Mare counts down from 8

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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:44 pm

No lol, not right. I ordered my vape supplies because I make my own vape juice. They also sell glass vials and plastic syringes. Two separate things lol
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Martin » Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:00 pm

That's what I thought - just wanted to make sure that I wasn't behind the times on new ways to taper!
Now that I think about it, that's just plain scary- vaping subs! :lol:
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:41 pm

Naloxone messes up my killer clouds brah
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:43 pm

I was able to pick up some clonodine today. I like to be safe so I know I got them super early but I figure it's never too soon to prep for what's coming. Does anyone know about how much I'll be needing?
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:34 am

You won't know until you get there...if you taper down to nothing....you won't need any!!!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:21 am

Good call Cheeps. We will just have to wait and see! At least I got 8 little ones just in case they're needed. But I am planning on going very low!

Edit: I'm gonna think out loud a little here

I'm finding that my biggest issue at this point is motivation. Not on the taper, I'm super motivated there.. just finding it hard to get out of bed and move around. I struggle with getting to work on time and I'm only working 2 days a week. I need to get into a better schedule and set a rhythm. It's hard though. My boyfriend works really late hours and I don't get to see him during the day, so spending time with him or staying at his place ends up screwing up my schedule. I used to be a morning person, now if anyone sees me up before 10am they ask if I've been up all night.. and the answer is usually yes!

I wanna get it together. I just don't really know how or where to start. I'd like to create better habits for myself now before I get very deep in my taper, I don't want to get stuck. I wake up late, work late, and don't usually get home until after 11:30PM. Once I'm home, I eat something and watch a 30 minute cartoon or comedy, and then I play video games. Sometimes I look at the clock and it's 6AM and I've been gaming for 6 freaking hours! I need to get off my ass and do something better with myself. Maybe after I get back from Disney I can fix it, cause I started a 7 day trial of Destiny 2 last night and I don't wanna miss out. Gahh make up your melon, Marilyn :gaah:
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:56 am

Hey Mare,

I have this same problem. Sometimes I get really lazy, and I mean for weeks/months at a time, you have to be good to yourself anyway, be patient and find "success" in other things, like getting on track long-term. It will all come together in time. Do things when you can, rest when you cannot. Your body will tell you what time is what.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Martin » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:09 pm

Mare
That's just par for the course. Video games and television are the sub taperers'/jumpers' best
friend. It's also one of the biggest hurdles. You know this isn't you, you know you should be up
and doing stuff. But you don't.....it does lift gradually after you jump, but I would imagine
it's going to get worse before it gets better. You just have to force yourself to get up....and
even do things like HAVE FUN!

You are not alone, it's starting to creep in on me too. I'm finding the couch alot more comfortable
without a guitar in my lap, and I'm finding myself not leaving the house all weekend. I think
there's supplements you can take, but for the most part you just have to plow through it.

Hang in there!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:36 pm

Mare, I understand exactly what you're saying. It's like my mind gets set on one thing (like a 6 hour video game) and just won't let go. :gaah: I just try to forgive myself for it and try to do better. Advice has been given me to make the effort to do one constructive thing today. If I can do that I get that great feeling of accomplishment and that releases those good endorphins naturally. It really does help me to feel better about myself & about life in general.

Your work schedule seems a bit difficult too along with the BF working totally different hours than you. That must be difficult. Because I find that keeping a regular schedule while tapering subs is a good thing. I dose at the same times (2) each day & I keep a steady work schedule (even if I don't get much work done because I'm on SS reading old jump/taper Threads). At times it seems that I'm just consumed with this sub taper. Ya know? :banghead:

Also, you're carrying around a really big & awful secret regarding said BF. That's got to be eating at you inside. I wish I had some advice. You're going to have to figure that one out for yourself. While tapering subs our emotions will fly all over the place. Ups & downs are the name of the game. You just have to push through because you will even out given time. Patience, patience & more patience.

I hope that you'll let your body reach total homeostasis before you drop your dose any more. You need to spend some quality time with yourself. Then map out your next drop. At 2.5 mg I believe that your receptors are no longer covered 100%. That means that the healing is beginning which brings on its own set of difficulties. You can & will get through this time.

