Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Eyeronic » Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:21 am

Stefaniezoe wrote:@ everonic
Ther are two problems: first, he is an addict and quickly losses control over usage.
AND he did not get XANAX from a doctor, he HIMSELF thought it was a good idea to switch to something else without any doctor consultation.
He admitted that he started to pop XANAX like smarties. That he relied on another drug.

I think there is just one way to get sober.... GET SOBER.
Anything else is just anything else.


If your husband can't control his Xanax use, maybe he should not use it, but it has nothing to do with him being an addict. Plenty of people here are on benzos and use them as prescribed (and responsibly) including myself.

Only one way to get sober...get sober. Anything else is anything else. Hmm..it's a nice saying, but going cold turkey from long term narcotics can be extremely treacherous.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Justjules13 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:36 am

I think people here view benzos as.. just as bad as sub or worse. Just cuz a Dr. prescribed them for you doesn't mean it's good for you......see "suboxone" !
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:19 am

I tend to see it that way too.
I know I never was on any of these pills never had a drink in my life etc... So u guys might say: what does she know...
But when u see ur husband falling asleep while chewing his food in a restaurant ( my birthday dinner) u can't believe that these pills do any good.
This stuff brings lies and emptiness where there should be faith and life.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Justjules13 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:38 am

Wow...that's really sad Stef. It must be heartbreaking to see that and not be able to break thru the drugs to talk to him about it. I agree...especially the Benzos, they are made to numb your mind and make you a zombie.
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby subster58 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:12 am

Stef, you know alot going thru all the things with your husband, so sorry know it is extremely hard. Is there anyway you could take control over the xanax and give it to him when needed? You know him best, but he may get pissed. Wishing you the best during this difficult time.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:41 am

Yes, it is heartbreaking
The only reason i stay with my man is because he is NOT longer in denial.
And he wants to get sober.
Works on it. Finally sees help.
Takes responsibility
Gets his health checked.-- AND he already has health issues due to the pills.
I dont expect him/ it to be perfect or sober right away-/- i am not an idiot.
But we finally agree who the ENEMY is. Its the drug.
You can take me to any battlefield but PLEASE show me what we are fighting.
I wish i could get a Rain Check for all these wasted drug controlled moments that were supposed to be ours.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby CTCheryl » Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:03 pm

Can you call my husband??

Just kidding, you really do seem to have insight and patience. I envy that.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:37 pm

Sure I call him....
Does he need a good spanking as well??? :angel:
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Not a 12 stepper » Tue Oct 23, 2012 7:45 pm

Stef,

Since you and Cheryl's husband never got high on drugs and can't understand what an addict goes through trying to kick opiates, the 2 of you could share some of the love/hate war stories about dealing with your spouses.


Don't forget, this is a forum full of past/present drug addicts-
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:00 pm

Update:
My husband has a bad weekend.got weak on cocaine, XANAX it was h or ruble a 4 day nightmare. I passed out and had to go to the ER and he couldn't stay awake in the ER... I was totally alone, but when he woke up he yelled at me that I am just looking for attention. The day after that I left him. For two nights. After that he wanted a divorce. He says I left him alone.
We talked when he got CLEAR again, he said he felt like waking off a nightmare.
I am shocked.
He tried to choke me when he was on drugs because I wanted him to pack a bag and go to rehab, because he lost control..
Now heis clear and agrees in everything I said
But I am still in shock
And I lost all hope. I saw pure hate in his eyes.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Zippy » Sat Nov 03, 2012 3:47 pm

I am sorry you have to go thur this. You must take care of yourself. You cannot help him if you are not healthy and safe. Please do what ever it takes for yourself. Then, if you still feel you must....try to take care of him. You cannot make him change. It must be his idea.

Please, take care of yourself.
Cheers,
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby emily » Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:27 am

Stefaniezoe wrote:Update:
My husband has a bad weekend.got weak on cocaine, XANAX it was h or ruble a 4 day nightmare. I passed out and had to go to the ER and he couldn't stay awake in the ER... I was totally alone, but when he woke up he yelled at me that I am just looking for attention. The day after that I left him. For two nights. After that he wanted a divorce. He says I left him alone.
We talked when he got CLEAR again, he said he felt like waking off a nightmare.
I am shocked.
He tried to choke me when he was on drugs because I wanted him to pack a bag and go to rehab, because he lost control..
Now heis clear and agrees in everything I said
But I am still in shock
And I lost all hope. I saw pure hate in his eyes.


