49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

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49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon May 11, 2015 10:12 pm

I have been off subs since March 25th (48 days). I jumped off at 8mg. Yes, I’m aware of how stupid that was but there wasn’t another choice. I had been taking it for about five months after taking two hydrocodone tablets a day for about a year. Before that I was sober for about two years and prior to that I was taking anywhere between 20-60mg’s of hydrocodone a day (off and on) for about 7-8 years. It really took about a year or two before I was taking one every few days to one every day and then two a day and so on and so on. I guess that’s about 12 years total. I’m not a stranger to detoxing but going off subs has been worse than any of the times I went off hydrocodone. Previously, the withdrawals from hydrocodone would last around 3-5 days, with being able to function decently at work or school around day 3 or 4.

The first week was mediocre but tolerable. The only problem was the flu symptoms, which included a pretty high fever (101 to 102 degrees for a few days). The second week was brutal – it included everything in week 1 but now I couldn’t eat or sleep, I had dry heaves, my body felt strange because I had no energy but my mind wanted to do things, like leave the house for more than a walk down the street and back, and I was anxious about everything. In week 2 I went to a doctor and told them what was going on, they took blood, and everything came back fine. I was relieved about that. At least I don’t have any diseases to be anxious about. I also quit smoking cigarettes in week 2 because they tasted terrible and made me feel gross. I’ve had one cigarette since and have been successfully not smoking by using a nicotine patch.

The third week included everything from week 1 and 2 but I was getting better. Sleep was difficult to come by and the fatigue was awful. I felt like an old man and I’m 35. However, week 3 was where, on the weekends, I would start hanging out with friends again a little. I told everybody I had the flu, including my girlfriend. To be honest, she didn’t know I was taking the two hydrocodone’s a day or on subs for five months but she does know about my use prior to the last year and a half. I’ve always been this way about it, as I didn’t feel it was a recreational drug experience I wanted to share with anybody, or at least almost anybody. My ex-wife and I would take drugs together but we never took drugs (outside of cannabis) with others. After we split 7 years ago I took less hydrocodone for a while, did more hydrocodone again, and then was sober (aside from the occasional drink or smoking pot socially once or twice a week) for 2 years until I got health insurance and was able to get 60 generic Vicoprofen’s a month until hydrocodone/ibuprofen became a Schedule II drug last October. That’s when I started on the subs.

As I’ve said at the beginning of my post, today is day 48 and it’ll be 7 weeks in less than two hours. After week three everything started getting better. My appetite came back, I was sleeping a little more every night. I was back at work during week 3 (I used all my vacation time and sick time, telling them I had the flu) and it sucked but each week has been easier. Actually, each day gets easier sometimes. I was taking vitamins since the first week but started adding amino acids about a week ago into my regimen (L-Tyrosine and L-Glutamine), which was already made up of B6 complex capsules twice a day, a pretty excellent multivitamin, and a refrigerated probiotic twice a day. I have stayed away from caffeine, fried foods (for the most part), and have been walking every evening. I also take melatonin some nights for sleep and Hyland’s Restful Legs before bed. I’ve had 5mg diazepam’s a few times to help me sleep but I’ve avoided them for the most part and I’m out of those. I used Ambien once and it wasn’t very helpful. I slept for about 6 hours and then tossed and turned for another 2-3 hours before getting up.

Last night I slept poorly (around 4 hours) for the first time in over a week and today was terrible. I’ve been reading forums for a few weeks but haven’t had the courage to post. It wasn’t that I wanted subs today but I just didn’t want to be a part of my life today; I didn’t want to be at work today; I wanted to tell my boss to pay me more money or I was quitting because today was especially hectic at work. Of course, I worked and I didn’t tell my boss off. I need a job. I kept thinking about the old comedian Bill Hicks and how he said America isn’t the land of the free because if you don’t have money in your pocket you’re not free. It made me feel better somehow, at least mentally because physically I felt like I was back in week 3.

