49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Sub Sucks and if you havent figured that out yet.. please read a few posts

Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby Neil » Wed Feb 17, 2016 2:30 am

Hi Yup

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, I kind of hit a wall with the daily s.s thing so I decided I needed a break for a while. I have missed my interactions with you, Cheeps, Sindy, RC, Don and a few of the other kind souis here. I am wrapped that you are going well man, I think you are awesome!

Talk soon Love Neil ;)
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby subster58 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:47 pm

Hi Yup, ditto to what cheeps and Neil posted. All normal. You're doing great!
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:38 am

You know you are getting better when you leave here and live!
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:53 am

I hit 11 months off subs in three days. I have no idea what day it is today and I don’t really care. For a while I was saying I was looking forward to the times where I quit counting days and started counting weeks and then months. I think I’m at that point where I’m just counting months. And Cheeps is right – you know you’re doing better when you’re on here less and less and out in the world more. Does that mean my life is great right now and I’m completely over opiates? I doubt it, as I had a craving last week that was intense and unexpected, but I don’t want opiates as a part of my life going forward. I can’t speak for the future but I know that I haven’t wanted them as a part of my life for a while now.

To anybody reading this: life off subs is way better than life on them. Yes, I woke up this morning in a bad mood, depressed that I’m still alive and have to work at a place I’m not happy at, but I’d rather have this than thinking about getting high first thing after waking up and then worrying about if I have enough of my meds to get through the day and so on and so forth. I think that’s just life (or my life) and it’s going to have up’s and down’s. It took quite a while before the PAWS started to dissipate and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to feel down in the morning sometimes for probably the rest of my life but at least I’m doing it without any opiates. :-)

I need to head into work. I hope everybody’s Monday morning is going well (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Neil, Tia, Turbo, Suboptimal, Kurdt, Mags, and anybody else I’m currently forgetting). Friday night I went to a show and had a blast, jumped around with some friends, and drank way more than I should have (we were up until around 5am drinking beer). I paid for it the next day and while that sucked I realize that I wouldn’t have been that into what I was doing Friday night if I was still on subs. They made me a spectator in my own life and not a participant. Sometimes I don’t want to partake in my own existence but even those times when I feel down (like this morning) are better than the times I had on subs. Truly feeling again is worth abstaining and quitting opiates, regardless of how bad that can be sometimes
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon Feb 22, 2016 7:55 pm

yup...I heard from freeagain today...that guy is doing GREAT!!!! He finally has the right cruise speed going and his brain is healing nicely.

And while I sorely miss you guys posting, it tickles me to a silly grin and sometimes tears of JOY that you all are successfully off the shitty evil sub that Drs told you was safe to take!!! :D :D 8-) 8-) :banana:
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Tue Mar 01, 2016 2:26 pm

So it's been about nine days since my last post. My Macbook died on me and it took me a few days to get it up and running again (in-between all the other stuff I've been doing). It's finally operating but on an old OS which I need to upgrade tonight or tomorrow night. At least it's working and I have a functioning laptop again.

I'll hit a year off subs on the 25th of this month. I'm happy that I'm almost at a year but I'm really annoyed that it's already March. Where the hell did the time go?

I also needed to get a crown on one of my molars because a filling from when I was in 6th or 7th grade came loose. Yesterday I had a root canal and they offered me Vicodin for the pain. I took prescription strength Ibuprofen instead. I'm really proud of that because I could've had a dirt-cheap, legal supply of hydro's but I turned them down. I talked to my girlfriend about that last night and she's proud too. I'm glad I have a supportive lady in my life that doesn't judge me for being on opiates for so many years. I got that out of the way pretty quick, as I think that's important going forward. Not that I'm thinking about breaking up with my current girlfriend but if things go south and I'm single again I need to put that out there pretty quickly. There's such a stigma surrounding opiates and it seems like everybody thinks you're a heroin addict or a pill popper that would steal from their parents just to score a Vicodin. Of course, there are people like that out there but I've never fallen into either category. Maybe it's because I had a prescription; maybe it's because getting arrested for buying pills seems like a scary situation to be in - I don't know but it's probably both.

I'm currently at lunch, eating a sandwich, and enjoying what a nice day it is outside. Yes, it's a little hot for March but it's not too bad. There's a breeze and it's kind of peaceful for being in a populated place. Work is extremely hectic today but I could think of worse fates - like still being on subs or going through acute withdrawals. I don't miss those whatsoever and Cheeps' advice that I go back and reread some of my early posts was very helpful. I feel like I've come a long way since then.

