The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

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The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:45 pm

(warning: this chronicle includes experimental treatment using a certain fungus that I cannot responsibly recommend to any one online alone. Do not attempt to mimic, I take no responsibility for said consequences)

Hello ladies and gentlemen!

Ill be chronicling my jump from Bupernorphine 2mg(iv). Also I will be posting my reflections upon my own life and life in general because once you get off narcotics you are primed, so i'll take advantage of that and start a writing hobby on this forum.

Here is some skewed background info first.
And side note: This is mainly an excercise for myself during the process and for all the lurkers who look in the window but never come in to the shop.

I am a 28 year old male living on the east coast in the US. I have been been on Suboxone since I was 18.
Faked being an addict for the most part in order to get a script from a psychiatrist at 18 years of age and was sent home with a Rx. Within a month I had a Rx for 24mg a day (*me to the doc that day :kiss: ).

I had used drugs experimentally for about a year before that point , just trying whatever I could seeking that impeccable high that comes from being just naturally relaxed like when we were children.(the whole range of pharmacopoeia literally).

I indulged with that and enjoyed it, also I had been prescribed stimulants (amphetamines) for ADHD in early middle/high school . Anyways long story short I was suffering for a couple years from what I have been told/diagnosed was PTSD, ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder yada yada etc etc. Long story short I was Rx'd multiple SSRi's and Stimulants and sedatives and all that jazz but it all came with side effects I didnt want to put up with.

.. Now I tried to get off Bupe/Sub last year (like I do every year - but this time by my Will) by going to another 28 day rehab( have been to 8 total in my days) 12 step model etc... same shit every time! conventional rehab IS NOT good for people who are coming in On Sub Maintenance (my opinion).... so i lasted a month and half then got back on to do a taper at home...but I did a novel approach this time when I got home which I wont get into it yet, and it worked for me.. So I was able to taper over a year from 16mg down to 2mg. Before this I never even attempted to taper. All my kicks had been basically cold turkey from 24- 16mg - ouch - and 2-4 months in I would cave. But so much has changed in this 1 year, and I am grateful for even the pain and suffering in my life now, it made me who I am...a 18 year old stuck in a 28 year old's body HA. No but really somehow I changed and everything around me started to change...maybe it was just time...or maybe its that everything was changing but life passed me by and I finally noticed it ...

I filled my last Prescription 5 days ago ... took my last dose 36 hours ago ... and I burned the rest in a ritual sacrificial bonfire, lmao.

No more zombie living in lifes waiting room, I think I want to be Alive. I have nothing but time to heal from this stuff, but for me its not even about the drug withdrawal ( but that stuff is not pleasant obviously) its about the pain of loosing the connection I had to my self, you know that really ancient self? Our minds create the world, but before that the world creates our minds - so I mean the Self before the world created our minds - self is a misleading word but this isnt the place to go into that...

Nothing in excess
Make a pledge and mischief is neigh
Know thyself


The Oracle of Delphi in a cave said those things once...and I have a gut feeling its on point. So what now? Im up off my knees and face to face with an old feeling. I just want to post one thing, i'll copy and paste it. Forgive me if its heavy or confusing but it rings and old and true, like some old very very old tune.

Sages and Mystics alike say, the metaphor most commonly used to describe our situation is that of a mirror and its reflections. The reflections in a mirror are like the thoughts in our mind, which if we don't recognize as being an illusory, impermanent, unmediated, manifestation of our true nature, we will react to, identify with, become conditioned by, absorbed in and embody. Our true nature state, on the other hand, is likened to the mirror itself, which underlies and embraces all of the reflections, all the while remaining pure and changeless, never being tainted or stained by any of the reflections. It is important to realize that each thought in our mind is like a dream; once we become absorbed in a thought, we have literally entered a complete dream universe and have evoked and stepped into an illusory, limited and arbitrary identity which we experience as being who we truly are. In life, if we get immersed in our dream-like thoughts and don't recognize the pure, mirror-like nature of our mind, we are literally considered to be nonlucidly dreaming.

