My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depression...

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My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depression...

Postby Qweets » Mon Aug 07, 2017 4:09 pm

I know this is Sub Sux, and I've been here for getting off that, but I still feel this is relevant to it..

People always recommend to take immodium aka lopermide to help with w/d's. I never did that, but I did get dependent on them after a colonoscopy and my bowels were not acting right for a long time and the tolerance kept building. I believe the stuff when taken in what they call a (mega dose) does force its way past the blood brain barrier but the brain is quickly trying to flush it out (think of a sink full of water and its trying to drain as fast as possible) the brain still gets some of that loperamide because it's in there for a bit while it tries to work it out..

Anyway, I was supposed to see my therapist today which I REALLY needed and whoever scheduled me screwed up and she said she could get me in on the 18th for up to 2 hours if I need it. I will need a lot of that time.

But right now I guess I'm in PAWS of loperamide and I just have this INCREDIBLE overwhelming sensation of helplessness, self hate, worst depression I've ever experienced, it just makes me think about my entire life and say, why was I dealt this hand? Why did I suffer from childhood till now a 32 year old who's got every anxiety issue in the book on top of bipolar living on social security which barely pays the bills.

What the hell is the point... I really needed that session today.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:26 pm

I gotcha dude. I've been having doomsday shit myself.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:41 pm

So have you been able to walk in the early am ? What up Besides being glued to your PC?

I'm on my phone so forgive spelling...also with grandkids...watching them look for some sky lander stuff.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:42 pm

Gone are the days I know what kids toys are.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Qweets » Mon Aug 07, 2017 10:16 pm

being glued to my PC is the only thing I can do to keep my mind somewhat preoccupied and not have horrible thoughts. But yeah I walked a few miles this morning. I was feeling good then my fiancee started some bullcrap for no reason because she has anger issues and she knows what i'm going through and she knows any confrontation like that really messes with my anxiety.. As of right now my anxiety medication isn't even working because of this crap.

I've just never been THIS depressed before. It's agony.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:19 pm

Qweets wrote:being glued to my PC is the only thing I can do to keep my mind somewhat preoccupied and not have horrible thoughts. But yeah I walked a few miles this morning. I was feeling good then my fiancee started some bullcrap for no reason because she has anger issues and she knows what i'm going through and she knows any confrontation like that really messes with my anxiety.. As of right now my anxiety medication isn't even working because of this crap.

I've just never been THIS depressed before. It's agony.



Well dude....your focus needs to be on you...are there any outpatient type therapeutical meetings you can go to? Sometimes if you call the regional mental health center in your area they have something that you can at least go to that's not straight AA/NA. I didn't particularly like group therapy myself but it took up time in my day and got me outta the house.

Does your girlfriend live with you? I can't remember if you ever mentioned her. Why did she pick a fight? :banghead:
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Lucy » Fri Aug 11, 2017 10:00 am

There are hundreds of meditations of every variety on youtube. Mindfulness is the new panacea if you're open to giving it a try. There's a lot of evidence showing it is very effective for depression and anxiety. fMRI studies have shown that with continued practice it actually changes the structure of the brain, making it calmer, less depressed and able to focus better. It isn't something that works overnight though. You've got to commit to a daily practice. You should feel calmer right away with the meditations but, like a med, it wears off until you've been doing it for several weeks.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Fri Aug 11, 2017 11:08 am

I bought a workbook about it a month ago...cheeps get off your ass and start! Anything that changes the brain in a positive manner is good.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Lucy » Sat Aug 12, 2017 3:43 am

Amen to that. I did a 5 week course recently, but didn't get as much out of it as I would have liked. Then a week ago I found "Frazzled", the book by comedian Ruby Wax in a thrift store. It's a mindfulness manual with an emphasis on depression. I've read just over 100 pages and have learned so much useful info and techniques already. I've read a few books on mindfulness now and this one is by far the most practically useful. She's got a few youtube videos of her speaking about the subject which are very informative too.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Sun Aug 13, 2017 11:27 am

Lucy wrote:Amen to that. I did a 5 week course recently, but didn't get as much out of it as I would have liked. Then a week ago I found "Frazzled", the book by comedian Ruby Wax in a thrift store. It's a mindfulness manual with an emphasis on depression. I've read just over 100 pages and have learned so much useful info and techniques already. I've read a few books on mindfulness now and this one is by far the most practically useful. She's got a few youtube videos of her speaking about the subject which are very informative too.



I'll be on the look out for that...need all the help I can get! :D
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Qweets » Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:18 am

I ended up being 51/50'd and put in a mental place.. Drank so much I had over .30 blood alcohol content and apparently was telling the cops I was gonna slit my wrists.....Not a good time in my life. Thankfully I was online playing games at the time with a friend, they said I was fine having a good time then it's like a switch went off and I went nuts. They heard some crashing sounds then didn't hear anything so called the cops. I don't remember it I just remember waking up in a hospital. Never touching alcohol again, when I'm alone drinking it puts me in a bad place apparently.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Mon Aug 14, 2017 4:09 pm

Qweets wrote:I ended up being 51/50'd and put in a mental place.. Drank so much I had over .30 blood alcohol content and apparently was telling the cops I was gonna slit my wrists.....Not a good time in my life. Thankfully I was online playing games at the time with a friend, they said I was fine having a good time then it's like a switch went off and I went nuts. They heard some crashing sounds then didn't hear anything so called the cops. I don't remember it I just remember waking up in a hospital. Never touching alcohol again, when I'm alone drinking it puts me in a bad place apparently.