Aside from drinking twice, the only thing I’ve done since quitting subs is smoke pot. I like smoking pot and have been able to stop doing it at any time since I started in my early 20’s. However, right now I feel like it’s the only thing that’s helping and I don’t like that. I don’t hate it, but I don’t like the feeling that I’m transferring one addiction onto another. What I hate even more right now is that I’m nearly 7 weeks free of subs and feel like I’ve taken a big step back. For the last few weeks everything has been getting better and better: appetite, energy, sleep. I’ve actually enjoyed things again like reading, watching movies, or even music. Sex has sucked but that’s another story.

I know things will get better. Honestly, I don’t have much of a choice. I don’t have access to subs anymore and won’t in the future. I’m okay with that as my experience detoxing was dreadful. I’d never felt that way for that long in my life. I’ve never had a period where I couldn’t eat or sleep for more than a few days. Even withdrawing from hydrocodone was easy in comparison. I remember detoxing once in the mid-2000s and watching the Spider-Man movies and smoking cigarettes and it wasn’t difficult. It was like having a really crappy cold but your back hurt. Yet, stopping subs has been far worse and has lasted a long time. I know the drug has a long half-life and I jumped from a high dose but, like I said before, taking a step back feels terrible. I hate feeling anxious again like I did in the first two weeks.

For those that jumped off like I did, there is hope and you can do it. Yes, it sucks but I’d rather not go back to how I felt in late March and a good portion of April. I’d take a step back today over being on subs again any day. Today has been terrible but I also know that tomorrow might be better. If it’s not, I know a good day is around the corner. I am still genuinely curious when I will feel normal again or if I’ll ever feel normal again, as my energy and endurance haven’t bounced back to where they were a few years ago. I just wonder if that’s me getting older or the subs or both.

I don’t know what else to type at this moment. Thank you for reading and I apologize in advance if anything I said has insulted anybody. If you have any advice I’ll take it; if you need any advice I’ll tell you what I can. I’m not a doctor – I’m just a guy that’s been a somewhat functional drug addict off and on for years, ended up in a position where I couldn’t have subs anymore, got really sick, and now realized I can’t do that to myself anymore. I watched a documentary the other night called Jodorowsky’s Dune. It’s about the director Alejandro Jodorowsky and how he wanted to make Frank Herbert’s novel Dune into a movie, how he spent 2-3 years developing it and it was never made. Jodorowsky was 84 when they interviewed him and he had the exuberance of a 25-year-old man. I’d like to feel that way if I make it that far and the only way is to stop taking opiates altogether.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon May 11, 2015 10:18 pm

Yup....you felt terrible today because something has stressed you the fuck out in the past few days. Any idea what?......could be mental or physical.

Welcome to SS....just short of hell.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon May 11, 2015 10:29 pm

cheeps wrote:Yup....you felt terrible today because something has stressed you the fuck out in the past few days. Any idea what?......could be mental or physical.

Welcome to SS....just short of hell.


Thanks for the welcome Cheeps. Honestly, nothing much has been bad. I had a good weekend. Friday night was fun, Saturday and Sunday were productive. I just slept horribly last night and woke up feeling like I did weeks ago. Work also sucked and even the prospect of going in today seemed awful. I keep wondering if this is PAWS related or I just had a bad day. I also wonder if my emotions are just screwy and returning to normal, as my interest in activities has increased in the last few weeks. I have been pushing myself physically for the last few days and I hope that isn't what made me feel terrible as my job is sometimes physically demanding and I can't use the flu excuse anymore so I need to continue pushing myself to moving around like I used to.

And yes, I agree with most of the people I've read on here: Subs are rotten.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon May 11, 2015 10:47 pm

I have been pushing myself physically for the last few days and I hope that isn't what made me feel terrible as my job is sometimes physically demanding and I can't use the flu excuse anymore so I need to continue pushing myself to moving around like I used to.


