Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

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Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:43 am

Hai everybody
I really need ur help
That is the first time I ever use a chat room, and I wish I had nicer funnier reasons to use one:

My husband is on suboxone for over 2 years now. He never gets checked by this fucking doctor who sells him the prescription...
My husband tried to get off by lowering the dose and says it is too hard, even worse he always lied to me about his using, but I can tell if he is on it or not. ( he is on 8 mg right now)
My question:
AM I CRAZY, because I recognize these horrible side effect like:
Emotional zombieness
ALWAYS tired
No empathy
Can't hold conversation.mumbling.
Anger, oh my god he is so angry and fights me like crazy as soon I mention one of the " side effects"
Total denial of the problem, although he wants to get off

Are these side effects of the drug, or is he just not in love with me anymore. I never used Anything, so I need an honest answer, and I couldn't find anything " honest" in the Internet....
There suboxone is the life saving wonder drug . But what I have here is a far from any wonder. And far from a life.
Every help is appreciated.
Zoe
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Justjules13 » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:18 am

Hi Stef,
Those sound like typical sub symptoms..
Unfortunately it's hard to get a addict that's not ready,off drugs. You might ask him to look at some stuff here with you? Suboxone isn't the "wonder drug" it's been sold as. It's basicly in the same class as methadone, just another long acting opiate.
Alanon(spelling?) might be a place to vent to other people going thru your same situation.
J
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:59 am

Thank u very much
I felt awfully alone and disloyal by open his addiction to the public even if its anonymous
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Justjules13 » Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:31 am

I'd bet there's message boards for friends and family of people addicted...
But your welcome to post here anytime you like.
Jules
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:14 am

Thank you
very
much
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby CTCheryl » Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:50 am

You really should post here anytime! I think your observations are very intuitive and spot on! YOU are not crazy, but this whole suboxone relationship will make you crazy over the long run. One of the many side effects of the side effects you describe, is that he doesn't see the side effects and will convince himself this drug is "helping" him! I never realized just how zombie-like I was until I got off of sub. This is why he will fight you tooth and nail to taper or get off. He has to really want off this drug and commit to months of tapering. If you are in this for the long haul, then I agree, get some help for yourself at the very least, the healthier you get, the less likely you will be to put up with the anger, etc.
I wish you well.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:32 pm

Thank u very much..
Yes, he has "clear" moments, where he sees how this drug affects him, but for whatever reason he is petrified to fight the drug, getting of it. He relies on it soso much.
I always try to point out that his anger is attacking the wrong target (me). That I know his emotionally unavailabillity is because of that drug, but also that I can't be patient forever and just have fun and intimacy with my wonderful ( and sober) friends.
That I want to have a healthy marriage or no marriage.
I love him. I support him.
But I am not a love giving robot either. He has to grow up. See how much damage that drug does.
And deep down he knows.
He told me.
It's just up to him. I will over him more time more love. I would never cheat. But I can't tell when I reach my limit and loose faith.
The worst is the denial -- that makes me CRAZY
Stefaniezoe
 
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby LilyAnn » Wed Sep 26, 2012 6:39 pm

Hi Stefanie,
You are not crazy at all. Both me and my husband have been on sub for 5 years and we are both emotionally vacant. Being married to someone on sub is very difficult, especially if you knew him before the sub. It's tough to get in touch with "real" emotions while on sub and feel passion for anything. It's not you, it's the drug. Honestly, I don't know that it's possible to have a healthy, passionate, real marriage if either spouse is on sub. My husband also did not like talking about our sub addiction and would get frustrated/angry when I would bring it up. I realized that his anger was because he didn't have a solution and couldn't see his way out. Once I found this site, I made my husband read the experiences on here to make him wake up and see the damage that sub can cause. I also made it clear I wasn't staying in an emotionally-vacant, robot-like marriage. I had to put the fire under his ass. Once we got into "solution" mode, we became a team and are currently tapering down our sub intake. Perhaps your husband needs a wake-up call to see the damage the sub has caused. Getting off sub is a huge commitment and he needs to really really want it, more than anything. I wish you all the best.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:18 pm

