SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby yup. » Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:54 am

Turbo,

Cheeps is right. While it doesn’t seem like the finish line is in sight just remember that it actually is. All the shitty feelings (both physical and mental) do pass. The acute phase is no fun whatsoever but the other side of it is really worth it. You’re on day 11 right now (unless I counted incorrectly) and that’s a good while to be off subs. Sometimes when you’re right in the middle of it there’s that feeling that it’ll never end but it does. Just keep moving around when you can, rest when you want, and make sure you keep flushing your body, taking vitamins, eating as much as you can, and stimulate your mind and keep it occupied.

And I wish I could do a 4-5 mile run. I can get around the block a few times but after that I need to stop. It’s like building levels in Final Fantasy, where every little bit starts to add up and things get easier. When I first started jogging I could make it halfway around the block but now I’m going longer and longer. I like to push myself and when my body says, “Okay, you did more than yesterday,” I try to push myself and say, “One more house,” and then one more after that and then one more after that until I can’t take it anymore. The old adage, “No pain, no gain,” is true, even though it sounds like a Gatorade ad. :-)

Just hang in there and don’t give up. It’s not that you can do this: you are doing it. :-)

And this song, which appears in The Darjeeling Limited, makes me smile. I hope it makes you smile also. I knew this song before that movie (my parents were hippies) but I can’t help but associate it with that film now.

Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
User avatar
yup.
 
Posts: 499
Joined: Mon May 11, 2015 9:58 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:12 pm

yup and cheeps,

man that kinks song is so freaking good! i understand what you mean by associating it with the darjeeling limited - especially since it is during the classic 'wes anderson slow-motion scene' of the film. well i feel like garbage. this is no fun at all (not that i expected it to be). i barely made it through class yesterday, and today i have not done much. I'm going to try to get a jog in this evening, and hopefully that will help me with these horrible chills i am having. the chills and sleep problems are the worst symptoms i am experiencing right now. IM NOT GIVING UP THOUGH! i have had chances to get sub from people, but i refused to call them back. i was pretty proud of myself for doing that! i am so ready for this to end, but i understand that i still have a ways to go. i have read a ton of posts on here - seeing people who have made it through these awful withdrawals gives me the most hope. i appreciate you guys.

-turbo
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:19 pm

yup,

speaking of final fantasy level building - i have been playing 'final fantasy III' on my NES. it is such a classic game - absolutely my favorite video game series of all time. did you hear they are remaking final fantasy VII of for the playstation 4? it is exciting news - i hope they do not change it too much from the original playstation version. here is the article: http://www.ign.com/articles/2015/08/25/ ... d-graphics

which FF game is your favorite? for now mine is the one i am playing right now during these withdrawals - the warm colors and the awesome music from the third one make me feel a lot better for some reason - i wonder why that is? anyways, i don't usually have a lot of time to play any video games at all, so even though i feel like crap, i am enjoying 'vegging-out' and playing through some of my favorite games during this time. i find keeping my mind occupied is some of the best medicine for withdrawals - what better way to do that then with turn-based-strategy-video-games?!?! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

-turbo (day 11 off sub)
Last edited by turbo on Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby cheeps » Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:22 pm

Big kudos to you for going to class....do whatever you can....take Imodium ahead if time...it always took four hours to kick in with me....

Fight the good fight and by fall break, you'll be breathing easy. What classes are you taking this semester?
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9692
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:37 pm

cheeps,

i have also noticed that it takes FOREVER for the immodium to kick in for me as well - i usually take it the night before, or in the morning. lots of water is required though while taking it, but i need to be drinking a lot of water anyways. this semester i am taking experimental psychology (with a lab), an adolescent substance abuse course, and a childhood development course. my classes are extremely interesting, and they require a metric-ton of reading, but i am really enjoying them so far. substance-abuse psychology is a field that keeps on evolving, and something i have a personal interest in (haha). i hope to someday steer people away from the evils of LAO's and SAO's - and i will be able to tell them i have had personal experience with both.

