Hi, Everyone, thank you for your concerns. I have been dreaded coming back her, although I knew I need to.
I feel like such a failure
I just couldn't deal with the way i felt yesterday, and was forced to work. So I caved and took .5 mg of sub
. The minute I took it I felt the guilt and remorse. And I have no intention of ever doing it again. I hope The amino acids I am taking start to help soon, because I just don't know what to do ! I mean I was really trying, and was suffering badly. Maybe because I'm older it is affecting me more, or the fact that I just can't just rest when I need to.I have to work. I'm reading this book called End your addiction, and following the nutritional supplements to a T. But I just started taking them and it takes time for them to work.
The good part was that i couldn't stand the way I felt. I was right back to not thinking clear, forgetting what I went into a room for not wanting to talk to anyone. I even think that although I jumped at 1.5mg, .5mg was way too strong. I couldn't sleep for nothing last night. But I did get my energy back long enough to take a shower do my hair and get my nails done and even a pedicure. But I am so depressed ! Like I don't ever get this way, I just want to hide in my room. I'm so mad that I had to work last night. I feel that if I didn't I could have just layed in bed and toughed it out. To top it off, the reason i couldn't get off was because the only nurse that could cover for me, who I really have been helping out. ( like after only working here a month his car died and I lent him $2,000 to get a car) Among alot of other things.I found out has been lying to me. Which really hurt me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just too nice and people take advantage of me. This certainly was the case with him. Well for today I don't feel bad bc the sub is still in me. Tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to stay sub free. I pray the Lord helps me..
I'm sorry to let you guys down