I hope everybody's Tuesday afternoon is going well (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Tia, Neil, Kurdt, Don, Turbo, Mags, Suboptimal, and anybody else I'm currently forgetting). I feel like yesterday was a test, determining if I have the willpower to decline opiates when offered by a doctor and I passed. Yes, my mouth is a little sore from the root canal but I'm getting by just fine with those Ibuprofen. I've also used Aleve once and it was helpful. I just wish I could have another day off work because I'm really in the mood to watch Jaws this afternoon. Then again, I can always listen to the soundtrack on Spotify or YouTube. :-D

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Tue Mar 01, 2016 5:50 pm

Good thing I don't live near you....we'd be at the movie house away to often! 8-)
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby amery2u » Wed Mar 02, 2016 2:18 pm

Hiya, my Yuppers!!!!!

I finally had a bit of time to stop in today; hurt my knee in the semi last week and it's really flared up from the weather, so I decided to say HAYA to you blokes!

I really wasn't gonna post on anyone's personal threads, because I feel like i've kinda "dipped" on you guys, but did check my pm's on and off the last few months, occasionally. I've even stopped in and read as a guest, on the road a few times. Yes, still trucking; read it on my thread!!

Almost a year, buddy. Almost a YEAR. I NEVER thought "I'd" see the day... did you? Easter is around the corner and that's my benchmark; I quit counting the days, too.

You sound great, and have so much "new" going on that I'm gonna enlighten myself and read for a bit before it's time to pick up the kids. (I usually drive at night and sleep during the day; I got a "night" of sleep last night, and am full of myself, LoL!

Gonna go read, SO glad to hear you are still fighting the good fight, man! You were TOTALLY INSTRUMENTAL in me being where I am today. Cheeps, you, Neil, RC (and others in my thread) ~ we were like "jump" buddies. I'll hold that dear always.

Lastly, it touched my heart to see that you still mention me in your posting. Really means a lot, man. Thank you for not forgetting me. Will try to stop by more often! I miss your wit and wisdom for sure~!


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Kudos!
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon Mar 21, 2016 2:01 pm

Anne,

I’m glad that you’re still on the road and staying strong. Don’t give up and keep moving forward. :-D

So I’m four days away from my year anniversary of jumping off subs. I’ve had a cold for the last two days (sore throat, runny nose, chest congestion). I went kayaking on Saturday morning and it poured rain towards the end. Either I got sick because I double-timed back to shore while it was pouring or shitty luck. I’m not sure which.

I’m excited that I’m about to hit a year but I’m just not very happy at the moment. Nothing extremely crazy has happened to make me feel that way but I’m just feeling blah – both physically and mentally. Last night somebody was talking about the Independence Day sequel that comes out this summer and I had to bite my tongue because at that moment I wished that aliens would come down and destroy us all. I think I just wasn’t feeling well and was obligated to attend a housewarming party for a friend.

Last week I had an intense craving and it’s probably the most powerful one I’ve had since quitting subs. I was at work and I just wanted one. I tried writing about it last week but everything I wrote disappeared when I tried posting it. I wanted to write it again but things got busy and I didn’t have a chance. I also didn’t remember. Thankfully, the new lady was there for me and let me vent my frustrations with feeling that way. There were actually two cravings and they were about five minutes apart. One of my coworkers is on hydrocodone right now because she’s having surgery in a few weeks and I just wanted to ask her for one. I didn’t, as I don’t want to do them and I don’t think asking coworkers for drugs is a good idea, but that feeling was intense. I was rationalizing how to get one from her in my head and felt foolish after a moment. The problem is that I didn’t immediately shoot down the idea – it lingered for a moment or two. About five minutes later I wanted one again but caught myself that time. It was just frustrating.

I’m wondering if I’m feeling those cravings because I know they were around but also because I’m feeling pretty close to my old self again. When I was going through the acute and PAWS phases of jumping I still didn’t feel like myself physically and the idea of going back was terrible. Now that I’m almost a year out from when I quit, and feeling much better physically, I wonder if that’s why I felt that way. I’ve had similar things with cigarettes, where after quitting for months I’d feel better and think that one cigarette wouldn’t be a problem. That’s how I started smoking again in the past when I’d quit. However, cigarettes and opiates are different, not just in their availability but also what they do to you. I don’t know.