I think this might be the problem. It just doesn't take much to throw you back....but the good news is, it doesn't happen every time. If it continues and you have to just push through it....take a little imodium. I suggest on the days you know you have to perform really well and it's real strenuous to try 8mgs.

Imodium is not just used for dying rear. It's a very weak opiate that does not cross the BBB. If you use it often, like every day, you can become physically dependent. But most people don't run into this...I doubt you have a problem with it. When I used it 30 days post detox, I'd do about 10-14 mgs every other day. I also took a stool softener with every meal because if I didn't crap every other day, I knew I'd fuck myself up. I used it about 2-3 times a week for three weeks....then shit got more manageable and I stopped it...no issues at all.

You've had a hard time with just 5 months of sub....I'm glad as hell you weren't on it for years!!! :D 8-)
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon May 11, 2015 11:07 pm

I think this might be the problem. It just doesn't take much to throw you back....but the good news is, it doesn't happen every time. If it continues and you have to just push through it....take a little imodium. I suggest on the days you know you have to perform really well and it's real strenuous to try 8mgs.

Imodium is not just used for dying rear. It's a very weak opiate that does not cross the BBB. If you use it often, like every day, you can become physically dependent. But most people don't run into this...I doubt you have a problem with it. When I used it 30 days post detox, I'd do about 10-14 mgs every other day. I also took a stool softener with every meal because if I didn't crap every other day, I knew I'd fuck myself up. I used it about 2-3 times a week for three weeks....then shit got more manageable and I stopped it...no issues at all.

You've had a hard time with just 5 months of sub....I'm glad as hell you weren't on it for years!!! :D 8-)


I've read many people talk about Imodium on here but I haven't tried it yet. After the first few weeks of withdrawals I was kind of paranoid of taking pretty much anything opiate related. When I was on the subs I didn't shit for a week once and it freaked me out. Even when I would take hydrocodone I would go every day or almost every day. There were a few times when it was a few days in-between shits but nothing like with the subs. If I don't feel better in the morning I'm going to grab some on the way into work and give it a shot. Thank you. =)

And yes, I only did subs for 5 months. I've seen people on here that've been using for years. I'm currently reading one thread and it's so upsetting. I just want this lady to succeed. She's about 20 days behind me, jumped off the same amount, and I'm hoping she makes it.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Tue May 12, 2015 8:41 am

I'm on day 49 (7 weeks). Slept about 5-5 1/2 hours last night instead of 4. Stupidly thought I'd get back to sleep if I only tried but ended up lying in bed for about two hours. I might've slept for 10-15 minutes during that time. Maybe being on subs (and hydro before that) made me more tolerant of my job because I dread going in soon. Or is this just PAWS?
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Tue May 12, 2015 9:08 am

PAWS....I thik your job is getting on your nerves and then pushing yourself....you've set up a little cycle here....so yes, PAW is sneaking in. How can you reduce stress?

1. Breathe. Sit down frequently and breathe thru your nose ten tens.
2. Positive self talk. Turn the negative around. Example, "pushing myself makes me anxious and tired."
Make that, "if I push it hard physically, I'll get better sooner." Any exercise is good.
3. Embrace that you won't be feeling normal or the same all the time. It just IS that way.
4. Read in bed instead of lying in bed. Booklight.


PS....love your avi!
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Tue May 12, 2015 9:16 am

What you're experiencing very well could be PAWS..

Your brain is working on regulating itself, chemically speaking. When you're using drugs such as Suboxone, your brain goes on "vacation". It quits performing the daily essential tasks, and just sits back and enjoys the scenery while the "drug" fills in the voids. We all know that awful feeling of having to return to work after an extended vacation, it suuuuccks! It's really fucking hard to get back into the swing of things.. Your brain is going through the same damn thing.. It's like, "fuck this, I want to go back to drinking margaritas on the beach all damn day". Simply put, your brain is being lazy.