-turbo
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby cheeps » Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:42 am

Turbo....have you read that great book by hari? Chasing the scream....forgive me if I asked before. I wish I had done what you are doing when I went to school 40 years ago! I'm impressed....
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9692
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby yup. » Thu Aug 27, 2015 9:27 am

Turbo,

Everybody swears by FF III but I’ve never played it. I’ve seen other people play it but I never had a copy and that’s the kind of game where you need your own copy. My favorite is FF VII, which is what most people say but it’s the first one I played myself (I was 17) and got sucked into. I played VIII for a while but for some reason my PS1 memory card kept corrupting and I had to start over. When that happened a second time I said, “fuck it,” and haven’t played one since. I saw last week that VII was released for Apple products but unfortunately it’s only on the iPhone and iPad. I don’t have an iPad and I don’t like playing games on my phone so that’s out. I also refuse to buy a new gaming system because I know what’ll happen if I do that. I quit playing console games with PS2 because they were eating away my time but some of the new games that are coming out look incredible.

And yes, I can’t wait to see what they do with the new version of FF VII. Hopefully it isn’t some terrible Star Wars Special Edition rendition where they took all the soul out of the game. I just don’t want to buy a PS4.

I hope day 12 is finding you feeling a little better. If it takes playing video games to keep your mind occupied for a while that’s fine but remember to move around. There were times that I could keep myself distracted but ultimately I needed to move around or rest. Those chills are no fun whatsoever and sometimes it feels like you can't find a comfortable position. It does pass. It might seem like it won’t but you’re getting closer and closer. Just hang in there. :-)
Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
User avatar
yup.
 
Posts: 499
Joined: Mon May 11, 2015 9:58 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby Spiritual_High » Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:53 pm

Hey Turbo,

I was tapering this summer (In june) and then went back on my normal dose. Not exactly the same thing as I didn't manage to completely go off for 8 days or anything but ya I went back on. Saber-tooth is rooting for you even if the guy, or gal? doesn't know what's going on I know she/he wants the best for you. I am around your age (29) so I am especially interesting in your thread. Keep at it! 12 days! And you're in school too for masters, that's so impressive! After reading your thread and a few others before yours (well, re-reading as I have been on here since June) I am determined to lower my dose starting to-mo-rrow down from 4mg to 3mg. Your thread is kind what did it, no reason why I shouldn't be able to do it if someone else my age can. Anyways, looking forward to hearing your progress! Way to go!! :)
User avatar
Spiritual_High
 
Posts: 45
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2015 10:55 am

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:08 pm

cheeps, spiritual high, and yup,

cheeps - i haven't read that book, or heard of it - but i will check it out. i need something to read (besides school-stuff) to keep my mind occupied. i feel really bad today, probably the worst i have felt so far. I'm not sure why today has been so tough, but on top of the usual horrifying chills, lack of quality sleep, and lack of energy is a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that i cannot seem to get rid of. sigh. look at me feeling sorry for myself when i got myself into this situation - oh the irony. i wish i knew how to speed up this process, it is really starting to piss me off.

yup - today nothing is working. i ran for a little while, and walked my dog but it did not help very much. it is just one of those days i guess. i am glad i am writing these feelings down so i can look back on them if i am ever tempted to pick sub up again. congrats on five months and counting off sub - someday i will be there too.

spiritual high - the younger you are the faster your body recovers from this stuff. no matter what age you are it will be difficult, but you are on the right path. this website is the best place you can be for information on tapering/getting off sub. keep on tapering, but taper slowly. you need to let your body and brain get used to the lower dose before you taper further. i believe the recommended tapering amount is lowering your sub intake .25 every four to five days (cheeps/vets correct me if i am wrong here). if you have enough sub to do this kind of taper it will help you a lot when you actually jump all the way off the sub. i am glad you are doing this, i may sound really discouraged today, but i am still working towards my goal of being off this stuff - you can get off sub too! i never have to feel like this again, and neither do you. good luck and lemme know how you are doing..
Last edited by turbo on Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:12 pm

does anyone know if suboxone/subutex gets into your bones when on it long-term? i read that somewhere and it makes sense to me because of how long it takes this poison to get out of your body. just wondering.

-tubo (day 13 off sub)
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby cheeps » Fri Aug 28, 2015 7:38 pm

Yeeee haaaa! 13days is great!


