Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby ThirdEye » Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:29 am

Kudos to you, Dan! Can't believe you're coming up to a year off this crap. It's been a pleasure following your journey.

Time hangs heavy post-sub but it does pass.
Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi - "There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.You feel it, don't you?"
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Aug 29, 2013 5:24 am

I've heard before that Its easy to dwell on the past and hard to have patiencs for the future but nobody told me the present would last so damn long..

Dan

Lol Dan! I think you've created a new saying!
I feel just like you, buddy. Just when I think the sleep is returning to normal, I have three nights in a row that I can't sleep. I'm thinking about ordering some Trazadone on line. :roll:
My motivation sux too. The depression is not too bad...it's been MUCH worse in previous WDs.
It's just hard not having something to take the edge off. Drinking always backfires...I feel so much worse the next day. I wish I could enjoy a couple glasses of wine without a hangover!
Oh well...learning to live like normal people is tough..lol
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:24 pm

Thirdeye, good to see your still hanging around friend! I miss our chained up hooker talk lol. Yes, time DOES pass.. that's what's so depressing! I joined a hockey team, starts in a few weeks. Figured it was time to get out and start doing shit!

Jules.. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night! The dreams I have are soo vivid.. I'm thinking my lack of motivations stems from the depression. BUT, good thing is I've never been so happy as when I'm with my son. We have done a lot this summer! Little dude is all I need!
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby ThirdEye » Fri Aug 30, 2013 3:24 am

Oh, yes, I'm still here. I've been visiting regularly but haven't felt like posting. It would have just been identikit tales of misery. My tail is up now though because I'm less than two weeks away from my last dose of Valium. Fuck, yes!

I'll be totally drug free as of 12th September after a lifetime of crazy excess. I'm hoping to feel a bit less like death warmed up by Xmas. Like you I don't have much idea of how to go about enjoying normal human activities like playing hockey or cuffing hookers to my radiator but damnit I'm ready to try!
Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi - "There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.You feel it, don't you?"
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby LDP » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:21 am

Dan The Man I left you guys a post...Peace Lex
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby runthemachine » Mon Sep 02, 2013 11:01 am

Lex... are you that Lex porn star dude with the huge hammer?? Yo, it's good to see your name 'round here, LSD. :thumbup:

3rd Eye-ee-eye-ee-ayeeeee..... (Zappa).. Bro, we gotta party together. I'm all about shackling paid professionals to shit. And since hockey is your love, maybe you're in Canadia?? I mean, I'm not... but I came up in Detroit, and made regular trips to Windsor.... eh? LoL.

Anyway, I did the Valium thing for a few weeks when I jumped. I remember calling the Dr.'s office to tell them I was over it ~ bitch was trippin' on the other end "Uh, sir? You're not supposed to just stop..." blah-blah-blah. I'd already weaned off that shit, and besides, I never took more than 2 or 3 per day (10mg tabs). Done is done, right?

Dude, stopping is just stopping. After the physical misery is gone, there's just the mind fuck to deal with... and you're obviously smart enough to know that you DON'T want a benzo addiction to contend with in the wake of your opioid nightmare. Stay on schedule, and in '014 you'll be postin' "Yeah, it sucked. Hard. But, I'm over it... and you can be too."

Rock on with yer bad self. ;)

Eternally... free from nothing.
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby ThirdEye » Tue Sep 03, 2013 9:33 am

Thanks for the encouragement, RTM! I'm over in the UK but lets make it happen. The Azores is halfway. I'll bring the celebs if you bring the roofies and the cuffs.
Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi - "There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.You feel it, don't you?"
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby LDP » Sat Sep 07, 2013 7:09 pm

DAN WAKE THE FUCK UP AK IS BACK and I am waitn on THE MAN Lex
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sat Sep 07, 2013 7:27 pm

I'm trying to wake up lex! I need to wake up! I'm just not waking up! Fuuuuuck!

I seen AK stopped in for a min. Hope you two stick around this time, your good people. I wish I had more to say but my mind is at a blank lately.. I'm subtarted..
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:20 am

1 year later...

It hasn't been easy but from what I remember, neither was the previous 30 years in this world and I don't see it getting any easier. I'm ok with that!

Yup, I'm still broke but atleast now I'm able to keep up on bills instead of constantly falling behind. I don't sleep like I used too, although I used to sleep 10 hours and wake up tired. Depression sucks and can take a lot of me but atleast I'm able to feel laughter. I'm lazy but I started playing hockey 1-2 times a week. Every day I get to spend with my son becomes the greatest day I've ever had. A year ago it seemed more like a chore.. A year ago today I made one of the best decisions of my life but it only had to be made because of one of my worst.. No regrets, you live you learn!

I had a good friend ask me a question yesterday.. Does it seem like the year went by really fast?? .... I wanted to say yes, that's what I always say.. It was different this time though.. I was so used to the years flying by while in my subcoma, this year seemed to last forever! It feels great to answer NO to that question! I don't want life to blur by, I don't get another one..

I've learned a lot over the last 12 months but 2 things stick out as the most important.. I got rid of every contact I knew of prior to getting clean, this will only get you so far.. pills are everywhere these days, you can't ignore this fact. The day WILL come when a vic or oxy will be offered to you! I learned saying no makes you stronger and more determined. Also, I learned to have patience! Having the ability to be patient can go a looong way in every aspect of life.

