Took the plunge (journal)

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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:36 am

Sorry to hear the RLS came back. :gaah: I believe that you're right about your CNS still trying to work itself out. Just try to roll with the waves & one day this will all be behind you. You're doing so great!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Sun Dec 31, 2017 1:21 pm

5 weeks in!

Still sleeping 7+ hours every night unless my cats wake me up... the other night they were chasing a mouse around my room and then under my bed. I had to throw both of them out haha, me and the mouse slept fine til morning when they found it and chewed its face off. I can deal with the intermittent RLS since it seems to only happen at night every once in a while and it goes away after an hour or so. My mood is still pretty blah, not depressed but not the way I was on subs or before them, still feeling lazy. I think I'm gonna join a gym for new years as cliche as that is, I'm not going to freeze my ass off hitting the stationary bike in the basement again. It's been in the single digits here lately.

I had my first drug dream since stopping. Was at a cabin in the mountains and it started snowing so I decided to leave in my car before it got too bad to drive. I was halfway down the road when I realized I had left a bottle of Vicodin back there! I got out of the car and climbed back up the hill to get it and was worried about getting stuck there over night. In the dream I actually took some of them REASON BEING I had stopped Suboxone and haven't felt good in a while so why not? Dangerous thinking in that dream... Being honest with myself I don't think I would ever touch heroin again, it's like playing Russian Roulette these days what with fent and other synthetics in them. But, if someone put some pills in front of me I don't know. I hope that I wouldn't but that's a big concern for me. I don't have any access to them, or know anyone who sells, or even know anyone who DOES them anymore but you never know. I do know I never ever want to end up back on subs if I can help it.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sun Dec 31, 2017 3:58 pm

Yeah....those dreams suck and you will have to watch the pills....but they lead to total head scramble...if you took them and stopped th sub detox shit comes back. An opiate is an opiate even if it acts on different receptors. If you run across them....think sub detox immediately....

Many peeps have had to get teeth worked on or surgeries and use pills. It's very hard and best left alone.


5 weeks dude...so damn proud!!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:42 pm

Hey there m4zer how are things going? Sure hope you're not having any more of those using dreams. That sounded just awful. I hope your next dream is a big 'ole shower of rainbows. You deserve it.

Hope you're still sleeping well too. I know what you mean about the cats waking you up sometimes. I have 5 and any one of them can "feel their oats" in the middle of the night. Ever heard that expression? My Mom used to say it all the time. It still makes me laugh.

Well, hope you're doing well my friend.

Best,
Cat
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:28 pm

Yeah...I.love it when the bastards wake you up kneading your chest. Little beggars.

Hope all is well...expect some blah and ups and downs. The rollercoaster doesn't stop yet. Brain healing takes time. One step forward three steps back....just when you thought you are anything out...wham! To be expected...but you know that I'm sure.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:03 pm

I've heard of 'sowing your wild oats' before, Cat. I'm still doing well, no other shitty dreams so far. Like SubJumpa said in his thread we got over a foot of snow yesterday so I spent most of the day shoveling and then got to work from home instead of driving in. It's been below zero or single digits the past few weeks and now I hear it's supposed to hit close to 50°next week! What the fuck!? I had to laugh at our resident retard in the Whitehouse drag out the old 'WHAT GLOBAL WARMING??' line.

I've been feeling pretty good lately, I've been sleeping without melatonin the past week, I have one more 5-HTP pill left and I'm going to see how it goes without taking them, it was exactly 30 days worth. I joined a gym today but probably won't hit it up until next Monday. I'm not overweight but I seriously need more exercise! I can't just wait for it to snow every time I want a work out :]

Saw my sub doctor today (after 2 months) and we talked about my jump and how it was, etc. We talked a bit about Naltrexone and he gave me a script for 7 of them just in case I ever feel like I'm going to be in an 'at risk situation' and can take one beforehand. Seems reasonable enough. I don't want to take anything at the moment that's going to fuck with my receptors, dunno if I'll even fill the script. Any thoughts on this would be welcome.

After seeing him I had my group which was just me, our resident old timer and a new guy. A few months ago I know she was on 2mg and now she's down to .5mg a day, she hopes to get off of it in another 2 months. She thanked me for telling her to taper down as low as possible. I definitely wanna stick around at least to see how she does and be supportive. It was pretty funny hearing her today bitch about how it was supposed to be a 'miracle drug with no side effects' and how she should never have been on the high dose they had her at for 4 years, where have I heard THAT before :wave: I would love to tell her to join here but I don't think she's very internet savvy. The new guy was a major sad sack (totally flat affect, he sounded like Eeyore) saying both of us are more at risk because we're getting off it. Yeah no shit dude, we know that, we've been on it for years without touching dope though and it gets fucking old. Guy's been on methadone a few months and he tells us he'll probably stay on it for the rest of his life. I know where he's coming from, I used to think the same goddamn thing about subs. See how you feel about that in a few years buddy! :thumbup:
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:09 pm

Aw man....that dude is in for some bad teef, bad hair, and bad bone days....but unfortunately it takes something to trigger the FUCK THIS SHIT moment.