The problem is that as long as we are identified with and absorbed in the imagination or thought of being a separate self we are going to resist part of our experience, as resistance and contraction are themselves the very expression of the separate self. Once we, as a separate self, see that we are resisting our experience, we will undoubtedly try and not resist, which is just another, more subtle form of resistance, and we will find ourselves in a self-created double bind, a prisoner of our own little mind once again.

The open and natural and relaxed, aka our Pure Mind truly offers us the key to liberation; from the minds point of view, these contractions and resistances are themselves seen to be the unmediated expression of the enlightened mind itself. If we don't recognize this, we will react to our resistance like it is something real and separate from ourselves, seeing it as a true obstruction to our enlightenment. If our resistance is seen in this way, it will, in no time whatsoever, spontaneously shape-shift and manifest as a seemingly genuine obscuration, as it is nothing other than our own reflection, and we will once again be caught in the infinite regression known as samsara or cyclic existence.

On the other hand, if we recognize our resistance as the unmediated expression of our enlightened nature itself, which is none other than to become lucid in the dream, not only does the resistance not last very long, but it ceases to be problematic, as we are no longer resisting our resistance, and have thus snapped out of our infinite regression. The resistance then reveals itself to be the very vehicle through which we have deepened our realization, as we have embraced even the part of ourselves that is non-embracing.


So the choice? To go through the dream lucidly, or non lucidly. Put that way its a simple and obvious choice for me, especially considering drugs / especially suboxone and opiates are so dissociating and depersonalizing after a while.

Recovery (without the cultural baggage - more so the classical sense of the word) is a fitting theme. Its strange because in short it is saying to Recover, as in to find something that you have lost - but not totally forgotten - ie. the Self. I forgot about Me after all this jazz I have been through. Well Im alive so I might as well act like it and love it and be myself even if it kills me because thats the best way to die.


Im here and Im doing this - Iv planned( and prepared) for over a year now and my time has finally come, I'll be here everyday till my shits are solid and I can go a day without getting the chills (aka for a good while :thumbup: ). Nice to meet you all! I have read most the threads on here up to 3-7 pages back and from years ago and educated myself over all these years about myself and this "condition"... by the way - you guys rule. Finally some thinking allowed. Lets do this baby!
Last edited by The Blind Ass on Tue Jan 31, 2017 10:39 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction

Postby southerngirl » Sat Dec 17, 2016 7:44 am

I''m so glad you started your own thread. You have many valuable things to say and I find your story fascinating. You said reading my post helped you. I'm glad. You can hit fast-forward and see what forty years of use will do to you - and actually, my husband is the lucky one. Not many would have put up with his sorry ass as long as I did, so his story is best case scenario. Forty years a zombie with no life, no joy, and no clue what is wrong.

But you have chosen wisely. I'd love to see you jump back on a plane to Japan and just be there for a while. Sounds like you need to be away from your family. Forgive them - they didn't know the best way to deal with you and they messed up. Move on. You are right to say that you are an 18 yr old in a 28 yr old body (just like my husband is an 18 yr old in a 58 yr old body) but starting NOW you can start to live again. Find a way to do it as independently as you can. You had help getting yourself into this mess, but you can only get out of it alone. And maybe with a good therapist (NOT a psychiatrist - a therapist trained in addiction counseling).

You're here now and you will get good advice. Hang around and wait for it - life is right around the corner.

SG

(And reading your post helped me, too. I am not well versed in the theology you speak of, but it makes sense in a way. My husband is so detached he doesn't even look in the mirror anymore. He won't make eye contact with anyone, not even himself)

(And you are not a terrible writer. You are an excellent writer. People like you write books and do speaking tours to help other people and can really make a difference in the world)
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction

Postby The Blind Ass » Sat Dec 17, 2016 12:39 pm

Thank you for replying southerngirl, It means alot. I also heard your plight in your thread "Bupe Wife" and a I can say it moved me deeply.

