Took the plunge (journal)

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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 14, 2017 6:13 pm

just a song for you....

10 yrs on methadone
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2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:48 pm

Day 19

Had another good night of sleep, close to 8 hours (I'm legit thankful every morning I get a good rest). I think the zinc/potassium/magnesium supplements have helped with the spazzy leg syndrome but who knows, correlation != causation right? Regardless, I'm taking it twice a day now; one with breakfast and one with dinner. The other night I had also bought some new Melatonin and that might be helping as well. I realized the stuff I had been using expired in 2011. I actually remember buying it sometime in 2010 when I was having trouble sleeping after coming off opiates, can't believe I kept it with me through 3 different moves. Just another reminder of how much of my life I've spent chasing that shit around.

When I woke up this morning my muscles were spasming all over the place, in my arms, legs and back. This seems to happen now every once in a while, it doesn't hurt and it doesn't feel the same as the taser-to-the-brain-RLS but it's definitely not normal. My nose is STILL drying out but I can definitely feel it normalizing day by day. People at work are asking me if I still have a cold, I've just been telling them it was the worst cold I ever had in my life and my nose is still messed up from it :angel:

Speaking of work, I used to be able to breeze through my 9 hour shifts without a worry (like a fuckin' robot). Some nights recently have just been like torture. Don't wanna be sitting, get tired easily standing up and walking around, don't wanna talk to people, staring at the clock every 15 minutes... just in a shit mood, physically and mentally irritable. Yesterday was a good night though as is tonight so far. I find myself getting pretty sleepy by the time I'm leaving which is good, I'm trying to reset my clock and going to bed as soon as I get home around 1:30 or 2 A.M. On subs sometimes I would get home and stay up until 4 in the morning.

Had my group this morning as well which is always helpful. I used to have to set an alarm for it but now that I'm naturally waking up around 9 I only have to muster the strength to leave my warm bed.

Thanks for the song cheeps, I've heard of the moody blues but don't think I've ever listened to their music until now. This one's for you:

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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Mare » Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:36 pm

Man! Day 19 already! You're kicking ass. Happy you're getting a full night's sleep, honestly kind of surprised after some of the horrific higher jump threads I've read here. Good for you!

I get you on the work issue. Well, I relate. I'm still at 2.5mg now but FUCK I cannot stand being at work right now. I'm known for being the customer service extraordinaire but lately I've been having customers threaten to call corporate on me. I've been employee of the month like 3 times in 2 years and they only gave them out for like 6 months! I am just turning into a total grump. In public nowadays, I pretty much constantly wear my "don't fuck with me" face.

Anyways, keep it up. You're a badass!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Dcleanist » Sat Dec 16, 2017 1:59 am

I just wanted to say congratulations and thanks for posting your experience and success.

I'm telling you it was 1:37 for 5 minutes. It's a conspiracy. Lol. Peace
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sat Dec 16, 2017 1:59 pm

Dcleanist wrote:I just wanted to say congratulations and thanks for posting your experience and success.

I'm telling you it was 1:37 for 5 minutes. It's a conspiracy. Lol. Peace


D...That made me laugh!!


Hey, I really like that tune!! Going to have to listen to more of that.

I'm so old....and there is sooo much music out there. Back in the day, we knew ALLL the songs, but now...so many talented bands and peeps out there.

Next time you post a YouTube. Click on the YouTube button, put link directly in the middle [youtube]likethis[/youtube]

Take out the s in https. It should work, sometimes the links with periods. yout.ube don't work. And it doesn't like links with the m.youtube
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby CatsMeow » Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:00 pm

How are you doing m4zer? Just checking in & hoping that you're feeling as well as you can. Hang on! This too shall pass...
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Tue Dec 19, 2017 5:23 pm

CatsMeow wrote:How are you doing m4zer? Just checking in & hoping that you're feeling as well as you can. Hang on! This too shall pass...


3 weeks and 2 days in! The party last weekend was really fun, I didn't drink that much. I thought maybe I would have a little hangover since it's been a while but I felt fine the next day. I did take some weed-carrot-cake someone brought towards the end and didn't feel it until I got home, by that point I was so high I almost felt like I was tripping. I have like zero marijuana tolerance, don't like smoking it but I'll take edibles every now and then.

Still sleeping well! Taking my supplements, trying to spend more time in the little sun we get this time of year. The solstice is only 2 days away, then the sun will slowly creep its way back... I haven't had any recurrence of the brain fry and leg symptoms I had the other week, hoping it stays that way. I have felt kind of low-energy though, I need to exercise more. I've got to drag the stationary bike up from the unheated basement and onto the porch sometime soon. I bought a guitar last week and have been practicing every day for as long as my fingers will allow me. It's been a while since I sat down and tried to learn something new but I'm definitely seeing progress!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:50 pm

Welll...that's good news on the music....yeah, go get that fucking bike and pedal the hell out of it.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Thu Dec 21, 2017 10:34 am

How's it going today?
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:48 am

cheeps wrote:How's it going today?


It's going! I just ate breakfast and took my supplements. How long should I take these for anyway? I guess I don't mind taking the zinc/mag/calc supplement every day but is taking 200mg (extended release) 5HTP for a long period O.K? I'm still getting muscle twitching every morning mostly in my arms, haven't had any bad leg days since last week. Sleeping between 6 and 7 hours each night, last night I did wake up sometime around 5 I think but fell back asleep O.K, definitely remembering my dreams. Physically I feel kind of bogged down, mentally I feel somewhere between O.K and good depending on what's going on, my motivation is pretty shot to shit. Sometimes I catch myself looking back at the years of dependence on pills, dope and sub and feel like a total wasteoid but I try not to dwell on it. I'm 30 and it feels like I spent most of my 20's chasing or in a fucked up haze. It's just hard to reckon with after the fact. I know I'm doing better and things will only get better if I try.

