K just gonna be honest i don't know why but the last few days have been my hardest in terms of cravings, had a lot of waiting around at work this week and even though i can honestly say I have not come close to scoring or using (Never going backwards!!) I've spent quite a few hours thinking about even imagining myself using, i'm sure this is normal but i'm surprised the intense cravings took so long to kick in but thinking back was probably about this time i failed last time maybe a week sooner and i'm fucking ready for it this time!
Just booked up for a family holiday with mum, dad, brother, sister in law and niece in Spain in July so that's what i got to think about. Last time i went i only took enough subbys for a week in a 3 week holiday intending to quit but was a fucking disaster, ended up going chemist to chemist to buy codeine pills as you can buy straight codeine over there without a prescription, at least you could anyways back then and after that i sent my mum chemist to chemist for them
Soon as i got back i scored, this time i'm clean and i'm staying that way.
Got paid today my first paycheck that's all mine, not got nothing that needs paying so treating myself to some new Bluetooth headphones tomorrow and some new gym clothes, having plenty of cash may have been a trigger too far last time but not now, something has changed, I have had a couple of beers since i got in but i'm also being careful that i don't swap the opiates for alcohol so i only allow myself a drink on the weekends.
Last week was more of a level "meh" mood where this week as been at times incredibly high but also low, almost bipolar in intensity, i'm sure that's just my brain sorting itself.
Seen my doctor in the week and he has referred me for a scan, something i should have done a long time ago but put off due to the drugs, think my using drug addicted mind is playing tricks on me at my low times where i tell myself i've done all this painful wd for nothing and i could be dead in a few months but i know this is just my addicted brain trying to trick me, would not even mention this but it might help somebody be ready for it, did anybody else get feelings of dread after kicking?
Don't get me wrong these are few and far between, most of the time i feel OK to good just trying to be brutally honest here and say everything that goes through my warped mind lol
What you mean "Starbucks" Cheeps???? How you know i went there the other day lol
Sorry if rammbly it's the couple of beers i've had, such a light weight now haha