Anyways, I need to get back to work in a moment. I hope everybody’s Monday is going well (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Neil, Tia, Turbo, Kurdt, Suboptimal, Mags, Don, and anybody else I’m currently forgetting). Sorry I’m in a bummer mood but I’m just not feeling it today.

And this song has given me some solace. I love how this person paired it up with a scene from The Seventh Seal. It makes me want to watch that movie again.

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:03 pm

my dear yuppers....ain't life a bitch. I remember getting off the methadone and you couldnt say the word "opiate" to me without me spitting the word "evil" back....but after PAWS finally left at 14 months....I had visions of Percs dancing in my head. Totally a bitch and will be a fight for ALL of us the rest of our lives.

Now that I'm back in PM, I want to get off, get off, get off. Going to the dr once a month, being a slave agin, I hate it with all my right mind. I have hand surgery coming up....after that....I'm going to start a taper. I have to find out again, again, again, if I can live without opiates. I'm sick of it. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Hang in there....Friday's coming! :kiss: :banana:
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby rc51guy » Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:23 pm

Dude..... 4 days away. I knew you were close and I was thinking of you so signed on while I had a quick minute. First off - Sorry it has been so long. Lots of things going on with life. Good things...just so busy. I know where your at with the craving thing. It happens, so please dont beat yourself up. It also happens more often when your not feeling well (IE: being sick). I dont think it will ever go away, so dont be frustrated with yourself. Your no different than I. Im still good on my end, but damned if i haven't thought about a few hours of relief of physical pain and the real world. Just stay on the right path. Thats all. Easier said than done - but its just what we have to do.

I've beat myself up a bit lately since I hurt my back again. Some days are awfully hard mentally- knowing I cant take the pain away in 15-30 minutes like I used to when they had me on opiates. Im finding other ways to deal with it. Relaxing. Stretching. Focusing on what I do during the day and trying to keep good posture, etc. Believe it or not, I have found that running every other day helps my back pain. I hate running. I never wanted to try because I thought it would worsen it. Go figure. I would like to think I am learning how to not obsess and be afraid of the pain. As corny as that sounds. I know its temporary and will be corrected or go away one day.

4 days big man....Chin up, because thats friggin HUGE. Go read some forums including this one....the fear. The unknown. We went through it all, and we beat it. And we will continue to do so. Day by day.

Miss you all. I have to make more time to contribute and help out. Time should free up a bit soon. Hope everyone is having an awesome day.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:28 pm

rc! Saw you while I was putting in my shitty self. I miss you guys so damn much....but I'm so freaking happy to have ever met you all. I just have a huge smile on my face! I know you are busy...running...who'd a thunk....I just had some friends visit....two of the unlikeliest runners in the world....they love it. It's a natural thing as the cave man would have told us again and again!
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1 Year Off Subs & It's Pretty Cool.

Postby yup. » Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:50 am

So today marks a year since I jumped off subs. Looking back, was it smart to jump off 8mg? Of course not but here I am – a year older and a year sober (from opiates). I can’t help but feel some pride in that.

I don’t really know what else to say at the moment other than thank you to everybody that has been there for me since I first started posting here. I didn’t start posting until I was pretty much done with the acute withdrawals and in the PAWS phase but I wasn’t in the best place then. I’m light years ahead of where I was then. Yes, I have moments where I still hate this world and life in general but I truly do love seeing the world without the cloudiness brought on by opiates. I still smoke pot and drink on occasion but I don’t see those as anything in the same league as buprenorphine or opiates in general.

To anybody that’s thinking about quitting subs: it’s worth it. Yes, it sucks at first and it might be challenging (it was probably one of the most difficult things I’ve done) but the satisfaction I have from knowing I’m not a slave to a drug is incredible. It’s honestly liberating. If a brat like me can do it I’m pretty sure anybody can. It just takes determination and a desire to be off opiates.

Cheeps, thank you for being who you are and giving advice and solace when things were shit. Your selflessness on this site is invaluable. I’m not sure I can put into words my thanks for the times you’ve been there for me.

Anne, I hope you’re having fun out on the road. Your one-year is coming up on the 11th. Stay on target and don’t give up. RC, I know you’ve been busy but I’m glad you’re still off the subs and moving forward (and keeping busy). You’re my jump buddies and I’m grateful for every encouraging word you’ve typed.

I need to get into work. Tonight there are two shows going on within one block of each other and I’m going to be moving between both. I see an Uber in my future but I’m hoping I enjoy it. I have a feeling I’ll just want to be at home watching Broad City or something else instead of out around people. Then again, I’m one of those people that likes to celebrate his birthday by watching old movies and eating junk food.