Lack of endorphin production will cause a feeling of depression. Depression can be debilitating and make even the simplest of tasks seem overwhelming.

The good news is, this will only be temporary. You can do certain thing to help the cause, such as exercise, but inevitably your brain just needs time to heal..

Congratulations on 7 weeks! :shred:
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby rc51guy » Tue May 12, 2015 9:25 am

Yup - I am on day 41 today.. Although as noted in my thread, I have had a couple slips with a couple vicoden since rapidly tapering off suboxone. Most recently this past Sunday and yesterday.

I felt like I was reading my own thoughts when reading some of your posts. Right now I friggin HATE my job. Every minute of every day feels like eternity. I am being productive, but i feel anxious and stressed just driving to the place, nevermind the hours that I am there. Like you, my job is extremely busy and stressful at the moment. We are busy as hell. I also have a part time business and have had to complete jobs after my 9-5 since jumping off and MAN it stresses me out so much.

I think I figured out the reason for my set backs this morning though....I'm not treating myself well enough. I am not exercising enough (aside form working). I am eating like crazy but stopped taking my supplements a few weeks ago. I am letting the stress get to me, and its winning. So I need to up my game and focus on getting better. I may have 41 days off of suboxone, but that doesnt mean I can stop working on me. Right now I feel like a failure due to my most recent slip....but I think it woke me up and I learned from it. I need to keep fighting. Stay diligent. Stay on top of my recovery. I had a bad day a few days ago where I felt like I took three steps back...maybe that prompted this slip, idk. Sounds like your a little stronger then I am as far as abstinence goes, but be careful.

I hope your feeling a little better after getting some of this stuff out. And I hope your having a good day.
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Tue May 12, 2015 10:03 am

@Cheeps
That is good advice about the breathing. I’ve tried it a few times but always forget. Last week I had a lady with Asperger’s yell at me on the phone at work for 10 minutes and I stepped outside and breathed deeply for a few minutes and it helped. It just gets so busy at my job that I rarely find the time to do anything other than work, especially when my boss gets bored and creates projects.

I also grabbed some Imodium on the way into work this morning. I’m going to take what you recommended and see what happens. Worst-case scenario is it makes me sick and maybe I can leave work a little early. =)

I’ve also been reading more, especially at night. I’m trying to stay away from monitors or televisions before bed but I’m a sucker for those rain sound videos on YouTube. They help me fall asleep quicker.

And thanks for the props on my avatar. My girlfriend sent me that picture recently and I thought it was amazing. It looks like my cat.

@Dan

It’s weird because when my brain was on vacation for all those years I did some pretty amazing things. I graduated college with honors and two degrees, I was in a few bands (nothing big but still fun), and wrote for a bunch of small websites and fanzines. Being off “vacation” has produced the opposite effect – I don’t want to do anything like that. This forum is the first time I’ve written anything in almost two months. You’re probably right about it being depression but today feels better (so far).

I do think my brain is being lazy. All I want to do today is go home and watch old Spaghetti Westerns and surf the web. I hope this feeling doesn’t last.

@RC51Guy

It’s okay to slip up but don’t make a habit of it. While I haven’t slipped on the subs (or any opiates), I’ve slipped on quitting smoking and felt like a jackass when I did. The only reason I probably haven’t slipped up on opiates is because I don’t have access to any. Thankfully, my friends aren’t into things like that (my addiction, like I said in my first post, was really a private thing and I didn’t like sharing it with anybody). Just don’t go back on the subs full-time – whatever you do – as from what I’ve been reading it’ll just make you start over again and sub withdrawal was grotesque.

Just don’t give up. At this moment, sitting in my car and stealing Wi-Fi from the neighboring coffee shop, I’d love to feel those warm waves that come from a hydro but I know I’m better off without it. You can totally do it. I remember day 41 and it sucked but it’ll get better. Like I said above: today is better than yesterday and you’ll feel that way too. I have an excellent night planned after work so that’s going to keep me going through the day. I get to see my girlfriend and we’re going to see a great old movie at the revival theater in town (that has the best popcorn in the world). I’ve found that finding goals for after work is good. I didn’t have one yesterday and maybe that’s what screwed me up a little also. For instance, I’m a comic book nerd and tomorrow is new comic book day – I look forward to that every Wednesday and it helps.

