Quittin Time!!

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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SubJumpa » Sat Dec 30, 2017 7:58 am

hey all, hope everyone had a great holiday and thanks for all the kind words and input as always!! As for me it's day 28 ...I'm fucking tapped right now mentally and physically.. I've just been non stop busy sence A bit before Christmas. I was supposed to have a 10 day stretch of rest and relaxation and it's been anything but.. A bunch of it has been my own doing cause staying busy has always been my way to deal with mental instability.. Anyways I ended up working a bunch this week cause the money is also just to hard to turn down this time of year, on top of that I've been remodeling my family room at night the last few days!! So add to that the holiday hoopla and a couple snow storms to clean up--- oh and fucking plantar fasciitis!!!! Fucking foot- last two days can barely walk!! Life is good!

I know I should be gentle with myself at this stage but it seems I'm a glutton for punishment.. I gotta say the emotional mindfuck that is coming off suboxone comes in waves for me so far.. The wife and I are having rough patches to boot.. I really think she's just getting sick and tired of the world revolving around me and my issues.. For almost ten years now she has had to deal with me being stone cold no emotions- while she's been filled with nothing but emotions-- It's kind of fucked up to be getting these flashes of giving a shit again!! It's an adjustment for sure..It's just gonna take time and patience, two things I've gotten a bit familiar with over the last year and a half..

Now with all the negative shit I just verbally spewed I have to say that I am so grateful for some of the simplest things in life again. My kids mean everything to me and just hanging with them lately is reason to smile!! Took them sledding earlier in the week and man I haven't had that much fun sence I was a kid.. I built this sick jump at the bottom of the hill and we all took turns launching off the thing and basically wiping the fuc out.. Honestly can't even remember the last time I laughed that much and just had fun!!

@Anna no worries jumpa bud I'm not going anywhere, I know I don't post a lot on others threads and honestly I'm on here reading everyday- I'm probably the only freak on here that does this but sometimes I'll go to reply to a thread and literally type a bunch of shit only to reread it and erase it!! I guess it goes with growing up feeling I was never good enough.. I know u can relate.. congrats on .46 your doing so fucking awesome!! So proud of you!! Keep kicking ass and you will get there. Only time stands in your way now!

I hope everyone is doing well today.. Your all in my thoughts daily!!
Best wishes Tim
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby CatsMeow » Sun Dec 31, 2017 11:56 am

Hey Tim. Sorry you & the wifey are running into some rough times. I really hope that y'all can work through the issues as you continue to get better... and you will/are getting better. Day by day, week by week & month by month. She's held on this long. I think you both have got this.

Sledding with the kids sounds so fun! My parents had a cabin in the mountains & we used to sled down the street just a few steps away. I still remember those days (and your kids will too)!

Wishing you a very Happy & Prosperous New Year Tim!
XOXO
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby cheeps » Sun Dec 31, 2017 4:10 pm

Sledding...now that brings back lots of good memory so thank you for that!! I bet you guys will always remember that!

Just try to let her be angry...she has every right to be...but ask her to remember the good times you had years ago...because they will come back. Be as romantic as you can without expecting anything in return. Small gestures and hugs mean a lot. Telling your kids ( and everyone else too) how wonderful their mom is goes a long way. A note in the kitchen, a piece of chocolate in her pocket...anything that you can do...10 minutes of your mouth zipped while she speaks, shining her shoes, being nice to her friends and mother. Smiling at her, scratching her back, massaging her feet.

Regarding plantar fasciitis.....stand on ice packs, find shoes with arch supports, watch YouTube on how to tape the damn thing....I still have my tape and adhesive spray. Calf stretches and more calf stretches...be proactive about it right after you get up. Stretch all day.
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 3:37 am

You haven't lived until you've sledded in Central Park.

I don't think it happens too much any more, cuz frankly NYC has created its own climate. Its about 10-15 degrees warmer than surrounding counties. At least Manhattan is. But I digress at 3;30am on New Years Day.

Man, we had a blast sledding in the park on snow days!!! Real snow days too. not the BS, 6 inches of snow days kids get nowadays. Ahhhhh the 20th Century. Good times.

Thanks for the memories Tim, Cat, Cheeps.
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SubJumpa » Mon Jan 01, 2018 8:30 am

You guys rock!!! Happy New Year indeed!! Wishing you all the best that life has to offer!! I can't express how grateful I am to have found you fine people and having this forum to come to has made something I thought was impossible a reality.. 30 days off and humbled to have made it through each one!

Much love Tim
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby CatsMeow » Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:07 am

Happy New Year to you too Tim! I also am so grateful on this New Year's Day for you & all the great people here on SS. I'm so thrilled for your 30 days clean. You've put in the hard work & it's paying off in spades. You deserve everything good that comes your way.

I hope you & your family have a great day! Y'all certainly deserve it!
XOXO
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:36 pm

SubJumpa wrote:You guys rock!!! Happy New Year indeed!! Wishing you all the best that life has to offer!! I can't express how grateful I am to have found you fine people and having this forum to come to has made something I thought was impossible a reality.. 30 days off and humbled to have made it through each one!