To my FRIENDS here.. you crazy bastards helped me more than you will ever know. Your not gonna be able to get rid of me now, sorry! Seriously, thank you. Yea even you TT, you crazy fucker!
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby Justjules13 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:56 am

Your only 31? Your just a pup. :wiggle: Hell, I thought you were a old fart like me. Was it perhaps your b-day today? (Why would someone ask you if the yr went by fast..unless?) Congratulations if it was. That's what they say to each other here in the Netherlands on your birthday. "Congratulations you survived another year" lol
And congratulations on ONE YEAR OPIATE FREE! That's awesome! You truly are Dan the Man! :banana:
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mano » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:07 am

Congrats on 1 year clean...that's huge and things are only going to get better for you! Thanks for sharing...nice to hear success stories and you are one! :D
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby emily » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:51 pm

Dan

Congrats on one year!! You dealt with a whole lot of shit during your detox & recovery but you never used anything as an excuse to use! You are a strong man in my yes! Also a kind man & a great friend! You post was awesome a true success story & you jumped from a high dose you crazy fuck lol I really love having you as my friend!

Much love
Em
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:37 pm

Lol yes jj I'm 31, why did you think I was an old fart like you haha? Actually it was emily who asked if the year went by fast.. its not my bday!

Thanks mano, it is a huge deal.. I've been waiting a year for this day.. now what???

Em.. thanks for always being there for me.. yes, a lot has come my way... I'm sure a lot more is coming lol! Fuck it, I know what's important..
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mano » Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:02 pm

Thanks mano, it is a huge deal.. I've been waiting a year for this day.. now what???


Now you set your sights on your 2 year anniversary and commit to not touching a drop of anything with an opiate in it...and you try and remember just how bad it sucked and hurt getting to where you are now. And thank your lucky stars every day when you wake up refreshed and feeling good that you don't need to take a pill to start your day. You are free, and that is a HUGE deal. Never let your guard down. It's so easy to say "that wasn't so bad, I can just party this one weekend". That's what you don't want to do because it's sooo fucking easy to replapse, and every detox gets a little harder as i'm sure you already know.

You are awesome man...please keep being awesome.

So how are you honestly feeling these days overall? I really wasn't all that great at 1 year but i have 20 years on you...I'm 51 (going on 71 it feels)
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:44 pm

I'm totally commited to not touching that shit.. I've had it in my hand and passed it along without thinking twice.

Seriously though... how things are?? I can't remember the last time I made it to work on time lol. I'm lucky enough to have a job where it doesn't matter so much! Its not I can't wake up, its more like I'm already awake and don't feel like starting the day.. while at work I have big ideas of bettering myself lol. Then I get home and do absolutly nothing.. I have earphones in 9 hours a day, listening to music or the blaze.. I've secluded myself and just don't give a fuck. Overall how do I feel?? Pretty fucking ok! Just like you said mano, I wake up every day free! Shit sucks ass sometimes but I hold the mind set things will get better. As long as I keep doing what's right..

Ill keep going! A year from now will be 2 years!
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby Poncho » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:27 pm

mynameisDAN82 wrote:1 year later...

It hasn't been easy but from what I remember, neither was the previous 30 years in this world and I don't see it getting any easier. I'm ok with that!

Yup, I'm still broke but atleast now I'm able to keep up on bills instead of constantly falling behind. I don't sleep like I used too, although I used to sleep 10 hours and wake up tired. Depression sucks and can take a lot of me but atleast I'm able to feel laughter. I'm lazy but I started playing hockey 1-2 times a week. Every day I get to spend with my son becomes the greatest day I've ever had. A year ago it seemed more like a chore.. A year ago today I made one of the best decisions of my life but it only had to be made because of one of my worst.. No regrets, you live you learn!

I had a good friend ask me a question yesterday.. Does it seem like the year went by really fast?? .... I wanted to say yes, that's what I always say.. It was different this time though.. I was so used to the years flying by while in my subcoma, this year seemed to last forever! It feels great to answer NO to that question! I don't want life to blur by, I don't get another one..

I've learned a lot over the last 12 months but 2 things stick out as the most important.. I got rid of every contact I knew of prior to getting clean, this will only get you so far.. pills are everywhere these days, you can't ignore this fact. The day WILL come when a vic or oxy will be offered to you! I learned saying no makes you stronger and more determined. Also, I learned to have patience! Having the ability to be patient can go a looong way in every aspect of life.

To my FRIENDS here.. you crazy bastards helped me more than you will ever know. Your not gonna be able to get rid of me now, sorry! Seriously, thank you. Yea even you TT, you crazy fucker!


Oh nooo motherfucker , your time here is almost up. The first year at SS is free but after that ole Poncho starts collecting rent. :wtf:

Congrats Dano, now pony up :mrgreen:
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby ThirdEye » Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:42 am

Awesome stuff, Dan. This journey takes a lot of determination and courage. Here's a radiator-girl icon to cheer you on: :silent: Yeah, that's right - no more screaming, beehotch!
Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi - "There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.You feel it, don't you?"
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:09 pm

Every morning when I walk out the door of my house and breathe in the cold Autumn air I instantly flash back to memories of withdrawl.. I can almost feel it.. fucking weird..
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Re: Journal of a jump, 1 month and beyond

Postby mano » Thu Nov 07, 2013 9:04 pm

Funny how things like that trigger our memory...just the smells, or our senses. Just think how much better life is a year later for you and your family. Probably your getting clean has made an improvement on your sons entire life. Appreciate and enjoy everything you have worked for :clap: :clap: :clap:
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