Once I am recovered physically I will go back to work part time and finish college. I imagine 1 year is a good time to set upon myself to do this and in the meantime live healthy in the following months. Everything changes and is transformed with the seasons in nature over a year so why wouldn't I? In the meantime I will just focus on caring for myself till the acute sickness of withdrawals has passed.
As for my family and growing up in civilization in general. I have come to better terms with it. Have you ever known the old greek myth of Procrustes? On the trail to the ancient city of Eleusis there is a house where all the passer bys stop to spend the night at. At night they get into the one bed that is there. If they are too short Procrustes would stretch their bones to fit the bed. On the other hand if they were to tall he would amputate their legs so they would fit the bed. See the themes? Seems like growing up is just a necessary evil to maintain some kind of order within all the chaos of life on earth while maintaining society. Cant blame any one person or group or thing knowing that, certainly not my family - because we all go through it.

The addiction was just to compensate for what I was missing. The missing came about through trauma and trauma is just a disconnection from the self - not the events that are preceded by it. Any ways thats enough internet armhairing.

For any one interested here are some precautions I took before jumping.
Saved up some money, Quit work (but I can go back), got a place to stay for 3-6 months and have food and meds stocked up. What meds? Here you go.

Trazadone: 50mg # 90
Donnatal: Phenobarbital 16.2mg, scop, hyosc,atrop - .0065mg-.0194mg, .1037mg # 30
Diazepam: 2mg # 30
Propanolol: 20mg # 60
Motofen: 1mg Difenoxin, .025 mg atropine # 12
Multi Vitamin: All the daily goodies + more # 60
Passion Flower Extract/Tincture: 1000mg per 7mL # 30mL
Kava Kava Extract/Tincture: 580mg per 7mL # 30mL
Advil: Naproxen sodium/naproxen 200-220mg # 300
Pepto Bismal: Whole bottle extra strength
Immodium: Liquid Bottle
Clonidine: .1mg # 12 (will get more sooner than later)
Miralax: proply yada yada..# just enough If I need help going

Hope to get some Gabapentin or Lyrcia (pregbalyn sp?) for nerve pain for 2 weeks during initial sick phase.

Note: This has been stocked up over years and I actually am not planning on taking but maybe 2-3 of these things for a couple of weeks max IF I feel it is truly needed and not just baby complaining.

48/72+ Hours in. Listening to music and Dancing the jimmy legs and pain away. Talked to a distant relative in another country who I had not heard from in years... blew my mind. Ill Do an Update daily. Lucid Mind > trumps any pain from this kick. The pain is just healing in the midst of doing its magic. Thanks again for everything you guys do here.
Last edited by The Blind Ass on Sat Dec 17, 2016 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction

Postby The Blind Ass » Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:55 pm

Just got extremely tired at about 1:30pm and layed down and drifted off to sleep. Up now at 4:30pm and during those few hours I was some what delirious. Waking up in what felt like oven, or waking up to what felt like a literal thought sweeping right by me. How strange. Woke up a couple times with a feeling of suffocation. Had multiple dreams and got up and took my blood pressure and all is well. I can feel the false "strength/energy" of suboxone leaving my body and I can only liken it to rapidly aging or the diminishment of life force. But hey Its not too bad you guys. I will not allow my self to get overly excited over anything, nor will I allow myself to get overly depressed over any thing. I want to stay right in the middle so that I dont magnify or underplay any aspect of this process.
If im going to 100% honest withdrawals are not the worst thing in the entire world when I think about what our ancestors had to go through way back in the day like the 1700s,1800s,and 1900s if they were dependent on alcohol or opium or morphine etc etc. What they went through I have read about in some of my dads old medical books- and it sounded like sheer torture. The real kind. So thinking about that and all those Lab Test Animals who are sacraficed to humanitys greater good when they test them for medications and research into opiates and opiate withdrawal they have to be sick in a cage with nothing but maybe some corn meal and water. Shivering their cold little butts off and not knowing what in the hell on gods green earth is going on!

Not to mention All humans get sick and die.... we are just getting sick....some people with serious medical conditions are in agonizing pain that not even fentanyl will touch and they endure their bodies pain for sometimes months to years before dying - for their own sake of wanting to live and for their friends and loved ones...if they can do that - we got this in the bag...no excuses - nothing - except for a man stabbing me with a syringe full of dope in my sleep or having my limbs chopped off and needing surgery will ever get me to give up...even then...

