Relapsed, jumped again

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Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Thu Oct 06, 2016 2:08 pm

I just spent half an hour writing and the battery died on my laptop and I lost it all.

Long story short, after quitting for over 4 months last time I relapsed. Got back onto subs for the last few weeks and jumped yesterday from 6mg. I didn't taper as I've only been using again for a few weeks, to taper would more than double the time I'd have been on them.

Last dose was about 30 hours ago, getting usual symptoms. Same as last time, I haven't lost my appetite and ice been eating much more than usual. I managed to go to work today but it was a struggle. So far my withdrawals are moderate, can I expect them to get worse? I used heroin for two weeks and subs for a further three weeks.

Hope the rest of you are getting on well, I'll have a read through your threads soon.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby cheeps » Thu Oct 06, 2016 8:39 pm

Hey there! Man...sorry that you have to do this again! What brought it on? Were you struggling at 4 months or was the temptation to strong?

How's the boy doing?
10 yrs on methadone
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby Eyedotz » Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:20 pm

Hey there mr. Fuck... I remember you. Glad you came back to us. Best online handle ever, by the way. This shit is hard and it's hard to get it right the first time. We are all here for you. ~dotz
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Thu Oct 06, 2016 10:58 pm

cheeps wrote:Hey there! Man...sorry that you have to do this again! What brought it on? Were you struggling at 4 months or was the temptation to strong?

How's the boy doing?


I was having a rough time with some things outside my control, instead of dealing with it I reverted to my old ways and just wanted to block it out. My boy is very good thank you ;)

I don't actually feel too bad, the only thing I'm struggling with is insomnia. It's almost 5am and I've slept for about 20 minutes, got to go to work in a few hours. Very tempted to get a few benzos to help with sleep over the next few days, if I remember correctly last time I started sleeping naturally after about a week.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby Subblind » Thu Oct 06, 2016 11:28 pm

Holy shit,it's the British Invasion all over again...you came back...I'm glad in a way and sorry at the same time.your diving off a big cliff mr fuck this,you sure you want to do that.?.?.?

Anyway,welcome back...you were one of the first people to welcome me here back in April.thanks for that,and hope you and your son are doing as well as you can be considering...
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Fri Oct 07, 2016 5:08 am

No I'm not sure at all about jumping from 6mg, but I'm 48 hours in now and there's not much point turning back. I wouldn't recommend it, but it's all or nothing for me.

I can't remember how long the worst of the physical withdrawals last, does anyone know?

Hope you're doing well.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby cheeps » Fri Oct 07, 2016 8:11 pm

You know....it seems like it's different every time. I've had somepeeps tell me that it wasn't as bad. Maybe it's because they know what's coming and in knowing what to expect....it's not the same. Then there have been others who presented with different shit they didn't have the last time. One thing is almost for certain...it starts on day 3 or 4.
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Oxy free 12/06/14
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Sat Oct 08, 2016 2:29 am

It starts on day one for me, I put that down to the fact I crush subs up and sniff them. They wear off a lot faster that way for some reason.

Didn't sleep at all last night, I love my bed and I love sleeping, but it's becoming a place that I hate due to all the sleepless nights I spend in it when going through withdrawals.

Losing track of time but I think I'm about 72 hours in, the worst has definitely peaked. I feel rough but more able to regulate my temperature this morning, I'm cold but no longer bouncing between being freezing and burning alive.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Sat Oct 08, 2016 4:43 am

Been up a few hours, the mental cravings are pretty bad. When I feel like this my first instinct is to buy heroin, it's a mindset that was so hard to get out of last time I quit. I hope it's easier this time. Today is gonna be tough :(
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby Subblind » Sat Oct 08, 2016 6:13 am

Can you get ANYTHING for comfort? Like a few muscle relaxers or Valium...anything to induce sleep.
Or does getting more subs to do a proper taper make any sense?
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Sat Oct 08, 2016 2:53 pm

All I have is Imodium. Someone promised me a few benzos to help with sleep but they let me down, gonna get some OTC stuff on Monday when the pharmacy is open. We can get diphenhydramine and promethazine, if I take both together I get pretty good sleep. I had some Lyrica saved but I took them all when I went on a binge, they would be a godsend right now.

Getting more subs is out of the question, I can't taper. If I have them in front of me I'll take them. I'm too far in now to go back on them.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Mon Oct 10, 2016 8:21 am

Well I've had an interesting turn of events. Managed to get hold of some Neurontin, took 1600mg and three hours later I feel pretty good. I've never used it for WD's before, always used Pregabalin which is very similar but I think Neurontin is giving more relief than I've had before.

This might just be the magic bullet I needed, I've been so close to relapsing, had no sleep for 72 hours. The lethargy has gone, I'm not having cravings and I feel I could quite easily go to sleep. Got a few hours left at work, can't wait to get home and go to bed.

