I'm back...

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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:29 am

Well that was fucked, dreamt last night and guess what I was doing? Yup using in my dream. Felt like absolute shit to have failed and then woke up with that feeling of dread until realised was all a dream lol.

It's good to be dreaming again by the way, can think of better things to dream about though lol.

Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Thu Mar 02, 2017 2:03 pm

Didn't that just suck. The brain is filing false reports. Damn you Freddy....got yeer ass out of Lee's head. You suck dog poo grass. Eat a big pile! :twisted: :evil: :lol:
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Fri Mar 31, 2017 2:39 am

Lee...where the hell are you. I was reading your old thread and realized we hadn't heard from you in a while.

Cheers mate....hope all is well in sunny U.K.!! Well...I know it's fucked up after the bridge thing but hopefully you are ok. :D
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Thu Apr 06, 2017 3:53 pm

Hey Guys, sorry have not had my PC for a whilst now as it's in bits in another room. Been decorating here lol. Sitting in an uncluttered lovely clean fresh room now. Once i started to sort things out i needed a fresh place to lay my head too without all the memories if that makes any sense.

Not doing too bad, in fact 80 days now since i went into detox and have not used any opiates since that day :D although feels even longer than that.

Got some personal stuff going on which i know for a fact i would have used as an excuse to get doped up but i have not done that, don't want to sound cocky but i feel like i can handle whatever life throws at me at the minute but i'm also aware other people have thought they were "over it" only to fail and i'm mindful of that.

Sleep is getting better too, most nights now i get 6 hours although do have the odd night where i can't get off to sleep.

Working a lot at the minute although at the weekends when i'm not at work i'm going out and catching up with old friends, even going hang gliding this weekend weather permitting as it is Britain lol.

Sure there is other things i wanted to say but i'm shattered and can't think at the minute, i still get a buzz from being clean if that chimes with any of you?

Typing this on a borrowed laptop by the way until i get a new desk and put the PC back together, i plan on getting rid of the watercooled dual gfx cards and cpu and getting an air cooler for the CPU and just one of the latest gfx cards as watercooling is a pain in the ass when it goes wrong lol.

Oh and how the hell did i forget to mention this until now! I'm actually in a relationship lol, been a long long time and i think i was more lonely than i admitted before once i stopped using but i really only had time for lady H before.

Can't believe i left it so long to sort myself out, so much wasted time and money but i'm never ever going back.

PS Ill leave it here for now, hope your all doing well! Lee.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby Subblind » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:04 am

Things sound like your life is on a nice track Lee...good for you sir,keep up the good work my friend
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Fri Apr 07, 2017 2:48 pm

That is fantastic mate!! Hang gliding.....and the relationship! And 80 days is wonderful. You are finding a better life! Did you ever think after years of sub/H you could? Well....here you are! On the other side!
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sat Apr 15, 2017 6:28 pm

cheeps wrote:That is fantastic mate!! Hang gliding.....and the relationship! And 80 days is wonderful. You are finding a better life! Did you ever think after years of sub/H you could? Well....here you are! On the other side!


To be honest Cheeps i thought i'd end up in a box, don't want to sound like i'm bragging but everything at the minute seems too good, i'm paranoid that everything is going to go tits up lol.

I'm not religious at all in fact the only person responsible for my failures and me getting clean is me, that's why i have a hard time accepting when people say i should be proud of myself for getting clean as i just think well it's my fault in the first place for fucking up and destroying what life i had before.

Going hang gliding again tomorrow weather permitting, got to phone up for a last minute weather check at 8am then if good a drive up to the peak district for 10am, getting a better buzz from that than i ever did from drugs haha. Going to get a go pro so ill put some flying vids up over next few weeks if anybody wants to see lol :D

Do feel kinda crazy at the minute, a little bit reckless but in a good way, been so fucking sad for so long sitting in a room wasting the years away i just want to feel and live again, also have times where i feel low but fight through them and don't let it affect me if i can help it just put it down to the after effects of the opiates.

Honestly thought i could NEVER EVER EVER got off drugs, thought i was a lost cause, it was only the fact i got to my lowest i've ever been that i found the strength to do it, it was now or never, if i couldn't do it this time i didn't want to go on.. Even in detox days 2-7 i would have sold my mum for a bag lol.

I still don't think i'm strong just was ready for it, anybody can do it if the time and place is right!

Thank you guys for all the support, Lee xx
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Re: I'm back...

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Sat Apr 15, 2017 6:37 pm

Right on! So glad you are into life! Building computers and hang gliding... Holy shit! Sounds pretty fucking ideal! Congratulations!

And yep, I'd say personal responsibility is a huge factor in getting life back in order. I'm not saying there isn't a place for self-forgiveness, because that is incredibly important too, but when it comes time to change, we are the only ones who can make that decision and stick to it.

And I am looking forward to the go pro vids!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Sat Jun 03, 2017 8:00 am

Hi guys, sorry not been around much lately. Was at a Music Festival last weekend and the week before went to Liverpool for my birthday and did all the sights including the cavern if you know what that is and then watched some bands Saturday night. Having a really good time and reconnecting with old friends i lost contact with. Been 4 Months 17 Days since i started my 2 week detox although it seems a lot longer than that i've been clean. Hope you are all well.

PS Still have to get the go pro, spending a fortune at the minute but at least i'm not wasting it on drugs!
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Mon Jul 03, 2017 6:51 am

LastAttempt! wrote:Hi guys, sorry not been around much lately. Was at a Music Festival last weekend and the week before went to Liverpool for my birthday and did all the sights including the cavern if you know what that is and then watched some bands Saturday night. Having a really good time and reconnecting with old friends i lost contact with. Been 4 Months 17 Days since i started my 2 week detox although it seems a lot longer than that i've been clean. Hope you are all well.

PS Still have to get the go pro, spending a fortune at the minute but at least i'm not wasting it on drugs!


Nice to have money for lasting memories....make the new ones with.....GO LEE!

I want to say that there are so many thoughts and prayers for your country during these crazy times. What would be a local effort to send donations to help the peeps in your country?
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Tue Jul 04, 2017 4:49 am

Hey cheeps, yeah it feels like just waiting for the next thing to happen at the minute. Can't see things getting any better any time soon in fact i feel only going to get worse.

I'm not sure on the donations cheeps but i think everybody is getting looked after real well and the concert raised lots of cash.
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Tue Jul 04, 2017 7:47 pm

LastAttempt! wrote:Hey cheeps, yeah it feels like just waiting for the next thing to happen at the minute. Can't see things getting any better any time soon in fact i feel only going to get worse.

I'm not sure on the donations cheeps but i think everybody is getting looked after real well and the concert raised lots of cash.



Ive had you on my mind with all that shit....over the past few years, I remember three or four of you mates across the pond. That sounds awful to have that on your collective backs. :x :(

Keep updating at times


6 months!!!!.... :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:
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Re: I'm back...

Postby LastAttempt! » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:26 am

Just a quick update, 7 months and doing great. I've made a lot of changes to my life but was starting to feel that I've not done everything I wanted to change. Kind of feel like I want it all now after wasting so much time. Was speaking yesterday morning at group about this and seems it's quite common. It's only been 7 months and said I've done amazing and should be proud of what I've achieved and not be in such a rush to change everything. On another note it's early days but looks like I may be running a group myself soon, currently looking at training with my recovery support service :)
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Re: I'm back...

Postby cheeps » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:02 pm

Give them bloody hell Lee! Giving back is a GOOD way to stay off dope!

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