I'm back...

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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:38 pm

Grandads 90th tonight, had a great meal out with loads of family, quite a few too many drinks, get home and for some reason decide now is as good time as any to start tidying shit up and guess what i find....

Not gear but

Image

These things are sent to test us lol :clap: Fuck you!
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Re: I'm back...

Postby Eyedotz » Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:10 pm

Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Burn that shit!!! I am so glad I completely cleaned out my stash and I didn't inadvertently trip over any along the way...Good job by the way. I've been following your posts...nice to meet you man!! ~dotz
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:35 pm

You too mate, seen you in quite a few other threads and thanks. Was pretty surprised to find them myself as not touched them for years in fact I flushed probably a couple of hundred down the loo when I tried to stop the sub.

Not thrown them yet but will in the morning, worked out tonight is gonna be a non sleep night so just chilling in bed listening to tunes.

Got no intention of opening them although the addict in me says I'd get a sweet night's sleep I know that's just my head messing with me lol. Benefit of being here before is that I'm ready for shit like that.

Know deep down if I use anything again I'm fucked, as long as I remember that I'll be fine.

Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby The Blind Ass » Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:40 pm

Hey Lee. I was reading a book the other day an some 1-2 year old piece of sub strip fell out of the pages! I had the same feeling of " this can't be real"....it was like a test, as you say. I stashed it for a few hours before I threw it out. Definitly affected me later on the next day though, just kinda creeping up into my conscious mind like - HEY YOU! think about me! I distracted myself a good bit and after a good sleep things went back to just my regular old "meh" stage of paws. Good job so far man! Good to know others are doing this as well, no matter how far along the way they are - forever the way to go!
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:06 am

Hey TBA, seem to get an hour or so even on my sleepless nights if i just lie in bed long enough so that is getting better although not enough by a long shot. I'm feeling you on the "meh" not done any exercise yet that really pushes me but i did buy some trainers (Sneakers?) for the Gym so that's a start in showing intent lol.

Been getting on very well with a girl at a place I have to go to with work, should ask her out really got a very good feeling about her but seem to have lost a bit of confidence after so many years with no interest in the opposite sex, probably too soon to be thinking about shit like that anyway with the way i feel at the minute lol.

It's great we both didn't touch that shit, i'm sure i would in previous attempts at getting off all the shit but this time is different somehow, like i said just know this is my last chance and i'm not wasting that opportunity i got when i went detox.

Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby subster58 » Tue Feb 21, 2017 4:36 pm

Hi Lee and welcome back. Know I'm late to the party. Toss them. I tried to hide some pot as I get drug tested every month and my life turned into those 3 joints for about 1/2 a day. Keep them f or later, will need them later,would want them later. You would of thought I found a million bucks( I wish) finally flushed them and didn't think about it again. it amazed me how my entire thought process went into those 3 fucking joints. I knew I would eventually smoke them. I knew it and tortured myself instead of planning and scheming how I would need them. fucked up right?. Our minds are just built different, for me any way.
Good luck'
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:10 pm

Well, I am trying to figure out what to do with my stash.... :twisted: could sell them and pay off my taxes.....but I'll probably do what I did last time. :mrgreen:


































:banghead: I hid them from myself.... :puppy-dog: still haven't found them. :shred: :rofl: :rofl: :suicide:
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Thu Feb 23, 2017 5:20 am

Mine are long gone guys, flushed them :) I did think about getting some weed a couple of weeks back to see if it helped me sleep but glad I didn't now.

Just woke up and it's blowing a gale outside, hope I'm local today, don't fancy driving up north with a 16ft tall curtain side trailer on id Prolly take off lol. https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailym ... rning.html

Later guys.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:11 pm

Jayyysus!!! Lee, don't go to Starbucks! I know you are being careful but watch head and don't drive on that black ice.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Fri Feb 24, 2017 5:50 pm

K just gonna be honest i don't know why but the last few days have been my hardest in terms of cravings, had a lot of waiting around at work this week and even though i can honestly say I have not come close to scoring or using (Never going backwards!!) I've spent quite a few hours thinking about even imagining myself using, i'm sure this is normal but i'm surprised the intense cravings took so long to kick in but thinking back was probably about this time i failed last time maybe a week sooner and i'm fucking ready for it this time!

Just booked up for a family holiday with mum, dad, brother, sister in law and niece in Spain in July so that's what i got to think about. Last time i went i only took enough subbys for a week in a 3 week holiday intending to quit but was a fucking disaster, ended up going chemist to chemist to buy codeine pills as you can buy straight codeine over there without a prescription, at least you could anyways back then and after that i sent my mum chemist to chemist for them :( Soon as i got back i scored, this time i'm clean and i'm staying that way.

Got paid today my first paycheck that's all mine, not got nothing that needs paying so treating myself to some new Bluetooth headphones tomorrow and some new gym clothes, having plenty of cash may have been a trigger too far last time but not now, something has changed, I have had a couple of beers since i got in but i'm also being careful that i don't swap the opiates for alcohol so i only allow myself a drink on the weekends.

Last week was more of a level "meh" mood where this week as been at times incredibly high but also low, almost bipolar in intensity, i'm sure that's just my brain sorting itself.

