My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby phookihurt » Sat Jan 09, 2016 2:24 pm

Sweating like a hog in a butcher shop...with my testicles strapped to a chopping block. In the midst of a wave.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby phookihurt » Sat Jan 09, 2016 2:39 pm

Something that may help pass the time for a couple hours: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-k7DUQPHfQ
Watch it if you can. Ridiculous...and funny.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby phookihurt » Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:16 pm

Can't fail with support like this:
Daughter: Daddy, my eyes hurt sooooooo bad.
Me: Why honey?
Daughter: Because I'm looking at your face.
....still in the throws of a wave.
Needed that. I will not fail...be back as often as necessary.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby phookihurt » Sat Jan 09, 2016 4:22 pm

More than two hours in. This wave will pass soon. I know.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby subster58 » Sat Jan 09, 2016 4:47 pm

Phookie, thank you so much. I really appreciate it as other women will to. FUCK is my favorite work, To me that says it all and I've used worse. Yes women can be just as mean as men. I gave my ex a couple of black eyes. I was 5'8 inches tall and weighted 110 .lbs. He was 6'2 " and 190 lbs. I new I was going down so I hit too. Why not as I always went down. I grew up with 4 brothers so I had to learn to fight somewhat to survive. My last relationship, no hitting, but sometimes verbal abuse still hurts. Drug addiction and alcohol makes a relationship toxic and things are said and done that would never happen if I was clean and sober. Never like alcohol as it made me hurl, so I picked drugs. In the 70's and 80's everyone I knew was getting wasted. Spent 25 years going to AA, and now all my friends are sober and the ones that used didn't want to be around me anymore. Not that there were that many. I don't go to AA anymore. I get what I need here. Others just don't understand what we go through to get off sub
Sober is better and I've have relationships that have meaning . All female. I'm an ole hippy chick and men my age want a 30-35 year old. So be it. I know things suck for you right now, but I promise you won't feel this way forever. It will change but now it is hard to see because you are still detoxing. It WILL get better. you can do it.
Love ya
Tia :kiss:
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby subster58 » Sat Jan 09, 2016 6:07 pm

hey, P.S. nothing like looking into your daughters eyes and hearing those words as a great motivator to stay off drugs and subs. What ever it takes
We're good
Peace,
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby subster58 » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:10 pm

Hi Phooki, just checking in to see if you are ok
Lov ya
Tia :kiss:
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby subster58 » Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:31 pm

Hi Pookie, you still with us. No matter what, you can still come back with no judgment.
Tia
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One Hour at a time
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby cheeps » Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:00 am

phookihurt wrote:Something that may help pass the time for a couple hours: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-k7DUQPHfQ
Watch it if you can. Ridiculous...and funny.


fucking hue laree us is more like it! :lol: :lol: :lol: 8-) 8-)

hope you are still alive.....
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby subster58 » Tue Jan 26, 2016 11:24 am

Phoooooke, Phooooookie, are you ok? Still with us???????????
Tia
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby FarmerBrown » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:20 pm

Just joined site and read whole thread. I sure hope Phookie is good! You guys are truly awesome here. I could surely pick up where he left off. Good lord this isn't gonna be fun. Should I just go to a doctor? Have been on sub since sept..yikes. Any help/support is appreciated. Thank you

Farmer Brown
Jumped from 2mgs Sunday April 3 2016

Armchair quarterbacking my mental health since 1979
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby syd » Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:44 am

FarmerBrown you will get all the support you need/want by starting your own thread in the Sub forum.

You can start with your daily dose. We really cant offer much input till we have a bit of background.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby FarmerBrown » Sat Apr 09, 2016 8:22 am

Thanks Syd- I was in so much pain that I couldn't muster up the energy to do what u suggested. I'm at day 6 now from 2 mgs/day to cold turkey. Was hell in my apartment alone but I managed to get over the hump. I was on them for almost a year never exceeding past 8 mg/day and that was rare. I took them to mute physical and emotional pain .. Just enough to not feel and chose to be blind to the evil side effects. It feels good to feel again I must say. I also made amends with a girl I dated this past fall when I was on them regularly...that felt good and I'll be seeing her today...maybe there's a future, who knows. This site helped a lot and I want to thank each and every one of you for your input on others' posts. I know this doesn't belong here but I m not going to start a thread after the fact. Just wanted to let y'all know. Colorado is a much more beautiful place without that shit in my brain, thanks again

Farmer Brown

Ps - I'll check back in to see if I can lend a hand to anyone. I've been fucking around with opioids since 2004 when I injured my back and have a fair amount of experience. Enjoy your weekend
Jumped from 2mgs Sunday April 3 2016

Armchair quarterbacking my mental health since 1979
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby phookihurt » Tue Sep 06, 2016 6:06 pm

Hi Guys....I used to hate coming here and see people give it a go...try for awhile..seem to go well, and never hear from them again. Just knowing someone did well kicking subs would have giving me great hope. If I remember correctly, all I needed at the time was hope. I know a lot of people here did it, but I also saw a lot of posts started and never saw those people again. I am not judging, just know the ones who stuck it out gave me hope. Now I come here and tell you I haven't had a sub, or any pill since the beginning of December 2015. It is now September 2016 (nine months). I still have some anxiety and some depression, but not all the time. I am doing well. I am doing better on my worst day now, than I ever was on my best day with subs, or pills. I hope someone reads this thread and it helps them in even the tiniest way. I was on a lot of shit an somehow managed to get through. After nine months I can honestly say I will never touch another pill again, unless it is an EXTRAORDINARY circumstance. Maybe breaking a major bone, like my spine. Anyway, I wish anyone wanting to get off subs, or anything else, the very best of luck. I may be back, but just wanted anyone reading this, and thinking it impossible...it is not. If I can help, please drop me a line. I hope everyone here is doing the best they can. This site was one of the only reasons I was able to kick my habit. SUBSUX! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby cheeps » Tue Sep 06, 2016 6:09 pm

Phooks!

Here's your nine bananas dude!!!

:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:

Congratulations!!!!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby Subblind » Tue Sep 06, 2016 8:38 pm

appreciate your words of inspiration...,good for you man,you won...that must feel incredible.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby phookihurt » Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:13 pm

12 MONTHS. NO PILLS :D Hope people are doing well. Quitting is Possible!
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby Eyedotz » Mon Dec 12, 2016 10:17 pm

That is absofuckinglutely extraordinary man!!! Congratulations and thank you for sticking around and keeping everyone updated... I'm almost at 9 months, so yes, it is incredibly possible!!! I love hearing this shit.... makes me smiley! ~dotz
Eyedotz Spotify playlist (EDM Detox Mix)
https://open.spotify.com/user/eyedotz/p ... luHItCVAiQ
13 Year Sub survivor - Jumped at .03mg after 9 month taper from 4-6mg.
JUMP DATE MARCH 18th, 2016

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby Subblind » Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:07 pm

You Both are such an inspiration...much respect to you guys and thanks for taking the time to continue helping others looking for alight at the end of a very fucked up tunnel...
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Re: My fingers hurt so fucking bad, I want to die.

Postby The Blind Ass » Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:13 pm

Inspiration indeed. Im soaking up all youv been through so I can hold it in my mind when I jump off in a week from subs.
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