I hope everybody’s Friday morning is going well (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Neil, Turbo, Tia, Suboptimal, Kurdt, Mags, Don, and anybody else I’m currently forgetting). Don’t ever give up on this. Please. :-)

And this song made me smile this morning. I feel the lyrics are a little appropriate.

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby amery2u » Sat Mar 26, 2016 12:22 am

Yuppers, mi mano . . . i'm at almost a year; and congrats on YOURS too!!

I'm kinda going thru some weird internalizing of stuff my self lately, as well.

https://youtu.be/TEXBmw2jBcA

I stopped "stopping by" here, because I felt it to be counter-productive for a spell, and true, it was. I have NEVER forgotten you, my jump buddies. Glad RC is not to busy to stop by; and Neils..gosh i love me Neils. he's hanging in, last i've heard.

I've had dreams that i've NOT had in long times, I need knee-reconstruction surgery and I just keep BLOWING it off and limping around with my kneecap on my inner thigh.

Hard to drive but i can and I do. Sure can't pass the DOT physical anytime soon. I understand why people need to get back on the meds, Like certain peeps had to, but I just am not ready for that to be me. Will I ever,? who knows.

I'd rather cry a river and moderate my Aleeve than get back on that bus to NOWHERE.

I'll hook up some links to my stuff i'm into now, if I can figure it out, LoL!
Love ya, Yuppers. Jump buddy for sure; TRIALS and trib's sure suck; been there, too.
Hugs, and KUDOS, mi mano~
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I've never forgotten y'all.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon Mar 28, 2016 9:37 am

Anne,

I’m sorry about your knee and that you’re feeling down. Being over a year off subs has made me realize that I don’t want to be on that crap ever again. Does that mean I won’t take a painkiller in the future, like if I ever have surgery or something like that? Doubtful, as heavy pain sounds terrible and I’m pretty sure I’ll happily grab accept something if I break a bone in two or have to have something removed but I don’t ever want to go back to a life where I’m taking opiates to get through a normal, pain-free day. I don’t want to ever use opiates as a crutch again. I guess it comes down to taking them when therapeutically necessary and knowing when to stop. I think that’s not going to be easy (for either of us).

I woke up this morning in a terrible mood. My allergies are going nuts right now and I’m coughing up all sorts of stuff and that’s combined with a terribly runny nose. I don’t feel sick, like where I don’t have any energy or I’m running a fever, but I really don’t like where my sinuses are right now. On top of that, I woke up pissed off that Florida’s governor made it more difficult for people to have abortions and stopped federal funding for Planned Parenthood. I’m not sure why I woke up like that, especially angry about politics (maybe I had a dream I don’t remember before I woke), but I did. It’s also disgusting and overcast today. Maybe it’s a combination of everything; maybe it’s just who I am as a person now.

I should probably get into work but I can’t keep thinking about this one scene from the movie My Dinner with Andre. I don’t know why, except that I’m in a bummer mood this morning. I hope everybody’s Monday morning is going well (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Tia, Neil, Turbo, Don, Suboptimal, Mags, Kurdt, and anybody else I’m currently forgetting).

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon Apr 25, 2016 9:47 am

Today marks 13 months off subs. I’m happy about that accomplishment but yesterday was annoying and today hasn’t been that fun so far. Regardless, I’m happy that I’m not on opiates whatsoever and can at least say that.

Last week I was looking after a friend that just had shoulder surgery and was on hydrocodone for it. I told him that I would have no problems looking after him while his wife was working but let him know that he couldn’t offer me any of his medication whatsoever. He understood and didn’t offer any. I didn’t think about it but once or twice while I was at his place and I would never take anything from my friend. That’s not an option. That doesn’t mean the thought of having one didn’t go through my mind but I didn’t get any cravings like I have in the past, which was good. However, listening to his drugged up rants about politics was annoying after a while and I made him watch videos on YouTube of stupid things instead.

