Subtaper

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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:14 pm

I'd rather let those who have done the work explain their process. So the links above do that. Maybe you've already read them. If you have questions, you can pm these peeps as they will get back to you.
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Wed Oct 04, 2017 7:35 am

Heh again,
Thanks Cheeps for that info., I really appreciate it!! I have no doubt that at any given time I will be dropped from this program.. I have purposely not stocked up on extra sub throughout this taper in an effort to control my issue with spiking, and I will say it has helped especially as my scripts have gotten smaller.So no i don't have enough to make the solution that will allow me to get as low as I would like to go, but I am close and do have enough to get to .25 atlleast.In years passed faced with the thought of not having my sub I would be freaking the hell out, but oddly enough I am not freaking out about this lately.. I think this means I'm making progress and learning how to be patient is starting to shine through.. I know I still have a very long road ahead,but I am greatful for how far I have come and even though at times I feel like I'm barely keeping it together I have to keep moving forward!!!

Peace, T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:09 am

Wannabesubjumpa wrote:Heh again,
Thanks Cheeps for that info., I really appreciate it!! I have no doubt that at any given time I will be dropped from this program.. I have purposely not stocked up on extra sub throughout this taper in an effort to control my issue with spiking, and I will say it has helped especially as my scripts have gotten smaller.So no i don't have enough to make the solution that will allow me to get as low as I would like to go, but I am close and do have enough to get to .25 atlleast.In years passed faced with the thought of not having my sub I would be freaking the hell out, but oddly enough I am not freaking out about this lately.. I think this means I'm making progress and learning how to be patient is starting to shine through.. I know I still have a very long road ahead,but I am greatful for how far I have come and even though at times I feel like I'm barely keeping it together I have to keep moving forward!!!

Peace, T



It is my wish that you could get lower but it is what it is...you know best what is best for you!! Tim...I'm very proud of your grit and determination. You've got this....it's just TIME that stands in the way. Live in this day and never go back.
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Annalo57 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:16 pm

Hey Tim.. I had some time on my hands and so I came here o read your thread. You and I are similar except for one thing. I got clean when I was 39. I stayed clean for years. I'm not altogether sure when I screwed it up, everything is a blur. But now I'm 60, and what I could do at 39-40, I'm not sure I can do now. So my best advice to you is... Do what you have to do. It may suck, but it will suck more if you put it off. I'm sure you know this. I am so full of feelings having read your thread, so I'm not gonna go into all my feelings. This is your place, your taper. You are ahead of me. I'm at .45 2 x a day. It's been a challenge getting here and I had to start the liquid taper to do it. I'm on Subtext sublingual pills. No strips. I don't want the naloxone/narcan/naltrexone, whatever the fuck they put in there. I don't want it. Been there, done that. Had a bad experience with Rivea(naltrexone). Won't go into it, suffice to say it was bad. So I told my doctor, Subtext, no Suboxone. I did it because you can transition to Subtext without needing to be sick first. So thats what i did. Not sure why detox doctors think a person must be dope sick for a day before getting meds. But i wasn't having that. No matter, I'm as hooked on this shit as I was on Heroin. Its all the same, yet so fucking different. I'm rambling on. We seems to have that habit in common. But I like it when you ramble. I hear you. I hope you hear me. Anyway, I think you're doing awesome, much better than me. But that gives me hope...so thanks. ;) Anna
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Fri Oct 06, 2017 9:07 am

What's up ss,
Just posting a quick update on my situation/taper. Yesterday I went to see my sub doc. As I posted previously in this thread things have changed a little since their visit last week from the DEA .I will only be seeing him physically every other week so I just left a urine sample and picked up my script. It's messed though while I was there there were a pew patients there flipping out because they had just been dropped from the program. Wtf, the amount of greed by physicians and big pharma involved with this drug is sickening!! I really hope and prey that the patients that were dropped find there way!!!

As for me I am still at my dose of .375 and plan to stay there for a few more days. I am learning more and more as this process goes on that listening to my body is key instead of worrying about the deadlines I have set for myself..I am still working out as well but have decreased the intensity of my workouts a bit..my next drop I plan to go to .30 and see how it goes. My major symptoms as of now are still restless legs and shooting back pains..They sick but I try to distract myself as much as possible when they really ramp up..I am trying to start doing more of the things I loved to do before opies so I am going to the mountains camping this weekend with the fam. It's s tough balancing act at times but I'm doing the best I can each day and at this point that all I can ask of myself..Hope everyone's hanging in!

Peace T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:35 pm

As for me I am still at my dose of .375 and plan to stay there for a few more days. I am learning more and more as this process goes on that listening to my body is key instead of worrying about the deadlines I have set for myself.