Update on the Withdrawals:

Body is getting weak and sick, the mind is wanting to sway towards over magnifying things in order to get comfort, but my spirits are high.
random thought: Funny our society validates our invalidity now a days. Ala suboxone.

Time to get back to my dance partner - the pain. And crank up the tunes. :shred:

8-) :banana:
- Quicksilver Messenger Servie : All in my mind

Over and Out

- The Blind Ass
Last edited by The Blind Ass on Tue Jan 31, 2017 10:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction (jump off Subs)

Postby The Blind Ass » Sat Dec 17, 2016 8:26 pm

Here is an afternoon/night update:

I have found a great way to deal with this experience...how you might ask? Well as you may know there are various plants and fungus found in nature that have psychedelic , entheogenic, hallucinogenic effects and act as consciousness expanding and awareness spectrum deepening agents. How is this relevant to going through Opiate withdrawal? (suboxone/bupernorphine in this case, a Long Acting Opiate-oid). Well If you ever have used these substances ceremonially you would know there are some similarities. I happen to have some native american mexican indian on my mothers side and our ancestors practiced plant based, fungus based psychedelic ceremonial shamanistic mysticism.

the striking thing is that both involves great changes in the body and in the psyche of the individual who goes through with a Trip or with Opiate withdrawal. The great news? Putting my opiate withdrawals into the context of being like a psychedelic Trip gives me certain assurances.

One, so long as I do not fear whatever may manifest in awareness during the trip/opiate withdrawals nothing will get worse than it was already going to be. Two, the Trip (or the detox) Is Just Temporary! Think about yesterday, where did it go? At the moment it is just a memory that lives on within you, and pain from it was and is illusory because it is impermanent. The pain has no substance, it has no ground, no actuality, no place where it literally is in the entire universe. It holds no literal ground - it is a chemical signal to the mind that the body needs attention.
Holy molly...It needs attention alright. Because while I have been on suboxone all these years I have treated it not the way I would treat my neighbor so to speak...It did not help that I could not feel all the pain while on suboxone, I ignored crucial signals. Now im paying attention deeply to these bodily signals and from doing so I actually gain knowledge about my own bodies current condition. It is truly amazing. That random zip of pain in my side? Oh thats from straining all these years on suboxone. That burning feeling in my back? It is from years of chain smoking, that resltess feeling in my legs, arms, and skin? Its my cells waking up from being numbed for a decade and being sedentary.

So what am I finding? The body heals itself (for the most part*)If we only let go of our poisons and vices and bad habits. As above so below. What goes in must come out. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If I just meditate on whatever it is I am doing, focusing on cultivating that place of holding on to nothing my body will take care of the rest with just a little help on my part by feeding it well and keeping it clean and allowing adequate rest and activity.

I have done the baptism by fire so this is not anything I haven't felt before either. I only pretended to kid myself that I could deceive myself forever.

Sweet sweet lucidity.
Abandoning the intellect which craves security in what is only a dream.
The natural state is just itself and nothing else, whether thoughts are arising or not.
Finally I can do this without making it hell on myself.



Over and Out

- The Blind Ass
Last edited by The Blind Ass on Tue Jan 24, 2017 12:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction (jump off Subs)

Postby The Blind Ass » Sat Dec 17, 2016 9:39 pm

So that was about the body, but for those lurking out there let me give you a hint of what a pleasure your in for when you stop taking opiates. It has to do with the mind and that aspect of life. Let me start by sharing my sympathies to those going through this right now and those that are on the clock to get off of it and are living their lives with that hanging over their heads.
Its O.k. I get it, I have gone through frankly stupid kicks in the past from irresponsible levels of narcotic dosages cold turkey and with help. But the difference is that before this time I would be in sheer terror of how vulnerable I was during such a state, sick and helpess and worst of all my mind was gone. That is If my mind was only thinking about protecting me from the next symptom I would endure It was as good as gone.


Having to breakup your relationship to an opiate is difficult for an addict because an addict is just a poor place holding word for someone that is in pain due not knowing they are suffering trauma in life in some shape or form or level.

