Took the plunge (journal)

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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Eyedotz » Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:16 pm

5 hour energy’s are the bomb! I’ve been preaching that for years....I still take them a couple times a week. I liked your vid too. Hang in there man. You’re doing great.
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JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sat Dec 02, 2017 6:27 pm

You're doing GREAT!!! Hit that fucking cycle as much as you can....drink tons of water....put a pee bottle in your work area if you have to.....just keep going with the flow!! You got this shit!!
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Dcleanist » Sat Dec 02, 2017 6:33 pm

Wow dude. I don't know what a tuff guy is but you surely have great strength. I also had the dreams of being chased in the past but am depicting a dream I had little over a week ago. It has a time line of now till jan 2. Think I understand most of it.

Keep going day by day and your day will surely come. Thanks for the inspiration.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Sat Dec 02, 2017 6:35 pm

Eyedotz wrote:5 hour energy’s are the bomb! I’ve been preaching that for years....I still take them a couple times a week. I liked your vid too. Hang in there man. You’re doing great.


Thank you that really does mean a lot to me. I talked to my brother about it today finally because he kept seeing me every morning this past week wide awake wondering what the hell I was up to, he said he's proud of me (queue me holding back tears). I just flushed the last two 2mg strips I had so I don't have anything 'at hand' any more, I had a sliver of about probably .2 I was keeping in my wallet this whole time just in case I cracked and needed a little, flushed that too. Not gonna lie, I had at least two late night moments where I opened up my wallet and looked at it and considered it's promise of sleep. I do still have the unfilled prescription note but that would require a day at least to fill (it always does) so I would have time to reflect. I'm excited to see what the future looks like without it... I managed a little nap around 5 for a bit.

Just gotta keep at it. I'm hoping to get out of the house tomorrow to help a friend move furniture into his new house then I'm driving to Boston by my lonesome at night to see a band I've always wanted to see live, I'm pretty excited for it. No drinking. Just want to enjoy some live music.

These guys (edited the link to their new album which is the one they're going to play)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_6xTfRsfzc
Last edited by m4zer on Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Mare » Sat Dec 02, 2017 7:14 pm

Right the f on Maz. That's what I'm calling you now. Good work on tossing it out! Very big step there, shows great commitment to the process and it takes a ton of will, I'm sure. Have fun at your show, maybe if you rock out hard enough you can get a good rest. Sounds like a big day!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Sat Dec 02, 2017 7:52 pm

Dude your killin' it!! I'm getting ready to jump real soon and your determination and strength are encouraging to say the least!! Anyhow hang in there man your doing fucking awesome!!!

Peace T
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:08 pm

Wannabesubjumpa wrote:Dude your killin' it!! I'm getting ready to jump real soon and your determination and strength are encouraging to say the least!! Anyhow hang in there man your doing fucking awesome!!!

Peace T


Best of luck to you and stay strong my man! These boards have been a MASSIVE support, even just being able to write it all down is helpful especially when it looks grim and you feel like a demon is being ripped out of your body. Coming off this shit is a truly a modern day exorcism. Honestly, I should have tapered more for my own mental and physical benefit and timed the 3rd and 4th days to fall on Friday / Saturday since that was by far the worst of it.

151 hours
------------
I'm still extremely sneezy, my cat hates me for it. My appetite is still not that great but my brother cooked a turkey earlier and I just ate a leg of it and it was flipping amazing, I feel full after. I haven't hit the john for number 2 since this morning after some loose stool and me taking 4mg of Loperamide as a precaution. I have 3 more .5 mg Clonazepam that I'm still holding onto, I don't have a source or anything for this stuff so once it's gone it's gone. Honestly this stuff hasn't really 100% knocked me out once yet but I think I've been taking a fairly low or moderate dose (most was 1.5mg), it has helped me quite a lot dealing with being awake and frazzled and frustrated. My overall mood is still positive but small emotional things are making me cry a little bit, I cried at a goddamn commercial earlier....
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Mare » Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:14 pm

Hang in there dude. Proud of you. Your totally kicking ass! The crying is normal even though it feels weird. I used to get that when I'd wait too long to dose. I teared up at a video of Mr. Rogers fighting for federal funding during the Nixon administration on behalf of public television recently.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:53 am

Mare wrote:Hang in there dude. Proud of you. Your totally kicking ass! The crying is normal even though it feels weird. I used to get that when I'd wait too long to dose. I teared up at a video of Mr. Rogers fighting for federal funding during the Nixon administration on behalf of public television recently.




Maz....the worst commercial to cry for is the damn SPCA comm with the dogs all looking like hell....as Mare said...being highly emotional is your new reality for a few days. Drink tons of water now more than ever....it flushes the toxins out. Lots of Epsom baths....you can use the lope just be careful after a week of it as you can get dependent on it too....but only in real high doses....we are here for you. Stay warm and enjoy that great band.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Dcleanist » Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:09 am

Your gaining on it.