Have a great time at Disneyland. It's going to be gorgeous at Christmastime!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:58 pm

Yes! Disneyland is coming up quick! Thank you to sub4seven, Martin, and Cat. Lots of good words here. Don't know how to respond to it all other than saying thank you for the support and advice. I'm gonna try to do at least one productive thing daily, especially on my free days. Whether that's drawing or doing some tidying up, or taking care of myself, I can commit to something. On the really rough stints, I struggle to leave bed and sometimes can't even bring myself to do all the normal human stuff: eating, hygiene, drinking water... I'm having another beatdown body day. I played video games for about 8 hours today. Other than that everything is fine. I'm going to start doing some laundry and housekeeping in preparation for my trip to Disneyland. Maybe I'll do some art when I finish the chores. As you said, Cat, tapering is really an all-consuming business. Hopefully I recover from this rut by Monday.

Image
This is the lobby of the Disney Grand Californian during the holidays. I'm really excited, it's so pretty in there! And it's right on the park grounds, you can walk straight into the park from the hotel!! I'm excited to not have to walk an extra mile to get to the room for a break or a swim. We're only staying there this time because there was a holiday discount for annual pass holders. The place is crazy expensive!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:13 am

yea the taper starts to wear you down mentally and physically, stay on this dose for a bit longer and start thinking about your diet. Your body will only heal if it has enough resources like water, protein and vitamins (from real food). Sugar (carbs) will only make it worse, I read this several times and ignored it and then paid for it with constant inflammation. THAT was why my RLS was so bad, severe inflammation due to nutrient deficiencies from intestinal problems. My diet definitely wasn't helping, I was eating fast food on a regular basis. Fast food by itself is made with unhealthy fats and oils which have a lot of omega 6 which again causes inflammation. It was only when I started to eat better that I started feeling better. The only thing you should focus on in my opinion is food, eat as often and as healthy as you can, then you will have the energy to do the other human stuff without even thinking about it.

Keep reminding yourself that you are feeling this way bc of the reductions so it's not a total mindfuck. You know why it's happening, don't waste your time or sanity searching for other answers. Go easy and eat healthy. Besides, video games are a great way to pass the time while keeping your mind active and stimulated during this whole process.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Dec 09, 2017 3:33 pm

Oh Mare your hotel looks gorgeous! When you walk through that door & see that lovely Christmas Tree I think that you're going to feel great. :cheers2: Lucky for y'all that you get to stay in that beautiful hotel.

Sounds like you've got a good plan in place for the vacation. Preparing for such a fun trip can actually be fun instead of everything feeling like its a "chore". Even laundry can be exciting because you know whats coming, a great vacation away from everything. Getting away is so good for the brain.

All of the advice regarding the diet has opened my eyes too. There's quite a bit more that I can do in my diet. I definitely need to cut down on my sweets. I had no idea that it would make me feel so much better during my taper.

Thanks again for that lovely picture of your hotel. I'm so excited for you! :)
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Sat Dec 09, 2017 4:39 pm

Definitely need to eat better. I usually skip breakfast and ear a big lunch and a big dinner. I've been eating more fruits and veggies but it still needs some work. Gotta take it more seriously.

I came in to work today. I felt lazy when I woke up and couldn't figure out what to do with myself. At 12:30 my boss texted me begging me to come in and help cause she had to send one manager home sick. I decided to buck up and come in. Couldn't hurt to earn a few extra bucks before this vacation and do something with my day. My boss knows what's going on with me as far as the taper goes (she's a hard ass but has a soft spot when people trust her with personal stuff), so I told her not to expect me to be running at 100%. I get to leave at 5:30pm so it's a pretty short shift, but I need to move my body around so I don't tense up. Gonna have a long car ride tomorrow night!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Sat Dec 09, 2017 4:54 pm

Getting some extra work in today sounds like a great idea. It gets you up & being productive & that extra $ for the vacation is great too! You're lucky that your job keeps you moving. Unfortunately I must sit behind a desk all day for work. Not good. :nono: Can't do anything about that though. I'll need to get my exercise after work. I really must get started on that.

Well have a good day & enjoy preparing for your wonderful vacation.

Hope you're feeling well today Mare.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:16 pm

Sub4Sevenyrs wrote:yea the taper starts to wear you down mentally and physically, stay on this dose for a bit longer and start thinking about your diet. Your body will only heal if it has enough resources like water, protein and vitamins (from real food). Sugar (carbs) will only make it worse, I read this several times and ignored it and then paid for it with constant inflammation. THAT was why my RLS was so bad, severe inflammation due to nutrient deficiencies from intestinal problems. My diet definitely wasn't helping, I was eating fast food on a regular basis. Fast food by itself is made with unhealthy fats and oils which have a lot of omega 6 which again causes inflammation. It was only when I started to eat better that I started feeling better. The only thing you should focus on in my opinion is food, eat as often and as healthy as you can, then you will have the energy to do the other human stuff without even thinking about it.