I mean why would one continue using a drug despite pain from it and negative consequences unless it was because it has given one respite, release, or relief? I mean who doesnt want to not feel pain and be sick? who doesnt want to have energy? who doesnt want to feel good? who doesnt want to feel normal? Who doesnt want to feel loved? Those are qualities opiates can potentially bring about in man. Those are all qualities we would all like to have , each and every body on this green planet.
I digress... on opiates the original pain of life we wished to be healed from was either perceived to be un-salvageable , erroneously - I add, so when we find something that temporarily relieves some sort of pain and find it also happens to take care of that original pain there arises craving. Why else would any body be taking opiates long term in the first place?
They are known as only a short term solution - so if your still on them after the initial injury has healed in whatever form it takes : mutated form its original form or back to its original form - you must be compensating for something else - ie. Not having a method of living with the bullshit without having to burn the whole universe just to get at it to stop bullshitting.


So why am I typing all this bullshit :) ? Because it is one way to use my time and thus Mind while I ride out this Trip (process of withdrawals and cellular re-calibration) . What I type comes to be a biofeedback method for myself which allows for respite of the burden of having found my self in a position where suffering, stress, and unsatisfactoriness can be my way of paying the piper. And that guy gets pissed if you dont pay him...so just pay the man he earned it!
Your getting away with your LIFE. (When I write You or refer to non first person terms by assumption I include myself automatically so it isnt confused with being a sermon to others alone). Just re discovering the elementary and the obvious is my way of not being sealed into a fate of just wanting to GET OUT of this condition I find myself In. This is going to be the rest of my life I might as well act like I give a fuck.
Im living so I might as well live like I am. Ahh this sweet lucidity amidst pain is so bittersweet. Sure there is leaky orifices (nose, eyes, glands skin and other :)) , Stomach malaise and restless body muscles all over, chills and sweats, overall sensitivity to touch - which may cause the perception that you are in ALOT of pain - but dont fall for that bullshit - its like a hallucination - it seems so real but its such a tiny little thing really, mostly not even there. I am at home so I have food when I want it, a bathroom with a shower when I want it, a computer to read, write, listen to music, and surf the net on.

* Note : This is not about chronic conditions. It may apply mentally but the signals still go off for them regardless and often times need medical help to live a normal life.

Oh and I have AC/Heat and electricity and warm bed and some comfort meds to spare (havent taken any so far). What more could one want? This Is what my mind is seeing, so its not even fretting over my body - because this pain is like an illusion, truly. Still it hurts.
Even still my sides are telling me something is wrong with my lower left stomach area and I have never experienced this before. Might have to get it checked if it keeps stabbing me to the point of having to stop doing whatever Im doing. My side has hurt for the last 6 months but I thought it was a suboxone side effect, well its still here. Good to know for sure I wasn't just imaging it. I could see myself freak out over it in my mind and had a visual of all the lines of where that would lead. Will just have to wait and see.

Over and Out and definitely crazy :)

- The Blind Ass
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction (jump off Subs)

Postby cheeps » Sun Dec 18, 2016 9:48 am

Hey BA....you ain't crazy. The stomach pain might be the guts....you know they are the second brain. It also may be a back injury in the L-3/4 region as the nerve comes around the side at the crest of the hip bone and goes into the groin area.

Have you ever used EMDR therapy for the trauma you speak of?

Welcome to SS. Please write all you want. We need a writer in the house to go with Edotz's musings.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction (jump off Subs)

Postby cheeps » Sun Dec 18, 2016 10:06 am

Btw....sent you a PM.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction (jump off Subs)

Postby The Blind Ass » Sun Dec 18, 2016 1:18 pm

I was so close to getting EMDR therapy but something happened that I cannot remember and I ended up not going. I am aware of Peter Levine's work in somatic experiences and healing trauma and chronic illnesses with it and was amazed when I started reading about his work and EMDR amung other things he has studied and emplyed in healing.

Well I have had a pain in my stomach area since about 16 years of age. Located in what I would point to as right behind the belly button and it seems attached to the bladder and urethra aswell as my left leg - like someone has pulled a cord attached to my belly button. Atleast that is the trail that the pain follows. Note - this is different from the other days pain but maybe related - but it feels Ok today right now.
Much less than yesterday but still noticeable.

