Subtaper

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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:13 am

Thanks Cheeps and nomojo,
This is hella good advice for sure, I already put it to use yesterday. My box is this gang box at work that I take my tools in and out of everyday. I was driving to my kids track meet yesterday, and the route was the same route to the hospital where all my kids were born. Well at the time of my last child's birth I was using pretty heavily unfortunately, and just being on that road brought up feelings of guilt and shame :ogeez: so I actually visualized that box and stuffed those thoughts in there and holy shit did it help!!( not trying to take those thoughts out yet by any means) but just wanted to let u you know how much this is helping me already!!!

Cheeps thanks so much!!! Patience and persistence
Peace T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:02 am

Just checking on you....hope all was well this weekend. Do you watch football?
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:20 am

Hey,
Thanks Cheeps for checking in on me, I had a really great weekend. I've been really stressed over this surprise party I was throwing for my wife for her 40th birthday. I've literally been planning it sence April with the help of one of her friends. I disquised it as a holloween party for another friends birthday. Needless to say, after all the stress of sneaking around and hiding money etc... the party went off without a hitch and my wife totally had no clue.. That being said I'm pretty sure my wife thought I was using oxy again- hence the problems at home..It felt good to enjoy the company of our closest friends and family again without feeling like I had to be doped up!! I also went hiking with my daughter as a chaperone for a school field trip.. It was a great day and it just felt good to get out and do some of the things I used to like to do before opies!!

Anyways I was so busy with living this weekend that I ended up taking less sub.. I dropped my dose down yesterday to .25 which is a little more aggressive than I had planned but not but much... I used to obsess over not having enough subs to be able to get through events like this. I had a really tough time getting from 2 mgs to .5, but I really feel that listening to my body has been key in my last few reductions.. I'm pretty much using the same method as edotz did by folding and cutting 2 mg films and it's working out really well for me so far. Obviously there has been some really dark days where I have struggled, but little by little I feel like I'm learning how to enjoy life again!! I know I have a long road ahead, but I feel I'm gaining ground!!

Cheeps: I'm a big time Pats fan as far as football goes, I know most of the country hates us at this point but I do remember all the suck ass shitty teams we had when I was a kid growing up so id be lying if I said I'm sick of seeing my team win!! Go Pats!!!

Hope everyone is hanging in, Tim
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 9:35 am

Hey Tim. Thanks so much for checking in on my thread. I appreciate it more than you know.

I'm so glad the surprise party was a success and I hope now things will be better at home. No need for more secretive behavior. I hope your wife appreciates what you did for her. I can't even imagine getting shit together to go camping while doing this process, let alone work and kids etc. So all I can say about your level of functioning while doing a Sub taper is BRAVO MAN!!!!

I am hanging in. Got my dose down to .4 twice a day. Waiting to see if this drop from .42 will result in any increased wds. My biggest issue at this point is that I know I need to be extremely patient and thats kind of driving me nuts. I have crazy thoughts and stupid ideas but i don't act on them.

It sounds to me like you are getting pretty close to the end. I will be keeping tabs here to see how you are doing. My brain is so foggy, I forget where your thread is. But I found it. I'm going to make a point of coming here more often and letting you know that you have a taper buddy. Lord knows I need all the taper buddies I can get.

Please feel free to dump your shit any time. It's good for you and its good for me.
Have a good day, week, month......

Anna banana :banana:
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:40 am

You know what's extremely funny to us but frustrating as hell and not funny? If you told an average sub dr the doses that the two of you are on they'd be scratching their heads and wondering why...

A. the both of you felt the need to taper at all at this point
B. there could be any difference between the two doses you both are on
C. Thats it...they'd stop wondering and dismiss you both as addled and stupid.

I wonder how Over10years new wife is feeling?
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Wed Oct 25, 2017 10:40 am

Hey there,

So today is day 4 at .25.. Wow I never thought I would make it this low on this shit!! It's amazing how strong this shit is at low doses.. At this point I have almost secured enough sub to get me to the end of my taper. I just need to keep going to my crook of a sub doc a while longer to get a few more 2mg strips & comfort meds I want to have on hand for my acute detox phase.. That being said,I want to try and finish this once and for all with as few meds as possible, for as short a period of time as possible!!