This is what I like to hear.... :cheers:
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Mon Oct 09, 2017 6:25 am

Howdy SS,

Having a rough go of it today and over the weekend. Restless legs are friggin out of control.Every little thing is aggravating the shit out of me and I get angry as hell over the dumbest shit. Trying to keep in mind this is just another stage of the process but when I start to get in a funk it's hard to see da big picture. Went camping this weekend and had fun half the time and the other not so much (fighting wit da wife). It's always over dumb shit and I can't help but think things would be different if I was clean and sober..Hell my longest stretch of clean time in the last 25 years has only been like 2 1/2 months..sometimes I just get that feeling like wtf have I done!!

Only positive about this process lately is despite my pity party I haven't spiked on da sub. Fighting wit the wife has always been a trigger to want to use, and at least lately I am not giving in to my messed up thought process..
thanks for listening to me bitch, T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Mon Oct 09, 2017 12:37 pm

That is a big deal about not spiking...BRAVO....you are getting so close and you will beat the shit out of this eveil shit.


:deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse:

GO TIM!!!! :banana: :banana: :banana: :D
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:08 pm

Cheeps,
Thanks so much for all the replies thus far. You believe in me when I don't have the strength or courage to believe in myself!! Hope your feeling a bit better today and wds have eased up a bit! Ttyl
T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Fri Oct 13, 2017 5:36 am

Heh All,

Shit I just typed two paragraphs and was almost ready to post them and poof gone..Oh well here we go again. I guess it just goes along with the fucked up week I'm having!! And what an up and down week it has been!! I've been having a real tough time at home with the misses lately, I think she's ready to fucking kill me and I can't blame her after all the shit I've put her through. There have been some real positives this week though too. I made a drop in my taper to .32and the weirdest part was I didn't plan it like I always plan my drug use.. It just kinda happened, I found myself not thinking about taking more sub and if I did I would distract myself by staying busy or listening to music. It's really strange but once I made this drop it's been like a flood gate of emotions opening up. I mean music sounds so awesome lately and is great therapy. I went to one of my daughters track meets and she did so awesome. She really pushed herself and got her best time yet. I was so proud of her I was practically crying at the finish line!! (Not a good look with 50 soccer moms watching) But at that moment I didn't care,It felt so good to be able to feel that at the moment!! It's been these little glimpses of emotions coming back that give me that feeling that I want more. Also been having dreams the last few nights, the first night I had this fucked up dream about shooting h. It was so weird cause I can't remember the last time I had a dream and even if it was a drug dream and I was jonesin throughout the whole thing, I can't help but think there is some kind of healing beginning somewhere in my twisted brain. My biggest struggle right this week is keeping my realationship with my wife(what's left of it). I mean I try to put myself in her shoes, living with a complete stranger with no emotions for the last five years!! Defenetly not the man she married, my only hope is she won't give up on me but I really couldn't fault her if she did..


Back to my taper, I think today is day 3 or 4 of this lower dose and the rsl are still a bitch in spurts. Also can't seem to regulate my temperature. I do live in NewEngland and it is getting chilly the last few days but damn I could have flannel pajamas, three sweaters and a winter Parker on and still be cold at times.. I find for me it helps to get active when this sets in, jog in place, push ups anything to get the blood flowing. Sleep has been good for the most part so far and for that alone I am greatful!!

It's so weird how one day I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me, and the next I feel like I'm living again or at least beginning to.

Much love SS, T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:35 pm

Tim...be sure to copy that post before you hit submit...also....when you login, there's a little box that sez...keep me logged in until I manually clock out. Check that bastard or the forum times you out. That's the problem.
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:54 pm

I meant to ask you about da wife? Does she know about this taper?

Women will put up with an awful lot if they have an inkling of thevsuffering you are experiencing....on the one hand you might think she's glad to see you suffer but really....a few posies and a, " I'm trying to clean up my act" speech does wonders....even if she already knows. Another you're going to have to explain to her is how fucking horny you are getting...when you do jump...that's the "A #1" remedy for restless anything...we call it RDS....she might need to know that. :twisted: :P :mrgreen:


Your big head receptors are shrinking but that just makes the little head get bigger. :wiggle: :wiggle: :blowme:
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Mon Oct 16, 2017 9:10 am

Last night I was reading a post Cheeps put up about the cons of long term sub use. It was crazy reading all the negative shit we go through on this drug. I mean I've realized that these things were happening to me throughout my time on this shit, but damn when u read the long list of shit it's crazy !! It really just makes me want off more than ever, but I know at this point I must be patient and not act solely on my thinking anymore!!

The main thing I'm concerning myself with right now is concentrating on putting the things in place that I believe I am going to need to sustain sobriety post jump.. I've kinda just been slowly adding different activities and programs to my life as this taper has gone on. For instance I have gotten involved in service work in my community over the last year, I have reconnected with my faith(not really a holy roller or anything) but I do believe there's something to be said for a power greater than myself.. I've been lucky enough to stumble upon this site as well and am reading and learning constantly on here..This place has really helped inspire and educate me for sure!Little by little I feel I've gotten stronger in all aspects of my life. I can only hope that I can keep pushing forward at this point and keep building off these things!