As for the supplements, stay on them. They do help, as we fucked ourselves up by not eating right and being lazy for years. I’m not the paragon of healthy eating at the moment but the supplements do help. I’m also going to try the Imodium that Cheeps suggested today.

Again, thank you everybody for the advice and just plain talking. I’m not into going to NA meetings and this is way more helpful. I have to head into work now. I’ll post some more tonight. Just stay strong everybody and thank you. =)

And here's a song that has helped me many day recently.
Last edited by yup. on Tue May 12, 2015 1:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby amery2u » Tue May 12, 2015 12:56 pm

Haya, Yep~
I'm still plugging along; not feeling ANYwhere as good as i did week three. Yeah, i'm 20 days behind you. Here's a little memo that Cheeps shared with me, btw: when you post a YouTube song, take the "s" off the https://
so it just reads http:// then it should post.... i can't open it the way you have it, but if you ask, CHEEPS will fix it and post it, and i will stop back and listen to it!
Be careful with the immodium. I took them early on, and took 4 today for feeling shitty as y'all know; and i'm dizzy as fuck....got soccer tonight and Pray hubby gets home to drive us. I REALLY don't know what that's all about. Keep on Keeping on. I'M OK. thanks for caring....
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Tue May 12, 2015 1:51 pm

I took five (2mg) of the Imodium about two hours agoand haven't noticed anything different. I'm on my lunch break now and today has been even more labor-intensive but more manageable than yesterday. Thankfully, I'm working on my own in the warehouse so I listen to music. It's just the lack of energy that's getting to me today. I'll move a bunch of boxes and need a minute to sit down. At least it made me hungry. :-)

Amery, that sucks but the Imodium made you feel dizzy. I didn't get that but I don't think I'll be taking it that often. I'm glad you're still with us. Just keep plugging along - it does get better. I know it sucks. I'm sorry the Imodium made you feel dizzy. I didn't get that but I don't think I'll be taking it that often. I'm glad you're still with us. Just keep plugging along. I know you feel terrible today but think of what you've accomplished. Jumping from 8mg is a feat (from what I've read and experienced). Please just stick with it. You don't want that time wasted. I think back to how I felt weeks ago and sometimes it seems like a bizarre dream; other times it freaks me out because I remember it vividly. I never want to feel like that again.

It's back to work now. Thanks for the YouTube video advice. I'll fix that now. :-)
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Tue May 12, 2015 5:22 pm

imodium is very slow acting on the brain....it works in the gut so it takes longer to kick in. You should have an excellent afternoon, evening and night.


Energy and motivation...that's the false shit opies gave us.....I'd love to have that back....I'm still waiting for the effortless thrall. Now....where'd that shit run off to?

ah well.....you got me going....

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby amery2u » Tue May 12, 2015 6:26 pm

Cheeps, and Yep, i cooked and "been somebody" today, even after the dizziness. Actually, that's what motivated me to cook, because good food usually neutralizes my weird symptoms.! I'm still working on the energy and motivation, but doing stuff *(as y'all say)* REALLY made a dif today. I ACTUALLY GOT SOME CLEANING DONE; ....and the HUGE dinner.... homemade stuff to please the fam; SURE HELPED A TON.
WTF with the immodium dizziness? idk...taking it so LATE in the game, and the HUGE dose i took....hmm..
I AM REALLY TRYING to get back on track, y'all.. I GET SO MUCH SUPPORT HERE...and ppl emailing me "happy stuff" really helps. SORRY i almost fell off the wagon..... BUT i did NOT.
I GOT ME SOME dammmmmmmnnnnn "good vibrations,!" atm...
Hay.. i'm not half the "man" i used to be, just trying to get closer.
Good thing RC didn't give ME those 4 or 6 vikers...LoL....woulda been Nose Candy. I'M A WAYS AWAY but i'm not giving up the fight, if that makes sense..
SO YOU, MY YEP, at 49 days...... damnit..... you got MORE than 20 on me. Keep on. IF I CAN, so can you. IT SUCKS.... I KNOW...but DAMN...
Sorry i'm not as strong as I was at week 3.5, but nobody's burnt my ladder yet; so i'm still CLIMBING.......
HUGS,
ANNE.....
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Tue May 12, 2015 7:23 pm

