NA, at least I know who my higher power is now...
Oh Holy Peanut Butter Egg, I know not what I do, because I'm just a helpless, little human bean. I'm POWERLESS before you almighty egg, please bless me with your sacred deliciousness and deliver me from my wickedness.

Let us pray.

Yo, though I walk through the sugary valley of the shadow of subpar treats, I will fear no shitty candy, for thou art with me, thy thin layer of chocolate and thy dense, salty, peanut butter, they comfort me.

A-fuckin-men :angel:

Say, where is eyedotz anyways... Probably screaming in a corner somewhere suffering from Ice Cream PAWS.



:rofl: :banana: :rofl: :banana: :lol: :lol: ;) gimme a damn egg!!!
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:51 pm

Hey, mebbee we can send SB a case of Reese's Kotex pads.....dense and yummy!
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:53 pm

:shock: that's it...I'm making an appointment with a therapist. :shock: the visions...it's the middle of the night and now I will never be able to sleep...OMG :wired:
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Wed Apr 19, 2017 12:21 pm

Subblind wrote::shock: that's it...I'm making an appointment with a therapist. :shock: the visions...it's the middle of the night and now I will never be able to sleep...OMG :wired:



Ok...sounds good. I'll send you some! :kiss: :boobshake:
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Thu Apr 27, 2017 10:47 pm

Hey my dudes, I thought I'd check in and say hey. I'm glad there is a new tiny pile of newbs to lead out of the fire.

I'm in a weird mood tonight. It's really hard to describe but I suppose you could call it loneliness. It's one of the hardest adjustments post-sub for me. This is an emotion I lacked on sub/drugs so I'm quite unpracticed in dealing with or understanding why I feel this way. It doesn't make any rational sense to why I feel like this. I'm so busy at work, I barely have a moment to reflect on anything other than the panicky shit storms I'm jumping through. Tonight it is just too quiet but not quiet enough. My mind wanders and ruminates when I just crave silence or peace. I find myself feeling like a spoiled asshole. I have my life at my fingertips, life and work is good (but busy). I find myself feeling ashamed for feeling this way ...or any way. The version of paws I went through was a turbulence of emotions and now I feel like I'm doing the opposite. I wouldn't say I'm 'shutting down' but after that emotional time frame I went through, I feel myself back-sliding into a void. For a long time, writing made me feel better....needless to say, I haven't written in a while. I don't know guys, maybe this is what everyone feels all the time? Maybe the 'normal' I've striven for has lead me here? Maybe this was my prize? Maybe I'm just lonely.

Honestly, I think the way I feel is individual to me, so please don't worry it will happen to you 13 months later. I am recovering from a lifetime of drug use. I am following a path of no chemical input to effect my moods and feelings. I believe I am still learning to 'like myself' after years of shame and guilt. I am learning to forgive myself and move forward drug free.

Anyway, eyedotz spitting her truth. I know I have good life. I know I have a girl that loves me. I know I have a good job. I know all these things but sometimes I still feel hollowed....like a stranger. It will pass, it always does...especially when walking my trails with music and the sun on my face. I figured I'd share how I felt with my anonymous friends here, my little journal-y post-sub rant. Thank you for reading old pals....

~ dotz

Ps. Fuck you subs
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:09 am

You still have more of the road to travel after all the years of dope. I remember free again saying something very similar to this....like....is this it? Is this end? And it wasn't.....six months later he became the person he likes.

It will happen.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
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2017 taper in progress
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Sun Apr 30, 2017 6:04 pm

Hey Eyedotz, you sound like you are feeling...human :( :o :shock:

:lol: I say that because even though I am still early on, I am noticing signs of very human-like behavior and emotions, and while I felt them on bupe, they are more intense now and some I just don't like.

God, I felt like I was the 'before picture' in an anti-depressent commercial yesterday, staring out the window at a sunny day and feeling so ambivalent about everything. I could have seen a North Korean nuke dropping from the sky and I would have just have nodded quietly and shuffled off.