Much love Tim



Here are that 30 day banana...you deserve it! :banana:
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SmottleB » Tue Jan 02, 2018 5:07 am

SubJumpa wrote:I know I don't post a lot on others threads and honestly I'm on here reading everyday- I'm probably the only freak on here that does this but sometimes I'll go to reply to a thread and literally type a bunch of shit only to reread it and erase it!!


I do it all the time!! I even do it to my own! Haha.. keep up the hard work!!

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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:27 pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR TIM!!!!! And big props on your 30 day naner!!! Just wanted to tell you that you are a rock star in these parts. I know that cat's meow is taken so i will call you the bee's knees.

Seriously though, you are walking talking proof that this can be done. Its freakin' inspiring. I'm going to join you on the other side soon I hope.

Love you :kiss:

Anna
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SubJumpa » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:27 am

Thanks peeps!! Hope everyone is well today!!12-16 inches and high winds around these parts today... Looks like shoveling will be today's exercise :)
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:14 pm

Hahaha, I hear that shoveling snow IS great exercise so there you go. I hope everything is going really well for you in 2018. You certainly deserve every good thing that comes your way. You've been a real inspiration to me & many here at SS.

So get out there & shovel that snow! Then tomorrow you can do it again. 12-16" is some serious snow!
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby cheeps » Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:25 pm

:shock: I just hope you don't have aheartastroke! The weather vids from there look terrible. Cars frozen in flood waters? :o please be careful Tim....You ain't superhuman yet!
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby CatsMeow » Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:28 pm

I saw that too. There was a 3 foot storm surge & thunder snow. That's some crazy Nor'easter! Hope you have electricity! Living in a major hurricane zone I know how awful it is to be without.

Take care Time!
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SubJumpa » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:37 am

cheeps wrote::shock: I just hope you don't have aheartastroke! The weather vids from there look terrible. Cars frozen in flood waters? :o please be careful Tim....You ain't superhuman yet!

lol I don't ever plan to feel superhuman again Cheeps!!! Fuc opys! Just focusing on getting through each day one at a time at this point!! Got my ass kicked by this last storm though- pos snowblower crapped out on me- so I did a shit ton of shoveling Thursday- fixed the snowblower Friday only to break it again yesterday after shoveling 3' snow drifts off my roof!! :banghead: Its my own fault though I've procrastinated a lot with keeping up on maintenance shit over the last year or so!! Fuc it I'll just have to fix the fucker again is all!!

Got an apt. with a new therapist this week.. dude is suppose to specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy..I figure at the very least it can't hurt..
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:03 pm

Therapy is good. They may never understand what you've just done....but they can help you look at new ways to think.

I like Tom Raths stuff.
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SubJumpa » Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:36 pm

Hey peeps,
Checkin in day 43... It's been a pretty good week for the most part. Lots of ups and downs mentally and emotionally though.. Some days I feel like I'm healing at a rapid rate and others I feel like I haven't even begun. Learning to accept the instability day by day without reaching for a drug to numb it away!! It's tough not to think about things from my past that I let slip away or just missed out on due to drugs... It's not that I'm dwelling on these things cause I can only change things going forward, but it's a real slap in the face when you come to and realize just how fucking disconnected from reality you have been..
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby cheeps » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:18 am

SubJumpa wrote:Hey peeps,
Checkin in day 43... It's been a pretty good week for the most part. Lots of ups and downs mentally and emotionally though.. Some days I feel like I'm healing at a rapid rate and others I feel like I haven't even begun. Learning to accept the instability day by day without reaching for a drug to numb it away!! It's tough not to think about things from my past that I let slip away or just missed out on due to drugs... It's not that I'm dwelling on these things cause I can only change things going forward, but it's a real slap in the face when you come to and realize just how fucking disconnected from reality you have been..



Yes....the return to the real world sucks. The healing is bare and bald sometimes; I think of it as this guy :gaah: sitting on top of the receptor when it used to do this.... :zzz:

Yeah....someone wake that fucker up and tell him to join the real world again. :wired: 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby CatsMeow » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:40 am

Ya know in a lot of ways this does sound like real life. There are always ups & downs whether drugs were involved or not. Maybe you can just give yourself a break & forgive yourself for those things that are way in the past. Look at all that you've accomplished now!

Drugs or not, life is ever changing & giving us challenges that must be met and lessons that must be learned. Life isn't all good, or all bad. But you have today, drug free, and you've fought so hard for your freedom. You deserve to be happy, so happy! This is what I believe.
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby SubJumpa » Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:52 am

I hope I didn't give the impression that I am not happy and grateful to be free of sub.. It's definitely up there with one of my greatest accomplishments in life to date.. It's still hard to believe that I basically walked off with no major acute shit and honestly I've had more good days than bad mentally... All that really matters I guess is that I'm doing this come hell or high water- with time things will only get better- shit they already have in a lot of ways.. I'm fucking free and that alone is reason to smile today!!
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Re: Quittin Time!!

Postby CatsMeow » Mon Jan 15, 2018 11:15 am

I didn't get that impression at all. I know you're thrilled to be where you are right now. You did a taper the right way & you've avoided some of the horrible symptoms suffered by so many that jump too soon or too high.

I know that you must be so proud of yourself & you should be. We're all so very proud of you. Sure it's not all roses just yet, but time will heal all I truly believe.

Glad that you're smiling today!
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