First off, I'm very glad I found this website. Finally found people not afraid to tell the truth about this horrible drug. I got hooked on opiates when I was a caregiver for my wife who was a cancer patient. Oncologists prescribe a lot of medication to cancer patients. I was caregiver for 5 years, worked a physically demanding job at the same time, developed severe back pain during year 4 and began helping myself to my wife's dilaudid, morphine, and hydro codons. It was easy, start running low, call the doctor and go pick up a script or have Fed/Ex deliver them to the front door. That went on for about 6 months until the hospice nurse figured out what was going on. Went to my PP and was honest about what I was doing, referred to a back specialist, verified that surgery was necessary but I did not have time to go through all of that and they referred me to a PM clinic. Explained my situation to the PM doctor and she happily wrote out a script for dilaudid. I was on cloud nine, wow, my own script. Didn't take long to max out my tolerance and by week 3 of each month I would be close to, or out of, opiates. PM doctor would ask why my urine sample didn't have opiates in it and I would mumble some excuse. Finally got sick of the opiate treadmill and checked myself into a detox center where they prescribed suboxone. I have been taking 20mg/day for 2 1/2 years. After reading a lot of the posts here, I am wondering why my sub doc prescribed so much. The first 6 months on Subs weren't that bad. No cravings, I thought I felt normal. I guess I've reached the point where Subs have turned on me. I feel ok sometimes but most of the time I feel like a zombie. I don't really have emotions any more, I'm not excited by things that I used to like to do, and I have weird withdrawal feelings like it isn't even working anymore. I found a taper program that uses 2mg as the halfway point and I started it yesterday. I live alone now, and am looking for a support system and am hoping that this website will fit the bill. I don't really like going to meetings, or at least I haven't found one that I like. Just reading about other people's experiences and knowing that I'm not alone is a big help.