Housework and errands are work....you aren't being lazy. I love being left alone to do these things....and sure...it seems like you aren't productive or doing what you think you're supposed to be doing.
That topic...doing what you think you should be doing...it deserves a thread of its own. So many peeps report this feeling...especially house peeps. This work isn't valued as it should be. If you were at the office....it would be the same as the regular tasks there, opening mail and filing, going to the bank if applicable, ordering shit and picking it up or mailing shit back out. Cleaning up areas and restocking. All of THAT is work. So I gather you are thinking about the big idea work? What would that be the you?
Containing anxiety is fucking work! So taking the lunesta may not be the right protocol but it's better than going after the H, I concur. But there are other ways to get thru the shitty feelings that make you want to use.
I'm a big believer in learning some of the simple, alternative ways to handle stress. I subscribe to a newsletter that comes from http://www.emofree.com
. In it you'll learn how to tap. Yeah...it sound stupid and nutty but it's a way to pinpoint and focus in on what the shits going on...and you learn a process of tapping on acupressure spots to banish some of the anxiety. Since you are spending time at home, you can do this without looking to foolish. I've gotten thru two or three surgeries using it. There's also the breathing techniques you can find on the net. Google breathing for anxiety and use any that seem to look good to you. I've also talked myself into doing crosswords...I at least feel like I'm learning something! And last but not least, I get those cheap adult coloring books, (no, not the ones full of dildo pix),
I like the nature mandela stuff and use colored pencils. My roomie has learned freestyle cross stitch to keep her head busy...she was a crackhead and meth head. She's pushing 18 months of clean time.
Motivation is a huge issue but these things are simple as hell and if you don't finish them, who cares.
point being you ARE doing something constructive to get you out of the shitstorm that your mind thinks it's in.