Interestingly my back pain has gone, even opioids didn't help with the pain so I'm not sure why this has helped. Anyone know why?

I've got enough to last me a week, fingers crossed this will help.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby Subblind » Mon Oct 10, 2016 9:36 am

It's a nerve pain medication that is used commonly in the US for back pain issues that are nerve related. Many on this site rave of its value as a"Comfort Med"...glad you found something that helps.as you said,it may be the magic bullet...
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Tue Oct 11, 2016 12:29 am

Subblind wrote:It's a nerve pain medication that is used commonly in the US for back pain issues that are nerve related. Many on this site rave of its value as a"Comfort Med"...glad you found something that helps.as you said,it may be the magic bullet...


That's really interesting to know, thanks. I need to discuss this with my doctor. Any idea if it's addictive when taken long term?

I slept for 11 hours, only woke up once needing a drink. I haven't had that much sleep for years. I'm going to try to make these last as long as possible. It's difficult because I like the 'high' they give at bigger doses.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby Subblind » Tue Oct 11, 2016 2:37 am

I think I've read you have to slowly discontinue them...when Cheeps comes back around she can tell you for certain.
It's cool to know they are that effective...
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby FuckThis » Wed Oct 12, 2016 6:49 am

Just realised I've been clean for a week today, that's flown by!

I've run out of Gabapentin already, I didn't realise tolerance rises so quickly. I had to take double the amount the day after I got them to feel the same relief. Had my last ones yesterday, still feel OK this afternoon. Just tired and lethargic.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:44 am

Hey mr fuckthis, I was reading your reply to another poster on another thread regarding kratom and I was curious if you had ever used it and withdrawn from it. I know some people try and make sub withdrawal easier by switching to a SAO short term and then jumping or tapering from that, but I have never been real convinced about that protocol, unless they maybe use a super weak opiate. But kratom seems different and I have never tried it.

I noticed you mentioned it was relatively easy to get off of, and was wondering what your experience is. I figure for some people, it is a bad idea and they would end up with a bad Kratom habit, and it certainly seems to be a bit of a taboo subject on some boards, but I have run across people online who seem to have success using low doses to get through the worst sub withdrawal and then tapering off kratom. But a lot of them were jumping from high doses of subs onto kratom and what I am curious about is how tapering kratom is compared to tapering down to very low dose subs.

It is a hard question to find a real answer to though. Discussion of using kratom to get off subs seems to spawn the same uneasiness that discussing ibogaine does. Maybe more so. And I understand why, but I am also curious to hear from someone who has tried both tapering subs and tapering kratom.

Also how are you doing after running out of gabapentin?
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby rc51guy » Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:30 pm

Hey CheeZee...Just wanted to jump on and say your doing a great job tapering. I jumped off around where you are now I believe. You can search back to find my story. Next april will be 2 years off subs for me.

As far as Kratom - dont even bother. Some claim it doesnt do anything and coming off it is a snap...others stay on it for a couple months and have a hard time. Those that take high doses for a while seem to have a really hard time coming off it. Ive seen it compared to anything from caffeine w/d - to mentally worse than heroin w/d. Not worth the risk.
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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:37 pm

Hello RC! Thanks for the encouragement.

I kinda came to the same conclusion about kratom. I used opies to self medicate some mega anxiety disorders and from what I have heard, kratom is very helpful for those, and because of that, it seems to be very hard for anxiety sufferers to stop taking it.

It just isn't worth it, at this point at least, for me to take it. It is too hard to tell if it would be harder for me to taper kratom than subs. But it is so hard to get an accurate idea of how it affects people. Some people take mega powerful kratom extracts or huge doses of it and get wicked withdrawals, and then post their experience like it holds true for low doses. But I don't want to take the chance. Maybe kratom would be a cake walk compared to bupe detox, and possibly a clever way to get off the dope ride, so I am happy the option exists for some people.

But I am going to keep going with this bupe taper and see where it takes me.

I do hope the DEA wises up and doesn't schedule Kratom, so people don't have to switch to subs though.

Congratulations on two years dude! What a feat. I hope you get a warm glowy feeling when you think of what you've done because it is amazing.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

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Re: Relapsed, jumped again

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:25 pm

FUCK THIS....woooooHooooo...you go you limey MFer! 8-) :lol: 8-) 8-) I'm so glad to hear you get off the shit and and feel ok!! now...what's this I hear about getting a buzz off the nasty yet effective gabpentin? It'll rot your brain dude....and while it does help back pain...it'll turn you into marge thatchers mother in law at 102! :twisted:

Come back and let me know how you are doing!! It's been three weeks today...stay away from all codeine and people, places, and things that trip your triggers. :kiss:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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