Turbo...all the docs say that, oh hell no, your bones are fine. Well..... I don't believe it for a minute. I do know that methadone rots your bones and teeth....so why shouldn't sub? :evil: :evil:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9692
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:47 pm

cheeps,

i have a feeling that continuous use of sub does indeed get into your muscles and bones. we know it attaches itself to its our fat cells, so why not our bones as well? i have no science background so i could be spouting nonsense. i am just frustrated/angry because i do not weigh very much, run a lot everyday, drink a LOT of water (only water nothing else), and take vitamins to flush my system out, but this withdrawal is just going on and fucking on. its endless! i am not seeing much improvement, which i thought i would be by now (day 13). i guess i am reaching the end of my rope as far as patience for this withdrawal period, but i am just trying to be honest here. i am frustrated. i am angry with myself. i am losing a bit of my hope to make it out of this with my sanity intact. I'm not going to cave, but man, this sucks. fuck.

-turbo (miserable on day 13 off sub)
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:08 pm

User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby yup. » Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:30 am

Turbo,

Okay, what you’re describing is exactly how I felt. The first week or so off subs I was feeling like shit but I could still keep food down. It was the second week and a little after where my stomach felt brutal. I had no appetite and even threw up when I ate once. That’s when I started on the Boost shakes and protein shakes. I’m a skinny guy and have difficulty putting on weight and losing weight was terrible. I drank those and started eating chicken, vegetables, and rice. It sucked but I’d eat as much as I could. You might feel like it’s not going to end and that you’ve done permanent damage to yourself but that isn’t the case.

It passes. I promise. Anne mentioned how showering was an arduous task and there was a point in my acute phase where it was also. I felt so low at that point but I just suffered through it. You’re 13 days off subs. Don’t make that for nothing, no matter how bad it gets. Just remember that it does get better.

For your stomach I’d recommend getting a decent probiotic from Whole Foods or somewhere like that. The ones that are refrigerated are the way to go. Take it twice a day. Yogurt is also something that might help.

When you say you worry for your sanity, I felt the same way at where you are right now. You feel like everything is crashing in and that this is a test of endurance that you feel you can’t win. The truth is this is a test of endurance. I can’t lie when I say that kicking subs changed something in me but I’m kind of glad it did. It was an ordeal for me but I made it through and you can too. I like where I am as a person and I want to see what I can do with myself going forward. I haven’t felt like this mentally since the last time I kicked hydrocodone a few years ago and I really liked being sober then.

What helped me was watching things that brought me joy or were lighthearted. I watched Bob’s Burgers. Eventually I moved onto deeper stuff – films and books – that made me examine myself and the world around me. One great thing about kicking subs is rediscovering the world around you. That took a few weeks but once I got there I was more active again and the pains of acute withdrawal started subsiding eventually. The lead suit took a while to disappear but it does go away.

Just keep moving around, even if you feel like it’s difficult. I felt like a feeble old man for a while but that changes. I hope this post finds you well and that you can get some sleep tonight. :-)
Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
User avatar
yup.
 
Posts: 499
Joined: Mon May 11, 2015 9:58 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby cheeps » Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:10 am

Turbo....yup said it all.....this week is the acute bitch. But you'll get thru it.....I promise, you at least n
Know that you are normal.....I wish I could do it for you... :problem: :problem: :wtf: ....well...maybe not! Watch funny shit...you need to laugh....don't get too mad at yourself....read don pistos post where he cusses the sub drs.....I love that....he is so good. Pm peeps here when you feel like shit....you know we will be here for you.


Fight! Fight! We love you and you will feel a little better on Monday....get out of the house....call the family...go to the movies even if your shit is ragged. You need to laugh!




Play the game everyone!

Why did Cheeps cross the road?

What did RC do when billy bass broke his line?

Why did Anne scream on the loading dock?

Why did yup fling shit in the bushes?


Your answers here...... :cheers: :cheers: :blowme:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9692
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby cheeps » Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:16 am

Play the game everyone!

Why did Cheeps cross the road? She was chasing the sub dr with chain saw!

What did RC do when billy bass broke his line? he yelled, bass gone, this shit is wrong!!

Why did Anne scream on the loading dock? I don't know but we get to commit her when she starts thumping her chest!

Why did yup fling shit in the bushes? yup would never fling shit....he'd write about it, then pack it up and send it to his old sub dr.