I have the next 5 days off from work! My brothers GF left her dog here for me to dogsit today, I don't mind since the pup loves me so much :D I'm going to take her for a walk in the woods soon, just kind of putting around the house this morning. I want to do MORE but I'm still unmotivated and lethargic, it's a shitty feeling, being winter doesn't help. I just tell myself come summer I'll be back in peak form! Feels like a waiting game. The only virtue I've ever really had is patience so I can deal.

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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Dec 21, 2017 12:57 pm

Wow m4zer you sound pretty darn good. So glad the RLS has let up. I hear that one is a real bitch. And you're sleeping too! You've got this for sure. Have fun today with the pup. It will be fun to go for a walk in the woods. Everything is going to be okay for you. I can hear it in your posts & I'm so happy for you!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Thu Dec 21, 2017 3:28 pm

CatsMeow wrote:Wow m4zer you sound pretty darn good. So glad the RLS has let up. I hear that one is a real bitch. And you're sleeping too! You've got this for sure. Have fun today with the pup. It will be fun to go for a walk in the woods. Everything is going to be okay for you. I can hear it in your posts & I'm so happy for you!


Thank you, it was a huge relief, that stuff drives me up the wall! Here's some pics from the walk :D

https://imgur.com/a/L5SZI

https://imgur.com/a/UrQ5Q


that was fun :thumbup:
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:12 pm

Gorgeous snow, woods & of course that beautiful pup! Make it a great day m4zer! You deserve it.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sat Dec 23, 2017 10:42 am

Just keep plugging away...it's going to take a lot of time but full healing will happen. Keep walking the dog. Start doing something creative. Have you read the: healing the amygdala: thread in staying clean?

You are truly on the other side now and your brain is going to be on the rollercoaster ride for awhile. Motivation is the last to really recover....so don't worry.....it will all get better. 2017 is gone with the wind. 2018 is for healing.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Sun Dec 24, 2017 12:54 am

Woof, just when you think you have it in pocket... I felt shitty since this morning, slept poorly last night for the first time in a while. Went to see a showing of Natl. Lampoon Christmas Vaca with some friends at the local movie theatre and started getting crazy legs and brain zaps halfway in. Not as bad as the last time it happened but I was still squirming every once in a while. They subsided a few hours ago.

I'm tireeeedddd. My brother threw an Xmas party, just got home and am waiting for his friends to leave. Hope these kids drive safe, I saw a 3 car accident from the ice on my way home. One spun out braking too hard going downhill and did a 180, the car behind it went into someone's yard and the one behind that ate the banking on my side of the road.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sun Dec 24, 2017 7:17 am

That's what I'm facing the night if my son's wedding. It's supposed to snow...I pray it snows with no ice. At least the peeps that live there are used to it. In my little burg, a smidgen of wintry SHIT is cause for panic....with idiots on the roads.

Yeah you overdid it...n that physical stress knocks you back. Just take it easy today and tomorrow should be merry.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:07 pm

30 days, I'll consider that a month...

Still sleeping well, I kinda messed up my sleep schedule with the past 5 days off going to bed earlier than my work schedule but hey when I'm tired I hate forcing myself to stay up! Because of that I woke up at 7 A.M today and have to tough it out until 2 A.M, ah well.

Mornings are the worst for me energy and motivation wise. The muscle spasms are getting better, they weren't as bad this morning as they have been. My mood is kind of down and up, down in the morning then by around 5 or 6 I feel fairly normal. One of the reasons I wanted to stop was because how I felt it was affecting me socially. I just spent the past few days with friends and family and I would usually be pretty short with and want out of dealing with people (especially with my family) but it just felt easier, I think partly because I feel more empathetic. I didn't even flinch when my lovely aunt told me, in all earnesty, that I don't know how to peel a potato. Not much drinking either, I had a pretty watered down rum and coke yesterday at the family dinner.

The mood swings are for real though, sometimes I just wanna sit by myself and stare at the wall. Glad I got the guitar, it's really been helping me with something to focus my attention on.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Mare » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:47 am

My friend!!! You rule! And may I be the first to present you with this...

:banana:

Glad you made it through the holidays. Excited for you that you're noticing some positive effects so far! The social awkwardness is an issue for me too. The other things will even out for you. I've got faith in you. Keep being awesome!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Wed Dec 27, 2017 11:13 am

Mare wrote:My friend!!! You rule! And may I be the first to present you with this...

:banana:

Glad you made it through the holidays. Excited for you that you're noticing some positive effects so far! The social awkwardness is an issue for me too. The other things will even out for you. I've got faith in you. Keep being awesome!


Well said!

I had to learn how to meet and greet peeps even when I was straight....when I was detoxing methadone...for months I would just blurt out anything that came to mind. I was so honest and vulgar at times, I cringe now to think about it. :lol: :lol:
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:23 am

Got RLS again tonight just like 4 days ago, mostly gone now. I swear sometimes I can feel whatever 'it' is building up in my brain before it even hits my legs. Central nervous system probably still working out the kinks, I think feeling sleepy has something to do with it. Some kind of short circuit when you're brain is trying to tell your body it's time to relax and it does the fucking opposite. Walked around and stretched because it was starting to drive me a bit batty. I keep looking for a 'trigger' but every time it's happened I was mostly just tired, after eating a meal or late in the night. Not much I can do about that, yanking the hooks out isn't clean.
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