Things are good over here at Camp Yup, aside from yesterday sucking a little and today not being a day I want to face. The weekend went by way too quickly and I didn’t really feel like I got to enjoy my days off but at least I’m not on drugs. I haven’t even smoked much pot in the last week. I have but not every day (which is nice).
It took a while for the PAWS to disappear and I had a hellacious time with the withdrawal stage but it’s been 13 months since I jumped and I can say that my life is better than it was then. Yes, I still get anxious about things but I still believe that’s just a part of who I am, something that was suppressed while I was on opiates and is rearing its ugly head now that I’m off them. It’s not crippling anxiety but there are moments when I feel like the world is a terrible place and that life is an absurd joke. Then again, there are moments where life seems great, I’m happy, and I can look at the world for the small amounts of beauty that shine through all the time. I think that’s just life, or at least the way I observe it. :-)

I hope everybody is having a decent Monday so far (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Tia, Neil, Turbo, Don, Suboptimal, Mags, Kurdt, and anybody else I’m forgetting). :-D
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:00 pm

Heh heh heh heh.....13 fucking months...thats crazy good yupper....

i just want to say you're not the only one that wonders about why we are here. I'm trying to retrain my brain on that too. just be glad you have NO children... :mrgreen: You will not have to worry about their future. :?
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Tue Apr 26, 2016 9:53 am

Cheeps,

I’m extremely happy I haven’t reproduced. I’m not against people reproducing, since the species must go on, but I don’t think I could handle contributing to that personally. I can barely keep my life together and having another human being dependent on me – whether it’s supporting them financially, emotionally, or just teaching them how to live in this weird world of ours – sounds like a task I’m not up to and doubtfully ever will be. I’m proud that I’m over 13 months off subs but I can’t imagine doing it with children around. I feel for anybody that’s going through what I did and had little ones to deal with.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve been reading other people’s posts but it looks like people with more experience are chiming in and giving advice that I don’t think I would’ve come up with myself. I just know what I went through and I remember how shitty things were when I was in the acute phase. Even though the majority of the time I don’t think about how hellacious those times were those moments are etched into my brain, never to be erased. While I could tell people that their suffering is only temporary and it’ll get better I also know that it takes time and patience is in short supply when in acute withdrawals. Hell, patience is pretty much out of stock while going through PAWS (at least it was for me). Maybe that’s indicative of my personal character and I’m just a whiny brat. I don’t know, as my experiences are obviously subjective. It seems like some people on here are getting through this without as much discomfort and irritability as I went through. Then again, it’s possible they’re just putting up a tough front. I felt honesty was the best policy when talking about what was going on in my head and with my body, as that was the best way to get advice that was actually helpful (or at least comforting while stuck in Shitsville).

One thing I’m extremely happy about right now is that I have people in the analog world that I’ve told about my jump from subs last March. My current girlfriend knows the whole situation and now two of my friends are aware of what happened. They have all been very supportive. It makes me wonder why I didn’t say anything to the people in my life earlier but there was embarrassment involved, along with knowing opiate addiction carries a heavy stigma. I don’t believe it should, especially when it comes to people trying to overcome their addictions and move forward with their lives, but that seems to be the reality of the situation. I was also anxious at a level that I hadn’t ever experienced before. Even though I still feel anxious a couple times a week it’s nothing like how I felt a year ago (or even six months ago). I am thankful for that right now.

For anybody that’s jumping off subs and going through the misery that I went through, please remember that it’s only temporary. Those moments will fade and life does get better. I never thought I’d enjoy running or doing outdoor activities but now I find myself hiking a few times a month, kayaking here and there, and exercising at least twice a week. Those are all things that sounded good in theory while I was on opiates but now I’ve made them a reality after quitting. I’m not saying that anybody that’s leaving opiates behind needs to start embracing the great outdoors (although exercise is super helpful in combating acute withdrawals and PAWS) but find something you love. After the sub haze lifts you’ll find interest in life again; you’ll find interest in things you had little concern with while on opiates. Embrace that, whatever it is (provided it’s healthy and consensual) :-)

I need to get into work in a moment. I hope everybody’s Tuesday morning is going well (Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, Neil, Tia, Turbo, Mags, Kurdt, Suboptimal, Don, and anybody else I’m currently forgetting).

Here’s a song that made me smile last night (yes, I watched Return of the Living Dead for the 50th time last night but I was also doing other things while it was on. I don’t care – it’s a solid horror flick that's funny and a blast). :-P

And Cheeps: You’re the best!! :-D

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Fri Aug 05, 2016 6:51 am

yup. wrote:Cheeps......I felt honesty was the best policy when talking about what was going on in my head and with my body, as that was the best way to get advice that was actually helpful (or at least comforting while stuck in Shitsville).