There's no shame for having a heart. Only for a lack of. Congrats and welcome back to reality. It is what we make it. I just hope it's as special as you. Awww lol. Peace
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:30 am

Morning of Day 7

I took the rest of the Clonazepam in stages last night, took one, then try to go to sleep for like 20 mins, no luck, take another, repeat. At one point I just laid there letting the discomfort happen for a while and found that my thigh and calf muscles in were actually twitching every once in while which was causing the discomfort. I put some Icy Hot on them and did some hamstrings and thigh stretches while watching TV for a good while, took a hot bath and BURNED MY FUCKING LEGS. Icy Hot, while it's hot, and hot water will make your legs feel like they're literally on fire. I did not know this, I thought burning up my nutsack was the last time this stuff would double cross me. (my legs feel totally fine now I didn't actually get burned but they were really red). I soaked them as much as I could without causing too much pain, mostly keeping my legs out of the water and soaking my body and back. Went back to bed and I fell asleep sometime after 3 A.M and just woke up a few minutes ago so that was close to 7 hours uninterrupted!!!! FINALLY. Still feeling a bit cloudy from the Clonazepam but it should wear off
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Sun Dec 03, 2017 4:49 pm

Helping my friend move was a big effort even with 5 of us helping. 3 U-haul pack-in and unloads, I'm beat! I feel good though, I got to see some friends and have some laughs with them, overcast but otherwise really nice day. It's officially been a week since my last dose. Took a hot bath and now I'm gonna try to get a nap in before I jet out to Boston.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Mare » Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:26 pm

So cool!! Congratulations on 7 days. Such a big step in the right direction. Have fun at your show, you deserve it! I'm actually cleaning my house listening to them now
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:20 am

Hope you didn't wear yourself out too much. That much physical stress will make you feel shitty for a few days....but it will ease up.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:57 pm

The show was amazing, I was very worn out after though. I ate some sushi at a place near the venue afterwards and drove home. I tried to hit the hay around 12 but no deal, I should really just try to stick to my work sleep schedule on the weekends (2 or 3 a.m). I took one 25mg Amitryptaline and a hot bath but the insomnia persisted, felt like day 4 was going to repeat itself. Being awake on Ami is like having brain damage IMO. I went back and forth between watching shows and attempting sleep until around some time after 3. I found some old melatonin I had and layed down, letting it melt in my mouth. I fell asleep at some point, woke up at 10:30 then fell back asleep until 12. I really need to fix my sleep cycle, im going to try just the melatonin and not try to sleep until 2 or 3 A.M. Waking up after the Ami makes me feel like a zombie, I'm sure some of the malaise is from stopping subs and my long day yesterday like you said Cheeps but this stuff doesn't help! Just gonna veg out for a while.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Eyedotz » Mon Dec 04, 2017 4:17 pm

Howdy Maz... I'm really glad you had fun at your show! It makes you forget, just for a moment, that you feel exhausted and spent. When you can't sleep, just get up and do something else....(like you did!).. it's much less frustrating.

I still have issues with sleep cycles. I tend to sleep lighter and shorter after coming off of sub. I usually crash at 1am and I'm up by 7am. Melatonin works pretty good on most days... I have the 5mg pills and I usually take one an hour before bed. Also, on the really tough nights - ZZZ-Quil is fucking amazing! I try not to take it every night because you can become dependent on it so I usually stick with melatonin. On hard nights, I'll take a gulp of ZZZ-quil and fall asleep really quickly... for some reason, it calms the constant thinking (over-thinking) when I'm having trouble sleeping. Last night fucking sucked. I'm one of those people that are highly agitated by the full moon and it being a super moon last night, well, I'm on 2 hours of broken sleep. Happens every month though... I just stay up and play ps4.
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13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Mon Dec 04, 2017 5:31 pm

Jump to 18:09....I will always remember ROTFLMAO visualizing this. When I'm staggering...that sound he makes slays me. :laughpound:

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Oxy free 12/06/14
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2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:33 pm

So I caught a head cold on top of everything, started yesterday afternoon and by night my sinuses were all fucked up. Felt like I ran barbed wire through them. Even still, falling asleep was a little bit easier than the night before. Today the cold has continued but my sinuses are feeling a little better, I called out of work anyway just because fuck dealing with that on top of everything else. Hard to give an accurate description of how I feel knowing I'm actually sick and that it likely started yesterday afternoon.

Saw my counselor today and told him how things were going, he was very supportive of my decision and just wanted to make sure I was doing O.K. Rather than a month I'm going to see him again in 2 weeks, going to continue going to group as well, that was my plan all along anyway. Went out to eat afterwards at some new ramen place I wanted to check out and it was really excellent (french onion soup ramen!) Is it impolite to go out to eat if your sick? Not much of an appetite these past mornings but I do get hungry enough to eat a decent meal in the late afternoon or dinner. Bad timing for a cold though, I rarely get sick too.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:38 pm

Ok....here's another little gem....you and Tim may not have colds....it's the detox....but I will say during and after detox you will have upper respiratory issues frequently. Opiates block histamine release....when you have no opies in your system you get clogged up. And....Its because your body temperature has changed and you are colder....that makes you more susceptible to germs and viruses when you do actually get sick.
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby Dcleanist » Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:47 pm

You are more acceptable for colds in wd. Ive experienced it both ways and only you know. You said you did this before.

Congrats for still standing your ground even when it feels the worst is after us. It's a sign to chill for 2 weeks do what you have to and enjoy the little things. Peace
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