@cheeps- how are you doing today? How's your taper going? Hope things are panning out with the job, and just wanted to say thankyou again for all you do here!!!

Hope all is well with the rest of u subsuckers!! Peace & love. T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Annalo57 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 5:37 pm

Hey Tim. Glad to hear you're doing well with your taper. Just wanted to check in with you. Today has pretty much sucked but I'm dealing. I hope you're feeling ok. Rock on!!

Anna :banana:
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Thu Oct 26, 2017 12:28 pm

hey peeps,

Been reading a shit ton today in staying clean....Not trying to lean to far forward here but I really think I have to take a different approach this time if I want a different result!!

@ Anna- thanks for hitting up my thread, I really feel like there is a reason I found this place when I did, and I am so grateful to have the support of the good people here!!

Peace& Love T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:04 pm

Any type of staying clean information and setup....isn't the bad lean. Sub4seven talked about things he was doing in this direction. Have you checked out his thread? If you post hIm some questions on what he's doing...he will get back with you.

Daily life issues don't make it into updates much....just the fact that it is just that! Ya gotta pull out fingernails and water board to get peeps to tell you those things...well sorta...
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Mon Oct 30, 2017 5:24 am

Checking back in after a few days away... Today is day 9 at .25 and doing ok. Typical Wd symptoms that I've been dealing with throughout this taper.. Rls and this pain in the ass back ache have become normal everyday life at this point.. It's been managble all along for the most part so for that I am grateful!! Hoping i feel a little better in a few days when I leave for vacation.. Toughtest part of all of this for me has been trying to maintain a somewhat normal life for myself and my family while trying to free myself of this drug.. Sometimes it just gets so exhausting!!

For me getting to and staying at .5 without spiking was a huge milestone, and it seems like every drop sence has almost been a bit easier mentally.. Now that I am at .25 I'm really just constantly thinking to myself am I doing enough to prepare myself to stay stopped. It's weird I don't fear the "jump" at this point anymore. It's like it just slowly melted away along with each decrease..Ive been reading a lot about smart recovery and rational recovery, and it is helping.. Just not 100 percent confident in my ability to abstain or not substitute other drugs once I rid myself of subpoison at this point..I keep thinking what's it gonna take for me to convince myself that drugs are not an option for me!!!Deep down I know this is just another stage of the process and I'm working on dealing with these racing thoughts as they come..

Idk just trying real hard not to isolate all these things I'm feeling and dealing with lately cause that's what I always do, and I know that needs to change!!

Thanks for listening peeps, T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Dcleanist » Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:13 am

Dude your there.

Word to the wise question your intentions after you jump. For atleast 35 days. Opys aren't going anywhere. Pain means healing. There is a light at the end but can't be perceived till there. I congratulate you and give you 3 thumbs up. My toe you sickos lol peace
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Mon Oct 30, 2017 12:37 pm

When you jump from a low dose and after the two week acute phase....there comes a time of intense nirvana. Some describe it as a period of feeling deeply and seeing the world as a bright wonderful place. There is a good energy flowing....I'm guessing this is some intense production of brain chemicals. It seems to give you a glimpse of how the future can be. It gives you a motivation to continue the fight.

After this phase, the chemicals and receptors change again and some of the mental bullshit you hear about comes into play. You wonder where the good shit went! This time of healing is monotonous and motivation goes to hell. Support during this phase is critical, you'll have the tendency to isolate again....so you need to have the fams on board and be gentle with yourself. It's a confusing weird time that lasts for 70-90 days. Everyone goes through it. Having a group to lean on is crucial.

Coming here and venting and questioning the universe about the WHYS and WHENS is beneficial, having some friends in real life is better. But most of your friends may not understand....or you think they don't. Some carry the same secrets as you have....someone in their family has been thru this. Reach out to peeps you know, be honest and proud of what you have just done. Accept accolades and talk about the process. You will be surprised at the responses you get.

