CheeZeeAnnDee wrote:Hey man, sorry to hear you are feeling bummed too much, but happy you are still moving forward. Do you ever microdose those mushies? Any idea if that would be helpful or harmful at this point?
They take time to grow, I just restarted cultivation about a week ago - but yes I would benefit from that immensely
. So its going to be a month or two before they are ready to fruit.
Its just a bit of a whirlwind to be honest, my emotional state and intellect gets very dark quite fast but I keep face so others don't know because it just becomes more depressing to be honest with them when they ask how I am doing, when I feel like I want to kill myself - but at the same time I fucking dont! Its just old karma not yet burned away.
If I make it till they grow I can trip and it will suppress the addictive tendencies and suicidal depression away for a good month or so off one or two doses. Till then It seems I am blind and dumb. This is my own fault, I had planned on killing myself for years when I hit 27
and now I don't really want to but the momentum of all that time before hand where I did is still affecting me whether I want to believe it or not, crazy. Just have to ride of this crazy mind wave I made for myself in the past, but deal with it now.
Maybe I need to work some little job, just to start saving some more money because I am running low and being around others would be good. I want to stay out in nature all day and not go back normal life but thats not really an option for very long.
Oh and again thanks everyone