Silent growls

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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:40 am

I'm past the worst and able to have ups. The bad thing is I'm on a cycle and crash at night. It's gonna take a couple days before it flips and I can get some ok sleep. Just another bad night I have to put behind me. I forgive but don't forget. Rest will come. Till than its a coffee and joint kinda morning. A stay awake and bake marathon. Fuck yay peace. Still with a smile.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby cheeps » Sun Nov 05, 2017 8:44 am

Hang in here....
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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cheeps
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Sun Nov 05, 2017 11:48 am

Thanks cheeps. I feel like this place is a home away from home. Away from the porn sites atleast. Lol

Another day in the plans of redemption. Next few days it's selfless fuck me. Entertain the dog and maintain. Peace
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Tue Nov 07, 2017 6:42 pm

"It's stretch the leggs and beat the meat not the other way around". F rls a past saying for a past feeling. Thanks peace.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:53 am

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was drugs on the other side duh. I think the guy that drugged his sled dogs with Opys should be punished till his dogs piss on him.

Hope everyone is baring the dare. Different strokes for different jokes. Peace to another day of rest and maintenance. Yay for a future.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Wed Nov 08, 2017 5:59 pm

I'm better than better but not great. Can't forget my past. My sub/h jumps. This site gurenteed me rls/the worst would be over by 14 days clean. My first jump from a stacked higher dose ss saved/ensured me at 11 and 13 days releif is right around the corner. Thanks

I'm alright as long as my heart is. Getting it done yet taking a few more days of recouperation before tempting fate. Peace. Another day clean.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Thu Nov 09, 2017 3:30 am

I'm telling you. Get some snuggles dryer sheets. I can't stop smelling myself. It's some strong shit man. Fuck me there is a tomorrow and I must do my best. F opys. Peace

Got an odd ball tail end bad night. I still have to enjoy it. Because I will never feel this way again. No repeat. I have everything else going for me. I really believe we all have everything and nothing in every way.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby CatsMeow » Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:55 pm

I absolutely love this - I will never feel this way again. No repeat. This is profound! This also gives me the courage to embrace what is going on with me right now, tomorrow & every day until I'm done = Sub 0.

I'm following your journey, I'm behind you, but I will be where you are one day. Thanks for posting your journey.

Hope your day is the best it can be.
Cat
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Thu Nov 09, 2017 4:20 pm

Thank you cm. my day is the best because it's another day clean.

The ups and downs are a bit harsh but I know in a few days I will be that much better. Just have to ride it out and hope for the best. Music request Eddie Murphy "party all the time". Peace
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:31 am

It just doesn't want let me go. Constant rls that is soon to drive me mad. Trying not to lump myself up but will have to soon. Fuck why is $6 every other day taunting me like this. How could 3 dollars a day can produce such hell.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Fri Nov 10, 2017 1:03 am

I'm alright. Was trying to sleep and realized I'm not gonna sleep tonight. Should get some cat naps in the morning. For some reason i feel more at ease at day break and can nap. Straight to rem. This morning i fell asleep for 6 minutes and had a long dream. So I thought. Lol.

My time will be paid soon. Yay weed. Peace.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:39 am

Heh Dcleanist,

What's up man, great to see you posting again regularly!!! Hope all is well today brah!! Your doing what you gotta do to get to where u want to go man and you should be damn proud brother!!!

Peace T
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:42 pm

Thanks.

It's one thing beating yourself up but another having the world beat you down. I'm not scared of the "pressure". I'm nervous about my greed for reward.

Funny how it costs more for a hug than a bj. Anyway what was I saying lol. I'm clean slowly getting better. Not in acute wd and temporarily satisfied about that. Fuck. How am I going to live without triggers. My short term memory loss voids sponsor help. I just have to learn or suffer till I die. I pick learn. Lol. For today anyway. Peace
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:09 pm

Stay clean or suffer till I die.

Fuck. Why do I always feel like there's a rocky 4 movie going on in my head. Of course when I think everything is going to be ok, I hit a wall. I'm gonna be growling at my shadows all night. Will there ever be a time I can trust myself again. Atleast in jail you know you're gonna get out. Fuck

Still clean and another day closer to sanity. Knowing your crazy is the first step. Pretending not to be is the tricky part. Lol. Dog helped. I had to get out. So he walked me all over the place. Peace
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:40 am

The good news is I'm angry meaning desperation has passed. 4 th night no sleep. Rls is running deep. I don't know what to do other than drink coffee and stay busy. Out of mind out of arms and legs right. Sometimes. No more growling I'm starting to bark at the wind. I hate rls and insomnia yet I keap repeatn. Think I'm gonna end up with some lumps tonight. Hopefully on my temple. Coffee and pretend it's morning.

This is the point where I grow a hatred for opys.

Stay clean or suffer till death. Fuck opys.

I don't understand how junkys are so skinny. I get strong just by my inflamed ins. Rls. Peace
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Subverted DietDoc » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:44 am

You are a warrior poet. You got opy on lock. And you help others even in the thick of it. You’ve created so much good Karma that one of those unexpected times where all the sudden everything gets better all at once and you feel surprisingly good is coming. Because you earned and deserve it. Your sentence has been commuted to...Life.
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ < .5 mg/d
Alprazolam: Tapered off May 2016 - Started again October 2017 currently tapering
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:25 pm

Thanks.

I think it's worse this time because I lost that childhood spirit. I have lost my wants and when I want something I can't have it. I know I said want what you need and need what you want. I just don't know what that is. I know either I stay clean or suffer till I die. Another day clean but still being taunted on the regular. 3 dollars worth would fix me yet I'm going for a couple dimes of smoke. Am I fooling myself. Yes.

That was the last worst night. Yet I can only stop the battle in my head temporary. Once I get further outside triggers will condemn me. Maybe I will get lucky and have a swing of strong will when I need it. Basing my life on chance is stupid And driving me nuts but chances are all I have left. Fuck peace thanks.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby CatsMeow » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:35 pm

Oh DC I'm so sorry for what's happening to you right now. Repeat - "right now". This too shall pass. You will get some sleep, you will be free of subs & opy's. Your time is now. Keep pushing. Walk that dog!

It's all going to be alright. I'm looking forward to the day that I hear peace in your posts. It's coming, just gotta stay the course.

You can do it! You are doing it! We all can do it. Peace. Cat
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:05 pm

Thanks for the words of kindness. Pity the dead not the living. I be alright till I'm not. Nothing lasts forever. Opys included.

I slipped/weened my last petty pityfull dose oh hell today. No more drugs period. Even weed when I run out. Need to clear my head for awhile. Drugs aren't going anywhere but I might be if I'm not careful. Hope everyone gets the strength/will they need when they need it. The sun will shine. On my ass tomorrow. Double peace no peace backs. F it piece together all you want. Peace
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Silent growls

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:05 am

Heh Dc,
How u doin' man?? Patience and persistence!! F yes!!
Song request( Linkin park- papercut)
Peace T
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