Qweets did this just happen or was this what happened to you awhile back?
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Lucy » Mon Aug 14, 2017 10:17 pm

cheeps wrote:I'll be on the look out for that...need all the help I can get! :D


Yeah, same here. The last 2 or 3 years I've started doing a lot to combat the severe depression and it has really been working. I've even been off all the psych meds for nearly a year now.

Qweets, all of the things you've said about your past and depression apply to me too (except the bypass). Most addicts have a trauma history. Thinking your case is too severe etc is part of the problem. It's very apparent from what you say here and the way you say it that you would benefit a lot from working on your thinking patterns. I'm being very direct with you not to be mean but in an effort to try and help you. I know what it's like to be stuck.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Qweets » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:27 pm

cheeps wrote:
Qweets wrote:I ended up being 51/50'd and put in a mental place.. Drank so much I had over .30 blood alcohol content and apparently was telling the cops I was gonna slit my wrists.....Not a good time in my life. Thankfully I was online playing games at the time with a friend, they said I was fine having a good time then it's like a switch went off and I went nuts. They heard some crashing sounds then didn't hear anything so called the cops. I don't remember it I just remember waking up in a hospital. Never touching alcohol again, when I'm alone drinking it puts me in a bad place apparently.


Qweets did this just happen or was this what happened to you awhile back?


Yes this just happened a few days back.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Qweets » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:33 pm

Lucy wrote:
cheeps wrote:I'll be on the look out for that...need all the help I can get! :D


Yeah, same here. The last 2 or 3 years I've started doing a lot to combat the severe depression and it has really been working. I've even been off all the psych meds for nearly a year now.

Qweets, all of the things you've said about your past and depression apply to me too (except the bypass). Most addicts have a trauma history. Thinking your case is too severe etc is part of the problem. It's very apparent from what you say here and the way you say it that you would benefit a lot from working on your thinking patterns. I'm being very direct with you not to be mean but in an effort to try and help you. I know what it's like to be stuck.

I understand, but I'm still kinda early in therapy I don't quite have the tools yet to deal with everything. I have an appointment friday and I can have up to two hours if I need so that should help...
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:30 pm

Qweets wrote:
cheeps wrote:
Qweets wrote:I ended up being 51/50'd and put in a mental place.. Drank so much I had over .30 blood alcohol content and apparently was telling the cops I was gonna slit my wrists.....Not a good time in my life. Thankfully I was online playing games at the time with a friend, they said I was fine having a good time then it's like a switch went off and I went nuts. They heard some crashing sounds then didn't hear anything so called the cops. I don't remember it I just remember waking up in a hospital. Never touching alcohol again, when I'm alone drinking it puts me in a bad place apparently.


Qweets did this just happen or was this what happened to you awhile back?


Yes this just happened a few days back.




Geeez....I'm so sorry to hear that....bloody hell....don't drink!! Thank stars you have an appt on Friday :gaah: :gaah:
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Lucy » Wed Aug 16, 2017 9:39 pm

Hope the therapist goes well on Friday. Is this your first time with this person?

I've just discovered a really good freebie for recovery. Recently I was told about iRest meditation (specifically a yoga nidra style meditation) that was developed by Richard Miller. This method is being used in VA hospitals in the USA to very successfully treat soldiers with PTSD. It's also being used to help those with chronic pain (Cheeps!). Apparently there's a lot of evidence to show it is very effective.

I joined audible.com through amazon and they gave me 2 book credits as a promo thing with the Gold 30 day trial membership. That allows me 2 audio books of my choice for free. I got iRest Meditation by Miller and another one on healing trauma. There's quite a few of those. Another good thing to know is that if you don't 'like' the book, you can return it and get your credit back and download another (for the next 30 days. It's $15 per month after that so I'll be canceling). Some of these books have hundreds of very positive reviews testifying how life changing they have been for people. So this is an excellent resource for people in recovery.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby Qweets » Sun Aug 20, 2017 6:17 am

Things seem better now, working out a ton and dieting really well.. I'm on a positive path at the moment..
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby cheeps » Sun Aug 20, 2017 10:51 am

Qweets wrote:Things seem better now, working out a ton and dieting really well.. I'm on a positive path at the moment..



That's good to hear buddy.
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Re: My therapy appointment got rescheduled... This depressio

Postby amery2u » Fri Oct 13, 2017 12:08 am

Qweets wrote:Things seem better now, working out a ton and dieting really well.. I'm on a positive path at the moment..


I know you don't know me; but I was reading your thread. You are the male version of who / what I was 2.5 years ago. This place (Cheeps) saved my life. Hope you are still on a mindful path, if you have time, read my diary. It's not pretty, at all. Just truths.

Wishing you luck in battle,
Annie :wave:
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