Silent growls

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Silent growls

Postby Dcleanist » Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:20 pm

The last day 1.

Not much more to say than that. A celebration not a tragedy.
Last edited by Dcleanist on Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:56 am, edited 3 times in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: High

Postby cheeps » Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:22 pm

So...you caved at 60....right? How long have you been clean....24hours?
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: High

Postby cheeps » Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:37 pm

Ok...just read the other thread....copy that shit and paste it here where you have to LOOK at it. :mrgreen:

I wish I coulda given you three yellows. :gaah:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Wed Sep 13, 2017 5:00 pm

Day 2 again.

No trusting sanity till atleast 3 to 5. Just have to do my best. Hiking with the dog reminds me of a hot shower on a cold winters night. Great till the hot water runs out than your fukd. Lol. Still recouping from a walk. Almost free from the worst of it. Fuck opys. Peace.
Last edited by Dcleanist on Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: High

Postby cheeps » Thu Sep 14, 2017 10:13 am

I'm very proud you went 75....You needed to know what it felt like and I hope it was good enough....seems like it.

Put the fucking money into bank CDs....make it hard to get?
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Thu Sep 14, 2017 4:44 pm

Wee start of day 3.

I'm taking a beating but should live. Funny if you asked me if I would rather fight Tyson or wd it would be Tyson. No worries when if the pain getts to great your survival instincts kick in and you get a jolt. I did this so f me and f this night. Yay fuck peace.
Last edited by Dcleanist on Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:26 am, edited 2 times in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:40 am

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: High

Postby cheeps » Fri Sep 15, 2017 10:18 am

Please make it...you know better days are around the corner. The fact that you didn't lose it at the dog fight is a positive!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Fri Sep 15, 2017 11:15 am

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Fri Sep 15, 2017 10:40 pm

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
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Re: High

Postby cheeps » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:16 am

Dcleanist wrote:Just read about dudes gf in crisis. Sub turned on her so she whent on fent with sub. I have a tolerance for noloxane and was using h and sub for years. About 7 years before I was fuckd with or without sub. And was down to 3 ml when I jumped and luckily found ss. I don't know how she got her sole back. Fuck.

I think from being in constant shock that maybe some can absorb others thoughts. Like a chess survival mode of life and death. If you're life depended on it could you tell me what I'm thinking right now. Lol no fair I'm a dude.

Rls is down to my legs. Witch is the last step to better if any sleep.

I recant an old statement. If I could do others wd for them i would.


I think we can empathize with people we have something in common with...I know you can.

You have restless dick, no doubt. :mrgreen: :wiggle:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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cheeps
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:30 am

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
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Re: High

Postby DietDoc » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:04 am

RDS



Bwhahahahabahhahbahahabab
I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is a vengeful, angry one. The other wolf is a loving, compassionate one. Which wolf will win the fight in my heart? The one I feed.

Buprenorphine: 9+ years @ 16 mg/d ave. - Tapering @ < .5 mg/d
Alprazolam: Tapered off May 2016 - Started again October 2017 currently tapering again
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:03 pm

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Sun Sep 17, 2017 12:29 am

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:47 pm

Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Sun Sep 17, 2017 3:33 am

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:47 pm

Re: High

Postby cheeps » Sun Sep 17, 2017 8:30 am

Dcleanist wrote:I'm fighting the hate for myself right now. I can't understand how I could keap doing this to myself. Atleast with sub your ok till your not. H is a constant struggle. either I'm high and sleeping or in agony. I'm at the end of this but starting to get scared. I'm thinking I won't do this again wd. If I fuck up its over. Dog would have live with family.

It's a sick fantasy I guess. Idk what to do after my self inprisonment. 75 days clean back on my feet and could have eventually anything I wanted. Fuck.

And sleeping 3 nights out of 15. Just enough for constant suffering. Wtf is wrong with me. It's not in my nature to give up or I would be gone 15 years ago. where the f is the sun. This hopefully is the last of it. I used twice in 15 days and still no releif. Idk is today 5 or 6. Idk just want this to end. And then. Peace. Thanks for being here while I understand my weaknesses.



I wish I could help but just being here is all we can do. You'll make it. You are strong, but yes, we gett fucking tired of being strong. Your thoughts arise because you had all those days clean and are mourning their loss. It's a deeper pissedoffedness than you had before. You are more emotional. Grieve the loss of how heroin made you feel better....because it DOESNT do that anymore. And it won't ever again give you the feeling it once did. Let the emotion happen, it is normal but it sucks. Grieve....those good times will never come back. :gaah:

Watch football today and be glad you won't get football brain injuries....well, at least I hope you haven't had too many concussions. I've only had a few with one being extremely bad.

Keep going Dman....keep going. :clap: :punchballs:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Sun Sep 17, 2017 9:20 am

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:47 pm

Re: High

Postby cheeps » Sun Sep 17, 2017 9:52 am

Dcleanist wrote:Thanks cheeps you're words mean allot to me.

After my last post I knocked out for a few hours. A bit shaky but full of hope. I'm gonna make it past wd but need to think of a support system so I don't re enter this cycle. The h is complete garbage now. Eather $5 fent crap that lasts a couple hours or $3 bags of bad cut. It's not the getting high part its the excuse of not growing up. (Change). (Was a man by 14 and took care of myself. With love and knowledge from fams. They already knew my fate but only could prepare me. Guess they did good. Lol. I'm to willingly prepared for pain.

Time to break the cycle. I can beat my last 75 days clean. I will do my best.

Thanks peace.



It's hard to accept help that's not all we hope it to be. Sometimes we have to dig small positives(nuggets) out of big programs(rocks). According to where you are, dig for resources, lower expectations and hunt for nuggets. Maybe you can find some fellow miners or caves you can stand. :shrug: :D
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
User avatar
cheeps
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 9349
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: High

Postby Dcleanist » Sun Sep 17, 2017 2:14 pm

X
Last edited by Dcleanist on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
Dcleanist
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 7:47 pm

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