Keep reminding yourself that you are feeling this way bc of the reductions so it's not a total mindfuck. You know why it's happening, don't waste your time or sanity searching for other answers. Go easy and eat healthy. Besides, video games are a great way to pass the time while keeping your mind active and stimulated during this whole process.




Wow! That is so true about inflammation! Mare....listen to this guy....he totally nailed it. 8-)

And as far as motivation, that and sleep issues are numbers one and one of the shitty sub scale. :ogeez: :gaah:
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Sub4Sevenyrs » Mon Dec 11, 2017 4:03 am

Thx Cheeps, I learn from the best here at subsux. Everything doctors should tell you ends up on here anyway in some form, usually a withdrawing addict screaming blood murder lol. And I can still smell EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING. When cooking a burger, I can smell the blood and know it's not cooked yet on my way to the oven, like before I even see the oven. Madness. And I still have those hot shots in my fridge lol.
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Mon Dec 11, 2017 7:00 pm

Oh god....the lady I work for has the worst red iron water I've ever encountered. I almost heaved the other day...and she soaks her bed every night....the bathroom was reaking....I had a little heater on for her too. It was terrible.

Drink those hot shots.....good for you!!!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby Mare » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:22 pm

Thanks as always to you two, I will definitely be putting more of an effort into eating well at this time. As much as I can while I'm here in the Magic Kingdom!!

We left Sunday morning at 4:30am, and arrived in southern California at about 12pm. Our hotel is SO BEAUTIFUL! Apparently they just finished a full renovation of every single room in this massive and lovely space, and I am not disappointed! EVERYTHING here is amazing, from the Tiffany style lamps to the beatiful bathrooms. Even the mini fridge is beautiful! I don't think I've ever been somewhere quite this stunning before. While we waited for our room to be ready for check in, we sat in gorgeous overstuffed rocking chairs by an amazing, oversized fireplace listening to a lounge pianist playing Christmas classics on the grand piano beside the 35 foot tall Christmas tree. This place oozes class and excellence. So happy to be here.

Cat- I thought of you this afternoon while I strolled through the Bugs Life World. They have a lot of flora in this area and it attracts butterflies like crazy, we saw a number of Monarchs!

I bought a small pill container to keep my sliced up suboxone strips organized in, and I'm sticking to the schedule, some days are harder than others and I find myself itching to take my dose at 1 or 2 when my schedule is still at 3. I wait until 3, and sometimes I push it to 4 when it's not too bad. I'm taking a lot of supplements and using Motrin on the harder days. With a little resillience, I'll make it through this trip with no spiking or bumping my dose time earlier. I can tell it will be hard, just our first day here was a bit tough to get to 3PM without any help..

For example, today I found myself very angry with a stranger who was making small talk with my boyfriend about zoos in the smoking section.. I felt so angry with her for supporting these places that are known to cause these poor animals such stress and turmoil that they have lashed out and people have been hurt and animals have been put down all in the name of entertainment. I had a full on identity crisis there wondering if I even had the right to be angry with someone who, in theory, supports animal cruelty when I myself still eat plenty of meat. But really, how dare she say that we're saving endangered species from annihilation by keeping them in captivity! That's not how it works!! :gaah:

Okay folks, that little tirade is over and now is time for Mare to get her Disney on! I just woke up from a 3 hour nap and its time to get in that park!!!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby cheeps » Tue Dec 12, 2017 1:32 am

That sounds so wonderful mare....so glad you are in such a beautiful place. I know it will inspire you!

Good job on waiting....remember, it's just a mindfuck....Freddy is happy to have you watching the clock....when even three more hours really wouldn't be much different. Kick him out of Disney girlfriend!!
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Re: Mare counts down from 8

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Dec 12, 2017 10:05 am

Mare, you're description of the hotel lobby sounds delightful! Enjoy the moment. Good for you getting a pill holder & cutting your doses by the day so that you stay on your exact schedule with no deviations! :clap: It's easy to lose track of time on vacation, but you've done everything you can to stay on track. Way to go!!!

Uh, the anger thing is a real bitch. I've done it too many times. Then I have to apologize & keep going forward. These things are going to happen. Stay the course. This too shall pass.

Enjoy your Disneyland vacation with everything you've got. I need a vacation too but year end isn't a good time for me. Oh well, one day.

Tell Mickey hi from Cat. :lol:
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