@Cheeps

I think you’re right because I just got home from work about 30 minutes ago, took a nice, hot shower, and now I’m on the couch listening to music on YouTube and I feel pretty good even though I spent most of my day in a hot warehouse lifting boxes and climbing ladders. I don’t feel a buzz at all but I feel okay. I’m wondering if that’s the endorphins from busting my ass all day, the Imodium, or both. Thankfully, I don’t have to do the warehouse stuff again tomorrow, as the weather here is hot and humid.

I do miss the energy I had with opiates and I’m realizing the only way to get that back is going to a gym. I hate the gym but if that’s what it takes I might as well give it a try soon. I’m just glad I have an interest in things again (like music), as the first few weeks I wasn’t interested in anything (except maybe the movie Rear Window but that’s because I felt cooped up like Jimmy Stewart).

Thanks for posting that Good Vibrations video. Pet Sounds is such a good record and seeing footage of Brian Wilson conducting people is incredible. The guy is a genius, which is probably why he’s batshit crazy. All great works have a touch of madness to them.

Day 50 is only a few hours away. I have a good night planned with my girlfriend and I’m not at work. Things are way better than yesterday. Thanks again to everybody on here that’s been supporting and talkative. Keep at it everyone – we can all beat this. Like I said on a previous post: if anybody has any questions that I can answer I will answer them to the best of my abilities. Just remember, I’m not a doctor. I’m just a person trying to get over subs.

@Amery

Yes, I have 20 days on you but that’s just life. The fact that you’re doing it is what’s important. Keep doing it! I had a shit day yesterday but today has been pretty damn good so far. I guess at this point it’s just up and down a little. You’re at the point where things got way easier for me. I had fun again around day 30, where I actually liked things. If you have a favorite movie watch it. If you have a favorite band listen to them. I’m an avid reader and didn’t want to read until about a month had passed. I’m still not reading like I was before jumping but I’m reading more and more every day.

Keep doing stuff like cooking and just moving around. It does help. I’m at day 49 and still forget about that sometimes, coming home from work and just sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself when I should walk around the neighborhood. Subs really zap all your energy away. It takes willpower and, if you’re like me, that’s in short supply sometimes. Just think about what you’ll feel like in a few days and remember that we both jumped from a really high dosage and if you can conquer that, you can conquer anything. Don’t stop climbing. There’s days where you feel like you’ve plateaued but then you’ll climb again. I believe I had one of those plateau days yesterday. Honestly, I might’ve fallen backwards a little yesterday but I’m still climbing. Please don’t stop.

And if you feel dizzy, just sit down for a few minutes. There's absolutely no shame in that. =)

Also, this song, and the whole album, made me happy today.