This honesty to people is scary....but times and attitudes have changed. Think about it. 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 4:06 pm

Hey there T

Just dropping by to say that you are rocking this and I'm hoping to follow your lead. You've been a big part of my success to this point and I thank you. I believe we are both gonna get where we want to go. To a life free of Subs. If you can free yourself of this, you can do anything. You can stay clean. Just keep things simple. I'm in your corner. I actually feel really proud of you. You are much stronger than you think you are.

Enjoy your vacation my friend

Anna :banana: .
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:28 am

Heh fellow travelers,
Today is a good day!! I feel like I'm finally just about stable on my new dose of .25!! All I can say is I'm grateful I found this place. I can complicate the hell out of just about anything, and having this place to come to I believe has been essential to my progress thus far!!

Thanks Cheeps for your insight on what is to come, your knowledge and wisdom are an inspiration for sure!!
As I said in previous posts I am going on vacation for ten days with my family.. My plan is to stay on .25 until I get back.. By then I will have been on this dose for 22 days, which is a little longer than I would like but PATIENCE!!!
In the end I will persevere because after all it must be done!! I've come to far and fought to hard to back down now, so fuck off sub I'm coming for your ass and I won't be denied!! :deadhorse: :gaah: T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby CatsMeow » Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:05 pm

This is great news! Being stable at .25 is fantastic. I'm so happy for you. I think it's a great idea to stay at this dose throughout your vacation. Hopefully you will feel well & have a great time. This takes a lot of patience & you're doing a great job with that.

I've been following along but decided to finally post & tell you what a great job you've done. You're a true inspiration for those of us that are tapering now, but still at a higher dose. (I'm currently dropping from 3.75 to 3.5) I hope to be where you are one day. I'm 59 years old so I'm taking it at a pace that my body can deal with.

I also get back pains when I drop dose. I was hoping this would go away, but I think it's going to be my cross to bear to the end. Oh well.

Anyway, have a great vacation. You deserve it!
Opy Free 4/14/2017
Sub Tapering Since 5/6/2017
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Dcleanist » Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:17 pm

Yay

Gonna see if I can get a ss chick to give you a scratch and sniff but till then thanks for the words of strength. I know your literally working your ass off. Good job and don't forget to accept the slowly perceived good rewards. You earned it and more. Peace
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Re: Subtaper

Postby mimiluv » Thu Nov 02, 2017 7:57 pm

I agree I would stay where you are until you get home. WTG on your taper, nicely done!!

Have fun and enjoy your vaca!! :thumbup:
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taper 4/17-12/15/17 down to 0.025mg
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Re: Subtaper

Postby les601 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 12:33 am

Cheeps: I vaguely remember when I got off 11 years ago a feeling like blinders had been lifted. Like I had been wearing rose tinted contact lenses for nine months and now I wasn't. Come to think of it it was no different than getting clean any other time. There was a period of newness of almost virginal experience-- things looked crisper, sharper, almost like my prior reality had merged with Reality (whatever the fuck that is). Before getting of Sub I felt blocked. Emotionally numbed. Two mg's of sub puts me on the alternate road next to the highway but there are very few entry ramps and I keep hitting all the stop lights and look on forlornly as the cars on the highway speed by me...
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Dcleanist » Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:22 am

Les

To bad tattoo tommy is gone. He might have been able to better represent your arms.

Cheers to enjoying/utilizing the ups and getting through the downs, with a smile. Peace
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Annalo57 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 10:20 pm

Hey T

I think you're on vacation by now. I just wanted to say have a great time. I think you are pretty awesome!!! You give me a lot of inspiration. I hope i can be a strong as you are as I move forward with this taper. I've gotten my dose down to .35 twice a day, so .7 daily. So far, so good. WE are gonna do this!!!!

Thats about it, not much else to report at the moment.

Travel safe and have fun!!!!

Anna :banana:
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