Quick update on my dose: still hanging in there at .32 daily and this is day 6 or 7 I believe. I am still split dosing as it seems to work out best for me because I have a very fast metabolism and always have.. There's been a few days where I almost felt like I didn't need my second dose of the day cause I felt fine, but was worried it would mess up my taper so ended up dosing. I have been taking a little bit of my GABA stash at night when the restless legs have gotten out of control but only very sparingly. Like never more than two nights in a row and two to three days break at least in between sometimes more.

My wife knows about my taper, but I've been saying I'm gonna get off this shit for the last two years so she thinks it's gonna be awhile. She just doesn't understand how strong this drug is, and honesty I don't think she wants to understand. It's just that I put her and my family through so much shit with the oxy( lying, stealing, pawning, detoxes etc...Through it all though she's still here so I like to think there's hope that if I just keep doing the right thing Somehow I'll be the man my family deserves again someday!!
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Dcleanist » Mon Oct 16, 2017 4:54 pm

Yay dude.

Your at the tail end. You have the life you earned you just have to remember how to enjoy it. It's a celebration not a tragedy. It's hard dislocating your feelings from your actions but your doing it like a champ. (Faking normalcy till stable). There's no turning back for you so if it helps you're not the only one with sore nuts. Patience and persistence fuck yay peace.
The voice of reason is reasonably late.
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:51 am

Good to hear from u Dc! Patience and persistence indeed, glad your still here bro!! That alone is proof u haven't given up on yourself man!! Your words alone will see me through another day and for that I am greatful!!
Thanks T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am

I just want both of you to know how much reading your words helps me today.
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Oxy free 12/06/14
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Annalo57 » Tue Oct 17, 2017 5:18 pm

Hey T

How the hell are you??? I'm facing some demons and am on something of a rollercoaster right now. I hope you're doing better. I hope you're still on track, finding your way through this perilous journey. You've been on my mind today. Because we are in a similar place. I'm sending good thoughts for you out into the Universe. It helps to focus on my brethren rather than me.

Anna
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Re: Subtaper

Postby Wannabesubjumpa » Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:33 am

Hey there peeps,
Thanks for the support yesterday I surely needed it. I had a rough day yesterday, it was day 8 after my last drop and one of the toughest yet for me.. seems like days 7 -10 after a drop is when I begin to notice a difference in how I'm feeling. My Legs were throbbing yesterday, I was anxious as all hell,my appetite wasn't very good and I was depressed for no apparent reason from the moment I woke up. I know it could be much worse though so I am grateful I'm still on track.

As I mentioned in some previous posts my home life has been real rocky lately!! Sometimes I wonder how much I have affected my wife and kids because of my addiction.. I know I can't let it affect my primary mission to break free from this hell im living but damn It plays on my mind often..Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the me,me, me that I don't think enough about how what I'm going through is affecting the people that matter most to me!!

Right now it's one moment at a time for me , trying to stay in the day!
Peace T
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Re: Subtaper

Postby cheeps » Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:25 am

Days 7-10 are the buggerboo...that's no lie. Remember Tim...this shit really plays with your emotions and feelings of guilt and shame. Put those thoughts in a container....

Here's an exercise that is good for many things but I'll name it...The bupe box...

Conjure up a container in your head, one that has a drop lever on one side, (so once you put something in that side...you can't retrieve it) and on the other side, it has a few drawers that slide out when you want them to.

Mine is one of the old metal blue mailboxes out side of the post office. Other ideas are printer type machines, laundry chutes, nasty needle containers....anything that once in....is a struggle to get out.

Take your container and label the drawers with concrete issues at the top. Wife, work, physical pain etc. put the emotional feelings on the bottom. It helps to give them avatars or smilies. Guilt gets :nono: , depressed gets :eh: mad gets :evil: and so on.

When the thoughts are screaming...dump them in the drop part of container, keep dumping until they stay in the damn thing. Tell yourself that later, when you are better able to examine them and decide if they are warranted, you can pull out the drawer they land in and see if it's something to really be concerned about.

Most of the time, cycling and racing thoughts need to be totally dismissed. Taper makes it very hard to do this because of the brain chemicals swirling around. In a Normal world....you don't have to dismiss, the brain does it automatically.

You are doing this and it helps to hear what's going on. We all go through these damn stages. It's a bitch. :banghead:
10 yrs on methadone
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: Subtaper

Postby nomojo3479 » Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:33 am

Good advice on the racing/cyclical thoughts.
My brain (probably all of our brains).. feels like it's just waiting for any opportunity to punch me in the mouth. When I can't sleep dark repetitive thoughts cycle In my brain.. I just need to set them aside. They are a function of whacked out brain chemistry and not reality.
I have to tell myself all the time: u are experiencing dysphoria (the opposite of euphoria) and a common withdrawal symptom.

I swear some asshole at a rehab somewhere told me for every hi I would have a comparable low. God damn if that sob wasn't right.
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