Dec 17 @ 2:00 I am up and what I can only describe as a wave of sickness comes over me. I lay down on the floor and allow it to do its thing. Comprised of my eyes watering over and over streaming down my face - but with no emotion behind it - must just be from long term water retention or some way for shit to get out of my system or something.
Same for the nose - it began running like a dirty little river of molasses. I also had a moderate amount of temperature dis-regulation during this time. It lasted about 1 hour before I decided to take exactly 2mg of Valium and .1mg of Clonidine. 2 Hours later I was asleep. From 4/5am to 12am I slept. Wow that is pretty good! Im impressed .
That wave of sickness just came and went like a little wave (but it lasts like an hour or two). I guess thats why the say suboxone is "less intense withdrawals" the waves are lengthier and more spaced apart and short acting opiates are more intense and spaced closer together so they come more rapidly.

I got up and took about 30 minutes to even get into the shower... but I got to it regardless. Cooked myself up nice and good while blasting music out of a Fender mustang II amp. Now its 1:11pm and It is time to eat. I want to smoke but Im out at the moment, but I feel good when I dont smoke.

Smoking is a pure addiction for me. But thats ok, and thats for later. Right now its just this. Fear really is the mind killer., when that wave hit last night I saw 2 strings of possibilities - freak out and tell myself this shouldn't be happening or its scary or what have you - but thats all bullshit because I know exactly what is happening to myself. For every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. Things are just returning back to normal - and this stuff is on the trail back to normal.


The last string would be to just lay down and watch it all happen, like the way a scientist observes his microscope. Detached, dispassionate - Objectively: This leads to calmness in the mind and nothing getting worse than it has to.
ehh I am rambling on... heres a quote instead .

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”


― Frank Herbert, Dune.
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Re: The Blind Ass - an Introduction (jump off Subs)

Postby The Blind Ass » Sun Dec 18, 2016 10:24 pm

Holy mother of God. The closing of day 4 or 5? My track of time Is awful because I dont care about it at all and it seems only like an Idea right now..

Update: 2:00pm - 10:05 Pm est Sunday.

Got super tired a few hours ago...about to fall asleep and I get a knock on the door If I want dinner - taquitos? hell yes please. Iv had some pain in my joints and achy muscles all over and runny nose and teary eyes and chills and alot of sweating and restless body parts but its ok. I just keep on stretching like I have done yoga all my life ( I havent) blasting tunes and having the occasional hit of nicotine. Took some vitamins today and drank a few bottles of water.

By all accounts this is the best my mind has been in years ( or since last time I was off subs) And this is what it is ALL about.
I want to master this apparition like mind that has haunted me all these years - its so mysterious ...it is Absent - Yet - Apparent....haha I love it. But now I see it like a mirror...so I go ahead and lead it and it works! Whip the horse not the cart! Even though my body is aching I can move and stretch and dance all i want and just rock back and forth and tap my feet and get rid of the body tingles .

No time for anxiety, no time for depression. Im moving and I can see the light...no literally I can actually sense light more clearly....thats from not having pinned pupils, fucking awsome. These things make me feel joy because I had ignored them for so long.... such simple things I took for granted that are always with me in sickness or in health. Trusting the Universe and myself on this one...and its working

I went out to get some supplies today. And wow...society and all those people. It was like I could sense peoples presence. I sondered....

sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

I could feel some people in frustration, in anger, in happiness, in joy, distracted, worried, frenzied, hateful, loving, kind, confused, lamentation... just standing in line get some supplies...it was like my sense just picked up on it all...It feels like being connected. But at the same time...wow isnt going out into society a sight for sore eyes sometimes? It felt like greek comedic/tragedy play...like this civilization is just one great experimental society.





Lets go baby, another day down.

Over and Out

- The Blind Out
Last edited by The Blind Ass on Tue Jan 24, 2017 12:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:24 am

Start of day 5 ... 12:21 am Monday.

About to try an experiment....its a trial by fire..pray for me. Will update in the morning.