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby amery2u » Tue May 12, 2015 8:49 pm

THANK YOU, Yep...
your words mean a TON to me....as i'm still climbing back to rung three on the ladder of life. My female stuff REALLY set me back; and i'm sorda pissed nobody WARNED ME that could happen; but then, hay..the Docs and R/BF won't tell anyone anything true~!
That is such an AWESOME video!!!! Yay that you figured out how to post them!~
I'm gonna be okay; have an awesome support system here at home.... and got a SHIT-TON done today. My daughter is still a little "off" with me; at 15, as perfect as she is; its to be expected. Just sucks, because we were BFF's....till i got clean. Off but true... I THINK I CAN DO THIS.
Thank you; it's awesome to have people in the same boat, that won't quit paddling.
And....let's DON'T be the Edmund Fitz....... another awesome song, btw!
StereoLab...NEW TO ME, BUT WAY COOL!!
EVER listen to the Fray? How to Save a Life .... or Snow Patrol ? Chasing Cars ~ I have odd diversified taste in music...LoL.
I'M GONNNA BE OKAY... listen to those two; if you have time....... i'm too tired to post properly...
i think WE got this; thank you for caring. Sincerely, i mean that.
Thank you~
Anne
Sub-Free Since Easter Sunday~ 4/11/2015 . . and still fighting . I AM NOT YOUR ONLY WHEELS, I AM THE HIGHWAY..~
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Wed May 13, 2015 9:40 am

@ Amery

I’ve heard of The Fray but never heard them before. As for Snow Patrol, I used to have an album by them years ago but lost it in the divorce. I also have very diverse tastes in music, or at least seemed to until I quit subs. Now, it seems like a good portion of the music I like is obnoxious (at least in theory). Listening to anything that’s heavy or too aggressive seems difficult. I just want something fun or relaxing lately. I’m going to look those songs up today at work, as I have to spend the first 2-3 hours in the warehouse again. :-/

I’m sorry about your daughter but that should get better. She’s 15 and I can remember what I was like at that age (that was 20 years ago, too) and I was a little asshole sometimes. It’s just the age and the hormones. I have a sister that’s 15 years younger than me (she’s in college now). I remember she wanted to watch Taxi Driver when she was 13 and I wouldn’t let her. When she asked why I told her it’s because she’s 13 and won’t get it. Instead, I let her watch the Kill Bill movies, which she loved but she was still pissed I wouldn’t let her watch Taxi Driver. She finally saw Taxi Driver a few years later and commented on how she’s glad she waited because it made sense. Experience is key with kids and 15 is still young. She’ll come around. =)

Just keep moving forward. I’m at day 50 today and not in the best of moods. I should be, as supposedly this is some kind of milestone (or is that 60 days?) but last night wasn’t as great as I hoped. My girlfriend got drunk at the theater (yes, they serve alcohol there and she had four drinks in less than two hours) and wouldn’t stop complaining after the movie last night. Everything was negativity and after about 20-30 minutes of her drunken monologue I got annoyed. I’m not sure if that was PAWS, or because she was drunk, or because I was tired. Maybe it was all three but nevertheless I didn’t sleep well last night (5 hours at the most). I still feel better than I did on Monday but worse than yesterday. Sub detox is so weird.

And yes, we got this. Today might be difficult but it’s not insurmountable. You’re at day 33 if my counting is correct and that’s awesome. Like I said in earlier posts, this is where things start to get better – both physically and mentally. Just don’t give up. =)

@ Cheeps

So I took 10mg of Imodium yesterday and still went to the bathroom this morning. I have a fast metabolism but I think that’s hilarious. I’m going to avoid them today but I’m just surprised that an anti-diarrhea medicine didn’t stop me up. ☺

I’m off to work in a moment. Hang in there everybody and don’t give up. Again, thank you for listening and talking. It’s been extremely helpful lately.
Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby amery2u » Wed May 13, 2015 10:26 am