Stef
Wow..you post got me so emotional! My Ex was a drinker..and a mean drinker to boot, can't tell you how many times he hurt me (physically) but i always remember the First time...he was so sorry that "he let me push him until he punched & choked me" - he wanted to know why I did that to him...WTF! When he sobered up he was so sorry & would never do it again....well thats what he said - thats not exactly what happened. BE SAFE...listen to your gut not your heart.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Sun Nov 04, 2012 4:08 pm

Update:
My husband went to a meeting yesterday and confessed he has zero days.
At the meeting he met another guy who got of suboxone. They talked today .
Maybe it's a start, but it's the only direction to go.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby nootlsjr » Sun Nov 04, 2012 4:56 pm

stef, the enemy is ones self and not the drugs. there are many factors in the equation. whats your part in all this, are you the code dependant enabler, or the fearless controler.

the process is hard and long, but if you fear him, it means he is violent, or you dont understand him. if he is violent, i suggest making plans for a new life, but if its do to knowledge, then it might be worth a go.

the first thing you should do is have a calander of progress, then make appropriate reprocutions for erresponsible descision making. have a plan with dudes and stick to it, or leave him. wether it be temporary or perminent is upto the cercumbstance. good luck and the drugs do have power over a person, but good morals outweigh bad descision making. test his morals, and you will understand your dudes limits and weekness. good luck and hope you the best.
Y ask Y,Y. Y is Y.....
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Sun Nov 04, 2012 7:00 pm

Thank you
The calendar is a really good idea....
I started to write things down and did a contract with myself to watch my limits. And self respect myself.
Good question is what my role is.
I can't really tell. I guess it's a mix of all these types and it changes/ switches. As much as I just want to be a good wife, but I am powerless and I have been through a lot in life and invented myself and my life a couple of times. Always happy, never self pity, always curios and open to everything that comes my way.
But I realize, that addiction sux all that out of me.
We will see.
Thanks again
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby nootlsjr » Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:02 pm

i can tell that you are scensitive and a caring person, but that doesnt mean you have to be gullable. it sounds like your trying to do all the work for your dudes. your better off with threats/conscieqences. make a signed plan with dudes and have dedicated rewards and punishments. good stuff for suxcess, and bad for failer. its all about results, so make the plan attainable and the consquences [wether good or bad] be resonable, and agreed upon.

good luck and i hope dudes shows the effort your looking for. peace.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:08 pm

I've been scared to read your thread... I knew it would bring up emotions I don't like thinking about.
But its time.. now everything seemed to be "ok" until cocaine and choking came raging out.
I remember argueing with my gf defending myself with her being crazy. I really did believe it was her just being needy. I was lying to her too, she did not even know I was on subs anymore.. I was embarassed, addicted and didn't know it was the drug. She did find the truth. She told me she actually started to think she was the crazy one.
Blah blah blah fast forward... you are in a not so easy situation, you know that. I can't see from your side, I'm the addict. I can say once I realized what the situation really was I started to see. She has been my rock, I was able to open up more and she was patient with me as long as I stayed true to my word.

I hope he has an open mind to recovery. If he does he will need you. You can see your husband again but only if he wants you too. Hopefully that guy at meeting snaps it in to him, but even then..
Just keep yourself safe, violent outbursts is not a state of someone getting better.

This is only what I know from my experiances. Others can be very different.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:39 am

Are you still with your woman.
Did u guys made it?
I try to see my husband as a sick person he his. Try to not loose my temper no matter how insulting and irrational he is... How crazy on drugs.
When he sobers up, he sees the things, otherwise I would be long gone.

And about ur gf:
that is totally how I felt: the crazy one. Thank god I am so sane and surrounded by sane friends that i was able to keep myself together.
He tried to tell me that I have the problem or that I was the problem... ALL THE TIME. Until I could proof he is not sober.
It's hard for me to understand, that a drug can have these effects on people. That people on drugs are able to hurt the ones they love deeply knowingly and over and over again....
I think he is open to recovery.bhe knows its the only way to go... I just don't know if he has the strength to do it. If he is brave enough to see himself as what he is right now.
Because he doesn't like what he sees.
I know I will be ok, that way or the other

Thanks for ur post
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby cheeps » Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:58 am

Stef.....you sound good. You seem like a strong person...

I've wanted to throw this problem out there for years....about how love and drugs don't mix. I think I'll start a new thread. Thank you for your ideas and thoughts on loving an addict.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:21 pm

She is still by my side, yes. She has been patient, yes. Did she have too, no. I came to a road block, made a choice of what life I want. She would be gone if I didn't and she will leave if I fall.
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