I'm back...

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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Thu Feb 02, 2017 6:46 pm

Well had a pretty good day actually, managed to do everything i wanted including going to the bank, the Smart Recovery meeting which i really enjoyed and eating a few little bits too! Lets hope get some sleep and feel ok tomorrow :) The loperamide really helped today, took 3 over the day but i really don't want to start having to take it too often. Got another group at 10am in the morning, might aswell make the most of them before i have to go back to work.

Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby The Blind Ass » Thu Feb 02, 2017 7:24 pm

:thumbup: Killing it man.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Fri Feb 03, 2017 11:17 am

Ya know mate i know i still got a hella long way to go and don't want to come across complacent but i feel so damn positive this time no matter what i go through i feel i really have it cracked this time.

I got things planned, doing groups which are helping and have strategies in place which i did not before. Also have targets, going Paris in March to see Pete Doherty play, and if everything goes well ill have enough to put down on a New car in May that i actually want rather than a car that just gets me to work, this is the dream/target for staying clean http://www.ford.co.uk/ConfigureyourCar/Focus/RS
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Re: I'm back...

Postby The Blind Ass » Fri Feb 03, 2017 11:28 am

Being clean/abstinent does not require anything - getting high or staying dependent does though. Those are nice incentives to use as mind tricks to help out on those strange days..plus traveling+music will be all kinds of awesome.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sat Feb 04, 2017 6:42 pm

Man the appetite came back with a vengeance today lol, can't stop filling my face which is good in one way but i'd like to keep off the 15kg i lost in my 2 week detox, not the best way to loose it but i look a lot better and my BP is 117 / 56 resting where as before was always high.

Just taking one loperamide pill when i wake up and seems to keep everything ticking along nice in gut.

Still really struggling with the sleep but just took a herbal sleeping pill full of Valerian root, might help me sleep but not expecting much to be honest.

Apart from the sleep and lead boots i'm actually feeling pretty damn good at times :D

Supposed to be going shopping tomorrow for some new jeans as mine are way too big now but will see how i am tomorrow before i commit for definite.

Laters :)
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:53 am

Just checking in, on day 25 now. Still getting yawning, sneezing, goosebumbs, chills but milder most of the time. Not feeling too bad as got some sleep last night, seem to go couple of nights awake then on the third sleep through exhaustion. Definitely back at work on Monday and can't wait, there's only so many groups you can go to haha.

Quietly confident i cracked it this time :D Still feel positive as hell and i'm ready for all the triggers at work that are waiting for me and caught me out last time ;)

Lee
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Re: I'm back...

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Fri Feb 10, 2017 6:03 pm

Sounds like know where you are, where you want to go, and how to get there. Very cool man. Congratulations.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Sat Feb 11, 2017 12:56 pm

LastAttempt! wrote:Just checking in, on day 25 now. Still getting yawning, sneezing, goosebumbs, chills but milder most of the time. Not feeling too bad as got some sleep last night, seem to go couple of nights awake then on the third sleep through exhaustion. Definitely back at work on Monday and can't wait, there's only so many groups you can go to haha.

Quietly confident i cracked it this time :D Still feel positive as hell and i'm ready for all the triggers at work that are waiting for me and caught me out last time ;)

Lee



You really do seem like you are going to make it this time. I feel the commitment. If I haven't said it before, remember to read thru the staying clean section. Fighting a dependency takes patience and the support of others. You can do this....you are coming up on 30 days and you sound good. :cheers2:
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sun Feb 12, 2017 9:58 am

Thanks guys, yeah i do feel quietly confident. Think i just got to the point where i was absolutely sick of the shit / life.

Start work in the morning, going to be hard to go to as many groups but gonna try get to at least one a week for the foreseeable future.

Not sure why i just feel stronger this time, last time felt like a slip up was always just round the corner, any thought of using that comes into my head gets booted out instantly lol.

Know what i have to gain and know what i have to lose, not sure if i said this in a previous post but i was that low before detox i'd pretty much decided if i failed (Honestly didn't know if i could do it) then i was just gonna end it, never had any mental issues or suicidal thoughts before but i was that depressed with the way my life was going it became something that i was seriously considering, never want to feel that trapped again.

Taking it each day as they come good or bad :D :cheers:

Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:08 am

Lee....that's a fucked up place to be and I think I can say it's normal and we've all felt it. I fight those thoughts every morning. I remember one guy here, YUP, he jumped from 6mgs.....he was such a good writer and he always had a way with describing those shitty thoughts....but he is free now and doing well.