HAYA, Yep;
Thanks for the encouragement, and back atcha! Check out BOTH of my threads ... the 8 mg Jump ones... I've got some AWESOME music listed and posted on both; by myself and others. It REALLY helps heal my soul. I'm hanging in... slowly. Couldn't sleep last night either; really tired today. For some reason, last night was the FIRST night i've not slept good since WEEK ONE! See, its THIS shit that's really pissing ME off!!! Maybe it's because "I" also took Immodium yesterday?!? HELL, who knows... as you said, Detox "is weird."
That's crazy about the Movie Theater serving alcohol; glad they don't do that here! My hubby "sure likes" his beer after a long day, and I'd be in "your shoes" for sure, LoL. I have no patience for drunks atm, either. (Or teenagers, obviously...LoL...~ Cheeps sent me a PM to help me with that one, about my daughter.. so we shall try.)
Cheeps is one amazing person, that's for sure~!
Well, you hang in, as well. I love how we can help "one-another" here!!!!
ttys;
Anne
Sub-Free Since Easter Sunday~ 4/11/2015 . . and still fighting . I AM NOT YOUR ONLY WHEELS, I AM THE HIGHWAY..~
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Wed May 13, 2015 9:53 pm

I’ll be damned if today wasn’t completely bizarre. I started out the day asking whether day 50 (today) or 60 should be considered a milestone. It turns out the number of days isn’t necessarily the most important thing – it’s what you do on those days that counts. I worked late tonight and afterwards met up with an acquaintance I haven’t seen in a while. We sat around talking, smoking a bowl, when he told me he had some hydro’s from dental surgery recently and wanted to get rid of them. I’ve never known him to have them and he has no idea of my past with them. It was just one of those weird coincidences. Next thing I know I’m holding a prescription bottle filled with about 30 of these things, seeing what they were (generic Vicoprofen), and feeling extremely tempted.

I told him I had no idea who’d want them and handed the bottle back.

I could’ve totally asked him for one or two and got them for free; I could’ve probably bought the whole bottle off him for pretty cheap but I didn’t. I left his apartment and got a cheeseburger and this week’s comic books. Now I’m home with the cats, I threw a movie I love on, and I’m going to get ready for bed in a little bit.

I’m not a religious person. Spiritual maybe, but not religious, yet the oddity of it being an even number of days, a milestone number in many people’s lives, that greets me with the physical temptation of using strikes me as peculiar and almost like fate. I think I’m looking too deeply into it and maybe we just live in a society filled with drugs or maybe I just met up with an acquaintance that’s shadier than I believed. Either way, I didn’t give in and I can’t help but feel a sense of pride in that. I just needed to get that out there.

@Amery

I’m sorry but I didn’t get to check out any of the music today. Work got super hectic and I ended up working about two extra hours tonight. I get to go in late tomorrow so, as I’m not sleeping well lately either, I’ll listen to your playlist in the morning when I get up, which is usually with the sun. After working and that temptation, I just want to read the new Walking Dead issue and get some sleep. I hope your day has gone well so far (I’m going to read the other threads in a moment before I start getting ready for bed so I’ll know for sure in a few) and that you’re still holding strong. It can be done. Tonight proved to me that I want to be off opiates. If I can do it I know you, and anybody else reading this, can.

I also thought on the way to grabbing the cheeseburger that if that acquaintance offered me a sub I probably would’ve punched him in the dick. I’m not a violent person whatsoever but trying to give me that would’ve been even more awful that handing me a full vial of Vicoprofen.

Finally, a great line from the movie I'm watching. I'm about to turn it off and get into bed instead of finishing it but I've seen it a dozen times: "The fish thinks about his hunger, not about the fisherman." I'm glad I wasn't the fish today but it's only one victory and I'm sure other challenges will arise soon.
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Wed May 13, 2015 10:01 pm

yup. wrote:I’ll be damned if today wasn’t completely bizarre or maybe I just met up with an acquaintance that’s shadier than I believed. I didn’t give in and I feel a sense of pride in that. I just needed to get that out there.

I also thought on the way to grabbing the cheeseburger that if that acquaintance offered me a sub I probably would’ve punched him in the dick.

Finally, a great line from the movie I'm watching. I'm about to turn it off and get into bed instead of finishing it but I've seen it a dozen times: "The fish thinks about his hunger, not about the fisherman." I'm glad I wasn't the fish today but it's only one victory and I'm sure other challenges will arise soon.


You were great...I would have snatched them!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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