One thing I’m extremely happy about right now is that I have people in the analog world that I’ve told about my jump from subs last March. My current girlfriend knows the whole situation and now two of my friends are aware of what happened. They have all been very supportive. It makes me wonder why I didn’t say anything to the people in my life earlier but there was embarrassment involved, along with knowing opiate addiction carries a heavy stigma. I don’t believe it should, especially when it comes to people trying to overcome their addictions and move forward with their lives, but that seems to be the reality of the situation. I was also anxious at a level that I hadn’t ever experienced before. Even though I still feel anxious a couple times a week it’s nothing like how I felt a year ago (or even six months ago). I am thankful for that right now.

For anybody that’s jumping off subs and going through the misery that I went through, please remember that it’s only temporary. Those moments will fade and life does get better. I never thought I’d enjoy running or doing outdoor activities but now I find myself hiking a few times a month, kayaking here and there, and exercising at least twice a week. Those are all things that sounded good in theory while I was on opiates but now I’ve made them a reality after quitting. I’m not saying that anybody that’s leaving opiates behind needs to start embracing the great outdoors (although exercise is super helpful in combating acute withdrawals and PAWS) but find something you love. After the sub haze lifts you’ll find interest in life again; you’ll find interest in things you had little concern with while on opiates. Embrace that, whatever it is (provided it’s healthy and consensual).

And Cheeps: You’re the best!! :-D



You're pretty damn great yourself!

I'm really glad that you have found good friends that you can be honest with..... we do feel like 3rd class citizens during our drug use and jump and that's got to stop. Peeps that try to do this, do this, or don't make it but agonize about it need support not shame. We self medicate or get stuck on opiates for chronic pain...there's a reason for the insanity and it's not just about free will. There will be a day when the neuro people figure this shit out. Damn Big Pharma and the uncaring, greedy Drs. Damn the Drs that don't educate themselves on opiates...they think they know it all. :ogeez: :ogeez: sure there are some that get it, have had a family member into it...but we still get second class treatment....we still feel the need to hide. :punchballs: :punchballs:

Fuck....oops...cheeps, get your ass off the box.

I miss you but I'm proud of you for getting out there in the real world and LIVING.

:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:

:pash: :blowme:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Wed Nov 02, 2016 8:15 pm

So I haven’t posted since the beginning of summer. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost anybody but life has been getting in the way of anything extracurricular. I am happy to say that I’m still off subs (aside from that one slipup a while back) but at this point I’ve been sub free for over 19 months (I jumped on 3/25/2015). The cravings are few and far between and only minimal when they happen at this point. I had a shitty day last week and was thinking about how I’d love some kind of opiate (a hydro or a Tylenol III) so I could get through the day but that moment passed and I got through the day just fine. The only substances I partake in nowadays are weed and occasionally alcohol.

Since my last post I quit my job, didn’t do anything but work on my house and my online businesses, and play more music. About two months after I quit my former employer called me back and asked me to pick up a job with them as a contractor for a good amount of money. I finished the job and then they asked me to come back. They tried lowballing me on the wage, we negotiated, and finally we hit on something that worked. I make my own hours, provided I finish X amount of tasks a week and I make about $5 more an hour working less than 40 hours a week. It’s not great – and I don’t like working for these people again – but it’s better than having a limited income.

I’m still with the same lady (almost a year now). Things are good there. While life isn’t great, I can’t say that it’s terrible. I miss certain aspects of being on opiates but overall I like being away from them. I’m in the best physical shape I’ve been in since I was in my teens or early 20’s and I know I wouldn’t be here if I was still on subs. I’d still be alive but I wouldn’t be feeling well and healthy. My diet is getting way better (I gave up pork and red meat and eat vegetarian or vegan a couple days a week) and I spent a good portion of the summer working outside on my yard, painting my house’s exterior (and interior during the really brutal days), and clearing years of clutter out of my life. It’s been refreshing and my house looks like a different place after fixing it up. I’m proud of those accomplishments.

I need to get off here but I promise to check back in this week. I hope everybody’s doing well and staying off the subs (Cheeps, Ann, Tia, Turbo, Neil, RC, Don, and anybody else I’m currently forgetting). All I can say is that life off subs is pretty awesome sometimes. Yes, I still get depressed over silly things on a regular basis but that’s just part of who I am (and probably why I turned to drugs in the first place) yet I’d rather face that depression and the accompanying anxiety on a relatively sober level instead of dulling myself with opiates.

And I really dug the show Stranger Things on Netflix this summer. I must’ve watched it at least three times. There were some cheesy moments and it relied heavily on nostalgia but it had a great soundtrack. I’ve been playing this song from the soundtrack when I’m feeling a little bummed out. It cheers me up. :-)

Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
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