Whatever this is really about Ill find out soon enough.
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:04 am

You would not believe me you couldnt because it was always free
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:29 am

I understand I know to exist is to love you
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:41 am

Update: Experiment Successful beyond all measure

I am healed like nothing ever happend in the first place - like magic. I know you couldn't believe me even if you could right? Well thats fine because I'll be out and about from here on out exposing the frauds and increasing the love that we all need so very badly right now and Im telling you this is as real as it gets. This is it. This is it.
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 5:00 am

Just so no one is confused...let me say this... my body is wracked with pain and I am rolling around on the floor moving and stretching it all out. Getting this poison out for good. But my soul..my soul feels cleansed.

Writhing like a little baby and rolling around in my own ashes. Feels good man. Fuck shame and hate I would burn the whole place to the ground in a second if only my lovely self and family and you and yours was not around.

Heh for a few good hours there I was totally spared any pain from withdrawals with something I grew at home...unbelievable ...absolutely unbelievable.

I have more. How has this not been looked at by professionals and seriously? I know it is a tiny bit, but not like it should be.
My ancestors used this earth medicine - now I see why. I wont say what It is because I know this culture did not grow up with such things...and using them in opiate withdrawals seems like the last thing any sane person would do...if your from the current USA...but my ancestors they used this exactly for reasons like this. God almighty... what can I say? Some one tell me your there because I just traveled to another dimension and back, and I came back better.
If I could tell you what happened during that journey ... but I cant really you know? Because it was so utterly personal and like a dream. Beyond the veil. beyond beyond beyond I met the Illustrious one and his magic and I groveled for it was me and it was more and it was you and it was our ancestors and our children and our childrens children. And I groveled to myself connected to this mysterious universe and found certain postures of the body allowed me to access memories I had forgotten - of my own life, and of the world. Unbelievable I know. Like I said, you probably couldn't believe me even if you could.




- A trial in experimental healing

Over and Out

- The Blind Ass
Last edited by The Blind Ass on Tue Jan 24, 2017 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:44 am

Hey man, sounds like you are really processing a lot of stuff, and it sounds like you are doing great. A lot of people do psychedelics or dissociatives to reset their brain after opiate use. I personally did Ibogaine fo get off dope years ago and it rocked my world, and it changed my life...or I should say it helped ME change my life. It laid the track I needed for me to heal and process some serious stuff, and go back to school and build up relationships. I ended up going on subs after that, but the decision was all mine and one I took seriously and for the specific purpose of doing the things Ibogaine reminded me I wanted to do.

Now I am almost ready to stop the bupe totally, and one day I hope to do ibo again, but not until I have reset myself off bupe my own way first.

All this is to say: you aren't alone. Stay careful, know your limits, and fuck subs. You are doing a damn good job on a really painful task. :shred:
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

Telling subs to fuck off since March 20, 2017
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby cheeps » Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:02 pm

Smoke pot and drink plenty and more and plenty of water..
Flush those toxins OUT of the body!!!


Drink, drink, drink!!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:26 pm

Ladies and Gentelmen!

After a wonderfully mystical night of every imaginable emotion in the human lexicon and things I dare not utter , and followed by some grueling aches in my muscles- I must say I woke up at 1:15pm today after going to sleep at 7:15am.

I feel good, I feel at most the withdrawals are like a moderate cold at best. Today is kick ass and its just me and my pet dragon from here on out. I feel like a normal person who just happens to be temporarily sick. Wonderful ! I thank you all for letting me post my madness and imaginings here, and for your support. To everyone out there fearing withdrawals - make them fear you.
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby The Blind Ass » Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:36 pm

This is how I usually feel by about day 20. I'll take it! Thank you AnDee and Cheeps I appreciate your replies very much. I see a secret love in everything today. Ha maybe Iv lost my mind but I have found myself in doing so. Enough jabber ! Its time to cook a meal and feed myself and drink water and stretch. I found an old pass to a gym nearby, I am going to go after dinner and do a light work out and then sit in the sauna for an hour 8-)
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Re: The Blind Ass - Chronicling a Sub Kick and Reflections

Postby Subblind » Mon Dec 19, 2016 8:37 pm

That's some very intense shit young man...your gonna have to tell us of this magical substance that takes you to Nootsville... :wired:
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