Good metaphor...ole Eeyore!!

Yep....Yall are "at risk" for a better life. If people on opies could experience two days of the peace that eventually comes after one truly gets off dope. Well, we'd have more peeps getting off than getting on.

Its just a matter of getting your brain back....sounds so damn simple...its hard work and it does separate the Eeyores from the Piglets. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :lol: :lol: :ogeez:
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Thu Jan 18, 2018 8:03 pm

Gotta say I've been feeling pretty good these past two weeks! I'm making an effort to incorporate better habits into my routine with exercise at the forefront. I definitely sank into some bad habits for way longer than I'd like to remember, the apathy is a real killer.

One thing I kind of just realized is that while on subs I had a pretty pervasive nervous tics that has disappeared. I just haven't had the compulsion to do it anymore. It wasn't anything someone else would notice but I never really thought about it until now.

Dropping the 5-HTP messed with my mood the first few days after stopping but I bounced back pretty quickly, all I'm taking now is a multi-vitamin and Omega oils. I drink a lot of green tea too, instead of coffee, but that's something I've been doing for a few years. Best drink in the world! Kirkland's matcha blend is my favorite, I could never go back to "regular" green tea at this point.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Thu Jan 18, 2018 9:35 pm

M4zer...I need to ditch the coffee and go with green tea....isnt kirklands from costco?

Do you know how to put a signature into your posts. It helps my memory to see your jump date in a siggy.

How long did you take the 5-HTP?

You sound pretty damn good.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:34 pm

I've heard people buy it at Costco. I first bought it at Wegmans but now I just order it off Amazon, it's like 20$ for 100x bags. I usually drink it between meals. I have some higher quality matcha I drink at home sometimes but the Kirkland stuff is still excellent. It's crazy good for you too!

http://www.naturallivingideas.com/10-am ... green-tea/

This is the stuff I usually get - (I'm not a shareholder in Kirkland I swear...)

https://www.amazon.com/Kirkland-Matcha- ... B000WB1YSE

When you're making matcha the two big rules are
1) The temperature - don't pour boiling water on this stuff! It should be around 175° or less.
2) Don't let it steep too long! It will ruin the flavor, 30 - 40 seconds at most. You'll know you if you've let it steep too long because it will turn brown, it should be a rich green color.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:55 am

Thanks for the tips...I like very light tea and need to get going on this.
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby m4zer » Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:58 pm

Two months and three weeks off sub! I've been feeling pretty much back to normal. My mood has definitely stabilized. Still going to my weekly meetings, I might stop going come summer. Would be pretty nice to not have to go to the sub clinic any more. It's a really great clinic but I would just like to put it behind me. I might try to find another group, I know someone who was pretty deep in the business as well and she runs a group and does outreach so I'm going to ask her about it.

Things have definitely smoothed out, though I couldn't find a Valentine :[

Going to get my eyeballs lasered tomorrow so I can say goodbye to glasses! I'm pretty excited for it, no pill script for afterwards, just eye drops :angel:
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:59 pm

m4zer wrote:Two months and three weeks off sub! I've been feeling pretty much back to normal. My mood has definitely stabilized. Still going to my weekly meetings, I might stop going come summer. Would be pretty nice to not have to go to the sub clinic any more. It's a really great clinic but I would just like to put it behind me. I might try to find another group, I know someone who was pretty deep in the business as well and she runs a group and does outreach so I'm going to ask her about it.

Things have definitely smoothed out, though I couldn't find a Valentine :[

Going to get my eyeballs lasered tomorrow so I can say goodbye to glasses! I'm pretty excited for it, no pill script for afterwards, just eye drops :angel:





That's GREAT news....especially the eyeball part. Everyone I know has had good results but the first day sucks. Oh welll....nothing you can't handle!!

Yes, find a group more to your liking....and maybe a valentine late....but I've always thought that peeps with drug issues need to have it well past them before they get together. Spending time with someone that is on the fence recovery wise can be iffy. :gaah:

Keep us updated !! And if I missed your two naners, I'll be sure not to miss the big 90!
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Re: Took the plunge (journal)

Postby cheeps » Thu Feb 15, 2018 4:01 pm

m4zer wrote:
When you're making matcha the two big rules are
1) The temperature - don't pour boiling water on this stuff! It should be around 175° or less.
2) Don't let it steep too long! It will ruin the flavor, 30 - 40 seconds at most. You'll know you if you've let it steep too long because it will turn brown, it should be a rich green color.



And I found my tea!!
10 yrs on methadone
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Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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