I had a great conversation with my husband.
He said, the sooner he gets off the better.
Actually i was surprised AND speechless.
He sees the damage the drug does--- not ALL the time--- but there is no way no- getting-off
So, it seems as if all my fighting AND being in his face about it
making using always an issue ...was not in vain.
Thanks for ur support
I didnt now, when i posted that it will be a total turnaround soon.
Its always darkest before the dawn.
I know, loooooooong way to go.
But hearing him admitting how sick he is of that addiction and that he gets down with the dose gives me hope.
Thanks
It was the right thing for me to come here.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby subster58 » Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:07 pm

Hi Stef, no addict likes to be told what to do. Only he can make that choice. You can go to alanon to get support from other people that are dealing with addiction. subs are a nasty poison and hard to get off, but he can if he wants to. I was started at 32mg and got off with the help of the great peeps on this site. I know your in a hard position so vent anytime. We all understand.
Love and Peace
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:45 pm

Thank u.
I love to read all ur answers to my post.
This morning he told me he is going down in dosage ( I never asked for it)
And that he is sick of it and wants a sober life.
I never said: I want u to get off of it ore something like that. I just pointed out what becomes more and more unacceptable in our marriage for me.
I invited him to have a loving sober life with me,
if he prefers to stay on drugs : I would accept that as well, but leave, because that is not what I want in life.
What I don't want to is to support the drug lifestyle and turn into a love giving robot the co- addict wife.
So I feel hopeful.
We will see.
Anyways: it was good to listen to him saying he wants to get off, he sees the damage etc...
This was a big step I guess.
Sry for my poor english, I am German and still improving...
Stefaniezoe
 
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 09, 2012 4:46 pm

Hai everybody
My husband is down on 6 mg, and its freaking him out, although I can tell he is ALREADY getting better. No more denial.
I think the pressure of keeping a secret an lying all the time is of his shoulders which motivates him I think.
He confessed that in HIS world everything was good. He was captured in his blurry world and didn't understand my "complains" ( as he called it)
There is just ONE thing:
he doesn't want to listen to my side of the story really, because he thinks he feels guilty enough and knows he lied etc etc
I think it's pretty selfish, although I want to support him to get off suboxone, I think he should know how I felt during his secret using lying etc.
On the other side I don't want to stress him out or live in the past.
I have to figure that out.
I know he wasn't able to see things clearly, but I am in this relationship too.
I hate hate hate this drug. I can't believe how doctors prescribe it for YEARS.
Stefaniezoe
 
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 09, 2012 4:56 pm

Can you two see a marriage counselor? Or you could go to your own therapy.....

It is natural for you to have anger....you need to vent..but not to him.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:00 pm

I already do counseling
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:05 pm

I don't need this board as a " counseling" just a way oaf sharing how things develop. If I misunderstand the use of this medium, I am sorry.
I won't bother u anymore and delete my account emmediatley.
My counselor recommended this kinda sites to share.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby subster58 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 8:29 am

Stef, wow girl. We just give advice to help people and give support. Think you took things the wrong way.
Good luck in your journey
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Poncho » Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:15 am

Stefaniezoe wrote:I don't need this board as a " counseling" just a way oaf sharing how things develop. If I misunderstand the use of this medium, I am sorry.
I won't bother u anymore and delete my account emmediatley.
My counselor recommended this kinda sites to share.


Relax, you're in the right place. You can't run off the first time someone has a different opinion then you.
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby cheeps » Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:40 am

Stefaniezoe wrote:I don't need this board as a " counseling" just a way oaf sharing how things develop. If I misunderstand the use of this medium, I am sorry.
I won't bother u anymore and delete my account emmediatley.
My counselor recommended this kinda sites to share.



no need to leave....glad you explained your use of the board. 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Special K » Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:00 pm

Stephanie ~

I think you misunderstood what Cheeps was saying. She was just suggesting some things that might help you in addition to this site. You are welcome here always!

Willkommen!

That my best Deustch – hope it was correct. ;)

Kat
I apologize if my posts are confusing sometimes. It's because I have ADD - Attention Defi....
Hey, look
A butterfly!
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Re: Side effects long term use-/- desperate wife of a user

Postby Stefaniezoe » Wed Oct 10, 2012 6:34 pm

Thanks
I just looked all over the web for a site that tells the truth about suboxone.
Even at alanon meetings they asked me WHY i am there, because they declare it sober. As if it was is a competition whos relative gets wasted the most illegally or at least abusivly taking his pills
My counsler was nice, but no clue about suboxone.
So i was happy after Reading what this stuff REALLY does
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