If you can't quite feel the urge to write, what about reading?

Or maybe you need something extreme to jar you out of that feeling. Kickboxing, skydiving, getting your pilots license? Eh? Any of those strike your fancy?
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

Telling subs to fuck off since March 20, 2017
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Sun Apr 30, 2017 7:21 pm

Thanks guys, I'm fine again... shit comes and goes sometimes. :boobshake:
Yep, agreed. Human behavior. I think that is all it is. It makes me think of all the years and years that I floated through without a care in the fucking world. No boredom, no loneliness, no sadness, no impending doom of mid-life crises. :wtf: That's the thing about emotions, 90% don't make any fucking sense when they're happening. Anyway, back to my normal repetitive life of working/light sleeping/walking... I'm still playing Mass Effect: Andromeda, at least it keeps me busy during the boring times.

Cheez you fucking make me laugh, I can see you sitting by that windowsill....I too have felt like a pharmaceutical commercial looking out at the world.....Something tells me we may need to do the zombie shuffle when NK nukes us. I'll just have a light shrug and say, hmmm.... shit, I didn't charge my controller again....I'll go do that before wifi goes out. :clap: :lol: :lol: :wired:
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Tue May 02, 2017 8:22 am

I need to check in more...sorry I didn't post when this was current.im just going non fucking stop lately.

Your having normal emotions that you can't recognize because of your drug induced past.your more alive and aware and able to ponder all of what life throws at you.the more it happens the less it will seem new or unnatural.a sub powered robot doesn't live in your house or world anymore...and you made that happen because your strong and determined.and you will learn to regulate the ups and down as you continue to grow...you may physically be a 41 year old women but emotionally you may only be in your early 20s because of the past...you got this...you just need to keep that in the forefront... :kiss:
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Tue May 02, 2017 11:56 am

Dude, no worries man. I just use this site to vent sometimes (no replies needed)....ANNNNNDDDD BY THE WAY.... I am still 40 damn it! Till the end of June anyway!

Yeah, it's not so much the ups and down of emotions anymore (I seem somewhat level now) but its the 'experiencing' the range of emotions I'm not used to...like true boredom and true loneliness. Trust me, on sub I DID NOT GIVE A SHIT...and now I kinda do. Man, it is all so foreign sometimes. It still angers me that I waited all these years to get clean and to catch up with 'real life'. I live 'inside my head' and don't talk about this shit a lot so I figured I'd do it here. It's like free group therapy! I know my rants has nothing in particular to do with tapering/jumping but it does have to do with recovery from decades of continuous opiate use.

Hey, did you guys notice that the forum isn't updating properly on browsers? I'll post something but it won't reflect on the main board. I have to go into the thread to see if the topic was updated. This is happening on work pc/home pc/iphone. It looks like threads aren't updating but they actually are. Weird. Maybe it's just me! I'm tarted. :wired: Love you guys.
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Wed May 03, 2017 12:50 pm

Hey, did you guys notice that the forum isn't updating properly on browsers? I'll post something but it won't reflect on the main board. I have to go into the thread to see if the topic was updated. This is happening on work pc/home pc/iphone. It looks like threads aren't updating but they actually are. Weird. Maybe it's just me! I'm tarted. :wired: Love you guys.




The board is being wonky.....this is why we've ben begging for money. It needs updating....it may be the end soon. I hope not....we've had issues before and ratch got it straightened out. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Be very careful about your PMs. It's a good idea to clean out your inbox and sent folders if you worry about privacy issues.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Sun May 14, 2017 11:40 am

Image


One for dotz.......
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Knee surgery 9/19/14
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby cheeps » Sun May 14, 2017 11:42 am

Gotta have a cute puppy pix....

Image
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Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Eyedotz » Sun May 14, 2017 12:00 pm

I love chickens!!!!!
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Eyedotz Taper I jumped!

Postby Subblind » Mon May 15, 2017 5:54 am

Shit you got streaming video going...I thought this site was so screwed we'd be back to sending smoke(vape) signals.
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