Seen my doctor in the week and he has referred me for a scan, something i should have done a long time ago but put off due to the drugs, think my using drug addicted mind is playing tricks on me at my low times where i tell myself i've done all this painful wd for nothing and i could be dead in a few months but i know this is just my addicted brain trying to trick me, would not even mention this but it might help somebody be ready for it, did anybody else get feelings of dread after kicking?

Don't get me wrong these are few and far between, most of the time i feel OK to good just trying to be brutally honest here and say everything that goes through my warped mind lol :D

What you mean "Starbucks" Cheeps???? How you know i went there the other day lol :P

Sorry if rammbly it's the couple of beers i've had, such a light weight now haha :P

Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:06 pm

On a much more positive note :D

Image
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:20 pm

Got this biatch!!! Free of Dope and back on life since 16/01/17!! :D
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:49 pm

Wild shit my man.....

Yes, those craving are Freddy, sitting on your shoulder and waiting for those damn triggers to come around. When that happen shift gears, get up, get busy.....later think about how to bust those triggers....with a text to someone you know, a phone call....sometimes I tell peeps to use hotlines.....especially in the middle of the night. Even suicide hotlines.....because using again is a form of that.


You will get thru this....I have faith.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:54 pm

Feeling a f dread, intrusive, or suicidal thoughts, doomsday shit, and worries about personal health issues. They all are real thoughts...but...they don't get set into motion. It is the brain wrestling with the residuals of the sub....it sucks and that is why Sub is fucking evil.


Those thoughts will pass but they trudge Lee, they take their damn time. :MrT: :MrT: :MrT: :banghead: :banghead:
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:59 pm

Thanks Cheeps, knew this wasn't gonna be easy. Years and years of Heroin use isn't gonna be fixed in a few weeks. Just getting through it day by day, hour by hour ;) Still managing to go one group on a Friday morning before work as most happen whilst working. I'm sure this helps a lot, there's a lady there that was a Heroin user for years and it's good to chat with somebody with a couple of years clean under their belt that was just like me.

Got these today https://www.sony.co.uk/electronics/head ... dr-xb950bt Drum and Bass, Dubstep and Trance sounds amazing on them which is lifting my mood :P

Laters Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby The Blind Ass » Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:48 pm

Those bluetooth headphones are the bees knees. Especially when kicking and the healing part afterwards. I keep mine in everywhere I go except when Im alone.

Nice going Lee.

edit: what is that app? where did you get it? I am the # 1 worst time keeper alive, and could use something like that.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:11 pm

Damn Lee, Nice headphones. I've got a good pair of headphones too, but nothing beats the car speakers for when I am listen to bass heavy trap...I need to feel the vibration in my chest sometimes, you know? But the headphones are essential for non-travelling times. If you use spotify, there are some cool playlists for hemi-sync types of music, which work well with headphones so certain tones can switch ears. I figure they might help the ol' noggin get back to its regulated state. And since you bought cordless headphones, you don't have to worry about strangling yourself to death with the cord while trying to sleep. I tend to spin in circles on the bed since sometimes I am so restless, which doesn't mix well with big headphones and a long cord. :lol:


Keep going man.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:47 am

Hey guys the app is called cleantime counter and it's on the Google play store mate, passed 1000 hours just which is a sort of milestone lol. I agree cheezee nothing like blasting the tunes in the car and putting the foot down a bit round the twistys at the same time makes me feel awesome lol :)

One of the reason i got the headphones was because the stereo in my semi isn't that great so I've been listening to buds whilst I'm driving but when backing in somewhere or driving into somewhere tight sometimes the cable caught on the steering wheel and rips out my buds and phone off the dash.

Speaking of cars I decided to get the Ford focus titanium ecoboost 1litre 3cyl Turbo (crazy only a 1litre way it pulls!) for now and keep that for 2 years and save up for the Rs then when got some serious cash in the bank, I'm very happy with it I'll take a picture later if anyone wants to see :) got to have a play with the stereo settings later and sort out the sound cheezee.

Gonna be a long day today got up at 06.30 as going gym in a minute and then work starts at midday with every chance of being 12-14 hour shift.

Was first paycheck this week that I could pretty much spend on what I want and I've got loads of stuff that couldn't afford on the gear, nice to have things to show for all the hours I work :)

Feels like gonna be a good day today at the minute lol.

Laters and thanks :)
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:50 am

Ps I use Google play music now cheezee, seems to have everything that used to get on Spotify. Will have a look later. :)
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Tue Feb 28, 2017 4:25 am

Going to the gym yesterday was great, really pushed myself, did an hour of cardiovascular and an hour of weights, maybe a little too hard at one point for somebody in my current state of fitness where my pulse was about 180 and started to go dizzy on the running machine but after slowing down a little no problems. After went to work and managed to get a pretty short 9 hour shift which was good since I fell asleep whilst waiting to get loaded and when got home went to bed in an hour and had the best nights sleep yet!

Signed up for 6 months and gonna go at least 4 times a week.

Feel good again today although sore, just not used to it lol.

Determined to get fit now, was surprised how good my lungs worked but even after 42 days off the heroin and a couple of weeks off the fags they don't wheeze and crackle anymore when I breathe.

Needed something to do to kill time, maybe fitness is the answer.

Later Lee. :D
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