I know you'll be busy working but remember to check in for a while or we'll worry about you.

I love that damn avi!!!
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Re: I'm back...

Postby The Blind Ass » Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:23 am

Lee i know that place too. Its like hell's waiting room, only no one is there but you and its a lose lose situation.
Great job on staying the path man! Experientially the first month is like a major mind fuck trip that suddenly tapers off back to normal pretty much on its own if we let it- its almost like being On a drug (not a nice one :)) and your waiting for it to wear off. Atleast thats one way I looked at it.

Ahh you are doing great man! You getting healthy is a big +1 to you and the human race.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:27 pm

LOL yeah, thought wtf why have a still got a drug related avi and this one is much better / funnier lol.

Just read through the entirety if my old thread start to finish, bought back a lot of memories but I know for a fact i wasn't in the frame of mind I am now. Think I "hit my bottom" and the time was just right this time.

Don't worry ill be sticking around :D

Noticed i didn't even use my real name last time lol.

Lee.

PS Thnx TBA
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:04 pm

So had a pretty damn good day at work and was gonna post all about it tomorrow. Was so tired I was sure I'd catch some zzz's tonight but no it's 3am and I have given up.

Found this earlier and liked it.

Portal of Insomnia
Mind blurs, eyes now weighted and heavy-lidded
Slowly they fall shut, but the portal to sleep closes
Locked on the opposite side of sweet slumber, trapped in an inescapable wake
Attempt to try again, again and again
Desperately searching, for even the slightest opening
But all apertures are sealed tightly, all doors slammed shut
Heavily guarded by brain activity, and a severe inability to relax
From techniques to tablets, to exercise to none at all
Still found is no peace
Only corruption and inner war.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Wed Feb 15, 2017 7:47 pm

1 Month Tomorrow / Today as it's gone midnight :D

3 Days back at work done, actually enjoying being back at work but absolutely draining, did my longest shift today at 14.5 Hours and drove over 700km, last 200km was pretty hard but coffee helped, not sure if i said before but actually getting a little buzz from coffee after a few weeks off it.

I know PAWS can last months and months but sneezing, goosebumps etc i thought wasn't part of PAWS and i'm kinda surprised still getting them at a month, any ideas how long that lasts?

I have one thing left to sort out but after leaving it so long i'm kinda scared, i was gonna go into but i know what i need to do so i deleted it all, you will find out when i do but it's the last thing at the back of my mind that i can't stop thinking about especially when i can't sleep, maybe even making sleep harder.

Still feel positive on the using side, done with that shit ;)

Speak Soon Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:02 pm

Aww lee....now you got my attention....what horrible vice do you allude to? Better leave them damn lunestas alone boy!!!

Your noggin is healing and you must let it work from the inside out. Keep drinking a shit ton of water and eating good foods. Leave the pastries alone...take your vitamins and drink your milk.

Congrats on a month...here's your fuckin banana!! :banana:


Go lee!! :cheers: :cheers:
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Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Thu Feb 16, 2017 5:20 am

Thanks Cheeps, nothing to do with sleeping pills, had nothing stronger than valerian root since I left detox lol. And not taking anything now apart from a one a day multivitamin.

I was taking one immodium every morning then went every other day and now it's been 4 days since I had one so think I'm over the shits lol.

Might drop you a pm later Cheeps.

Cheers Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby Subblind » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:49 am

Been quietly watching your progress Lee...very happy for you man.be proud and stay the course.These good people here got your back...best regards SB
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Re: I'm back...

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:00 pm

Sounding good man. That valerian tea is helpful. Doesn't work miracles, but it helps me on occasion to feel calm enough to relax at night.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Telling subs to fuck off since March 20, 2017
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:47 pm

Thanks guys, definitely helps chatting on here with other people going / gone through the same experiences.

Not sure whether it helps me seep or not to be honest CheeZee, get a couple of nights with hardly any sleep and then on the third night seem to get a few hours, got a few hours last night so think tonight will be a shit one lol.

Currently 00.45 and don't feel anything like sleeping, drained but not drained enough to pass out when i get paid next week going to join a gym, even if i can get an hour in the morning before work or at lunch break think it will really help me with both sleep and fitness in general.

Well gonna go lie in bed and listen to some chill tunes and see what happens.

Night Guys.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby The Blind Ass » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:59 pm

Good stuff LA, all I could do and still sometimes can do is just get sleep when it comes. Its gotten alot more consistent though, so there is that.
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