Your answers here...... :cheers: :cheers: :blowme:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9692
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby mano » Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:05 pm

Why did Cheeps cross the road? To get her male

What did RC do when billy bass broke his line? fell on his ass

Why did Anne scream on the loading dock? because she was loaded

Why did yup fling shit in the bushes? because he gave a shit

:ogeez:
User avatar
mano
Local Fixture
 
Posts: 3474
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:51 pm

haha. thanks guys.
you knuckleheads are making me feel better just reading your responses (cheeps, yup, mano). yup and cheeps i took your advice and got myself moving early this morning to the golf course with my dad and his friends after sleeping exactly ZERO minutes/seconds/hours last night. we had a 7:20 am tee-time. it was a beautiful morning, and even though my energy levels were low, i witnessed a gorgeous sunrise as i walked the golf course. i also took out a lot of my frustrations on my poor golf ball - smashing it all over the course! my clubs took a bit of a beating too - i threw my pitching wedge a bunch!! and it felt great!!! i was having so much fun being out in the peacefulness of the morning, and mentally focusing on my golf game, that i barely thought about feeling bad at all. i was impressed after having my worst day yet yesterday, to barely feeing any ill effects at all today. i actually was able to grab an uninterrupted four-hour nap this afternoon after finishing 18 holes! crazy! i am going to grab some more vitamins tomorrow - i plan on picking up some probiotics and some NAC's along with some more lopermide and healthy food to keep me going. i know i am going to continue to have ups and downs throughout this process, but today was a brief glimpse of how great life can be off subs - it gave me hope - hope for a happy and satisfying future. i am continuing on towards that goal. i have made it 2 weeks officially today, i am proud of that. i honestly could not have done it without your guy's help - thank you.

-turbo (day 14!!!!!!!!)
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby turbo » Sun Aug 30, 2015 4:50 am

it would be nice if i could get some sleep - i feel like a zombie vampire staying up all night. oh well.

-turbozombievampire
User avatar
turbo
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: SUB WD IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

Postby yup. » Sun Aug 30, 2015 12:50 pm

Why did Cheeps cross the road? Fuck you. There’s only one side of the road (sorry, I stole that from Doug Stanhope but it’s funny to me).

What did RC do when billy bass broke his line? He screamed obscenities but eventually caught another bass named Bobby. :-)

Why did Anne scream on the loading dock? Because the assholes putting things in her truck were taking too long by screwing around on their phones and she was in the right (and has her CDL license at this point).

Why did yup fling shit in the bushes? Funny story and I’ll make it brief. I went to see Sixteen Candles at a midnight screening years ago and after eating popcorn and other bad food I needed to take a shit. There wasn’t that, “Oh, you have ten minutes before it comes out,” it was more like: “You’re going now and there’s nothing you can do about it.” What did I do? I stopped my car, dropped trou and took a giant dump on somebody’s rose bushes. I went home and promptly took a shower and washed my clothes. Am I proud of that? Sort of but only because it was some rich guy’s house and he woke up to find my dung all over his nice rose bushes. :-)

Turbo, noticing stuff like a sunrise is amazing, right? It was there before and I’d been there for it while on opiates but there’s a certain liberating and almost Zen feeling when you’re experiencing it sober (or at least not on opiates as the last time I saw a sunrise was about a month ago and I was sobering up from alcohol and just smoked some pot but you get the point). I know this week is rough and it might get worse but stick it out. I didn’t sleep well for a while after the acute phase, as I think my body got used to being on the world’s circadian rhythm (and sleep is hard to come by sometimes when kicking subs), but that eventually does improve. Lack of sleep is enough to drive somebody crazy and it did that to me but now, for the most part, I sleep like a baby. I went to bed last night around 3am and woke up around 10:30 today. I don’t like sleeping that late but I’ve been having a stress-free weekend and figure I’ve earned it.

Granted, I was up half the night playing Final Fantasy VII on my new iPad (yes, I broke down and picked one up and it’s awesome) but I feel I’ve earned that. For sleep I tried everything from Melatonin to Benadryl and even tried Ambien once. I don’t recommend Ambien because I woke up after six hours and felt like crap for a while. I even bought a sleep mask and started using earplugs. Sometimes it helped and sometimes it didn’t. Just know that even though you’re sleeping like shit right now that eventually it’ll get better. I find that when I exercise the in the evening I sleep a little better, even if I’m just taking a 30 minute walk around the block and talking on the phone.

Also, congratulations on making it two weeks. Just don’t give up and suffer through what’s going on now. The other side is totally worth it. Of course you’ll have bad days in the future but that makes the good times shine even more. You can do this. :-D
Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
User avatar
yup.
 
Posts: 499
Joined: Mon May 11, 2015 9:58 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Sub Sux

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests